Report 2

My Understanding of The Unity Model of Marriage

By: Christina Ramirez

Instructions for this report are located at: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy23/409b-g23-report2.htm

 

I am answering questions 1, 2, 3, 11, & 12

 

The Question I am answering is Question 1: 

It is sometimes wrongly asserted that men have less feelings than women.

 

(a)  Show that this is not true by discussing the threefold self and the role of the affective in relation to the cognitive and sensorimotor.

 

Men and women are raised differently.  Women are taught to show emotion and express their feelings when they are hurt.  Men are encouraged to hide their feelings.  This leads many people to interpret a man to have no feelings.  Men express their feelings in ways that they were taught to express them.  The way that the three-fold self interacts with one another can help a man express his feelings.  Women are more likely to express their feelings because they are more motivated to figure out how they feel.  The first part of the three-fold self is the sensorimotor self.  This outer layer mandates perceptions, sensations and motor skills.  The middle layer is the cognitive self.  This layer controls logic, thinking and reasoning.  The inner layer is the affective self.  This layer is the purest layer and mandates feelings and motives.  Since this layer is the purest layer it is the truest self and is the most important layer that will lead the way when we think or act.  The intertwining of the three-fold self leads us to see and control the world around us. 

 

(b) Illustrate your argument with examples that come from

 

(i) Personal life

In my personal life I witnessed my husband express feelings that he would not normally have.  The birth of your child is a momentous moment and one that parents treasure.  A man may or may not show more feelings than normal when experiencing this event.  My husband truly expressed happiness and emotion when our daughter was born.  Our wedding day was another occasion that I saw true genuine feelings of happiness in my husband’s eyes, facial expressions and words that he said.  I believe that he felt that it was appropriate to show these emotions because of the events that were taking place.  Normal everyday events are times when he may have emotions but does not express them as how I would.

 

(ii) Media

Whenever you turn on the television to watch the news, you assume that the newscasters are taught to hold in their emotions and not express how they truly feel.  It is their job to inform and not to criticize or pass judgment on the events that take place.  From time to time, I notice that some newscasters find it hard to hold in their emotions.  When the tragic events of 9/11 took place.  Many male newscasters were at a lost for words.  As the planes plowed into the buildings, there were many silences that took place during the live broadcasts. The situation was very tragic and male newscasters while at a loss for words expressed silence as an emotion that they were feeling at the time. 

 

(c) Do men and women have the same awareness of

 

(i.) Their own feelings

Men and women have differences in the awareness of their own feelings.   They react differently to situations and express their emotions in different ways.  Women want to conjoin with their mate and focus on the feelings that they have and the feelings that their partner has.  It has been proven that women speak more than men and this is prevalent when we see how women are aware of how they are feeling.  Men speak fewer words than women, which may be a factor in why they do not recognize the types of feelings that they are having later than women do.

 

(ii) There partners feelings & how do they differ

Women are better at being aware of their partner’s feelings.   They focus on the feelings of both individuals in the relationship.  It is a woman’s goal to create a unified relationship with their partner so in the beginning the woman may have to work harder than the man to recognize what they need to improve on to make the relationship gradually move into the unity model of marriage.  The man may resist in the beginning because of the unknown. 

 

(d) How does this difference affect the dynamics and progress of the relationship?

 

A woman intuition is to prod her man so that she can make him aware of her feelings and motivations.  She also does this so she can try to understand his feelings and motivations.  Men do not like this process.  When active prodding is present it can cause a ripple or strain in the relationship.  When a man rejects this process, the woman feels that he is not allowing the process to conjoin to continue.  Once this happens, the woman feels that the man is prohibiting her satisfaction in the relationship.

 

(e) My opinion

At a young age boys and girls are taught to express their feelings and emotions in a certain way.  Boys are told not to cry and girls are comforted when they cry.  This cycle has continued to be encouraged time and time again.  Although the three fold self in gender relationship involves biology, socialization, cultural and spiritual make up, the way children are taught to express themselves is usually practiced as adults.  Children watch how their parents interact and believe that is the way a married relationship should be.  This is why it is difficult to instill new ways for men to express themselves because they have been brainwashed to believe otherwise.

