Report 2:

Report 2:

My Understanding of the Unity Model of Marriage

By Emilee Patinio

Instructions for this report are at:

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy23/409b-g23-report2.htm

I am answering Questions 2,3, 5, 11 and 12

The Question I am answering is Question 2

(a) Contrast the four views of gender relationships expressed by Tannen in Gender Issues, Schlessinger in The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Coleman in The Lazy Husband, and James in The Unity Model of Marriage. (b) Your analysis should also include a chart or table that shows the differences between the four books in a systematic way. (c) As well, give your personal opinion on the elements or entries in your chart. (d) How do your own views compare to what’s in the chart? (e) How are your ideas influenced by each of these four three different perspectives on marriage?

(a) Compare and Contrast

(i) Deborah Tannen’s views of gender relationships in Gender and Discourse were along the lines of the dominance and equity models. She is a linguist that talks about the different ways men and women talk to each other in conversations and how it varies between different cultures. A big topic she talked about was how men in a work area team together to bring women down. It brings the men closer together. This shows the relationships of men and women linguistically.

(ii) Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands definitely depicts a dominance model of marriage. Dr. Laura has a belief that wives should be happy to have a man that will provide for them. She believes that the women are supposed to cater to the husbands and meet all of his demands. A wife should just be grateful that he is not cheating on her.

(iii) The Lazy Husband by Joshua Coleman tries to aim for an equity model of marriage throughout most of his book. He does a pretty good job until he contradicts himself in the eighth chapter toward the husbands. In general, he believes that the wives should try to understand the man more and lighten up, and by doing this she will see improvements around the house and get more help from her husband.

(iv) Dr. Swedenborg’s Conjugial Love relates to the Unity Model of Marriage. He tells of how marriage is conjugial and not conjugal. He believes marriage last till eternity and that there is still marriage after death. Dr. Swedenborg had the ability to go into his spiritual mindstate and see how people lived after death and he tells of his visions and what a great thing love is if people are united through the sensorimotor, cognitive and affective self.

(b) Table

Man vs. Woman Conjugal vs.Conjugial Method of Model

(Equality) (Marriage after death) solving arguments of Marriage

Tannen

Man

Conjugal

Dominant wins

Dominance/Equity

Schlessinger

Man

Conjugal

Man is right

Dominance

Coleman

Man=Woman

Conjugal

Both listen to the others views

Equity/Dominance

Swedenborg

Woman=Man

Conjugial

Man does what he can to make wife happy

Unity

(i) In the Man vs. Woman category it tells which sex is more dominant depending on the theory. Tannen believes that we live in a dominant society and the Man is the dominant species. Dr. Laura feels the Man is the head of the household and brings home the money so he is dominant. Joshua Coleman feels that the Man is the dominant person but the two can work toward equality together so they are equal with the man leading. Swedenborg’s marriage shows the woman and man being equal as well, with the lead of the woman.

(ii) Conjugal marriage basically means that “till death” does a couple part. Conjugial means that even after death, a couple is spiritually married. In Tannen, Schlessinger, and Coleman’s view of marriage, it only last till death. Swedenborg is the only person whose theory involves spiritual marriage.

(iii) In the “Methods of solving arguments” category it shows how a couple solves an argument. Tannen feels that when arguments occur the dominant speaker will win. She believes that we live in a “man’s world” so the winner in most cases would be the husband. Dr. Laura believes that in an argument the woman is always wrong and the man is always right. So long as the husband bring provides for his family, the woman has to do anything he wants so she will lose. Dr. Coleman aims toward an equity model of marriage so he believes that each individual should give in to the other. The woman has to understand that men are different and vise versa. Swedenborg feels that in an argument the man does what he can to make his wife happy. The wife should not be hurt and always be happy because she usually knows best so the husband follows her lead.

(d) My Views on Table

The way my view coordinates with the chart would be along the lines of Dr. Coleman and Swedenborg. I really believe in equality in a relationship. I feel like my relationship is built along these lines. However, I feel like Dr. Swedenborg presents an awesome theory to marriage. Its very idealistic but seems rational and very possible to accomplish.

(e) Influences

I am in the early stages of my relationship right now so it is ok to follow the equity model, but hopefully it can develop into a unity model because it seems like an awesome way of living. I think that the dominance model of marriage is out of the question and no woman should have to live through that sort of relationship, we deserve better!

The Question I am answering is Question3

A husband and wife seem to get along real well together, enjoying the same activities, having fun, being popular with friends, etc. Then they have a fight over some disagreement and they show disrespect and hatred for each other. (a) Explain why this turnabout can happen and what is its cause. Be sure to use some aspect of the theory given in the Lecture Notes. (b) Discuss how married partners can reverse this flip-flop cycle so that it never occurs again. In your explanation be sure to apply the unity model, the threefold self, and the conjoint self, as explained in the Lecture Notes. (d) The unity model says that men are resistant to mental intimacy and to conjugial unity. Collect data to either confirm or disconfirm this prediction. Interview several women of varying ages (to the extent possible). Make up a checklist consisting of 10 to 20 items that highlight what the women have said about their experiences with men's resistance to intimacy. Discuss the list and what it can be used for. (e) Anything else you have to say.

