Report 2:
My
Understanding of the Unity Model of Marriage
By Cloe
Bernstein
Instructions for
this report are at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy23/409b-g23-report2.htm
I am answering Questions 2, 3, 11, 12 and 15
The Question I am answering is Question 2
(a) Contrast the four
views of gender relationships expressed by Tannen in Gender Issues,
Schlessinger in The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Coleman in The
Lazy Husband, and James in The Unity Model of Marriage.
Deborah
Tannen’s view of
gender relationships is that the two people are unequal to each other. One person is the superior and the other is
the inferior. One example is that the
superior person will talk over or interrupt the other when they are talking.
Dr.
Schlessinger’s view is purely
that of the Dominance Model. She
believes a wife should cater to her man and do whatever he wants to make him
happy, even if it involves something she does not want to do. Dr. Laura likes to reason the woman out of
denying her husband out of what he wants.
She believes he deserves whatever he wants because he is the backbone to
the family.
Joshua
Coleman’s view of gender
relationships is that of equality.
Wives should fight for their husbands to do equal work around the house
and be treated as an equal. Dr. Coleman
does not believe a woman should give in to her man, but that she should stand
up for what she believes.
Dr. Jame’s view is that of the Unity Model of
marriage. He believes that in order for
a couple to be unified, it is the man’s responsibility to understand and cater
to his wife in order to be conjoined affectively. This means he has to listen to her, do as she says, perceive her
emotions, and act accordingly to maintain harmony in the relationship.
(b) Your analysis should
also include a chart or table that shows the differences between the four books
in a systematic way.
|
View of Relationships |
Tannen |
Schlessinger |
Coleman |
James |
Me |
|
One
person has more power than the other |
Yes |
Yes |
No |
Yes |
No |
|
One
person should learn to give in to the other |
Yes |
Yes |
No |
Yes |
No |
|
A
couple should work their problems out together |
No |
No |
Yes |
No |
Yes |
|
The
woman knows best |
No |
No |
Yes |
Yes |
Yes |
|
A
woman must keep up her appearance |
No |
Yes |
No |
No |
Yes |
|
Women
must always be pleasant and smile |
Yes |
Yes |
No |
No |
No |
|
The
man should be able to perceive his wife’s emotions |
No |
No |
No |
Yes |
Yes |
|
It
is okay for a man to disjoin from his wife |
Yes |
Yes |
No |
No |
No |
|
A
couple usually starts out in the dominance model |
Yes |
Yes |
Yes |
Yes |
No |
|
Dominance
can exist indirectly |
Yes |
Yes |
Yes |
No |
Yes |
|
It
is important for both partners to have their feelings heard |
No |
No |
Yes |
No |
Yes |
|
It
is important for both partners to be in agreement in all levels of marriage |
No |
No |
Yes |
Yes |
Yes |
(c) As well, give your
personal opinion on the elements or entries in your chart.
See
Column “me” above.
I
don’t think it’s healthy to have an imbalance of power in a relationship. This may cause the inferior person to
eventually regret their position in the relationship and want out of it. I think that both people should learn to
give in to each other, not just one person give in to the other. This way, both partners can be satisfied and
shown affection and appreciation by the other person. I think it is best to work problems out together, or else there
could be some dangerous unsolved business that can cause bigger problems and
perhaps divorce.
My
view that a “woman knows best” is solely based on experience J. I’d have to
agree with Dr. James, that women perceive the world in a different way than men
do. They have intuitions and instincts
that men may not possess; therefore it could be best for a man to take his
woman’s advice.
Although
I don’t think women always have to have a smile on their face (because we have
real emotions, too), I do think physical attractiveness is important in a
relationship. It is a special quality
that has the power to let some smaller problems go unacknowledged. However, I do believe that both the
man and the woman should keep of their appearances, not just the woman.
