Psy 409b, 21
November 2005
My Ninth Outline
of Assigned
By Cloe Bernstein
Conjunctions
“The Unity Model
of Marriage” by Dr. Leon James and Dr. Diane Nahl (2004) Section
5.
Instructions for this activity are found at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy23/409b-g23-oral.htm
Instructor: Dr. Leon James
I. Sensorimotor
Conjunction
A. This is the first conjunction between
the man and woman. It is the stage
when both partner’s sensations and movements are reciprocated
interdependently. It considered being
“external” because it relates to the physical togetherness that other people
can see.
a. Can include the activities the couple
enjoys doing together, such as talking, eating, and playing around. Also relates to physical and mental
pleasures, physical attractions, and the coordination of movements.
B. The man often takes the
dominant role in this stage of the relationship. The woman will go along with whatever
the man does, regardless of her feelings, because of her stronger motive than
the man to keep their relationship going. The man, at this point, is still out to
please himself. The woman’s
attachment to the relationship may seem deeper because of this.
C. This
is an interesting perspective on how relationships begin their path to
unity. This stage is present in
many relationships, and I agree that at first the man’s motive is to only
please himself, and that further steps must be taken to make the relationship
last.
II.
Cognitive
Conjunction
A.
This stage involves the communication of cognitive
ideas in the relationship by the woman taking the lead role in getting to know
her man and what makes him tick.
She pleases him by taking his perspective of the relationship, and in
turn believes she is making their relationship stronger. The man appreciates this, but is still
only focused on pleasing himself.
Because the woman has adopted the man’s perspective in the relationship
and the man has not adopted hers, the woman is considered to have a superior
understanding of their relationship.
a. Can often be seen in their agreements or
disagreements.
B.
This stage also demonstrates the dominance model of
marriage. The man is still focused
on himself and what satisfies him, while the woman is just doing things that
please him in order to keep their relationship strong. The woman is working harder than the
man, but the man is the one who is getting all the pleasure.
C. It is evident in this
stage that the woman is putting in a greater effort to get to know her spouse
and to make the relationship grow stronger. The man is delighted to see the woman
trying to form a greater relationship; however he still needs to come around in
the same way in order for the couple to reach a true unity.
III. Affective
Conjunction
A.
This is the final stage in becoming a unified
couple. It is when the man finally
grows out of his societal male way of life stereotype, and decides to get to
know his wife and her feelings and perspectives. In other words, he gives up his affect independence
to conjoin with his wife at the deepest possible level.
a. His feelings become dependent on hers, as
hers feelings have been dependent on his.
b. Includes shared instincts, feelings,
perceptions, and emotions.
B.
Once an affective conjunction has been reached, the
relationship is officially at the unity level of marriage. Each partner can completely see the
world through each other’s eyes and share deep emotions and feelings.
C.
I think a couple would have to work very hard at
reaching this level of conjunction.
It seems to me that most couples are satisfied being in a cognitive
conjunction, and may not know that it's possible to make their relationship
even stronger. To reach a unified
relationship must take a lot of time, effort, and devotion.
Links
Perfect
Marriage: http://www.swedenborgdigitallibrary.org/ncu/bas7.htm
Tips on
Marriage: http://marriage.about.com/
Communication
in Marriage: http://www.jaron.org/page8.html
My Home
Page: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2005/bernstein/bernstein-home.htm
The G23 Class Home Page: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy23/classhome-g23.htm