 

 

The Question I am answering is Question 2:

 

(a) Contrast the four views of gender relationships expressed by Tannen in Gender Issues, Schlessinger in The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Coleman in The Lazy Husband, and James in The Unity Model of Marriage.

 

The following information consists of four perspectives on gender relationships.  The focuses of these views are male dominance, conversation style, appearances of women and power.

 

 

MALE DOMINANCE

James view

Dominance should be non-existent in the unity model of marriage.  Society has taught us to believe that the male should dominate the relationship.  A male should put these teachings aside and begin to learn that a successful relationship that seeks entering the unity model of marriage should not be dominated by the male.

 

Coleman view

While equality is an important part of a relationship, a woman learns to expect the way that their husband is.  A man needs to be trained to stop his dominance traits.  A woman has to understand that a man was taught to have a dominance view on domestic issues and needs to remind him of how much a woman does so he can change to help the family.

 

Schlessinger view

The man is responsible for providing for the family.  The wife must adhere to her spouse and his wishes.  She must remember that she is a lucky woman for having a man that is willing to provide for her and the children.  The man works all day to provide for the family and should be allowed to state what he wants specifically in the home and in the marriage.  He has the right to tell the wife how he wants their life to be and how he expects her to act and treat him while in the marriage.

 

Tannen view

If the man than dominates a relationship the conversation will most likely be dominated by him in every instance.

 

CONVERSATION STYLE

James view

For a couple to be in the unity model of marriage, they must take the time to listen when one is speaking.  They must touch each other in a conversation and look at one another.  This allows each person to recognize that they are listening to one another.  Communication is very important in the unity model of marriage and helps to avoid misunderstandings.

 

Coleman view

If a woman wants a man to help with the household duties she must talk to him in a certain way.  She cannot just tell him to do it and expect him to listen to her.  She must first compliment him then ask him to do something for her.  A man is more likely to do what you ask him to do if you approach him with kindness rather than authority.

 

Schlessinger view

Men usually remain at a distance while in a conversation.  It does not mean they are not listening.  A man does not have to give you their full attention that includes eye contact when you are in a conversation. 

 

Tannen view

When a man is in a conversation with a woman they tend to look around and not directly at the woman. 

 

APPERANCES OF WOMEN

James view

A woman’s appearance is not important.  When you are conjoined with someone, you love him or her internally and not externally. You find that the inside of your woman is the most attractive thing and do not concentrate on the outside.  When you are in the unity model you are conjoined spiritually and do not depend on the exterior of a woman to make you happy.

 

Coleman view

When a woman wants something done by a man, they must put on a happy face.  A man is more likely to respond to a woman in a pleasant mood. 

 

Schlessinger view

It is important for a woman to look nice for their spouse.  They should put on make-up and look presentable when their husband comes home from work.  It is the responsibility of the woman to make their husbands happy.  If the woman chooses not to dress and primp accordingly than she must suffer the consequences.  If the man cheats, than it is the woman’s fault for not looking her best for her man.

 

Tannen view

If a woman wants to maintain a conversation with a man, she can smile for the conversation to be positive one.

 

POWER IN THE RELATIONSHIP

James view

When a couple is in the dominance model the husband holds all the power.  The wife accepts that her husband holds the power and his decision is usually final.  The equity model couple shares the power in the relationship.  They both feel that they should make decisions together but may still follow the dominance model with the male having the slight advantage over the woman.  In the unity model the marriage is guided by the wife.  This is not considered power in the relationship.  It is considered guiding.

 

Coleman view

Although, equity is important, the wife has to manipulate the husband to believe that he has the power.  Actually, she holds some of the power because she is manipulating him without him knowing.  The husband also has power because she lets him believe that he does.

