Report
2:
My Understanding of the Unity Model of Marriage
By Lacey Ethier
Instructions for this report are at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy23/409b-g23-report2.htm
I am answering Questions 2,3,11,12 and 15.
Question
2:
a)
Contrast the four views of gender relationships expressed by Tannen in Gender Issues, Schlessinger
in The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Coleman in The Lazy
Husband, and Swedenborg in The Unity Model of
Marriage.
Deborah
Tannen focuses on the way that gender influences
humans’ linguistic patterns in her book Gender
and Discourse. She researched and
discussed several different themes involving gender and its interaction in
speech. She proposes that gender does
influence how we communicate with each other.
Tannen argues that when men speak to each
other their speech is random and forced.
As youngsters boys often find it difficult to maintain a conversation
and rarely share personal problems or feelings.
In contrast, young girls speech is more focused
and flowing. They often discuss
personal/ problematic relationships and there is a tight cohesion and focus on
the topic.
She
also argues against the idea that indirectness, interruption, and silence are
tactics that men use to dominate women in speech. She claims that both men and women can be
indirect and this is not necessarily caused by feeling as if one is not
entitled to make demands. Interruption, Tannen believes, is actually more often what she terms
“overlap” (when the listener talks with the speaker in order to validate what
they are saying). Women do this more
often than men and do it as a sign of active listening. While she agrees that silence can be used as
a form of manipulation, which sex does it, depends more on culture than
gender. Tannen’s
research and essays go a long way in helping her readers to better understand
how the different linguistic tendencies of men and women can affect how they
communicate with each other.
In
Dr. Laura’s book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, she
takes an overtly male dominate view of gender relationships. She tells her readers (whom she assumes to be
female) continually that everything that goes wrong in their relationships is
their fault. She blames women for all
the uncaring, insensitive, or cruel things their husbands do. Her ideas are based off of the principle that
men are simple creatures who only need sex, food, and a mother for their
children to be happy. If a man brings
home the pay check and does not cheat on his wife he is to be considered
husband of the year.
On
the opposite side of the spectrum Dr. Laura expects women to honor their husbands and make them feel like a hero for
taking out the trash. She advises women
to stop nagging their husbands when they don’t do a chore, lower their
standards when they do, and gush with praises when they get anything right. Women are obligated to have sex with their
husbands on a regular basis, and should keep up their appearance in order to be
visually pleasing to their men. In short
Dr. Laura tells women that if they are unhappy with how their husbands are
behaving they must first fix what ever they are doing to upset their poor
mistreated man and then the gentleman will automatically start doing everything
he can to please you because that’s what he really wants to do in life
anyway. Dr. Laura Schlesinger believes
that women should be subservient to their husbands’ wishes, willing to serve
him, and completely accepting of his faults.
Joshua
Coleman takes a more equitable approach to relationships in his book The Lazy Husband. He admits that men do know that they are
doing less housework than they should and that they even feel guilty about
it. He advises women to play into that
guilt as a way to get their husbands to do more around the house. He believes that men and women should be
doing equal shares of housework and child rearing. He does admit however that many men resist
this concept and he gives women tips and ideas about how to bargain with their
husbands.
One
tip that Coleman gives his readers is to “Think like a Man” or in other words,
remind him of all the things that you have done for him. He also advises wives to work to understand
their husbands better so that the couple can have a common ground when trying
to communicate. Another important
suggestion is that women should increase their bargaining power. They can do this by becoming more financially
independent, improving their social standing and/or looks. This will force their husbands to realize
that his wife can get along without him (and could very well leave him) and it
will increase her power within the relationship. Coleman focuses on obtaining and equal
relationship where both partners have an equal say in decision making.
As
explained by the lecture notes on The
Unity Model of Marriage both partners are considered equal, but since the
man has become enlightened and has chosen to defer to the will of his wife, she
ends up with the last word on all decisions.
The couple has come to accept the idea that their union is eternal. In order to obtain true unity, the man must
put aside his cognitive and affective independence and conjoin with his
wife. A husband wants to honor and
please his wife above all others. He
always agrees with her instead of arguing or bargaining, and he accepts that
what the wife wants is ultimately better for the marriage and their
relationship. A husband must never do
what your wife does not what you do. And
always do what your wife wants you to do.
