Report 2:
My Understanding
of the Unity Model of Marriage
By Emilee Patinio
Instructions for
this report are at:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy23/409b-g23-report2.htm
I am answering
Questions 2,3, 5, 11 and 12
The Question I am answering is Question 2
(a)
Contrast the four views of gender relationships expressed by Tannen in Gender
Issues, Schlessinger in The
Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands,
Coleman in The Lazy Husband, and James in The Unity Model of Marriage. (b)
Your analysis should also include a chart or table that shows the differences
between the four books in a systematic way. (c) As well, give your personal opinion on the elements or
entries in your chart. (d) How do
your own views compare to whatÕs in the chart? (e) How are your ideas influenced by each of these four
three different perspectives on marriage?
(a) Compare and Contrast
(i)
Deborah TannenÕs views of
gender relationships in Gender and Discourse were along the lines of the dominance and equity
models. She is a linguist that
talks about the different ways men and women talk to each other in
conversations and how it varies between different cultures. A big topic she talked about was how
men in a work area team together to bring women down. It brings the men closer together. This shows the relationships of men and women
linguistically.
(ii)
Dr. Laura SchlessingerÕs The
Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands definitely
depicts a dominance model of marriage.
Dr. Laura has a belief that wives should be happy to have a man that
will provide for them. She
believes that the women are supposed to cater to the husbands and meet all of
his demands. A wife should just be
grateful that he is not cheating on her.
(iii)
The Lazy Husband by Joshua Coleman tries to aim for an equity model of
marriage throughout most of his book.
He does a pretty good job until he contradicts himself in the eighth
chapter toward the husbands. In
general, he believes that the wives should try to understand the man more and
lighten up, and by doing this she will see improvements around the house and
get more help from her husband.
(iv)
Dr. SwedenborgÕs Conjugial
Love relates to the Unity Model of
Marriage. He tells of how marriage
is conjugial and not conjugal. He
believes marriage last till eternity and that there is still marriage after
death. Dr. Swedenborg had the
ability to go into his spiritual mindstate and see how people lived after death
and he tells of his visions and what a great thing love is if people are united
through the sensorimotor,
cognitive and affective self.
(b)
Table
Man vs. Woman Conjugal vs.Conjugial Method
of
Model
(Equality) (Marriage after death) solving
arguments of Marriage
|
Tannen |
Man |
Conjugal |
Dominant wins |
Dominance/Equity |
|
Schlessinger |
Man |
Conjugal |
Man is right |
Dominance |
|
Coleman |
Man=Woman |
Conjugal |
Both listen to the others views |
Equity/Dominance |
|
Swedenborg |
Woman=Man |
Conjugial |
Man does what he can to make wife happy |
Unity |
(c) My
Opinion on Table
(i) In the Man vs.
Woman category it tells which sex is more dominant depending on the
theory. Tannen believes that we
live in a dominant society and the Man is the dominant species. Dr. Laura feels the Man is the head of
the household and brings home the money so he is dominant. Joshua Coleman feels that the Man is
the dominant person but the two can work toward equality together so they are
equal with the man leading.
SwedenborgÕs marriage shows the woman and man being equal as well, with
the lead of the woman.
(ii)
Conjugal marriage basically means that Òtill deathÓ does a couple part. Conjugial means that even after death,
a couple is spiritually married.
In Tannen, Schlessinger, and ColemanÕs view of marriage, it only last
till death. Swedenborg is the only
person whose theory involves spiritual marriage.
(iii)
In the ÒMethods of solving argumentsÓ category it shows how a couple solves an
argument. Tannen feels that when
arguments occur the dominant speaker will win. She believes that we live in a ÒmanÕs worldÓ so the winner
in most cases would be the husband.
Dr. Laura believes that in an argument the woman is always wrong and the
man is always right. So long as
the husband bring provides for his family, the woman has to do anything he
wants so she will lose. Dr.
Coleman aims toward an equity model of marriage so he believes that each
individual should give in to the other.
The woman has to understand that men are different and vise versa. Swedenborg feels that in an argument
the man does what he can to make his wife happy. The wife should not be hurt and always be happy because she
usually knows best so the husband follows her lead.
(d) My Views
on Table
The way my view coordinates with the chart would be along
the lines of Dr. Coleman and Swedenborg.
I really believe in equality in a relationship. I feel like my relationship is built
along these lines. However, I feel
like Dr. Swedenborg presents an awesome theory to marriage. Its very idealistic but seems rational
and very possible to accomplish.
(e) Influences
I am in the early stages of my
relationship right now so it is ok to follow the equity model, but hopefully it
can develop into a unity model because it seems like an awesome way of
living. I think that the dominance
model of marriage is out of the question and no woman should have to live
through that sort of relationship, we deserve better!
