Report 2:
My
Understanding of the Unity Model of Marriage
Jarrett Razon
Instructions for this report are at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy23/409b-g23-report2.htm
I am answering Questions 2, 3, 11, 14, 15
“The
Question I am Answering is Question 2”
(a) Contrast the four views of gender relationships expressed by Tannen in Gender Issues, Schlessinger in The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Coleman in The Lazy Husband, and James in The Unity Model of Marriage.
(b) Your analysis should also include a chart or table that shows the differences between the four books in a systematic way.
(c) As well, give your personal opinion on the elements or entries in your chart.
(d) How do your own views compare to what’s in the chart?
(e) How are your ideas influenced by each of these four three different perspectives on marriage?
(f) Anything else you have to say
(a)
The four books and lecture notes that we read and studied in class this
semester is Gender and Discourse, by
Deborah Tannen, The Proper Care and
Feeding of Husbands, by Dr. Laura Schlessinger, The Lazy Husband, by Joshua Coleman, and The Unity Model of Marriage, by Dr. Leon James. All of these books are on advice on how to
improve or strengthen a person’s marriage relationship. They all offer different views and express
different opinions on the subject but it all relates to relationships and
ultimately marriages. The authors of
these books and notes each use a different method to record and to present
their cases on relationships.
In
Gender Discourse, Tannen uses
discourse analyses to show her work in the subject. This method involves the record of two
peoples’ dialogue or their involvement in a set of instructions that they must
follow. Tannen examines the breaks or
pauses in their dialogue to show dominance or the different styles of
communication across cultures. In Schlessinger’s book, she uses recordings of her experiences
with various people calling her for advice and she then offers her ideas and
opinions to them. The book The Lazy Husband, Coleman offers and
explores ways to get the so-called “lazy” husband out of his den and into doing
some of the regular household chores. He
offers advice on how to recognize the things that he does and ways to get him
to change the behavior. Dr, James
provided us with a detailed Unity Model
of Marriage lecture notes. He
demonstrated the three dynamics to the self and to the stages of relationships.
Tannen
offered us her linguistics background and showed us that there are different
communication styles that differ from culture to culture and generation to
generation. She relates these
conversational style differences and associates them with gender affect
relationships. He work shows us that an
intelligent analysis of a conversation demonstrate the complexities of social
relationships. Examples of her work are
that in conversations between men and women, a man usually interrupts them
woman from finishing out what she has to say.
The man will also interrupt more frequently than the women will and that
men will speak out more than women will in social settings with strangers. Tannen associates this style of conversation
with the male dominance over women.
Dr.
Laura Schlessinger, which I think was the class’ most favorite author and book,
highly favors the husband and men. She
speaks out from the older and more traditional values that have been stained
into our minds. She believes that it is
the wives responsibility to satisfy her man at all cost because after all she
is the one that married him and brought him home to her bed. Dr. Laura believes that the husband is almost
never wrong in his behavior and all of the decisions and power lies in the
wives part to please him and ensure that their marriage survives by her
changing her actions. All of her
rationale and opinions is from the traditional knowledge and mannerisms where
the husband makes the money, so the wife must abide to him.
In
The Lazy Husband, Joshua Coleman
provided us ways to get the husband to do more of the chores and activities
around the house and to be more of an equal relationship that should exist
today. He offers the wives practical
examples of what they can do to get their husband to do his fair share of the
work around the house. He gives valuable
insight on how men think and ways to motivate them. This first hand advice he offers reflects his
thoughts on how he feels the women feel when men don’t pull their load. He lists and explores the different types of
lazy husbands that marriages encounter.
There are three types, the boy-husband where he thinks and acts like he
married his mother and wants to be taken care of, the perfectionist husband
where he wants everything to be perfect but doesn’t want to do the work
himself, and the angry husband, where he controls her with anger, irritability
and intimidation.
Dr.
James offered the class with his dynamic Unity
Model of Marriage, where every relationship begins in the dominance
model. The diagram progresses on to the
equity model, and eventually the unity model.