 

Schlessinger view

All men should have the power in the relationship.  Women have power over men because they are simple creatures.  Women sometimes forget that they have this power over man and misuse it.

 

Tannen view

Power is associated with asymmetrical relationships in which the power is held by the person in the one up position. 

 

(b) Your analysis should also include a chart or table that shows the differences between the four books in a systematic way.

(d) How do your own views compare to what’s in the chart?

 

VIEWS ON GENDER RELATIONSHIPS

JAMES

COLEMAN

TANNEN

SCHLESSINGER

MY VIEW - RAMIREZ

A woman’s appearance is important to a relationship

NO

YES

YES

YES

NO

Dominance is learned

YES

NO

YES

NO

YES

Men should be trained to not be dominant.

YES

YES

NO

NO

YES

Women should talk to men a certain way when they want something

NO

YES

YES

NO

YES

Power should be equal in a relationship

NO

YES

YES

NO

YES

Power is important to a relationship

YES

NO

YES

YES

YES

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(c) As well, give your personal opinion on the elements or entries in your chart.

I believe that Dr. James, although part of his basis is on evidence from Swedenborgs work centuries ago is the most innovative and new.  It is new because it presents information on how men must adhere to the woman and her needs.  Dr. James teaching showcases that a woman does not have to bow down to a man and that a man should respect his woman. 

 

Coleman’s view is humanistic based and requires the woman to manipulate the man when she wants something.  Women have been doing this for years but no one but women knew about it.  He believes that if you want something from a man that they must be trained to do it because mentally they are not aware of your feelings.

 

I think that Tannen strictly bases her information on linguistics so she may not take into consideration the makeup internal self.  She believes that the way a woman presents herself may help the conversation.  This leads toward a woman having an impact in a conversation rather than the male ignoring her.

 

Schlessinger takes a very male dominated stand.  It is very difficult to understand why and how she chooses to base her information on how woman must let the man rule the world.  She believes that the man should hold the power in the relationship, although the woman should remember that she actually has power over her spouse.

 

 

(e) How are your ideas influenced by each of these four three different perspectives on marriage?

The four views are all different.  I am influenced by all views.  We are taught to believe that Dr. Schlessinger’s views are what our parents or grandparents faced when they were married.  Now, many people are following what Coleman has presented.  Coleman’s views are similar to what Dr. Phil teaches.  Dr. Phil is a very popular talk show host that many people follow.  Tannen’s views are based on linguistics and that can be placed in a biological category.  Dr. James has presented information that can be described as heavenly.  I believe that I take a little bit from each.  The influence of society and the media is an important factor. 

 

 

 

The Question I am answering is Question 3

A husband and wife seem to get along real well together, enjoying the same activities, having fun, being popular with friends, etc. Then they have a fight over some disagreement and they show disrespect and hatred for each other.

 

(a)   Explain why this turnabout can happen and what is its cause. Be sure to use some aspect of the theory given in the Lecture Notes.

 

It is normal for a happily married couple to argue on issue that they disagree on when they are not in the unity model of marriage.  They are not conjoined and have not achieved unity at all of the levels.  They are externally conjoined which means, they like spending time together and doing activities together.  They are engaging in activities that require the use of sensorimotor skills.  There is less focus on what the other is thinking.  The concentration is more on the outward appearances of one another.  What appears on the outside is the external self.  In the unity model of marriage, unity means that the couple must be conjoined with the affective and cognitive self and these are not visible.  When the couple is only connecting externally, they may have resentment, disappointment, and competiveness toward one another and not even recognize it.  A couple will have an argument, say things that they may or may not mean, agree to disagree and make up.  This cycle will continue unless the husband is willing to give up is dominance and allow her to guide him.

 

(b) Discuss how married partners can reverse this flip-flop cycle so that it never occurs again. In your explanation be sure to apply the unity model, the threefold self, and the conjoint self, as explained in the Lecture Notes.