The
Question I am answering is Question3
A
husband and wife seem to get along real well together, enjoying the same
activities, having fun, being popular with friends, etc. Then they have a fight
over some disagreement and they show disrespect and hatred for each other. (a) Explain why this turnabout can
happen and what is its cause. Be sure to use some aspect of the theory
given in the Lecture Notes. (b) Discuss how married partners can reverse this
flip-flop cycle so that it never occurs again. In your explanation be sure to
apply the unity model, the threefold self, and the conjoint
self, as explained in the Lecture Notes. (d) The unity model says that men are resistant to mental
intimacy and to conjugial unity. Collect data to either confirm or disconfirm
this prediction. Interview several women of varying ages (to the extent
possible). Make up a checklist consisting of 10 to 20 items that highlight what
the women have said about their experiences with men's resistance to intimacy.
Discuss the list and what it can be used for. (e) Anything else you have to say.
(a) It is easy for a husband and wife to get along by enjoying
the same activities. A couple will
find this out in the early stages of their relationship. That is the reason they keep the
relationship going. This is part
to the sensorimotor level that everyone can witness. It is when the couple physically has fun together. When working toward Unity and becoming
harmonious with each other they begin to come closer cognitively and
affectively as well. That is how a
turnabout can happen. They lack
the cognitive capacity to think like their partner or for the husband to have
aligned his thoughts and feelings with his wife. If the couple were in the Unity model they would handle the
situation much differently. This
sort of couple reason under societies exploitative motivations, and
misinterpret the intentions of their partner. By doing this, they tend to use a stereotyped, inaccurate
and prejudiced way of thinking that will hurt the partner.
(b) The way to handle the situation so that it does not
continually repeat is to follow the Unity
Model.
ÒAccording to the "unity" model of marriage,
the perfection of unity in a marriage increases through differentiation and
reciprocity of behavior in the threefold self of the two partners, and is a
spiritual union that lasts to eternity. In a unity marriage, the husband and
wife develop a conjoint self, while their former individual self recedes into
the background and no longer operates.Ó
(James)
When a husband and wife become a conjoined self in all
parts of the threefold self: sensorimotor, cognitive, and affective, they can
fully be united and will lose their societal way of thinking. They know each other externally and
more internally now and will know what bothers the person and what doesnÕt so
they will know how not to hurt the partner. Arguments may appear time and again but it is how the couple
handles the situation that lets them grow!
The
Question I am answering is Question 5
(a)
Select six student reports on marriage from Generation 20 and/or 21 (in any
combination), as listed in the Readings section of the Lecture Notes. (b) Summarize each of the six reports.
Be sure to put a link to the students' reports. (c) Add a General Conclusion Section in which you discuss
your reactions to what each student did and said – (i) their ideas,
(ii) their
method,
(iii) their explanations.
(d) What did they gain from doing their reports? (e) How do their ideas influence what
you yourself think about these issues?
(f) Anything else you have to say.
Generation 20
Brigitlynn Duclos
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bs2004/duclos/report1.htm
(b) Summary
(i) Brigitlynn is a Generation 20 student completing her
Report 1. In the report, she focused
on Gender and Discourse issues which was the main focus of the class. She summarized ten articles and chose
different concepts from them and shared her opinions. The articles she wrote about dealt with differences between
genders. It spoke of differences
in aggression, emotions, arguments and daily conversations.
(ii)
When
comparing men and women, Brigitlynn found that men are genetically more
aggressive than women.
Testosterone is associated with aggression, and men carry a lot more
than women biologically. Another
factor to aggression is frustration.
Men tend to have more feelings of rage, distraction and anger, which is
associated with frustration. Frustration usually occurs when a person thinks that
they are being prevented from achieving a goal. Biologically men are said to be more goal-oriented than
women so when prevented from achieving a goal, they become more frustrated.
(iii)
The second
difference Brigitlynn compared was emotionality. While men tended to be more goal-oriented, women are more
compassionate and less angry. A
good reason to show these differences between sexes is to show the relationship
between married couples. Most
arguments between couples arise because the two are totally different people
and are not a like in anyway. Both
genders need to understand the other in order to cope with the others feelings
and thoughts.
(iv)
The last concept
had to do with differences between gender conversations. There are five elements to discourse:
topic, argument, sequence, relationship, and setting. These are all factors to the way we talk with other people
in a conversation. The reason we
have conversations is to interact and communicate, to bond in relationships,
and maybe the most important, to influence our control of power. This is where dominance in speaker
comes into play.
(c) General Conclusion
(i)
The ideas that Brigitlynn
came up with are pretty logical and seem to go along with what we are taught in
class this semester. The focus of
her generation is a little different in that they focus on aggression in
driving which is something we really did not touch up on in my generation. It does make sense though that me do
have more aggression because they have more testosterone than women. The only idea she kept repeating is how
men are more goal-oriented than women.