(b)
Your analysis should also include a chart or table that shows the differences
between the four books in a systematic way.
|
|
Tannen |
Schlessinger |
Coleman |
Swedenborg |
|
Genders equal |
Yes |
No |
Yes |
yes |
|
Arguments between couple occurs |
Yes |
Yes |
Yes |
No |
|
Relationship is eternal |
No |
No |
No |
Yes |
|
Negotiation between partners occurs |
Yes |
No |
Yes |
No |
|
One partner defers to will of other
(either out of choice or necessity) |
N/A |
Yes |
No |
Yes |
|
Enlightenment of partners necessary |
No |
No |
No |
Yes |
|
Both partners participate in domestic
tasks |
Yes |
No |
Yes |
Yes |
(c) As
well, give your personal opinion on the elements or entries in your chart.
I think that it is difficult to really understand the different models
of marriage by looking at a chart. There
are many subtleties that can’t really be expressed in a chart format. Also Tannen didn’t
really cover models of marriage. She spent more time explaining how men and
women communicate in all kinds of relationships. I do think an important part of the chart
however is the issue of negotiation in a relationship. That really seems to define the kind of
relationship or model of marriage.
While the dominance
model and the unity model are at opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to
most ideas they are probably the most stable.
This is because one partner is taking charge of the relationship and
making decisions without second guessing themselves. In the dominance model the man dominates his
wife and suppresses her opinions in order to take the lead in the relationship. In the unity model however the man willingly
gives up this independence and allows his wife to make decisions that are
ultimately better for their relationship.
(d)
How do your own views compare to what’s in the chart?
My own views still seem to line up more with the equity model expressed
by Coleman. I suppose the biggest factor
in this is that I can’t find any good reason to accept Swedenborg’s
claims about the after life. Also, I am
afraid that even though I am a woman, I may not always make the right choices,
or the ones that are best for the relationship.
I have a hard time trusting myself with such responsibility especially
when my husband has proven to be such a big influence on my decisions in the
past.
(e)
How are your ideas influenced by each of these four different perspectives on marriage?
I
feel that I have learned a lot from each of the different perspectives and I
have begun to take tidbits from each level.
Even some of Dr Laura’s advice makes sense as long as one doesn’t allow
herself to be dominated by her husband. Tannen proved an invaluable source of information about how
we communicate with each other which is really the basis for any good
relationship. Coleman’s advice about
increasing bargaining power makes good sense, and Swedenborg
has helped me to better understand how men think and function.
(f)
Anything else you have to say.
Even
though I have remained skeptical of all the ideas presented by Swedenborg, I have to admit that it would really be
comforting to take his claims as truth.
His ideas about the afterlife lessen the fear of the unknown and are
comforting in that they make life in heaven seem almost familiar. To be involved in a relationship that was in
the Unity Model as a woman seems like it would be the ideal relationship. However there are many other factors as I
explained earlier that prevents me from acceptance at this point.
Question 3:
A
husband and wife seem to get along real well together, enjoying the same
activities, having fun, being popular with friends, etc. Then they have a fight
over some disagreement and they show disrespect and hatred for each other.
(a)
Explain why this turnabout can happen and what its cause is. Be sure to use
some aspect of the theory given in the Lecture Notes.
The kind of rollercoaster interactions that these two people experience
in their relationship stem from the fact that they have not yet reached true
unity in their marriage. Each person has
a threefold self which is made up of their sensorimotor,
cognitive, and affective self. This
couple has only conjoined at the sensorimotor level
and therefore has not attained the ability to think and feel as one. They will continue to have arguments such as
this until they become conjoined on the cognitive and affective levels because
they will not be able to think and feel as one.
(b)
Discuss how married partners can reverse this flip-flop cycle so that it never
occurs again. In your explanation be sure to apply the unity model, the threefold
self, and the conjoint self, as explained in the Lecture Notes.
In order to reverse this cycle the couple must work to be truly
conjoined in the Unity Model. The Unity
Model of marriage is explained by Emanuel Swedenborg
in Conjugial Love.
He explains that each person has a threefold self. The aspects of this are the sensorimotor, or the superficial everyday actions and
activities that a person does. The
Cognitive self is a person’s thoughts, morals, and ambitions. And the affective self is each person’s
inmost feelings and motivations.