I
think it is important for both partners to have their feelings heard. This way they are on an equal level and
everything is put on to the table. This
makes it easier for problems to get worked out. Women are commonly categorized as the ones who always want to
spill their feelings, but I think if men did the same, women wouldn’t go so
crazy trying to figure out what their men are feeling.
If a
man could perceive his wife’s emotions, it could possibly be the answer to
never having any more arguments. I
think women are very in touch with their affective selves, as well as the
feelings and emotions of their partners.
If men could be the same way, as Dr. James suggests, the relationship
could grow into a unity and both partners would be much happier in return.
I
think that dominance can exist indirectly in a relationship. For example, if the husband has more money
than his wife and supports the household, he may try to control his wife and
would want her to succumb to his every need, as Dr. Schlessinger suggests the
wife does. I don’t believe that a man
should disjoin from his wife if she does not comply with these terms, because
they would not be trying to work things out on an equal level.
I
don’t think that all relationships start on a dominance level. I believe the right couple has the ability
to pass this level and start from the equity model. I think it is valuable if a couple is in agreement through every
level of their relationship, and one should never feel like they are being
dominated or neglected by the other.
(d) How do your own views
compare to what’s in the chart?
It
seems that I agree with Joshua Coleman on the majority of his views. At this point in my life, I am most
comfortable having the equity model as the basis of my relationship. I also have almost the exact opposite of
what Dr. Schlessinger suggests, which is surprising to me because I thought I
agreed with her on a lot of her points.
Making this chart, I can see now that I thought wrong.
(e) How are your ideas
influenced by each of these four different perspectives on marriage?
Deborah
Tannen makes
me realize that dominance may exist through conversation, and I don’t think
this is a healthy way to behave in a relationship.
Laura
Schlessinger suggests
that a woman keep up her appearance in a relationship, and I do agree with her
that this is key is getting what you want sometimes.
But, I
still don’t believe that one should try to use their power over the other
partner, and as Joshua Coleman
suggests, both partners should behave on an
equal level. This way, both sides of
the story are heard and intimacy is created by the amount of closeness felt
when the partners sort through their problems together.
Dr. Leon
James has influenced
my view of the importance of a man being able to perceive his wife’s feelings
and emotions. I believe this is very
helpful when trying to keep a relationship going strong.
(f) Anything else you
have to say.
I
don’t think it is easy to classify one model of marriage or view of
relationship as the best for every couple that exists. I think situations and needs of couples vary
with each partner. I don’t necessarily
think it’s best for a couple to follow one outsider’s thoughts on how their
relationship should be treated. A
couple should be able to come up with their own original ideas on how their
marriage should/can work, because they know themselves better than any expert
stranger.
The Question I am answering is Question 3
A
husband and wife seem to get along real well together, enjoying the same
activities, having fun, being popular with friends, etc. Then they have a fight
over some disagreement and they show disrespect and hatred for each other.
(a) Explain why this
turnabout can happen and what is its cause. Be sure to use some aspect of the
theory given in the Lecture Notes.
The cause of this occurrence is that
the couple is not unified. To be in a
unity model of marriage, a couple must be conjoined at all the levels of the
three-fold self (sensorimotor, cognitive, and affective). Only then will a couple experience absolute
harmony between each other. If the
husband and wife are hot and cold (i.e. they have fun together and then they
get into a bitter dispute), then they have not reached the deepest layer of
unity, the affective conjoinment. They
may in fact have not reached a level of unity at all, and still be in an equity
or dominance model of marriage.
The couple we are discussing has a
sensorimotor conjunction, because they enjoy the same activities and do them
together. But, because they got into an
argument, they do not connect affectively through emotions and feelings. If the man could perceive his wife’s
feelings and predict her emotions, it would be easier to avoid a fight with
her. I think they only have a sensorimotor conjoinment and nothing else because
a fight could be avoided if they were cognitively conjoined (shared thoughts
and rationalizations). Because both
partners in this couple still possess some independence from each other, they are
at the equity model of marriage.