Within the three models of marriage, three stages of the self are mixed
in. At each model there are three stages
that the couple must overcome to move onto the next—they are the sensorimotor,
cognitive, and affective. Dr. James
believes that it is a two way street in relationships and that for the ultimate
level to be reached, the couple must understand that their lives are eternal.
(c)
All of the reading material begins with the husband’s having the problem, or it
is the husband who needs to change. All
of the material we read this semester shows the husband in the dominance
model. The husband doesn’t want to do
this or that, or the husband intimidates me, or my husband doesn’t do anything
around the house—except one! Dr. Laura
Schlessinger is on the man’s side. She
believes that it is up to the wife to make the marriage successful and the
husband doesn’t have to do anything but be himself. What the books offer, are ways to cope with
these various behaviors and offers specific examples on how to overcome or
attempt to change their husband’s negative behaviors. This table will help to relate the books
together: (b)
|
Gender
Discourse |
Proper
Care and Feeding of Husbands |
Lazy
Husband |
Unity
Model of Marriage |
|
Men
are the ones who are dominant in conversation therefore they are dominant in
relationships |
The
husband is always right and if he doesn’t want to do anything, he doesn’t
have to |
The
husband doesn’t pull his share of the household chores and responsibilities |
The
husband dominates the relationship completely |
|
S o l u t i o n s |
|||
|
Men
are the ones who are dominant in conversation therefore they are dominant in
relationships |
The
wife has to change and adapt to he husbands’ wishes and feelings |
The
husband needs to man up to his chores and responsibilities to equal out the
work load |
The
husband needs to become aware of his wife’s feelings and needs to tend to her
desires |
(e)
I believe that for a successful relationship, both of the parties involved need
to work together and be willing to sacrifice and compromise their positions for
the goodness of the relationship. If one
is stubborn, they need to be able to let go some of their behaviors to make
their partner happy. It cannot be just
one of the two giving in and always being the one sad and hurt. If a relationship is to be of worth and value
for the two of the people, they need to work together. I cannot see how a person will marry another
person who they claim to love, and a few years down the road, they are always
hurting the other one and not willing to change. I think that it has to be from the beginning
that the couple will be committed to each other and will devote themselves to
making each other happy. My opinions to
the chart are the same as what I said earlier on it has to be a mutual effort.
(f)
(e) this reading material that we read was a shock to
me at first because I couldn’t fathom the ideas the authors were talking about
especially where they would say the husband would not do anything around the
house and when the wife would confront him about it he would blow her off and
dominate her. I thought that marriage
and relationship on love are about working together and that they were based on
a give and take method not just one person sacrificing themselves with no
return. After studying the books and
what Dr, James had to say, I realized that not all people think alike and
everybody will have different views and ideas on what they think is right. I believe that marriage is a special bond
that should last eternally but after reading some of the examples in the books,
I cannot see how the people got married in the first place.
"The
Question I am answering is Question 3”
A husband and wife seem to get along real well together, enjoying the same activities, having fun, being popular with friends, etc. Then they have a fight over some disagreement and they show disrespect and hatred for each other.
(a) Explain why this turnabout can happen and what its cause is. Be sure to use some aspect of the theory given in the Lecture Notes.
(b) Discuss how married partners can reverse this flip-flop cycle so that it never occurs again. In your explanation be sure to apply the unity model, the threefold self, and the conjoint self, as explained in the Lecture Notes.
(d) The unity model says that men are resistant to mental intimacy and to conjugial unity. Collect data to either confirm or disconfirm this prediction. Interview several women of varying ages (to the extent possible). Make up a checklist consisting of 10 to 20 items that highlight what the women have said about their experiences with men's resistance to intimacy. Discuss the list and what it can be used for.
(e) Anything else you have to say.