The idea behind the
Unity Model is for couples to become conjoined on all of the three levels. No relationship starts with true unity and so
couples must work hard to attain conjunction on all levels. Most couples begin in the dominance level
where the man controls his wife and the relationship. They are only conjoined on the sensorimotor level because the husband refuses to give up
his independence and control over his wife.
Many couples move on to the Equity Model in which they are conjoined at
the cognitive level as well. At this
level the woman is given more power in the relationship and both partners are
able to negotiate with each other when they have disagreements. The husband still refuses to give up his
affective independence by not aligning all his emotions and believes with his
wife’s.
In the Unity Model the couple has finally
reached full conjunction of the threefold self by attaining affective
unity. The husband and wife now think
and feel as one being and understand that their bond is eternal. Arguments are no longer possible because both
partners have attained the conjoint self.
Their individual selves recede in to the background because the couple
embraces unity. Each partner has truly
changed once they are truly conjoined.
They have kept some traits and dropped others so that they can truly fit
together and be conjoined.
The following chart
explains the model of marriage that governs a husband and wife’s interactions
with each other.
Section 7. This is Table 1b (READ TABLE FROM BOTTOM UP)
|
MODEL THAT GOVERNS
THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFOLD SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
level 3 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
level 2 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
|
level 1 |
1 |
2 |
3 |
In each level of
unity there are different ways in which a couple interacts. In the Dominance level a couple thinks mostly
in a superficial physical manner. They
enjoy doing activities together like dancing, and watching movies but they are
not connected on a deeper level. In the
Equity model the couple has come to understand how the other thinks and they
are able to align their thoughts.
Finally in the Unity model the couple thinks rationally and has achieved
affective unity. This means that their
inmost feelings and beliefs are now one and they have become the conjoint
self.
(d)
The unity model says that men are resistant to mental intimacy and to conjugial unity. Collect data to either confirm or
disconfirm this prediction. Interview several women of varying ages (to the
extent possible), and Make up a checklist consisting of 10 to 20 items that
highlight what the women have said about their experiences with men's
resistance to intimacy. Discuss the list and what it can be used for.
Ways
Men Resist Mental Intimacy
·
Refuse to
discuss an issue
·
Don’t want to
share difficulties and vulnerability
·
Makes important
decisions without consultation
·
Picks fights
·
Insists on
frequent “boys nights out”
·
Resists talking
about the future of the relationship
·
Avoids discussing feelings in general
·
Makes fun of
significant other in front of friends
·
Pressures for
sex
·
Discounts
woman’s point of view
·
Doesn’t call
when he say he will
·
Dominating and
controlling the woman’s life
Ways
Men Work for Mental Intimacy
·
Says “I love
you” when ever he gets a chance
·
Is very willing
to help around the house
·
Insists on
constant communication
·
Discusses issues
and problems that are important to him
·
Asks for advice
or help
·
Gives advice or
help
·
Makes love
instead of having sex
·
Compliments her
in front of others
·
Keeps his
promises
After interviewing
several women, ranging in age from 42-18, I found that even though each woman
could come up with one or two ways that their partners could resist intimacy
(some had many more) they could also find ways that men worked for more
intimacy. It seemed that some men were
much better at working toward mental intimacy than others. My husband in particular, along with the
younger men, seemed to stand out from the crowd. Even though it seems to be common for men to
guard their feelings and resist intimacy, I can not say that it is a universal
male trait. Maybe it has to do with how
our culture is changing but I don’t believe that the common stereotype of men
who won’t share their feelings and work for intimacy isn’t fair. Though it may be true that men as a group are
more traditionally resistant to intimacy than women, I don’t think that this
proves that this trait is universal in all men.
(e)
Anything else you have to say.
One of the issues I have with the Unity Model is that it places both men
and women into vary narrow stereotypes. Not
all women truly want unity and not all men do everything they can to resist
it. I don’t think that it is possible,
or fair to pigeonhole every person into two different roles. It may seem to that men generally act a one
way and women another but it does not mean that we can make definitive
decisions about the nature of men and women based on a stereotype perceived by
a man who lived in the 1700s.
Question 11:
(a)
Consider Tables 1a, 1b, 1c in the Lecture Notes, which is in the Section called
Sensorimotor, Cognitive, and Affective
Conjunction. It shows how to construct an ennead chart using
the threefold self and the three levels of mentality creating the preference
for each model. One illustration is given in the area of sexual behavior.