(b) Discuss how
married partners can reverse this flip-flop cycle so that it never occurs
again. In your explanation be sure to apply the unity model, the threefold
self, and the conjoint self, as explained in the Lecture Notes.
To reverse this flip-flop model so
that it never occurs again, the couple must first get in touch with their own
three-fold selves. This means to
recognize their emotions (affective self), thoughts and realizations (cognitive
self), and own behaviors (sensorimotor self).
This flip-flop cycle could easily be avoided if the couple could reach
the point of having a marriage of unity.
This means not only should they understand their own three-fold selves,
but also that of their partner. When
you can perceive and predict your partner’s three-fold self, this leads to
conjoinment on all the respective levels of the three-fold self. Once you reach the highest level of unity,
the affective conjunction, the couple can now exist in harmony knowing how their
partner will react to certain behaviors or situations, and thus be able to
avoid disputes.
(d) The unity model
says that men are resistant to mental intimacy and to conjugial unity. Collect
data to either confirm or disconfirm this prediction. Interview several women
of varying ages (to the extent possible). Make up a checklist consisting of 10
to 20 items that highlight what the women have said about their experiences
with men's resistance to intimacy. Discuss the list and what it can be used
for.
|
Questions |
Age 18 |
Age 20 |
Age 23 |
Age 27 |
Age 55 |
|
Is it easy to get a man to be intimate? |
Yes |
Yes |
In Some Ways |
No |
No |
|
Do men go out of their way to avoid intimacy? |
No |
Yes |
Yes |
Depends on the man |
No |
|
Do you wish your man were more intimate? |
No |
No |
Yes |
Yes |
Yes |
|
Are men too scared to get close to a woman? |
No |
No |
Yes |
No |
No |
|
Do men like to be physically intimate? |
Yes |
Yes |
Yes |
Yes |
Yes |
|
Do men like to be emotionally intimate? |
No |
No |
No |
Sometimes |
No |
|
Is it hard to get a man to share his feelings? |
Not sure |
Yes |
Yes |
Yes |
Yes |
|
Is it hard to get a man to be physically intimate? |
No |
No |
No |
No |
No |
|
Does society have an effect on how men react to emotional intimacy? |
Yes |
Yes |
Yes |
Yes |
Yes |
|
Does a man’s resistance to emotional intimacy affect your relationship negatively? |
No |
Yes |
Yes |
Yes |
Used to |
|
Do all men have equal resistance to intimacy? |
No |
Yes |
Yes |
No |
No |
(e) Anything else you
have to say.
I think it’s interesting how all the
women in my study recognized the effect of society on a man’s decision to be
intimate. Society portrays men as being
strong and not sharing their feelings the way girls do. It is stereotypical of a man to want to be
physically intimate and not have to get into any deep conversations about his
emotions.
The Question I am
answering is Question 11
(a) Consider Tables
1a, 1b, 1c in the Lecture Notes, which is in the Section called Sensorimotor, Cognitive, and
Affective Conjunction It shows how to construct an ennead
chart using the threefold self and the three levels of mentality creating the
preference for each model. One illustration is given in the area of sexual
behavior.
This is Table 1a (READ TABLE FROM BOTTOM UP)
|
MODEL THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFO0LD SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
UNITY |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
EQUITY |
4 |
5 |
6 |
|
DOMINANCE |
1 |
2 |
3 |
This is Table 1b (READ TABLE FROM BOTTOM UP)
|
MODEL THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFO0LD SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
level 3 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
level 2 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
|
level 1 |
1 |
2 |
3 |
This is Table 1c (READ TABLE FROM BOTTOM UP)
|
MODEL THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFO0LD SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
level 3 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
level 2 |
4 |
5 |
6 AFFECTIVE |
|
level 1 |
1 sensations and pleasures felt as consequences of maintaining control over the partner |
2 involved with thoughts about how to keep pressuring the partner to cooperate or be non-resistant |
3 |
(b) Explain what has
been discussed in class and the Lecture Notes as "sexual blackmail."