(a)
This turnabout can happen for a bunch of reasons but a main one that I can
think about and reflect on from what we learned in class would be that fact
that this couple is not in the last model of the Unity Model of Marriage. I can argue that this couple is in the equity
model somewhere in the cognitive or affective stage. A couple or relationship especially marriage,
goes through stages and models of marriage according to Dr. James. The first model, or the dominance model, is
where the husband dictates the relationship in regards to speed of the
relationship, the way and things his wife does, act, behave, and even
speak. The next model is the equity
model where outcomes of situations are debatable and arguable where the husband
accepts the fact that his wife has feelings and desires that he needs to be
aware of. The last model is the unity
model where I like to say reverses the entire process because this is where the
wife has the power so to speak and the husband does everything in his power to
satisfy his wife.
I
am arguing that this couple is in the equity model because for one they are
enjoying the same activities. I say this
because if the husband didn’t want or like the things his wife was doing or
especially in this case he was participating in himself, he wouldn’t have to or
he wouldn’t do it because that would mean that they would be in the dominance
model. They are not in the unity model
yet because they have this big argument and now they show disrespect and hatred
to one another where if they were in the unity model, the disrespect and hatred
shown towards each other would not be the case.
Now I believe that they are in the equity model because they are
enjoying the same activities and they have similar friends that they both get
along with because it is the husband who allows their relationship to become
friends with whom the wife chooses and the husband accepts them.
This
equity model that they are in was only reachable when the husband gives up his
self rights in the dominance model. For
them to be in the equity model where they are now, the husband already gave up
his sensorimotor, cognitive, and affective thoughts in the dominance
model. In the dominance model, he
dominates his wife in the sensorimotor stage by dictating whom she will be
friends with, who she talks to, how she talks to them and him, and her actions of
interacting with other people. He forfeited
his cognitive dominance by allowing her to suggest the activities that they are
participating in because she thinks that he will enjoy them and at the same
time the husband allows her to think that way.
The husband also gave up his affective stage in the dominance model
where the affective stage are the innermost thoughts and opinions where she is
able to go out and have a good time without worrying about completely
satisfying her husband.
In
the equity model, the husband gives up his right to dominate his wife. He already has agreed and allowed his wife to
argue with him which is a key in the equity model. The two argue on the outcomes of their
situations for example, the wife tells her husband to take out the trash, if
they were in the dominance model, the husband could simply say no and it would
be over, but in this equity model case, after he says no, she argues with him
by saying, why don’t you just take out the trash and he argues back but
eventually takes out the trash. In the
argument that causes them to show hatred toward each other, they are fighting
over a disagreement and the husband is allowing her to argue and fight with
him. He eventually goes back to the
dominance model which he can do but in turn stalls them from moving onto the next
level which is the unity or the conjoint self.
The conjoint self is where the husband realizes that he wants to be with
his wife eternally so he makes drastic changes and acts in totally different
behaviors that he normally does.
The
conjoint self or if the relationship is in the unity model which I the highest
level a relationship can achieve, it is the husband who wishes to continue on
their relationship into the next level by him realizing and accepting the fact
that he wants to be with his wife eternally.
However he can still opt to go back to any of the previous levels if he
wants to but it is up to the wife to constantly not let him go back by always
reinforcing her feelings and desires upon him.
In the unity model, the husband is always trying to please and satisfy
his wife. The wife and the husband think
the same way and always know how their partner will respond to any
situation. The wife doesn’t have to
defend her thoughts, ideas, and opinions, and shares them openly without fear
of being punished for them. I believe
that this is the way that the cycle in the unity model can be reversed
permanently because in this level sadness, hatred, unhappiness, and the
negative behaviors and consequences are eliminated because the couple is in a
conjoint relationship.
(b)
I believe that from the lecture notes and based on my own understanding of the
unity model of marriage, that once a relationship is in the unity model, the
roles are reversed meaning that it is no longer the husband or man who dominates,
but it is the women who are in control and power. It is the wife’s desires and feelings that
dictate the husband’s actions and reactions to the wife. The husband is now the one who is constantly
abiding by his wife’s needs and requests where in the dominance model, it was
switched around and the wife was putting her feelings aside to cater to her
husband. This is the model where the
wife can think and say whatever she wants and at the highest level in here, she
doesn’t even have to say anything and the husband will already know what she is
thinking and what she wants and how she feels.