(b)
Explain what has been discussed in class and the Lecture Notes as "sexual
blackmail." Describe the development of your thinking regarding this concept,
from initial reaction to now. Collect some data on how others you know react to
this concept when you explain it to them. How do you interpret their reactions
and comments?
Sexual blackmail is the means by which some men force their wives to
have sex with them even when they do not want to. In our society men are given most of the
power and control. Traditionally, women
had no say or recourse within their marriage.
Men expected that their wives would cater to them and be
submissive. While views on this are
slowly changing there are still many people that believe in and advocate the
submission of women.
Sexual blackmail
occurs when a husband coerces or pressures his wife to have sex with him when
she does not want to. Often she does not
want to have sex with her husband because he refuses to give her mental
intimacy. Women need mental intimacy
with their husbands in order to feel loving and sexual toward them. Often, a woman may feel disgusted by her
husband and the way he treats her and this causes her to not want to have sex
with him. However tradition dictates
that men are allowed to pressure or force their wives to have sex with them
whenever and however the men want.
People like Dr. Laura tell women that since their husbands take care of
them financially they owe them sex.
In reality if a
husband were to step back and realize that he may be the reason that his wife
does not want to have sex with him he would be able to change. This change would make his wife feel more
loving and sexual toward him and they would most likely have more sex. He would need to show his wife mental
intimacy and learn how his wife likes to be touched and loved. The important idea is that change in this
area must start with the man. Just
because a woman has more sex with her husband it does not mean that he will
become more mentally intimate with her.
He may just feel more sexually satisfied and expect her to continue
pleasing him in this way.
My initial reaction
to this idea is similar to my thoughts on it now. I am angered and frustrated by the double
bind women are put in. If we do not have
sex with our husband he will treat us badly and/or be unfaithful. If we have sex with our husband even when we
don’t want to, we end up feeling slutty and
used. And despite what Dr Phil or Dr
Laura says, having more sex with our husband does NOT cause them to give us
more mental intimacy which is what we really want from them in the first
place. I have always felt in my own relationship
that if I am not in the mood but my husband is it is his responsibility to get
me in the mood.
(c) Copy Table 1c and replace the characterization of
each illustration (in each cell) into an example of your own. Think of a couple
you know in reality or from TV. The three tables should cover these three
topics:
(i) housework
(ii) jealousy, and
(iii) a third area of your own choosing.
Housework
This is Table 1c (READ TABLE FROM BOTTOM
UP)
|
MODEL THAT GOVERNS
THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFOLD SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
level 3 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
level 2 |
4 |
5 |
6 AFFECTIVE |
|
level 1 |
1 Wife is in charge of
all housework |
2 Husband makes wife
feel guilty if she asks him for help |
3 |
Jealousy
This is Table 1c (READ TABLE FROM BOTTOM
UP)
|
MODEL THAT GOVERNS
THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFO0LD SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
level 3 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
level 2 |
4 |
5 |
6 AFFECTIVE |
|
level 1 |
1 Husband watches his wife’s
actions like a hawk looking for infidelity |
2 Obsessed with making
sure partner is faithful |
3 |
Sex
This is Table 1c (READ TABLE FROM BOTTOM
UP)
|
MODEL THAT GOVERNS
THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFOLD SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
level 3 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
level 2 |
4 |
5 |
6 AFFECTIVE |
|
level 1 |
1 All sex acts directed
by husband for his pleasure |
2 Woman submits to
man’s desires because she has no other choice |
3 |
(c) Anything else you have to say.
This table was sort of hard to understand. The concepts seemed rather abstract and
sometimes didn’t make much sense even in the example. The basic idea behind the table is that in
the Dominance Model the husband controls the wife and refuses to give up his
cognitive and affective independence. In
the Equity Model the husband and wife are beginning to think alike but often
end up competing with each other or spending too much time worrying about what
is fair instead of what is right. In the
Unity Model the husband has chosen to give up his cognitive and affective
independence and align his beliefs and thoughts with his wife’s in order to become
truly unified.
Question 12:
(a)
Consider Table 9 in the Lecture Notes, which is in the Section on Making Field Observations.
It lists two dozen AUVs – anti unity values that are
commonly portrayed in the media – soaps, comedy, drama.