Describe the development of your thinking regarding this concept, from initial
reaction to now. Collect some data on how others you know react to this concept
when you explain it to them. How do you interpret their reactions and comments?
“Sexual Blackmail” is a term used by
Dr. James to represent the situation when a husband makes his wife feel like
she has to give in to him sexually.
This is because without him the bills wouldn’t be paid and she wouldn’t
be financially supported. So, the woman
gives in to him almost as a way of saying “Thank You”. For her to give up sex when she doesn’t
really want to is a violation of her freedom and it can make her feel used, or
blackmailed.
It is usually present in the
Dominance model of marriage. This is
when the husband is not connected to his wife mentally at all, and just expects
that she obey his physical needs as a show of appreciation for him, even if she
does not want to perform. If the wife says
no in this model of marriage, the man will rebel and arguments will often
arise. For example, he may run off and
have a physical affair with another woman to satisfy his needs. Because of the fear of this happening, the
wife just gives in to her husband.
This may also be present in the
Equity model of marriage. Even though
there is a greater level of mental intimacy in the equity model, the man still
does not connect with his wife affectively and does not understand her true
emotions about sex.
Initially, I understood this concept
completely. The guy wants sex, so he
makes himself seem powerful, wanted, and needed. Once he has this power over his wife, she will feel as though she
won’t be able to exist without him, and in turn gives him what he wants to stay
faithful to her. Now, I see it as more
of a gender difference. I believe what
men normally want is physically intimacy and women want mental intimacy. Men want to have sex and women want to talk
about their emotions. The closer a
woman feels with her husband, the more willing she will be to give him
sex. However, I don’t think the man
recognizes the woman’s rationalization on sex, and so he expects her to give
him sex no matter how she is feeling about their mental closeness.
Most of the people I have described
this concept to completely agree. Some
are even enlightened by the term, and are seeing their relationships from a
whole new perspective. Some girls agree
that this concept gives them a little push to stand up for themselves and speak
with their significant others about their feelings, demanding to hear the
feelings of their partners in return.
Their reactions make it clearer to me how women tend to go along with
what society has made look so normal.
It seems as though women put down their own values and gives their
husbands sex regardless of their feelings because society makes it seem like
that’s just what girlfriends do. Also,
I’ve come to recognize the intensity of this societal view on women, who feel
as though if they don’t have sex with their significant other, why not just be
friends? “Sexual blackmail” has come to
be an important term making women realize the true state of their relationships
and helps them to recognize what they really want out of a man.
(c) Copy Table 1c and replace the characterization of each illustration (in each cell) into an example of your own. Think of a couple you know in reality or from TV. The three tables should cover these three topics:
(i)
Housework
|
MODEL THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFO0LD SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
level 3 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
level 2 |
4 |
5 |
6 AFFECTIVE |
|
level 1 |
1 Wife does the housework because the man tells her to |
2 Husband considers working more hours so the wife will miss him and therefore want the house to be pleasant when he gets home |
3 |
(ii)
Jealousy
|
MODEL THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFO0LD SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
level 3 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
level 2 |
4 |
5 |
6 AFFECTIVE |
|
level 1 |
1 Wife wants to go out to lunch with a male friend but husband doesn’t let her |
2 The wife feels the husband is being irrational |
3 |
(iii) Sex
|
MODEL THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFO0LD SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
level 3 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
level 2 |
4 |
5 |
6 AFFECTIVE |
|
level 1 |
1 Husband makes wife have sex when she doesn’t want to |
2 Husband uses his financial power over the family as a characteristic to be appreciated by his wife |
3 |
The Question I am
answering is Question 12
(a) Consider Table 9
in the Lecture Notes, which is in the Section on Making Field Observations.
It lists two dozen AUVs – anti unity values that are commonly portrayed in the
media – soaps, comedy, drama.