Although once a couple is in the unity model, they are a conjoint self
where they no longer are two separate minds but one that think alike, I still
believe that the model is reversed.
(d)
Checklist:
1.
My husband sits
down with me when he comes home from work and we discuss how our says went and
then we eat and have our intimate time alone in the bedroom
2.
Making love will
make-up for his wrongdoing
3.
Men have sexual
thoughts often throughout the day
4.
Young-men dream
about sexual-fulfillment rather than love and romance
5.
Men think sex is
an expression of love while women want to be in love before having sex
6.
For men the
relationship doesn’t really start until it includes sex
7.
Hand-holding,
hugging, kissing or any physical contact is intimacy for men
8.
The deep
emotional connection I look for in my husband lies in his passion for football
9.
He only cries
when he is in pain physically while emotionally he hides it with anger
10.
He still thinks
that only sissies get hurt feelings
This checklist confirms the claim from the
unity model that men are resistant to mental intimacy and to conjugial
intimacy. Some of the data here that I
collected is opposite to what women feel is intimate and if the male or men act
or think in the opposite, how can a couple reach mental intimacies or have
conjugial love. When a couple reaches
the unity model, they become a conjoint self where all thought and actions are generated
as one self and being while the thoughts need to be the same to have this type
of unity.
(e) I believe that conjugial love or the
unity model for that point is an extremely hard, but worthwhile and an
everlasting union that everyone should strive for. It is made up of the utmost happiness of two
individuals who have dedicated their live to pleasing each other and making
sure that each other is receiving the best possible care from their partner all
of the time.
"The
Question I am answering is Question 11”
(a) Consider Tables 1a, 1b, 1c in the Lecture Notes, which is in the Section called Sensorimotor, Cognitive, and Affective Conjunction it shows how to construct an ennead chart using the threefold self and the three levels of mentality creating the preference for each model. One illustration is given in the area of sexual behavior.
(b) Explain what has been discussed in class and the Lecture Notes as "sexual blackmail." Describe the development of your thinking regarding this concept, from initial reaction to now. Collect some data on how others you know react to this concept when you explain it to them. How do you interpret their reactions and comments?
(c) Copy Table 1c and replace the characterization of each illustration (in each cell) into an example of your own. Think of a couple you know in reality or from TV. The three tables should cover these three topics:
(i) housework
(ii) jealousy, and
(iii) a third area of your own choosing.
(c) Anything else you have to say
This is Table 1a (READ TABLE FROM BOTTOM UP)
|
MODEL THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFOLD SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
UNITY |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
EQUITY |
4 |
5 |
6 |
|
DOMINANCE |
1 |
2 |
3 |
Section 7. This is Table 1b (READ TABLE FROM BOTTOM UP)
|
MODEL THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFOLD SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
level 3 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
level 2 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
|
level 1 |
1 |
2 |
3 |
This is Table 1c (READ TABLE FROM BOTTOM UP)
|
MODEL THAT
GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFOLD
SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
level 3 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
level 2 |
4 |
5 |
6 AFFECTIVE |
|
level 1 |
1 sensations
and pleasures felt as consequences of maintaining control over the
partner |
2 involved
with thoughts about how to keep pressuring the partner to cooperate or be non-resistant
|
3 |
(b)
Sexual blackmail as we discussed in class came from Section 10 in the lecture notes
from Dr. Leon James and it discusses the unseen subliminal messages sent from
the husband to his own wife to perform sexual acts against her will or when she
doesn’t want to in order to satisfy his needs, wants, and desires. If she does not abide by what he wants, how
he wants, or when he wants it, she will be punished verbally, mentally, and in
the worst case physically. Blackmail of
any kind is a form of extortion which is unlawful and downright cruel to do to
anyone especially to your own wife. This
sexual blackmail is a form of behavior that is apparent in the dominance model
because here the husband is forcing his wife to do things that she does not
want to do or be punished by him.