 

Married partner can work toward avoiding the reverse flip-flop cycle by concentrating on the three-fold self.  It consists of the affective self that operates feelings and motivations.  The cognitive self operates thinking and reasoning.  The sensorimotor self operates sensations, perceptions and motor acts.  If a couple is ready to conform to a more rewarding relationship they must be willing to let go of the old ways that they were to taught to rectify disagreements.  If they work on the three-fold self they will gain a better understanding of one another, which will make the relationship easier to understand.  This will cease arguments and fights.

 

(d) The unity model says that men are resistant to mental intimacy and to conjugial unity. Collect data to either confirm or disconfirm this prediction. Interview several women of varying ages (to the extent possible). Make up a checklist consisting of 10 to 20 items that highlight what the women have said about their experiences with men's resistance to intimacy. Discuss the list and what it can be used for.

The following is a list of what women said when they were asked why men are resistant to mental intimacy and conjugial unity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I asked women why men resist mental intimacy, I thought that I would get different answers from each person. I was wrong.  Many women’s answers were similar.  Most of the women felt that men are born with the inability to encompass mental intimacy.  They also felt that men are taught to be men.  They are taught that if they must not succumb to mental intimacy because they will not be considered men.

 

This list can be used to educate men.  If men are taught at an early age that mental intimacy is not a sign of weakness, than they will know no other way.  If society is taught that is acceptable for a man to participate in mental intimacy than we will not have a problem of men not committing to mental intimacy.  This will lead to happier and healthier relationships.  This may also help to facilitate how men and women chose their significant other.

 

 

 

The Question I am answering is Question 11

 

(a)Consider Tables 1a, 1b, 1c in the Lecture Notes, which is in the Section called Sensorimotor, Cognitive, and Affective Conjunction  It shows how to construct an ennead chart using the threefold self and the three levels of mentality creating the preference for each model. One illustration is given in the area of sexual behavior.

 

Section 6. Unity Model in Marriage:
Ennead Chart of Growth Steps

 

This is Table 1a (READ TABLE FROM BOTTOM UP)

MODEL THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS

THREEFO0LD SELF

SENSORIMOTOR
(external)

COGNITIVE
(internal)

AFFECTIVE
(inmost)

UNITY

7

8

9

EQUITY

4

5

6

DOMINANCE

1

2

3

 

 

Section 7. This is Table 1b (READ TABLE FROM BOTTOM UP)

MODEL THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS

THREEFO0LD SELF

SENSORIMOTOR
(external)

COGNITIVE
(internal)

AFFECTIVE
(inmost)

level 3
UNITY
Rational
Mentality

7
rational
sensorimotor
acts

8
rational
cognitive
processes

9
rational
affective
states

level 2
EQUITY
Sensuous
Mentality

4
sensuous
sensorimotor
acts

5
sensuous
cognitive
processes 

6
sensuous
affective
states

level 1
DOMINANCE
Corporeal
Mentality

1
corporeal
sensorimotor
acts

2
corporeal
cognitive
processes 

3
corporeal
affective
states

 

 

This is Table 1c  (READ TABLE FROM BOTTOM UP)

MODEL THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS

THREEFO0LD SELF

SENSORIMOTOR
(external)

COGNITIVE
(internal)

AFFECTIVE
(inmost)

level 3
UNITY
Rational
Mentality

7
RATIONAL
SENSORIMOTOR
ACTS
sensations and pleasures felt as consequences of their mental unity

8
RATIONAL
COGNITIVE
PROCESSES
involved with thoughts about the spiritual or eternal details of their conjunction

9
RATIONAL
AFFECTIVE
STATES
constantly motivated and striving to achieve mental closeness

level 2
EQUITY
Sensuous
Mentality

4
SENSUOUS
SENSORIMOTOR
ACTS
sensations and pleasures felt as consequences of their performance or achievement 

5
SENSUOUS
COGNITIVE
PROCESSES 
involved with thoughts about evaluation (How am I doing? Is it the best ever? Is this fair?  Different? Etc.