We never really touched up on that in class and when I listen to that
fact I feel disagreement. I feel
that women are just as goal oriented as men, itÕs just that their goals are
different than men, but doesnÕt make them any less oriented.
(ii)
The method she took in
writing the assignment was to choose concepts and ideas from articles and
briefly explain them. As a whole
she focused on comparing the differences between genders. I felt she did a good job at this. The only thing was that it might have
been a little too brief.
(iii)
Again, I believe
BrigitlynnÕs explanations of the article were good but she could have gone a
little more in depth to the article.
Each idea had only about two sentences about it. It seems like it needed a little more
substance.
(d) Completing Assignment
From completing this assignment Brigitlynn gained a better
understanding of the differences between cognitive and biological of men and
women. She also found that the
assignment helped her see how she could better control her daily emotions. She felt she like this because she
would rather live her life on the positive side of the spin cycle. Also, since
she is aware that there are many gender differences she can better understand
and use it as a reference toward her future relationships.
(e) Influence
Brigitlynn did have a small influence on how I view the
issue of gender differences. I
feel I agree for the most part with her.
Her statements seem to be factual and have validity that I can
understand to be true. I wouldnÕt
say that she influenced me too much but more like she reinforced my own
thinking.
Suzanne Howard
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bs2004/howard/report2.htm
(b) Summary
SuzanneÕs report focused on the threefold self
mainly. She gave a definition of
it and went on to show examples in some articles. The three main elements included: sensorimotor, cognitive
and affective. She used the
articles to show examples of how it is used and can be applied to everyday
things and not just gender relationships, which she focuses on in this
particular report.
In
the second part of her Report she goes on to show in dept examples of
categorizing interactions in her own gender relationship. She wrote down journal entries she had
and showed the sensorimotor, cognitive and affective parts of the events that
she listed.
(c) General
Conclusion
(i)
I believe that SuzanneÕs
ideas were pretty rational. She
seemed to have a pretty good understanding of what the threefold self was and I
believe that that is an accomplishment in itself. She also has a positive bias outlook to this class so even
though she does not fully agree with everything she does not make the article
sound too dry which makes it easier to read.
(ii)
I really liked the journal
entry method she used. She had
taken a journal she wrote when she was with her previous boyfriend and analyzed
different events that occurred using the sensorimotor, cognitive and affective
techniques. Her examples really
made sense to me because it put things more into perspective for me where I
could relate it to my own relationships.
(iii)
SuzanneÕs explanations were
pretty straightforward and easy to comprehend. She would take say an argument and analyze it. For example, she would list that her
and her boyfriend got into an argument, talked it out and made up. She would list the sensorimotor as they
physical argument, cognitive as she knew that they should talk it out because
the argument was minor, and the affective was that she hates it when they fight
so they both agree that they should not be mad with each other anymore. I really found her explanations to be
helpful.
(d) Completing
Assignment
In completing this Report Suzanne found that she gained a
lot of knowledge about the threefold self and the types of gender
relationships. It was pretty
critical for her to gain this knowledge in order to relate it to her own gender
relationships. From the beginning
to the end of the semester she had a change in the way she viewed the Unity
model. She came into the class
believing the Equity model was the best way to have a relationship and the
Unity Model was not possible for a man to accept. She has not fully converted to the Unity Model but feels
that you definitely need the aspects involved in it. She feels that the best relationship could come out of a
mixture of the Equity and Unity Model.
(e) Influence
I believe that Suzanne did have some sort of influence on
me. I agree with her feelings
about gender relationships. I also
feel that it would be really awesome to have a Unity model but would be hard to
accomplish because it does involve the manÕs participation. I also feel that a marriage with the
aspects of Equity and Unity models could be a very happy one.
Chris M.
(b) Summary
(i) In the first half of ChrisÕs Report 2 he describes
different topics in oral presentations in class. He chose topics from the orals and analyzed it by showing
agreements and disagreements. He
focused mainly on the threefold self and on different topics pertaining the
unity model of marriage and gender unity.
More in depth he took phrases used of quotes to analyze and wrote his
opinion on it.
(ii) The second
part of the Report was dedicated toward AUVÕs or Anti Unity Values. Chris chose three TV shows that he
watches and showed how television views relationships. He gave a brief description of what
happened in the episode and rated the couple on how united or close they were
to attaining the unity model of marriage.
He also gave his opinion on the couples and their compatibilities or
flaws.
(c) General
Conclusion
(i)
I really felt like the tone
of this report was pretty negative.
It was like Chris had a negative bias on his outlook of the class and
what it focused on. In the Report
Chris asks a lot of questions that he does not find answer to so it leaves his
argument to seem invalid. He
states that he disagrees with something but does not give his reasoning for it. I did not find his ideas to reliable
because of this. It seemed he had
a moderate understanding of what he was presenting but had a hard time
accepting them.