Examples of anti-unity values (AUVs) that are
often promoted in the media include:
This is Table 9
1.
Living together unmarried
2.
Having children out of wedlock
3.
Making each other jealous on purpose
4.
Adultery for various reasons
5.
Promiscuity and bi-sexuality
6.
Sexy dressing for men other than one's partner
7.
Having a same sex best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in
competition for certain things
8.
Having a heterosexual best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or
in competition for certain things
9.
Same sex friends going out as a group for fun and entertainment without
their partners
10. Flirting with other
gender as retaliation against one's partner (or other reason)
11. Separate interests and
activities accepted for partners
12. Manipulating partner
through deception
13. Accepting the idea that
it's OK to "agree to disagree" about some things
14. Promoting the idea that
one should not try to change one's partner but should accept them with their
faults, etc.
15. Girls only or boys only
entertainment
16. Acceptance of the idea
that men are more important
17. Promoting the idea that
men are more rational than women
18. Promoting the idea that
women are generally frivolous as part of their gender
19. Making it look normal
for a man to exploit women
20. Making it look normal
for a man to abuse women
21. Making it look normal
for a man to have prerogatives or perks that women should accept and honor (e.g.,
serving men, doing what they want no matter what, being dominant, etc.)
22. Making it look like
what women say and think as less important
23. Accepting the idea that
a man does not need to "grovel" when he apologizes for something bad
he did to her (the minimum is enough and she should not ask for more even if
her feelings are still hurt or else she is being "unreasonable" etc.)
(b)
Select at least three programs for which you can watch several episodes or
shows. Briefly describe a few scenes from each show to illustrate the portrayal
of gender interactions that are contrary to having a successful marriage.
I
watched “Everybody Loves Raymond”, “Sex and the City”, and “Desperate
Housewives.” Each of these shows
promotes anti unity values such as servitude to men, promiscuous sex, and
affective and cognitive independence of each spouse.
On
“Everybody Loves Raymond” Ray always makes fun of his wife’s bad cooking but he
never offers to cook himself. He also
goes on trips and spends a lot of time with his male friends without his wife,
which makes her angry. The mother in law
also gets into the couple’s business and Ray does not stand up for his
wife. Instead he lets his mother bully
him around.
On
“Sex and the City” the main character Carrie lives with her boyfriend and
resists getting married and showing her commitment. Samantha has sex with hundreds of different
men and a few women. Miranda has a child
out of wedlock and even though she is friends with the father she refuses to
marry him.
On
“Desperate Housewives” Bree serves her husband and
family like a maid and they never appreciate her efforts. Gabrielle has an affair with her 17 year old
gardener. Edie makes the man she’s
trying to attract jealous in order to get his attention.
(c) Now
describe the affective, cognitive, and sensorimotor
aspects of these interactions.
When
a Ray consistently makes fun of his wife’s cooking he is mentally abusing her
and making her feel worthless. He also
never cooks himself. He expects his wife
to serve him and then he puts her down when she does her best. This couple is united only on the sensorimotor level.
Ray does not try to see things from his wife’s point of view and he
guards his affective independence. By
taking trips with his buddies without his wife he shows that he wants to stay
affectively independent from her.
When he refuses to
stand up to his mother for his wife he is showing that he does not respect his
wife. As a husband it is his duty to
forsake all others and love his wife. Therefore he should defend and take sides with
his wife always before his mother. These
behaviors clearly demonstrate that Ray refuses to give up his cognitive and
affective independence. He wants to take
the easy road and make his wife serve him but also refuses to stand by her side
in arguments with the in-laws. Ray
clearly does not respect his wife nor does he wish to become more united with
her on any level.
When
Carrie has an affair with her ex-boyfriend she is severely hurting what little
unity she feels with her current boyfriend.
She can’t seem to give up her affective or cognitive independence and
truly unite with
Samantha
has sex with any man she feels like and forgets who many of them are. She avoids any kind of emotional attachment
and resists unity even on the sensorimotor
level. She is severely lacking when it
comes to interpersonal attachment.
Miranda
fiercely guards her cognitive and affective independence. Even when she begins to date a man who really
wants to come closer to her and understand her better she pushes him away. When she has her child she refuses to marry
the father because she does not want him to interfere with her life and how she
wants to raise the child. She has a very
hard time opening her self up in love and does not want to give up her
independence.