6
SENSUOUS

AFFECTIVE
STATES
constantly motivated and striving to compete with or gain more from the partner

level 1
DOMINANCE
Corporeal
Mentality

1
CORPOREAL
SENSORIMOTOR
ACTS  

sensations and pleasures felt as consequences of maintaining control over the partner 

2
CORPOREAL
COGNITIVE
PROCESSES 

involved with thoughts about how to keep pressuring the partner to cooperate or be non-resistant

3
CORPOREAL
AFFECTIVE
STATES
constantly motivated and striving to overcome and compel the partner to be submissive 

 

 

 

 

(b) Explain what has been discussed in class and the Lecture Notes as "sexual blackmail." Describe the development of your thinking regarding this concept, from initial reaction to now. Collect some data on how others you know react to this concept when you explain it to them. How do you interpret their reactions and comments?

 

Initially I thought that “sexual blackmail” meant that men say that sex is equal to what women feel is bonding.  They feel that a woman should give them sex when they want because if their woman wants to talk they will usually listen, or least say they are.  According to the Unity Model of Marriage sexual blackmail is…..According to this cruel social rule, the wife must give her husband sex at a rate that can be mutually negotiated, but she has no legitimate right to rely on her own feelings whether to have sex or when.  This means that the woman should agree to having sex whether she wants to or not.  It must be agreed upon and not forced because when sex is forced it is rape.

 

I interviewed five women.  I explained to them what sexual blackmail is and how they felt about it.  The following are their statements.

 

Age 25 – “I believe that I have been sexually blackmailed by my partner.  He often gets upset if I don’t have sex with him when he wants me to.”

 

Age 30 – “Unfortunately, I have been blackmailed.  I usually just give in because I want to avoid a fight”

 

Age 18 – “ I have yet to be blackmailed, but I think that woman should just say NO and men should leave it at that.  It is easy for me to say this because I am not married.  I may have a different answer if I was married”

 

Age 29 – “ I feel for woman in this predicament, but I believe that we have all been there.  If the relationship is dominated by the man than they have a higher risk of being blackmailed”

 

Age 21 – “ Luckily, I am not married and after hearing this, I may not want to ever get married.”

 

Many women are put into the position where they feel that they should just give in and have sex with their husband.  They are trying to make their husband happy and feel that they can by just giving them sex.  They also do not want their husband to feel that he is not getting what he wants at home and does not want him to stray elsewhere.  They do not want their man to feel as if he needs to get sex from someone else because he is not getting it at home.  Most women feel that men are biologically trained to be unfaithful.

 

 

 

 

(c) Copy Table 1c and replace the characterization of each illustration (in each cell) into an example of your own. Think of a couple you know in reality or from TV. The three tables should cover these three topics:

 

This is Table 1c  HOUSEWORK

MODEL THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS

THREEFO0LD SELF

SENSORIMOTOR
(external)

COGNITIVE
(internal)

AFFECTIVE
(inmost)

level 3
UNITY
Rational
Mentality

7
RATIONAL
SENSORIMOTOR
ACTS
They enjoy each other’s company everyday, all day.

8
RATIONAL
COGNITIVE
PROCESSES
Know that there is no other person in all of eternity that would make them happier than they are with their partner.

9
RATIONAL
AFFECTIVE
STATES
The husband constantly is aware of his wife’s feelings and puts his full effort into making her happy.

level 2
EQUITY
Sensuous
Mentality

4
SENSUOUS
SENSORIMOTOR
ACTS
Feels good when the wife notices that he has helped with housework. 

5
SENSUOUS
COGNITIVE
PROCESSES 
She wonders if the husband really wants to help with the housework

6
SENSUOUS

AFFECTIVE
STATES
Wife give compliments to the husband when he completes a task so will continue to help

level 1
DOMINANCE
Corporeal
Mentality

1
CORPOREAL
SENSORIMOTOR
ACTS  

Husband is happy when the wife does all the cleaning.