(ii)
The methods used were
comparing and contrasting topics presented in oral presentations, and TV reviews
on AUVÕs. I thought that his
agreements and disagreements toward the Unity Model really set the tone of the
report. In the disagreement
portion he really brought down the unity model and gave a negative vibe to the
reader. However, his tone was mutual
when he wrote the section on AUVÕs.
He detected the AUVÕs with ease while watching his television programs
so it showed he had a good understanding of the concept.
(iii)
ChrisÕs explanations were
pretty good if it came straight from the text but he seemed like he was not
totally convinced of it because in the Report he asks a lot of questions. And he gives no answers to his
questions so it leaves the reader uninformed. I do like his ratings of the television couples and why he
rated them the way he did. He gave
a good explanation to that.
(d) Completing
Assignment
Chris felt that he this assignment did not help him to
identify social and cultural attitudes regarding gender relationships. He does not agree with many aspects of
the Unity Model so he cannot see how it can truly work. However, he did realize that we do live
in a ÒmanÕs worldÓ. Especially how
society portrays the roles on television.
The woman is dominant in the household but otherwise the man has control
of everything else. Also his views
from the beginning to the end of the semester had not changed and he does not
believe the Unity Model is attainable.
(e) Influence
I found that when it came to ChrisÕs ideas, they did not
influence me. They did not seem to
be reliable because if he went against a topic he could not back up his
statements. He would say he
disagreed with something but could not give a valid reason why. When reading things I go in with a
positive bias and could not see myself being influenced by his ideas because of
the lack of validity. You can also
tell he is very much against the Unity Model because of the way he talks down
on it. But he does state in his
report that men have a hard time accepting the concept.
Generation 21
Mario
Villegas
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bf2004/Villegas/REPORT
TWO.htm
(b)
Summary
Mario begins his Report by comparing how the common saying
that men have less feeling than women is true. He breaks down the threefold self and shows have
relationships develop and how men and women are different but do both have
feelings. Men just tend to show
their feelings in a different way or wont tell you them unless you ask. He made a table comparing the three
different models of marriage by giving different examples. Another thing Mario did was to analyze
Dr. Laura and compare her model to the Unity model. In doing so, Mario found 10 quotes that totally go against
the model. He also had to compare
the gender relationship views of Deborah Tannen, Dr. Laura and Dr. James. The last question he answered was
similar to what I am doing now and he had to summarize six other generation studentsÕ
reports.
(c) General
Conclusion
I believe that Mario had a well-informed report. He seemed to answer the questions with
ease and didnÕt have a negative bias.
I like that fact that if he disagreed with something he backed it up
with a reason why he felt that way.
The only thing that I could not find in his report was a section to show
how he felt about the last assignment.
He didnÕt write any thing showing what he learned.
(e) Influence
I donÕt feel that Mario had too much of an influence on
me. He did point out some
interesting concept with the charts and tables he made but I was probably more of
a reinforcement of what I already know.
I would have also like to have known what this class was like for him coming
from a guyÕs point of view.
Shari
Arakawa-Longboy
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bf2004/arakawa-longboy/report2.htm
(b)
Summary
The first question Shari answered was to compare Tannen,
Dr. Laura and Dr. James views on the three models of marriage and gender
relationships. The second was to select
six different students from Generation 20 and summarize their reports. In the Third Question Shari had to make
up a table. It compared the three
models of marriage. It was made up
of 20 questions with yes or no answers.
The fourth question requires Shari to do a field experiment. She had to witness a couple interacting
in a public place. And in the last
question Shari explains why it is wrongfully viewed that men have fewer
feelings than women.
(c) General
Conclusion
The table that Shari made up concluded that the Unity
model was the most different from the rest of the models. In the field experiment with the
arguing couple, Shari found that they were mostly categorized in the Dominance
model. The way the husband treated
the wife and the way he handle the situation proved this. He did not try to compromise or
understand the woman at all.
Again, unlike Generation 20, this student did not give what she learned
from the assignment.
(e) Influence
I think the influence that Shari gave me was to do a field
experiment. I like how hers came
out and if I wasnÕt already done with my report I would have done that question
instead!
Cheryl Sabey
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bf2004/sabey/409b-g21-report2.htm
(b) Summary
Cheryl began her Report by comparing the three views of
Deborah Tannen, Laura Slessinger and Dr. Leon James. She showed how they all view gender relationships
differently. She also showed their
comparison in a table she made that she answered yes or no questions according
to the model. In her second question
she summarized six previous generation students. In the third she made a table that listed 20 indicators of
oneÕs relationship. She next found
ten quotes from Dr. Laura that go against the Unity Model of Marriage. In the last Question she made her own
ennead chart.