This is Table 9
1.
Living
together unmarried
2.
Having
children out of wedlock
3.
Making
each other jealous on purpose
4.
Adultery
for various reasons
5.
Promiscuity
and bi-sexuality
6.
Sexy
dressing for men other than one's partner
7.
Having
a same sex best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for
certain things
8.
Having
a heterosexual best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition
for certain things
9.
Same
sex friends going out as a group for fun and entertainment without their
partners
10.
Flirting
with other gender as retaliation against one's partner (or other reason)
11.
Separate
interests and activities accepted for partners
12.
Manipulating
partner through deception
13.
Accepting
the idea that it's OK to "agree to disagree" about some things
14.
Promoting
the idea that one should not try to change one's partner but should accept them
with their faults, etc.
15.
Girls
only or boys only entertainment
16.
Acceptance
of the idea that men are more important
17.
Promoting
the idea that men are more rational than women
18.
Promoting
the idea that women are generally frivolous as part of their gender
19.
Making
it look normal for a man to exploit women
20.
Making
it look normal for a man to abuse women
21.
Making
it look normal for a man to have prerogatives or perks that women should accept
and honor (e.g., serving men, doing what they want no matter what, being
dominant, etc.)
22.
Making
it look like what women say and think as less important
23.
Accepting
the idea that a man does not need to "grovel" when he apologizes for
something bad he did to her (the minimum is enough and she should not ask for
more even if her feelings are still hurt or else she is being
"unreasonable" etc.)
(b) Select at least
three programs for which you can watch several episodes or shows. Briefly
describe a few scenes from each show to illustrate the portrayal of gender
interactions that are contrary to having a successful marriage.
The O.C.: Marisa commonly
portrays anti-unity values in her gender interactions. For starters, she is the social chair at her
school for fundraising events. Her
boyfriend, Ryan, has no part in this.
She has also been hanging out with a new male at her new school, which
makes Ryan very jealous. Furthermore,
she met a girl who was dating her one of her friends, and decided to get into a
relationship with her, indicating that she had become bisexual. The show now portrays Marisa as crazy and
out-of-control, while Ryan (who used to be a bad boy) has cleaned up his act
and is acting more serious. This
demonstrates how Ryan is more rational than Marisa now.
Desperate Housewives: Adultery is all over this
television drama. One wife cheated on
her husband with the gardener. Her
husband now has an interest in a nun he met while at prison. So, the wife paid for the nun to leave the
country for a few months for a charity she wanted to do (she didn’t tell her
husband she did this). This is
manipulation through deception. Another
housewife is begging for her ex-boyfriend (who lived with her without
marriage), to get back together. They
broke up because she found out he was a murderer. Now she has accept her partner’s flaw and wants him back
regardless of it. This is an appetite
for destruction of a marriage.
Grey’s Anatomy: This
show has a couple that just moved in together before they are married. It also has a couple that’s married, but
they cheated on each other. They are
trying to work things out, accepting the adultery and seeing past their
partner’s flaws. It also portrays the
anti-unity value of promiscuity, as a handful of the doctors who are dating each
other are always being caught sleeping with other doctors while on the job.
(c) Now describe the
affective, cognitive, and sensorimotor aspects of these interactions.
The O.C.
Affective: Ryan is jealous that
Marisa has been hanging out with a new male friend; Marisa has had strong
feelings for this girl for a while and is curious.
Cognitive: Ryan thinks Marisa likes
this new boy; Marisa thinks it’s a good idea to put an end to her curiosity and
date her girl friend.
Sensorimotor: Ryan starts a physical fight with Marisa’s
new male friend; Marisa hooks up with her girl friend.
Desperate Housewives
Affective: The wife felts threatened
by the new woman in her husband’s life (the nun).
Cognitive: The wife thinks of ways
she could stop the nun from coming between them.
Sensorimotor: The wife pays for the
nun to leave the country for a few months.