(a) It is easy for a husband and wife to get along by enjoying the same activities. A couple will find this out in the early stages of their relationship. That is the reason they keep the relationship going. This is part to the sensorimotor level that everyone can witness. It is when the couple physically has fun together. When working toward Unity and becoming harmonious with each other they begin to come closer cognitively and affectively as well. That is how a turnabout can happen. They lack the cognitive capacity to think like their partner or for the husband to have aligned his thoughts and feelings with his wife. If the couple were in the Unity model they would handle the situation much differently. This sort of couple reason under societies exploitative motivations, and misinterpret the intentions of their partner. By doing this, they tend to use a stereotyped, inaccurate and prejudiced way of thinking that will hurt the partner.

(b) The way to handle the situation so that it does not continually repeat is to follow the Unity Model.

“According to the "unity" model of marriage, the perfection of unity in a marriage increases through differentiation and reciprocity of behavior in the threefold self of the two partners, and is a spiritual union that lasts to eternity. In a unity marriage, the husband and wife develop a conjoint self, while their former individual self recedes into the background and no longer operates.” (James)

When a husband and wife become a conjoined self in all parts of the threefold self: sensorimotor, cognitive, and affective, they can fully be united and will lose their societal way of thinking. They know each other externally and more internally now and will know what bothers the person and what doesn’t so they will know how not to hurt the partner. Arguments may appear time and again but it is how the couple handles the situation that lets them grow!

(d) Woman 1 Woman 2 Woman 3 Woman 4

Do you and Your Partner Fight Often?

Yes

Does your guy Usually see things your way when resolving the issue?

Sometimes

Yes

Is your guy mentally intimate as well as physically?

If it comes with a reward, or only because I reinforce it

If I ask him a question he’ll give me an honest answer

Have you and your Partner talked about being together for eternity?

Jokingly

Do you think your partner would willingly accept conjugial love?

I could see him practicing some of its specs but not totally committing to it.

He treats me in that manner on his own, it might take him time but its possible

These questions were distinctly asked to find out what most husbands were like. It seems that in most questions pertaining mental intimacy, most men do not participate in it. One reason as one woman said, could be because they do not see a reward in it. I believe that another reason could be because it is not a concept society believes “men” should admit to. Some men might not want to express themselves because they are ashamed that it is not the “macho” thing to do.

The last two questions had to do with believe Conjugial Love to be attainable and practice by people. It seem like more than half of the women thought it was out of the question but there was one that felt her husband and her could attain unity. I think this chart shows that Conjugial Love can be accepted more and more by people the more they are enlightened. It would have to take some time but it would definitely take time and commitment.

The Question I am answering is Question 5

(a) Select six student reports on marriage from Generation 20 and/or 21 (in any combination), as listed in the Readings section of the Lecture Notes. (b) Summarize each of the six reports. Be sure to put a link to the students' reports. (c) Add a General Conclusion Section in which you discuss your reactions to what each student did and said – (i) their ideas,  (ii) their method,  (iii) their explanations. (d) What did they gain from doing their reports? (e) How do their ideas influence what you yourself think about these issues? (f) Anything else you have to say.

Generation 20

Brigitlynn Duclos

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bs2004/duclos/report1.htm

(b) Summary

(i) Brigitlynn is a Generation 20 student completing her Report 1. In the report, she focused on Gender and Discourse issues which was the main focus of the class. She summarized ten articles and chose different concepts from them and shared her opinions. The articles she wrote about dealt with differences between genders. It spoke of differences in aggression, emotions, arguments and daily conversations.

(ii) When comparing men and women, Brigitlynn found that men are genetically more aggressive than women. Testosterone is associated with aggression, and men carry a lot more than women biologically. Another factor to aggression is frustration. Men tend to have more feelings of rage, distraction and anger, which is associated with frustration. Frustration usually occurs when a person thinks that they are being prevented from achieving a goal. Biologically men are said to be more goal-oriented than women so when prevented from achieving a goal, they become more frustrated.

(iii) The second difference Brigitlynn compared was emotionality. While men tended to be more goal-oriented, women are more compassionate and less angry. A good reason to show these differences between sexes is to show the relationship between married couples. Most arguments between couples arise because the two are totally different people and are not a like in anyway. Both genders need to understand the other in order to cope with the others feelings and thoughts.

(iv) The last concept had to do with differences between gender conversations. There are five elements to discourse: topic, argument, sequence, relationship, and setting. These are all factors to the way we talk with other people in a conversation. The reason we have conversations is to interact and communicate, to bond in relationships, and maybe the most important, to influence our control of power. This is where dominance in speaker comes into play.

(i) The ideas that Brigitlynn came up with are pretty logical and seem to go along with what we are taught in class this semester. The focus of her generation is a little different in that they focus on aggression in driving which is something we really did not touch up on in my generation. It does make sense though that me do have more aggression because they have more testosterone than women. The only idea she kept repeating is how men are more goal-oriented than women. We never really touched up on that in class and when I listen to that fact I feel disagreement. I feel that women are just as goal oriented as men, it’s just that their goals are different than men, but doesn’t make them any less oriented.