(c) General
Conclusion
In the table comparing the three models to oneÕs
relationship, she found that the most opposing to the Unity model was the Dominance
Model of Marriage. While doing the
ennead chart, Cheryl found it difficult to do as I did. It was hard because you have to try to
place yourself in each model in order to write of instances and I had the same
problem she did.
(d) Completing
Assignment
Cheryl really felt she learned a lot from this class! She liked the fact that she gained a
great amount of knowledge of the different perspectives in models of marriage and
gender relationships. She also
liked how the oral presentations in class showed how differently people think
(e) Influence
I like the positive feeling that Cheryl brought to her
paper. She made you feel like the
assignment is really worth doing and not just for a grade. I think she influenced me to be more
motivated to complete the project and to do it well!
The
Question I am answering is Question 11
(a)
Consider Tables 1a, 1b, 1c in the Lecture Notes, which is in the Section called
Sensorimotor, Cognitive, and Affective Conjunction It
shows how to construct an ennead chart using the threefold self and the three
levels of mentality creating the preference for each model. One illustration is
given in the area of sexual behavior.
(b) Explain what has been discussed in class and the Lecture Notes as
"sexual blackmail." Describe the development of your thinking
regarding this concept, from initial reaction to now. Collect some data on how
others you know react to this concept when you explain it to them. How do you
interpret their reactions and comments?
(c) Copy Table 1c and replace the characterization of each illustration
(in each cell) into an example of your own. Think of a couple you know in
reality or from TV. The three tables should cover these three topics: (i)
housework
(ii) jealousy, and
(iii) a third area of your own
choosing. (c) Anything else you
have to say.
(b) Sexual
Blackmail
(i) ÒSexual BlackmailÓ is basically a rule that a wife must
give sex to her husband as a part of her role as his wife. This concept degrades the wife and she
is made into a slave. The
dominance model illustrates this very well. So long as the husband has a decent job, to support his
family, and to want to spend time with his wife she has to submit to his sexual
needs whenever he wants.
(ii) My initial
reaction to this concept was against the concept. I thought that this was a very degrading concept towards
women and a very traditional outlook that has long been replaced. I have found though that it still does
exist, and to most households. My
reaction to it now is worst than initially. I feel even more strongly about how wrong it is in a
relationship and should never be tolerated.
(iii) I have asked
others on their opinions of sexual blackmail. The reactions were that it was pretty ridiculous. Sex should not be treated as a reward
or punishment ever. It should be
something mutual that both feel is proper and is an activity to bring them closer
together. When one partner does
not feel like doing it, it pushes the other away and creates resentment. There should not be a tradeoff for sex
in any sort of relationship.
(iv) I felt nothing
but agreement toward their reaction.
I like the concept that sex should not be a tradeoff for something
else. I also felt that Dr. LauraÕs
theory of sexual blackmail was totally wrong. She felt that so long as a husband provided for his wife and
family she had to submit to him. I
think this has some mental abuse to a woman as well and a woman cannot fully
want to have sex with someone she cannot communicate with.
(c) Tables
Housework
This is Table 1a (READ TABLE FROM BOTTOM UP)
|
MODEL THAT GOVERNS THEIR
INTERACTIONS |
THREEFO0LD SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR
(external) |
COGNITIVE
(internal) |
AFFECTIVE
(inmost) |
|
|
Level 3
UNITY
Rational
Mentality |
7
RATIONAL
SENSORIMOTOR
ACTS
Pleasured by doing tasks that make
partner satisfied |
8
RATIONAL
COGNITIVE
PROCESSES
Striving to attain unity and help
both partners to be happy by sharing duties |
9
RATIONAL
AFFECTIVE
STATES
Constantly motivated and striving
to achieve mental closeness |
|
Level 2
EQUITY
Sensuous Mentality |
4
SENSUOUS
SENSORIMOTOR
ACTS
Doing certain duties ÒmenÓ are
supposed to fulfill (trash) |
5
SENSUOUS
COGNITIVE
PROCESSES
Thinks to do bad job so wife
decides to take on task herself. |
6
SENSUOUS AFFECTIVE
STATES
Trying to do chores to make wife
happy but unhappily doing it. |
|
Level 1
DOMINANCE Corporeal Mentality
|
1
CORPOREAL
SENSORIMOTOR
ACTS Male having no part in helping out
with activities pertaining housework. |
2
CORPOREAL
COGNITIVE
PROCESSES Involved in finding how to get out
of doing chores around the house |
3
CORPOREAL
AFFECTIVE
STATES
Constantly making the partner be
submissive and feeling it is her duty to fulfill the chores |