Bree Van De Kamp has adopted the
dominance model and seems to enjoy serving her husband and family. They however do not appreciate her efforts
and put her down for being uptight and traditional. Her husband refuses to share his inmost
feelings with his wife about his sexual desires. Since he feels he can’t tell her he instead
goes to a prostitute to have his needs met.
This couple is conjoined only on the sensorimotor
level. They don’t have the same values
or believes and they don’t share their inmost feelings with each other.
Gabrielle
Solis married her husband for his money and keeps secrets from him constantly. She doesn’t want to be conjoined with him on
the cognitive or affective level. She
has an affair with her 17 year old gardener because she is bored and selfish. She also guards her independence and refuses
to get close to her husband.
Edie
Britt likes her neighbor and dresses and acts in ways that she intends to make
him jealous. She flirts with other men
in front of him and wears very seductive clothing both to attract him and let
him see that other men are attracted to her.
She only really wants to conjoin with him on a sensorimotor
level. If she truly cared about him she
would be honest and sincere. To her the
man represents more of a conquest than a relationship.
(d)
What are your reactions to these observations?
I
was not very surprised that it was so easy to find instances where characters
showed anti-unity values on TV. Most of
the relationships portrayed on television are unrealistic and phony. For some reason I had never really thought
about these things as anti unity before because I was busy being
entertained. I would have conversations
about these shows with my husband and we both understand that they portray
fictional people that we never want to be like.
People with conflict in their lives are more interesting than those who get
along well so I doubt that TV will ever really depict a healthy mature couple
in their shows.
(e)
What is your explanation as to why these interactions are portrayed so often?
I
think that these types of interactions are shown so often because they are the
most entertaining. No one wants to watch
a perfect couple interact all the time because it would get boring. We want to see drama and humor in other
people’s lives. We want to escape our
own lives and get wrapped up in the scandal of
Also, people want
something to relate to. There are many
husbands out there they do not respect their wives in the same way that Ray
does, so other women can relate to that aspect of the show. Single women often have a hard time finding
the right man, so when Carrie’s boyfriend breaks up with her on a post-it they
can laugh and sympathize with her.
(f)
What might be the consequences for couples and society?
Unfortunately,
even though TV is only meant to be for entertainment, people do see so many
dysfunctional relationships because of TV that they begin to believe that it is
normal. They don’t have any real life
couples to look up to or ask for advice.
They spend much of their childhood watching TV without being taught that
much of what they see is not real. We
aren’t educated enough about how relationships work and how we can promote
unity with others. Instead we learn
about how people interact from television.
This obviously skews our view of the world and is detrimental to us in
our later relationships.
(g)
Anything else you have to say.
I
think that as long as we are taught about how relationships really work
beginning at a young age, people can see entertaining shows and still learn to
have good relationships. It is important
as parents to be a good role model for your child by maintaining a good
marriage and teaching them about how people should behave. If we have a good base of knowledge about how
we should really treat people and understand that promoting unity is beneficial
I think that we can still relax and be entertained by television.
Question 15:
(a)
Describe the Web presence of Schlessinger, Tannen, Coleman, and Swedenborg.
What does one find when looking them up with google?
When I looked up Dr Laura on the internet I found some very mixed
reviews. First there were hits on her
official website and other sites sponsored by her directly. Then there were droves of sites either
biographical or slanderous in nature.
Most of the sights that were against Dr Laura were run by disenfranchise
groups of people that she made fun of or condemned on her radio show. Many were run by organizations for homosexual
rights and even sites educating about Turrets Syndrome. She apparently made some incorrect comment
about how people with Turrets act and never really apologized for it.
While
searching for Deborah Tannen I found mostly sites
about the various books she has written as well as her official website. There were several articles that discussed a
lecture or a work shop she gave or a book she wrote. There were also several biographical sites
that covered her career and books.
Joshua
Coleman apparently shares a name with a budding actor because when I searched
for him most of the sites weren’t actually about Coleman the author; they had
pictures of a young acting star. I did
find his official web page as well as a short blurb about his book and a review
along with information about places to buy his two books. In general it was sort of hard to find
information about Coleman compared to the others.