(ii) The method she took in writing the assignment was to choose concepts and ideas from articles and briefly explain them. As a whole she focused on comparing the differences between genders. I felt she did a good job at this. The only thing was that it might have been a little too brief.

(iii) Again, I believe Brigitlynn’s explanations of the article were good but she could have gone a little more in depth to the article. Each idea had only about two sentences about it. It seems like it needed a little more substance.

(d) Completing Assignment

From completing this assignment Brigitlynn gained a better understanding of the differences between cognitive and biological of men and women. She also found that the assignment helped her see how she could better control her daily emotions. She felt she like this because she would rather live her life on the positive side of the spin cycle. Also, since she is aware that there are many gender differences she can better understand and use it as a reference toward her future relationships.

(e) Influence

Brigitlynn did have a small influence on how I view the issue of gender differences. I feel I agree for the most part with her. Her statements seem to be factual and have validity that I can understand to be true. I wouldn’t say that she influenced me too much but more like she reinforced my own thinking.

Suzanne Howard

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bs2004/howard/report2.htm

(b) Summary

Suzanne’s report focused on the threefold self mainly. She gave a definition of it and went on to show examples in some articles. The three main elements included: sensorimotor, cognitive and affective. She used the articles to show examples of how it is used and can be applied to everyday things and not just gender relationships, which she focuses on in this particular report.

In the second part of her Report she goes on to show in dept examples of categorizing interactions in her own gender relationship. She wrote down journal entries she had and showed the sensorimotor, cognitive and affective parts of the events that she listed.

(i) I believe that Suzanne’s ideas were pretty rational. She seemed to have a pretty good understanding of what the threefold self was and I believe that that is an accomplishment in itself. She also has a positive bias outlook to this class so even though she does not fully agree with everything she does not make the article sound too dry which makes it easier to read.

(ii) I really liked the journal entry method she used. She had taken a journal she wrote when she was with her previous boyfriend and analyzed different events that occurred using the sensorimotor, cognitive and affective techniques. Her examples really made sense to me because it put things more into perspective for me where I could relate it to my own relationships.

(iii) Suzanne’s explanations were pretty straightforward and easy to comprehend. She would take say an argument and analyze it. For example, she would list that her and her boyfriend got into an argument, talked it out and made up. She would list the sensorimotor as they physical argument, cognitive as she knew that they should talk it out because the argument was minor, and the affective was that she hates it when they fight so they both agree that they should not be mad with each other anymore. I really found her explanations to be helpful.

(d) Completing Assignment

In completing this Report Suzanne found that she gained a lot of knowledge about the threefold self and the types of gender relationships. It was pretty critical for her to gain this knowledge in order to relate it to her own gender relationships. From the beginning to the end of the semester she had a change in the way she viewed the Unity model. She came into the class believing the Equity model was the best way to have a relationship and the Unity Model was not possible for a man to accept. She has not fully converted to the Unity Model but feels that you definitely need the aspects involved in it. She feels that the best relationship could come out of a mixture of the Equity and Unity Model.

(e) Influence

I believe that Suzanne did have some sort of influence on me. I agree with her feelings about gender relationships. I also feel that it would be really awesome to have a Unity model but would be hard to accomplish because it does involve the man’s participation. I also feel that a marriage with the aspects of Equity and Unity models could be a very happy one.

Chris M.

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bs2004/chrism/report3.htmhttp://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bs2004/chrism/report3.htm

(b) Summary

(i) In the first half of Chris’s Report 2 he describes different topics in oral presentations in class. He chose topics from the orals and analyzed it by showing agreements and disagreements. He focused mainly on the threefold self and on different topics pertaining the unity model of marriage and gender unity. More in depth he took phrases used of quotes to analyze and wrote his opinion on it.

(ii) The second part of the Report was dedicated toward AUV’s or Anti Unity Values. Chris chose three TV shows that he watches and showed how television views relationships. He gave a brief description of what happened in the episode and rated the couple on how united or close they were to attaining the unity model of marriage. He also gave his opinion on the couples and their compatibilities or flaws.

(i) I really felt like the tone of this report was pretty negative. It was like Chris had a negative bias on his outlook of the class and what it focused on. In the Report Chris asks a lot of questions that he does not find answer to so it leaves his argument to seem invalid. He states that he disagrees with something but does not give his reasoning for it. I did not find his ideas to reliable because of this. It seemed he had a moderate understanding of what he was presenting but had a hard time accepting them.

(ii) The methods used were comparing and contrasting topics presented in oral presentations, and TV reviews on AUV’s. I thought that his agreements and disagreements toward the Unity Model really set the tone of the report. In the disagreement portion he really brought down the unity model and gave a negative vibe to the reader. However, his tone was mutual when he wrote the section on AUV’s. He detected the AUV’s with ease while watching his television programs so it showed he had a good understanding of the concept.

(iii) Chris’s explanations were pretty good if it cam