Jealousy
This
is Table 1b (READ TABLE
FROM BOTTOM UP)
|
MODEL THAT GOVERNS THEIR
INTERACTIONS |
THREEFO0LD SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR
(external) |
COGNITIVE
(internal) |
AFFECTIVE
(inmost) |
|
|
Level 3
UNITY
Rational
Mentality |
7
RATIONAL
SENSORIMOTOR
ACTS
sensations and pleasures felt as consequences
of their mental unity and trust |
8
RATIONAL
COGNITIVE
PROCESSES
Involved with thoughts about the
spiritual or eternal details of their conjunction |
9
RATIONAL
AFFECTIVE
STATES
Constantly motivated and striving
to achieve mental closeness |
|
Level 2
EQUITY
Sensuous
Mentality |
4
SENSUOUS
SENSORIMOTOR
ACTS Feeling Satisfactions if partner is
witnessed not glancing at opposite sex |
5
SENSUOUS
COGNITIVE
PROCESSES
Involved in thoughts of what
partner is doing when they are not together |
6
SENSUOUS AFFECTIVE
STATES
Constantly motivated and striving
to compete with opposite sex to gain partner attention |
|
Level 1
DOMINANCE
Corporeal Mentality |
1
CORPOREAL
SENSORIMOTOR
ACTS Controlling Partners actions to
avoid dissatisfactions |
2
CORPOREAL
COGNITIVE
PROCESSES Involved to thoughts to manipulate
partner to not ÒlookÓ at the other sex |
3
CORPOREAL
AFFECTIVE
STATES
Constantly motivated to compel
partner to become submissive and agree to terms |
Outside Friends
This
is Table 1c (READ TABLE
FROM BOTTOM UP)
|
MODEL THAT GOVERNS THEIR
INTERACTIONS |
THREEFO0LD SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR
(external) |
COGNITIVE
(internal) |
AFFECTIVE
(inmost) |
|
|
Level 3
UNITY
Rational
Mentality |
7
RATIONAL
SENSORIMOTOR
ACTS
Satisfaction felt for having
partnerÕs attention and quality time |
8
RATIONAL
COGNITIVE
PROCESSES
Involved with thoughts about the
spiritual or eternal details of their conjunction |
9
RATIONAL
AFFECTIVE
STATES
Constantly motivated and striving
to achieve mental closeness |
|
Level 2
EQUITY
Sensuous
Mentality |
4
SENSUOUS
SENSORIMOTOR
ACTS
Dissatisfactions felt as
consequences of lack of time spent together |
5
SENSUOUS
COGNITIVE
PROCESSES
Involved with thoughts about
how to get partner to spend more quality time |
6
SENSUOUS AFFECTIVE
STATES
Constantly motivated and striving to compete with or gain more from
the partner |
|
Level 1
DOMINANCE
Corporeal Mentality |
1
CORPOREAL
SENSORIMOTOR
ACTS Annoyance felt by trying to gain
control of partners interactions |
2
CORPOREAL
COGNITIVE
PROCESSES Involved with thoughts about how to
keep pressuring the partner to dissociate from colleagues outside of
relationship |
3
CORPOREAL
AFFECTIVE
STATES
Constantly motivated and
striving to overcome and compel the partner to be submissive |
The
Question I am answering is Question 12
(a)
Consider Table 9 in the Lecture Notes, which is in the Section on Making Field Observations. It lists
two dozen AUVs – anti unity values that are commonly portrayed in the
media – soaps, comedy, drama.
(b) Select at least three programs for which you can watch several
episodes or shows. Briefly describe a few scenes from each show to illustrate
the portrayal of gender interactions that are contrary to having a successful
marriage. (c) Now describe the
affective, cognitive, and sensorimotor aspects of these interactions. (d) What are your reactions to these
observations? (e) What is your
explanation as to why these interactions are portrayed so often? (f) What might be the consequences for
couples and society? (g) Anything
else you have to say.
This is Table 9
1. Living together unmarried
2. Having children out of wedlock
3. Making each other jealous on purpose
4. Adultery for various reasons
5. Promiscuity and bi-sexuality
6. Sexy dressing for men other than one's partner
7. Having a same sex best friend who is placed ahead of
the partner or in competition for certain things
8. Having a heterosexual best friend who is placed ahead
of the partner or in competition for certain things
9. Same sex friends going out as a group for fun and
entertainment without their partners
10. Flirting with other gender as retaliation against
one's partner (or other reason)
11. Separate interests and activities accepted for
partners
12. Manipulating partner through deception
13. Accepting the idea that it's OK to "agree to
disagree" about some things
14. Promoting the idea that one should not try to change
one's partner but should accept them with their faults, etc.
15. Girls only or boys only entertainment
16. Acceptance of the idea that men are more important
17. Promoting the idea that men are more rational than
women
18. Promoting the idea that women are generally frivolous
as part of their gender
19. Making it look normal for a man to exploit women
20. Making it look normal for a man to abuse women
21. Making it look normal for a man to have prerogatives
or perks that women should accept and honor (e.g., serving men, doing what they
want no matter what, being dominant, etc.)