2
CORPOREAL
COGNITIVE
PROCESSES 

Thinks about how he can convince her to be a stay at home housewife. 

3
CORPOREAL
AFFECTIVE
STATES
Tells her that it would be best for the family if she would not work.

 

 

 

This is Table 1c  JEALOUSY

MODEL THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS

THREEFO0LD SELF

SENSORIMOTOR
(external)

COGNITIVE
(internal)

AFFECTIVE
(inmost)

level 3
UNITY
Rational
Mentality

7
RATIONAL
SENSORIMOTOR
ACTS
The husband is happy that his wife got a raise, even though it is more than he makes.

8
RATIONAL
COGNITIVE
PROCESSES
They celebrate their love for one another.

9
RATIONAL
AFFECTIVE
STATES
They are always aware of one another’s feelings.

level 2
EQUITY
Sensuous
Mentality

4
SENSUOUS
SENSORIMOTOR
ACTS
The husband is upset that wife makes more money than him. 

5
SENSUOUS
COGNITIVE
PROCESSES 
Husband wonders why he does not get paid more and blames his wife.

6
SENSUOUS

AFFECTIVE
STATES
He tells the wife that he will look for another job but does not tell her it is because he wants to get paid more than her.

level 1
DOMINANCE
Corporeal
Mentality

1
CORPOREAL
SENSORIMOTOR
ACTS  

The husband feels happy when his wife answers her cell phone. 

2
CORPOREAL
COGNITIVE
PROCESSES 

The husband thinks about how he can make his wife not go out with her friends.

3
CORPOREAL
AFFECTIVE
STATES
The husband tells the wife to stay home

 

 

This is Table 1c   SPENDING TIME WITH FAMILY

MODEL THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS

THREEFO0LD SELF

SENSORIMOTOR
(external)

COGNITIVE
(internal)

AFFECTIVE
(inmost)

level 3
UNITY
Rational
Mentality

7
RATIONAL
SENSORIMOTOR
ACTS
Is in bliss when he sees his wife after a day at work.

8
RATIONAL
COGNITIVE
PROCESSES
He thinks about when he and wife will retire and spend all their days with one another and cant wait until that happens.

9
RATIONAL
AFFECTIVE
STATES
Everyday he is aware of his wife’s feelings.

level 2
EQUITY
Sensuous
Mentality

4
SENSUOUS
SENSORIMOTOR
ACTS
Husband is happy when he spends time with his family 

5
SENSUOUS
COGNITIVE
PROCESSES 
Husband thinks about how he can spend more time with family.

6
SENSUOUS

AFFECTIVE
STATES
Husband decides to take family on vacation.

level 1
DOMINANCE
Corporeal
Mentality

1
CORPOREAL
SENSORIMOTOR
ACTS  

The husband does not want to spend the afternoon with family, instead he goes fishing. 

2
CORPOREAL
COGNITIVE
PROCESSES 

Husband thinks about how he can go out with his friends in the evening, without his wife getting upset, which doesn’t matter because he is still going

3
CORPOREAL
AFFECTIVE
STATES
Lies to partner so she will understand why he wants to start having a Friday night with the boys. 

 

 

 

 

 

The Question I am answering is Question 12

 

(a) Consider Table 9 in the Lecture Notes, which is in the Section on Making Field Observations. It lists two dozen AUVs – anti unity values that are commonly portrayed in the media – soaps, comedy, drama.