Grey’s Anatomy
Affective: Both partners feel betrayed because their spouse cheated on them.
Cognitive: They try to decide if it’s right or wrong to get a divorce, and
they think it’s best to reconcile.
Sensorimotor: They decide to move back in together.
(d) What are your
reactions to these observations?
The O.C.
I think Ryan should have told Marisa
straight out how he felt about her hanging out with a new guy friend, instead
of letting it boil up inside of him. If
Marisa really cared about Ryan, she would not hang out with her new friend if
he did not want her to. If they were in
a unified marriage, there would be no other male friend to argue about.
Desperate Housewives
Again, the wife should have
communicated to her husband how she felt threatened by his new female
friend. I think it is dangerous in a
relationship to stay together after one spouse has cheated. This may give the other spouse the want for
revenge or make them think it is okay for them to cheat as well.
Grey’s Anatomy
Trust is already betrayed in a
relationship as soon as one person finds out the other has cheated. To reconcile this trust would take lots of
work, and if you aren’t 100% sure you even want to be married to the other
person and are considering divorce, then this may be grounds for a
reconciliation that is never going to happen.
(e) What is your
explanation as to why these interactions are portrayed so often?
I think they only reason these
interactions are portrayed so often is purely as forms of entertainment. All of these shows are drama series, and
drama is what sells. You can’t have
drama without problems in relationships and people having different morals, so
the only way to have a good show is to incorporate adultery and promiscuous
characters into their scripts. All of
the shows I’ve reviewed are very popular among television viewers. If the shows just portrayed happy couples
being pleasant all the time, the programs would not gain any viewers or making
any money from this, because they’re television shows would be boring and
predictable.
(f) What might be the
consequences for couples and society?
If people believe the way couples are portrayed on television
and by society is the way their relationships are supposed to be, then here
would be a lot of feuding, unhappy couples.
Couples should learn to grow together and communicate their feelings,
instead of acting on them in negative, rebellious ways. People should recognize that the media is
purely for entertainment purposes, and you may run into trouble if you behave
similarly in your relationships.
(g) Anything else you
have to say.
I think the more prevalent negative
relationships are portrayed in the media, such as abusive relationships or
cheating spouses, the more desensitized people would be to these behaviors and
the more they will be accepting of them.
Maybe society needs to come up with new forms of entertainment, like
shows such as “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”. This show is about giving to the needy and is just as highly rated
as the shows all about cheating spouses and sexual curiosity.
The Question I am
answering is Question 15
(a) Describe the Web presence of Schlessinger, Tannen,
Coleman, and Swedenborg. What does one find when looking them up with google?
There
are a lot of links to choose from when searching for Dr. Laura Schlessinger.
The second
link on the list is actually a website called www.stopdrlaura.com, I found that pretty funny! There is also lots of talk about her books,
radio shows, and controversies she has discussed.
Deborah Tannen
may not be as well
known, though she does have a good amount of web pages dedicated to her
linguistic studies. There are mostly
educational an biographical web pages on her, as well as a few ones listing
some of her quotes.
There
are only a few links that come up when searching for Dr. Joshua
Coleman. There are his web pages, and a few
book reviews.
There
are many biographies, projects, and associations dedicated to Emanuel
Swedenborg’s teachings. It seems as though he has many followers and
believers.
(b) What do people say about them?
It seems the consensus is not a lot of people are Dr. Laura advocates. Many of them shun her pro-life abortion
stand, as well as her anti-gay attitude, where she is quoted as saying if
someone is gay, they are a “biological error”.
Some people enjoy her radio show, but for the most part, Dr. Laura seems
to make more a mark with her strong opinions about popular debates in society.
From
reading over her book reviews on www.amazon.com, it seems as though some people get
confused over Tannen’s message. They notice how she separates much of the controversies she
discusses into opposing views and then talks from perspective of each different
view. People thinks she raises some
good points, but sometimes aren’t sure what her actual standpoint is.