22. Making it look like what women say and think as less
important
ÒRoseanneÓ
(b) Description
(i)
Characters: Roseanne (wife),
Dan (husband), Darlene (daughter), and David (daughterÕs boyfriend)
(ii)
Scenes: David seems to be
having family problems that make him want to run away from home. Darlene tells her parents of her
boyfriendÕs problem and they refuse to take him in. Roseanne stops by DavidÕs house since sheÕs Òin the
neighborhoodÓ and finds that DavidÕs mother is physically and mentally abusive. After Roseanne witnesses this, she
immediately decided to take David under her care, without consulting her
husband. When she gets home and
tells Dan, he gets very angry that she did not make the decision with him. Roseanne tells Dan of how DavidÕs
mother was and how it reminded her of her childhood, he immediately respected
her decision and followed her lead.
(iii)
AUVÕs: living together
unmarried (Darlene and David), Promoting the idea that men are more rational
than women (Dan to Roseanne), and Making it look like what women say and think
as less important (Dan to Roseanne).
(c)
Threefold Self
(i)
Sensorimotor: How Dan gets mad at Roseanne without
even finding out why she made the decision she did.
(ii)
Cognitive: Dan thought that Roseanne just wanted
control and went behind his back to make a decision
(iii)
Affective: Dan realized that Roseanne wasnÕt
trying to make a decision behind his back but trying to help someone they saw
as a son.
(d)
My Reaction
I felt that Roseanne and Dan present a
pretty mature couple. They are
definitely in the late stages of the Equity Model of Marriage. They are connected to each other and
respect each other and their values but they are not totally connected because
there was still argument between them.
Dan felt betrayed by his wife when that was not the case at all. If they were united Dan would have
known Roseanne would not make such a decision to jeopardize their relationship.
(e)
Explanations
I believe these interactions like Òshacking upÓ and
promoting the idea that men are more rational than women are portrayed so often
because it is the way society views men and women. As it is said many times in class, ÒitÕs a manÕs
worldÓ. In the TV show Dan yelled
at Rosanne because he automatically assumed that she had made an irrational
decision and needed to consult him first.
Men are always viewed as the dominant species of the household.
(f)
Consequences
I believe the consequences that the
media gives to couples and society is a false concept of what marriage is
like. They tend to show
unrealistic couples and bad behavior on how couples should treat each
other. I believe a reason they do
this is because in a way it is how society is becoming and it is just a
reflection of a normal couple. It
seems to say that it is all right to cheat or abuse a partner and that is not
true. I think that by advertising
this false belief, I makes couples lower their standards on how their
relationship is because they see that characters on TV get treated a certain
way so that is how it is or should be and that is wrong. They also show a problem arise and get
resolved in a thirty minute show that is very much not like reality. TV shows puts on whatever sells. The worst consequence is that people
believe what they see to be true.
ÒFriendsÓ
(b) Description
(i)
Characters: Rachael
(girlfriend) and Ross (boyfriend)
(ii)
Scene: Rachael preposes that
her and Ross take a small break from their relationship for space. After a couple days, Rachael realizes
she really loves Ross and wants to be with him. She goes to his house to make up with him and finds another
woman in his house. They really
break up!
(iii)
AUVÕs: Making each other jealous
on purpose, adultery for various reasons, promiscuity, and flirting with other
gender as retaliation against one's partner (or other reason)
(c) Threefold Self
(i)
Sensorimotor: Rachael needs
some spaces so she calls a break with Ross
(ii)
Cognitive: Rachael thinks Ross will respect
her and give her sometime.
(iii)
Affective: Rachael finds
Ross had no respect and didnÕt care for her because he cheated on her so she
broke it off.
(d) My
Reactions
I believe Rachael had all the right to break up with
Ross. Ross obviously needs to work
out some issues he has with relationships because after a couple day he moves
on and sleeps with someone else shows that he is not a loyal companion. The couple had been together for quite
sometime so they should have been past the dominance model but just got moved
way down. Rachael can no longer
trust Ross so this shows they are not harmonious with each other.
(e) Explanations
I think the media portrays these types of AUVÕs because
they are definitely things that happen in a normal dominant or equity
relationship and for the most part that is all there is on TV. The ways the characters handle the
situations prove this to be true.
Any couple that is in total union and harmonious with their partner will
not think to cheat on them.
Someone in the dominance model would however.