There
were tons of sites about Emanuel Swedenborg. I was really surprised to find so much
information on him and his life. Most of
the sights gave a biographical view of his life and described his teachings. A few sights were about the
(b) What do
people say about them?
Most of these websites about
Dr Laura were quick to point out that she was not a Doctor of Psychology, but a
Doctor of Physiology. They all put down
her strict moral teachings and pointed out her hypocrisy by discussing the nude
photos she had taken in her youth. On www.rotten.com
they seemed to be especially vindictive and made some accusations concerning
her short-lived TV show.
“Laura got snagged
for having fake guests on her short-lived TV show. One of her staffers, named
San-D Duchac, made guest appearances in two
consecutive episodes having different topics.”
Similar pages tried
to discredit her as a valid radio show host who hands out advice as well as
attack her personally. There were no
decidedly pro-Dr Laura websites that were not specifically sponsored by her. However, there were plenty of postings on her
site from viewers and fans that talked about how much they loved her show and
how thankful they were to Dr. Laura for her advice,
The
websites about Tannen didn’t hold much in the way of
personal opinions about her unless they were reviews of her books. I would say that she was portrayed in a
positive light and made to seem successful, and intelligent. Most sights mentioned that she is a professor
at
The
few sites I found about Coleman had mostly biographical information about his
life and career. It didn’t have much
personal opinion but the information given made him seem like an intelligent,
good person. His two books, The Lazy
Husband and The Marriage Makeover got good reviews and were generally well
received.
Most
of the information about Swedenborg was
biographical. They talked about his
early life and scientific pursuits and findings. They all mention that he was well known and
respected for his findings. He was well
traveled and highly educated. They all
mention that after a spiritual crisis in the second half of his life he spent his
time investigating spiritual and mystical pursuits. He wrote about visitations and visions he had
about the afterlife. He wrote many
influential and important texts that many base their spirituality on
today. There didn’t seem to be any
critics of Swedenborg (at least none that bothered to
put their opinions on the web).
(c) Do they seem to have influence?
Dr Laura seems to have a lot of influence because she is well
known. She is the only person that I had
ever heard of before this class and probably the most widely recognized of the
three authors. Many people ascribe to
her teachings and beliefs. I think
because of her notoriety and ability to reach many people through her radio
show, she has the best chance of convincing people that she is right. In reality having the ability to make
headlines and draw in a huge amount of listeners to her show gives her the most
power in the group.
Deborah
Tannen Certainly has a lot of credibility being a
renowned professor at
Joshua
Coleman probably has the least amount of influence over the general public than
the other authors’ simply because he is much less well known. There were only a few sights about him and
his books were not smash hit best sellers.
His ideas go along well with popular ideas about relationships and how
marriages should work. While I would
imagine that the people that did read his books were swayed by his opinions he
probably has the smallest audience available to him.
I
would imagine that Swedenborg is the least well known
author to the general public but his writings have greatly affected those who
do read them. He has begun a whole new
way of looking at religion and spirituality.
Those who have studied his writings are greatly changed by them and in
that way he has a great deal of influence.
Those people who study him seem to speak out about his ideas and
disseminate them.
(d) Are
they popular?
Dr Laura is the most well known but I wouldn’t say that she is the most
popular because she has a lot of people that really dislike her. Many crowds feel that she says discriminatory
things about their particular group. She
makes many enemies because of her traditional and controversial views.
Deborah
Tannen is very popular especially in academic
circles. She is also able to reach the
public through her books. Her book “You
Just Don’t Understand” was on the New York Times best seller list. She didn’t seem to have any enemies in the
press or popular media. Her ideas are
well received and not terribly controversial.
Joshua
Coleman is probably not well known enough to be considered very popular. I imagine that he is popular with his readers
because he gives good advice. His
message empowers women to take control of their lives and relationships. That message is popular in the media today so
that helps him to gain popularity.
Swedenborg is certainly popular with his followers and
those who study him. He has started a
new church and religious and spiritual movement. His message is sort of confusing, but seems to
be well received by those who study it. His
writings are very old and rather obscure so unless one is introduced to him in
some way it is unlikely that a regular person would read his works. There was an abundance of information about
him on the web which shows that his followers care greatly about his ideas and
spreading them around.
(e) How do
you react to this Web information now that you are familiar with these four
authors?