People
agree that Joshua Coleman is very practical in his
views. Couples looking for solutions to
problems in their marriage enjoyed these books, and say it has made their
marriage stronger with some of the advice.
The scenarios Coleman presents are similar to that of many married
couples.
People
say Swedenborg’s writings offer some very logical
views of heaven and hell. They are
blown away by his view of God and life.
People treat his writings as if they belong to a whole new undiscovered
religion.
(c) Do they seem to have influence?
Upon reading her book reviews, it looks like Dr. Laura has
helped a lot of women in their marriage.
But, for people who haven’t read her book or do not find it helpful at
all, Dr. Laura mainly influences them into starting Dr. Laura hate clubs.
I can tell by all the web pages dedicated to Deborah
Tannen’s quotes that she is very inspirational to some people.
It seems as though Joshua Coleman has
influenced the couples that have come across his books. He did this by relating to the couples in
different situations, and often the couples will read the book and that, “Hey,
that’s how we act!” Then, they are able to use his books as a source for fixing
their marriage problems.
Swedenborg is very inspirational to the people
who have had the chance to read his books.
Swedenborg’s perceptions of life and heaven have influenced many
foundations and associations across the world dedicated to
teaching other’s about his findings.
(d) Are they popular?
Dr. Laura is popular among many women who have
been remarried and looking for an alternative solution (perhaps more
conservative or traditional) to make their marriages work. However, there are more hate sites dedicated
to her than anything. This mainly stems
out of her anti-gay views
It seems as though Tannen is
somewhat popular to people who are having communication difficulties in their
marriage. She also seems to be studied
a lot in university classes.
Judging by the amount of links dedicated to Joshua
Coleman, I would have to say he isn’t very well known.
Emanuel Swedenborg is the most popular out of the
entire author’s we’ve studied. There
are many biographies written on him and his ideas, as well as people who
dedicate much of their time to promoting Swedenborg’s writings.
(e) How do you react to this Web information now that you
are familiar with these four authors?
I wasn’t surprised to see hatred for Dr. Laura. However, I didn’t know there would be so
much. I thought people would dislike
her mainly for her value of the dominant model of marriage. I didn’t know much of the hatred for her
would be based on opinions she’s had about non-marriage issues, such as
abortion and homosexuality.
Tannen had a lot more press than I thought
she would. But I see how she is a good
author to read in linguistic classes as well as gender relationship classes at
universities. I didn’t think she was as
much of a relationship healer as the other authors, but apparently people seek
her words of wisdom out more often than I thought when have gender issues in
relationships.
Since the equity model of marriage seems to be the most
popular among couples, I thought Coleman would
be a lot more prevalent than he was. I
think it is pretty common to have a “lazy husband”, where the wife feels like
she can’t get him to do anything around the house or see her as an equal. Maybe Coleman may not have been so popular
because of the vast array of books written on the same topics he covers.
I didn’t know so many people and groups followed Swedenborg. Now that I did an Internet search on him, I
know he is very popular among people looking for answers about the afterlife
and their marriage.
(f) Discuss some of their ideas with friends and see how
they react.
Everyone in class despises Dr. Laura. All of my friends were either offended or
disgusted by her comment on homosexuality being a “biological error”. In accordance with issues she has spoken of
in her book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, most people oppose
her idea that the woman should give into the man for sex even when she doesn’t
want to.
My friends generally agree with Tannen’s ideas,
noticing that there are gender differences.
Some agreed with Tannens view of interruption in conversation being a
show of power or dominance, while others thought that some people are just
naturally rude and interrupt people all the time. I can see their point of view that some people may not just have
conversation manners.
Most girls agree with Coleman’s views, but when I showed them the to-do lists he had the wives
make for their husbands on things they want to see change in their lives at
home and in their relationship, they thought that was a bad idea. They didn’t think a guy would seriously
comply with a list his wife would make of things for him to do.