 

This is Table 9

1.      Living together unmarried

2.      Having children out of wedlock

3.      Making each other jealous on purpose

4.      Adultery for various reasons

5.      Promiscuity and bi-sexuality

6.      Sexy dressing for men other than one's partner

7.      Having a same sex best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things

8.      Having a heterosexual best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things

9.      Same sex friends going out as a group for fun and entertainment without their partners

10.  Flirting with other gender as retaliation against one's partner (or other reason)

11.  Separate interests and activities accepted for partners

12.  Manipulating partner through deception

13.  Accepting the idea that it's OK to "agree to disagree" about some things

14.  Promoting the idea that one should not try to change one's partner but should accept them with their faults, etc.

15.  Girls only or boys only entertainment

16.  Acceptance of the idea that men are more important

17.  Promoting the idea that men are more rational than women

18.  Promoting the idea that women are generally frivolous as part of their gender

19.  Making it look normal for a man to exploit women

20.  Making it look normal for a man to abuse women

21.  Making it look normal for a man to have prerogatives or perks that women should accept and honor (e.g., serving men, doing what they want no matter what, being dominant, etc.)

22.  Making it look like what women say and think as less important

23.  Accepting the idea that a man does not need to "grovel" when he apologizes for something bad he did to her (the minimum is enough and she should not ask for more even if her feelings are still hurt or else she is being "unreasonable" etc.)

 

 

(b) Select at least three programs for which you can watch several episodes or shows. Briefly describe a few scenes from each show to illustrate the portrayal of gender interactions that are contrary to having a successful marriage.

 

I have decided to describe Gilmore Girls which has a couple in their mid 60’s with a high class background.  Desperate Housewives has couple in their early 30’s that has a couple with a high status background.  The George Lopez Show has a couple in their mid 30’s with a middle class background.

 

Gilmore Girls

The wife discovers that her husband has been having lunch with his ex-girlfriend for over 20 years.  She was very upset and declared that she wanted a separation because she felt betrayed.  The husband did not feel that he did anything wrong because he felt that he was just having lunch with a friend and nothing more.

 

Desperate Housewives

The husband held a very demanding job.  He worked many hours and did not pay much attention to his wife.  She decided that she wanted to get back at him so she slept with the gardener.  The husband grew suspect to her mischievous actions and sought to find the man that she was sleeping with. 

 

The George Lopez Show

The husband mother lives with them in their home.  The husband has a fight with his mother and tells his wife that he is asking his mother to leave.  The wife insists that his mother stay because she felt that his mother had nowhere to go.  The husband tells his wife that either his mother goes or he goes.  The wife told him to go and he went to live with his best friend.

 

 

(c) Now describe the affective, cognitive, and sensorimotor aspects of these interactions.

 

Gilmore Girls

Affective:  The wife felt hurt that her husband hid something from her for over 20 years.

Cognitive:  The husband thought that this would bother his wife and kept it a secret.

Sensorimotor:  The wife thought that he might be having an affair because he continues to see his ex-girlfriend after they were married.

 

Desperate Housewives

Affective:  The wife felt alone.

Cognitive:  She tried to think of ways she could get back at her husband.

Sensorimotor:  She has the affair.

 

The George Lopez Show

Affective:  The husband could not believe that his wife chose his mother over him.

Cognitive:  The wanted to teach his wife a lesson so he gave her a choice.

Sensorimotor:  The wife chose his mother and the husband was shocked.

 

 

(d) What are your reactions to these observations?

 

Gilmore Girls

I would be very hurt if I discovered that my husband was having lunch with a former girlfriend.  I have been married for 10 years rather than 20 years like the couple in this television show and I can imagine how she felt.  I believe that holding a secret like that for more than 20 years is an indication that he did not consider how his wife would feel when she found out what he did.  He believed that he did take her feelings into consideration because that is why he did not tell her but really, he didn’t because if he did, he would not have done it.

 

Desperate Housewives

The wife should have first talked to her husband about her loneliness.  If the relationship had good communication than she would have not been lonely and had an affair.  The husband should have been able to tell that his wife was feeling the way she was and he could have recognized that there was a problem in their marriage.  They were both wrong but two wrongs do not make a right.

 

The George Lopez Show

The wife should have always taken her husbands side.  She should have recognized that the husband has feelings too.  She did not seem as if she was aware of his feelings.  She assumed that he had no feelings and she could make the decision for the both of them.

 

(e) What is your explanation as to why these interactions are portrayed so often?