I am not surprised at all about the reaction to Dr Laura. She says some really offensive and
controversial things and I wouldn’t expect that she could stay popular in all
groups. However, part of her popularity
comes from her the controversy she causes.
Any press at all makes her better known and more likely to get more
listeners.
I
was sort of surprised to see that Tannen had so much
information about her on the web. I had
never heard of her at all until we started reading her book in class and I
wasn’t aware that she had such a large body of work. I expected her to be well liked because she
has done a lot of research and come up with some revolutionary ideas.
I
thought that Joshua Coleman would have more information on him. He seems like the type of author that would
have best seller popular type books. I
thought that he would have a larger viewer ship and more fans. I have a feeling that if he starts to write
more and more books he will gain a much wider fan base.
I
was also surprised to see how much information there was about Swedenborg. I always
thought that he was some obscure writer from hundreds of years ago that Dr
James found in some dusty old book one day.
I had no idea that his ideas had spawned a new church and he has so many
people studying his writings. I was surprised
about some of the information about his writings. Others seem to put more importance in some of
the writings that we didn’t study. The
information about what he said also seems to be a little different from the
things we learned in class. It could be
that his ideas have been translated and understood in several different
ways. I expected to see some information
about conjugial love when I looked him up but I
didn’t find anything.
(f) Discuss
some of their ideas with friends and see how they react.
Most of my friends thought that both Dr Laura and Swedenborg
were kind of crazy. They represent the
two extremes of the spectrum and most people’s ideas fall right into the
middle. They were very confused by Swednborg’s ideas.
They had a hard time accepting the idea that marriages are eternal and
that men are the ones that need to change in order to learn to become more
heavenly. Most of them thought that this
wasn’t fair and ascribed more to the equity model in that they thought that
both partners should have to compromise.
Most
of Deborah Tannen and Coleman’s ideas are considered
mainstream and so most of the people I talked to thought that they were
interesting and helpful. They agreed
with Colman’s advice to increase a woman’s bargaining power by getting
financial stability. They also thought
that Tannen’s ideas about how males and females
communicate were very interesting. They
had many personal stories to share that confirmed Tannen’s
ideas.
(g)
Anything else you have to say.
It
was really hard to explain Swedenborg’s ideas to my
friends. There is so much that you have
to explain in order for it to make any sense at all. Plus I don’t know all the answers to all the
questions that they ask so it’s hard to really help them understand. To them it all sounds extra ridiculous
because they haven’t had the time to go through his beliefs systematically in
order to fully understand.
My
Report on the Previous Generation:
Heidi Nakamura answered 5 questions that covered a section in the lecture notes about
making field observations. She discussed
the cycle that fighting can have on a relationship and she observed either
herself or those in another relationship and related her observations to the
unity model. She also filled out a table
about Behavioral Indicators or one’s Relationship Model and discussed the areas
of interaction between the models.
Finally she discussed Anti Unity Values that she found in the
media.
Laina Beard answered a question that covered how a cycle of
arguments between couples can negatively affect their relationship. She also filled out a table of Behavioral
Indicators of one’s relationship model, as well as discussing and analyzing The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands
and its various perspectives. Laina then made observations of Anti Unity Values on three
different programs and discussed her findings.
She researched the amount of information one could find on both Dr Laura
Schlesinger and Debora Tannen on the internet. She did a short summary of her current
generation and gave some helpful advice to future generations like me.
Michelle Ching discussed how couples can get into a cycle of
arguments that disrupts their relationship.
She filled out a table on Behavioral Indicators of one’s Relationship
Model and also analyzed and summarized Dr Laura’s book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. She then made some observations of a couple
and related those findings to the threefold self. Michelle then observed Anti Unity Values in
the media, and lastly gave a summary of her current generation as well as
advice to future generations.
Advice
to Future Generations:
For
all of you that are now students of Dr James my biggest piece of advice is to follow directions carefully. If you do everything that he requires and
turn it in on time getting a good grate is no problem. Many of the assignments are long and tedious
so DON’T put them off. Also if you go
into the class with an open mind the things he says will be much easier to
handle. Some of the ideas he presents
don’t make much sense at first or they just seem ridiculous. If you go in to the class and try to learn
and understand his ideas your life will be much easier than if you go in every
week frustrated because you don’t get it.
My Home Page: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2005/ethier/home.htm
Class Home Page: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy23/classhome-g23.htm