My boyfriend is somewhat interested in what Swedenborg had to say. I think his writings are for people still
searching for answers as to what happens in the afterlife. But when I told them that Swedenborg
basically suggests a man give in to his wife and become one with her in a unity
to progress to heaven in the afterlife, they thought he was crazy because a man
would never give in to his wife in such a manner.
(g) Anything else you have to say.
I am interested to read more
about Dr. Laura’s life now that I know there is more to her than a radio show
and some books. I think she must be a
very strong woman to go on with stressing her opinions, even though she has so
many people who hate her.
My Report on the Previous Generation
This student did something unique to the other reports, he
put up links at the beginning of his report for the separate questions he
answered (3, 6, 9, 12, and 15). This
facilitated navigation tremendously! I
thought it was a really good idea.
I think his formatting and layout are done really well,
especially in Question 12. He lays out
different scenes from television shows and then discusses each one
separately. I did it sort of
differently, and I think his looks more organized.
I agree with him, that the most difficult part of question
11 was deciphering what properties to give each box in the table. I see that he
was able to do this question for extra credit in his class, how lucky!
This student’s report is very colorful and pleasing to the
eye! I see how it makes it easier to
read, and it has motivated me to do the same with my report. This student answered questions 3, 6, 8, 12,
and 15.
This student seems to be very knowledgeable on the part of
the unity model, as they discuss cognitive conjoinment as the solution to
ending the flip-flop cycle of Question 3.
They keep a lot of their answers short and sweet, such as
when they were distinguishing between the three models of marriage in question
6. I was surprised to see they chose
this question with the intimidating calculations it was asking for.
This person has a lot of awkward blank spaces in their
report. I’m guessing they didn’t look
over how their document would look as a web page file before they uploaded it
to FTP. This makes it very hard to
read.
They chose questions 3, 6, 7, 10, and 12. Upon reading their first response, I can
tell they don’t speak English too well because there are a lot of grammar
errors.
They believe the unity model is “unrealistic”. He thinks it is man’s nature to be selfish
and full of desires, which may not be impacted by the women in their lives at
all. He also agree with 70% of Dr.
Laura’s books, he says, because even though she is too harsh, she does have
some good points.
In the chart he made for Question 10 comparing the three
model of marriage, he notes that he had some difficulty filling out the column
for the dominance model. For one thing,
he says it is tolerable to have some disagreement about who is washing the
dishes in a marriage of the dominance model.
However, I think the right answer is “no” because in the dominance
model, the wife does the housework while the husband make the money, and that’s
the bottom line.
Advice to Future Generations
For
Starters, you should all know that there is a lot of reading, oral presenting,
and long reports to do. However, don’t
let this steer you away from the course.
The readings are interesting ad the discussions about them are fun,
rather than boring. It is a very
intimate class setting, so your voice will be heard on anything you would like
to share.
To
succeed in this course you just have to have an interest in the topic of
marriage and be open to different perspectives of relationships. Without an interest, the oral presentations
will be harder to do because people will ask you questions about the facts and
opinions you’re talking about. But, the
presentations and discussions are a good way to communicate with fellow
psychology majors and be introduced to other people’s perspectives on marriage.
One of the most important things I can advise you to do, which is in conjunction with most of the other students’ advice from all generations, is to don’t wait until the last minute to get your reports done!! By looking at the class folder, I can tell people didn’t finish the 10 outlines they needed to do throughout the semester because they saved them for last minute. Then, in the last minute, they realized they have to focus on the report and forget about the less significant outlines. By doing this, you are loosing valuable points off your final grade. To not feel the pressure more students feel at the end of the semester, consider working on your outlines or parts or your report everyday. This way can give a big sigh of relief when the due date roles around and you didn’t have to glue yourself to the computer for the whole 24 hours before it’s all due.
Class Home Page: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy23/classhome-g23.htm
My Home Page: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2005/bernstein/bernstein-home.htm