ÒLiving SingleÓ
(b) Description
(i)
Characters: Max
(ex-girlfriend) and Kyle (ex-boyfriend)
(ii)
Scene: Max finds out she is
pregnant by ex-boyfriend/ friend of many years, Kyle. Kyle has moved away for a career and is coming to visit for
the holidays. Max tells all their
friends she doesnÕt want to let Kyle know about the baby. Kyle finds out and takes responsibility
and they work it out.
(iii)
AUVÕs: Having children out of
wedlock, separate interests and activities accepted for partners, and lying to
the partner in general
(c)
Threefold Self
(i)
Sensorimotor: Max doesnÕt
want to tell the father of her child she is pregnanat
(ii)
Cognitive: Max things she doesnÕt need a man to
help her raise a child so she decided to not tell Kyle she is pregnant. She doesnÕt take into consideration
what Kyle thinks.
(iii)
Affective: Max tries to manipulate her friends not
to tell Kyle as well. She ends up
telling Kyle and things get better between them because she finds out that Kyle
really does care for her.
(d)
My Reaction
I feel there are many girls nowadays
that try to be really independent and feel like the do not need a man to
survive. The character Max
portrays an independent woman in the 90Õs but I do not feel like a person can
be totally happy without someone to complete them. I do agree that many women donÕt need a man to survive, but
it is so much happier if there is a man that compliments you around. Every woman deserves one!
(e)
Explanation
The AUVÕs used in this episode showed
me that this couple are the farthest away from unity. They are portrayed as a couple that denies being with each
other, lie to each other, sleep around with other people yet still remain
friends and care for one another.
They also are having a child together and are not even in a
relationship. I agree that there
are people in this world that live this way but it is not something to promote
or advertise. It seems like a very
negative and unhappy way to live and I donÕt believe the media should advertise
this sort of behavior.
ÒMy Report on the
Previous GenerationÓ
The assignment for Generation 22 was to choose five
questions with instructions and to answer them. This seems to be very similar to my assignment. The students listed the questions and
answered them accordingly. The
questions involved the readings from the class as well as the Lecture Notes. The questions also involved explaining
the topic then relating it to yourself or giving your opinions on it.
Chad Garhartt first did a question that the read previous generations
reports and listed their findings.
After that he listed is opinions and thoughts on what he read.
In the
second question he had to compare Tannen, Schlessinger and Dr. James views on
marriage and gender relationships.
The
third question had to do with viewing a table from the Lecture Notes and making
your own. The table involved the
three models of marriage and compared them according to different
situations.
The
fourth question was an experiment showing an observed relationship or your own
and write about it.
The
last question was to show a made up dialogue between a husband and wife showing
one of the each of the three models of marriage. In the end, Chad had to list his conclusion of the Report as
a whole and give advice to Future Generations.
Patrick Greer answered
that question of why a couple can enjoy being together one minute then get into
and argument and hate each other.
This had to do with the threefold self and becoming a conjoined self and
he goes on to explain this by explaining the Lecture Notes. The second question was different AUVÕs
that the media portrays with couples on television. In his third question Patrick listed 20 yes or no questions
that show behavioral indicators of oneÕs model of marriage. A difference that I saw in this model
as opposed to other students is that the Dominance and Unity model overlapped
just as much as the Equity and Unity model did. I thought this was interesting because it seems that the
Dominance Model is so far away from the Unity model. Question four asked to list interactions between couples and
show the threefold self using an ennead table. The last question was just a summery of current students
reports.
Tiffany Lee
began her Report 2 by showing how a
husband and wife can better solve arguments by following the threefold self and
conjoint self in the Lecture Notes.
Next she made a table showing 20 questions that behaviorally indicate
ones model of marriage. The next
question after that kind of goes along with number two in that it lists the
differences between the Models of marriages and shows another table and the
patterns it shows. In the fourth
question Tiffany talked about the AUVÕs in the media and couples they
portray. And the last question
involve comparing Dr. Laura, Tannen and Dr. James. Tiffany also did a report on previous generations as well.
Advice to Future Generations
My advice to Future Generations
would have to be what everyone else will warn you in that, Do Not Procrastinate!! Something that most students do not
warn you about is the challenge you might face that you do not consider. When working on the questions make sure
you allow yourself at least five hours per question. I had read the questions and did not suspect it would take
me that long to me, but trust me it does.
You also have to consider the fact that things might get lost (since I
lost 2 pages right before the assignment was do) or it might not upload the way
you want it to. Make sure you turn
it in the day before its done and not an hour before because if you wait that
long you will find it will not get in on time!
Frustration
is one thing that you will definitely face when doing this project. Before this class I was already
computer Savvy and still I ran into things that you would never think could
happen so prepare for the worst.
The good thing is the topic is something you can use towards your life
and relationships with people so its not something that is totally boring. I do believe I gained a lot of
knowledge from this class and am happy to have completed it!
Class Home Page: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy23/classhome-g23.htm
My Home Page: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2005/patinio/Home.htm