I tried to find a television show that showcased the Unity Model of Marriage and I was unable to find one.  The only portrayal in the entertainment business that comes close to the unity is “What Dreams May Come”.  This movie is about a couple that finds one another again even though the wife went to hell and the husband to heaven.  The husband chooses to stay in hell with her and they are both able to go to her heaven.  The entertainment industry believe that by portraying couples that are in turmoil, the audience can relate to them because they may be facing the same issues.  What everyone seems to forget is that the television shows are for thirty minute to an hour.  Most of the problems are presented and fixed within that time.  That is not real.  None of us are able to fix our problems in that amount of time.

 

(f) What might be the consequences for couples and society?

Unfortunately, our society does not look down upon couples that marry on a whim and do not take the time to really get to know their mate.  They see couples on television that experience love at first sight and assume that they too can find that sort of love.  They see couples meet and marry in a movie that only shows a span of a couple of weeks.  The couple long for that kind of kinship because it is so easy and looks so wonderful.  People forget the amount of time that is actually place in the movie and that we don’t get to see what really happens in the relationship as it progresses. 

 

 

 

My Report on the Previous Generation:

 

Tawny Antonio:   http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2005/antonio/409b-g22-report2.htm

This report was very organized.  It has a lot of interesting information.  I enjoyed her answer to question twelve.  She chose to watch three shows that I am familiar with.  She mentioned how the characters were too young and unable to be entering the unity model of marriage.  She also mentioned relationships that cannot be applied to the unity model because they were bi-sexual and the unity model applies only to a man and woman.

 

She believes that the relationships are being portrayed on television because they are common in the “real world”.  It is easier for someone to relate to a television show that portrays familiarity.

 

I really enjoyed her paper.  Of the three that I reviewed this was my favorite one.  She took the time to read the question and answered all the questions clearly and precise.

 

 

Stephanie Lea Regucera:  http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2005/regucera/409b-g22-report2.htm

At first, I found Stephanie’s report to be very thorough and concise.  She was very clear when making distinctions within the different parts of the unity model.  She concluded each question with how she felt. 

 

Then as I read further, I found that she answered question number twelve, the same question that I had chose to answer.  She did not follow directions when answering the question.  She only illustrated information for one television show rather than three.  The question is pasted before her answer so I thought it was strange that she didn’t answer it. 

 

The overall portrayal of the unity model of marriage was clear but she did not follow the directions.  If she had read the question and directions

 

Nancy Miyake:  http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2005/miyake/report2.htm

Nancy illustrated what the unity model is and what it takes to get there.  Her opinion on the unity model is that it is far fetched.  She feels that because it may possibly take 20 years to get there it is a buzz kill. 

 

Basically, that was the only information that she provided.  I believe that she did not use her time wisely and was not able to finish the report in the time allotted. 

 

 

Advice to Future Generation:

This report was the most difficult report I have ever done.  I did not expect this report to take so much time and effort.  I realized that once I started this paper that it would not take one or two days to write.  I am thankful that I started two weeks before it was actually due.  I worked a little at a time. It took time to look at the questions and make sure that I understood what Dr. James wanted me to explain.  I had to go back and change my answers as I discovered what I really wanted to say. 

 

To succeed in this course, you must work hard.  This is not a course that you can procratinate and do your assignments at the last minute.  You must try to understand the concepts and put the work into your outlines, readings and reports.  If you can manage your time, you will definitely succeed.

 

In the beginning, I thought that the computer literacy part was the most difficult.  Later, I found this paper to be the most difficult.  I discovered many interesting things about my relationship and what others thought about men and their relationship.  I realized that I have a different opinion about The Unity Model of Marriage now than I did on the first day of class.  I now want to have a relationship that strives for unity.  I hope that one-day my husband and I work toward unity because I know that I want to be with him in my heaven and I hope that he can join me.

 

 

Class Home Page:  http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy23/classhome-g23.htm

 

 

My Home Page:  http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2005/ramirez/homepage.htm