Psy 409b, 21
November 2005
My Tenth Outline
of Assigned
By Cloe Bernstein
The Male Dominance
Model
“The Unity Model
of Marriage” by Dr. Leon James and Dr. Diane Nahl (2004) Section
9.
Instructions for this activity are found at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy23/409b-g23-oral.htm
Instructor: Dr. Leon James
A. Dr. Laura believes women should give
their men what they want if they are good husbands and/or if they want their
relationship to succeed. She
presents letters from husbands which outline a few assumptions of the male
dominance model, including: women are less interested in sex when they are
married, men want sex more than they get it, and when wives say no to sex, they
are being mean and depriving their husbands of what they deserve for being
faithful and putting food on the table.
B. In the unity model of marriage, sexual
relations come second to the mental unity of the husband and wife. The dominance model goes against this
theme because it makes sex the number one priority in a marriage. If the sex isn’t good for a couple, this
affects their feelings, emotions, and behaviors towards one another. In contrast, in the unity model of
marriage the affection for one another is what determines the sexual activity
of the couple.
C. I
don’t believe that sex should be the most important aspect of a
relationship. But, I still think
it’s important to keep a marriage going.
I agree with the unity model of marriage that a mental bond should be
formed and that’s what would make a couple want to have sex. Sex should not be what destroys a
couple’s internal bond.
II. Dr. Phil’s Perspective
A. When husbands complain they are not getting
enough sex, Dr. Phil asks the wife what is so wrong with having sex and tries
to get into the deeper issues behind why the wife doesn’t want to.
a. Dr. Phil suggests the couple negotiates and each
partner make certain changes
in their schedules to create more time for sex.
B. This also represents the
male dominance model of marriage. Although Dr. Phil does make a suggestion to
both partners to negotiate (suggesting an equity model), he still does not
realize that there could be feelings existent in the wife’s affective self that
would make her not want to have sex, for example feelings about how her husband
has treated her or the way he talks to her. The Unity model refers to this as “sanctioning
sexual blackmail”, which represents the pressure a woman may feel to have sex
when she doesn’t want to.
C. I think if a woman doesn’t
want to have sex, it isn’t because of a small issue like no time to do it, or
too tired to do it. I think if a
woman wanted to have sex with her husband, nothing that small would hold her
back from doing it. I think it goes
deeper than that, into her affective self which may be affecting her behaviors
negatively (sensorimotor self). She
may be mad at him, resent him, or feel neglected by him and therefore does not
want to perform.
III. The
husband is the one who needs help
A.
The main point the unity model argues is the wife
doesn’t need to change her stand on having sex. It is the husband who needs to put in
the effort to understand why his wife doesn’t want to have sex with him, and
then try to make the situation better.
a. The husband must first accept that he is
the cause of his wife not wanting to have sex with him.
b. Then, he can start
resolving the problem by learning how he turns his wife off and makes her adversed
to having sex.
B.
The focus on the man discovering his wife’s
perceptions is part of the unity model of marriage. Once he gains the ability
to see her emotions and perspectives, the couple has formed an affective conjunction,
the deepest form of conjoinment.
C.
I think it is just as much a husband’s
responsibility as it is a wife’s responsibility to try to understand why their
sex life is in ruins. I don’t
always believe that it is the husband who makes his wife adversed to sex. I think a woman can create the same
emotions in a man that would make him not want to have sex with her.
Links
Dr.
Laura’s Site: www.drlaura.com
Dr.
Phil’s Site: www.drphil.com
Communication
in Marriage: http://www.jaron.org/page8.html
My Home
Page: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2005/bernstein/bernstein-home.htm
The G23 Class Home Page: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy23/classhome-g23.htm