This
idea of blackmail is referred to as demanding something from someone, and if
you don’t get it or don’t get what you wants, that you are going to punish the
person for not catering to you. Whether
or not someone being forced to do things in the home or out on the streets dealing
with illegal substances, or something not so publicly noticed or seen as
illegal to me. It is the principal of
retaliating against someone if you don’t get what you want. If people who do it on the streets are
arrested and forced to deal with the law, why is it any different in the homes
domestically? This notion has puzzled me
from the moment I read it and we discussed it in class. If you marry someone or are with them
emotionally, why on earth would you even think about doing things to them that
will cause them to be uncomfortable or ask them to do things they don’t want to
do?
The
author of the book, The Proper Care and
Feeding of Husbands, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, is on the same side as Dr.
Phil McGraw, a famous television talk show host dealing with problems. Dr. Phil is watched and practiced by millions
of the viewers of his show and he is defending the husband. He does not defend him by coming straight out
and saying that it is okay but he, like Dr. Laura criticizes the wife for not
paying attention to the husband. They
are in the male dominance model and give advice such as they should be
appreciative and feel lucky when they have a good man for a husband. Dr. Laura goes along with the fact that
because the husband is the breadwinner of the family, the wife has to do all of
the things he tells and asks her to do without question and that includes
sexually too. Dr. Laura describes what a
good man consists of and says he is a man who is responsible enough to have a
decent job, to support his family, and want to spend time with his wife. So when he comes home from work to her, she
should be lucky enough that he comes home to her instead of another woman.
Dr.
Phil has the same approach as Dr. Laura where they continuously grill the woman
callers explaining their marriage situation, that it is the woman’s fault for
causing all of the commotion at home. He
constantly argues with the woman caller to accept the blame for their marriage
problems. Amazingly, if people do watch
Dr. Phil, the audience is more than 75% women!
Maybe what is being aired on the TV is different that what is actually
said because it is absurd to see these women constantly support Dr. Phil’s
attitudes and ideas of the male dominance.
I can’t see how the women continue to go to watch his show and watch him
butcher women causing them to give up the fight for their feelings and desires
when they are probably right. I think
that media therapists such as Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil are still living in the
old days where gender equality was not a well known practice and I think that
they need to open up their eyes to see what is actually going on in the real
world and not on what sells in the television business.
When
I discussed this notion with a friend of mine I first just asked him about what
he thought of the TV’s media therapists like Oprah and Dr. Phil, Maury, and Montell. He came
back with the overall gratitude for their hard work and advice they give on
national TV and that without them a lot of people, women especially, would not
be where they were at today. He had
positive remarks for them saying that being a talk show host is not easy
because you have to take all kinds of criticism from all kinds of people and
you just have to roll with it. I sort
fiddled with, “But what if it is the wrong kind of information?” He didn’t know what I was saying or getting
at and I asked him what he thought about blackmail in general. He agreed with me that it was an awful thing
and asked me what I was trying to get at.
I told him about sexual black mail and Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil and got a
completely different response from him.
(c)(i) Table 1 Housework
|
MODEL
THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFOLD
SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
level 3 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
level 2 |
4 |
5 |
6 AFFECTIVE |
|
level 1 |
1 sensations
and pleasures felt as consequences of maintaining control over the
partner |
2 involved
with thoughts about how to keep pressuring the partner to cooperate or be
non-resistant |
3 |
(ii) Table 2 Jealousy
|
MODEL
THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFOLD
SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
level 3 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
level 2 |
4 |
5 |
6 AFFECTIVE |
|
level 1 |
1 not
allowing her to talk or go out with friends socially, on the phone, or
mail |
2 applying
mental pressure to her not to go against you |
3 |
(iii) Table 3 Closeness of a Relationship
|
MODEL THAT
GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFOLD
SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
level 3 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
level 2 |
4 |
5 |
6 AFFECTIVE |
|
level 1 |
1 her always
needing to have physical contact with you |
2 always
thinking that your partner is the one that has to open up to you |
3 |
(c)
I believe that blackmail of any kind can be dangerous to anyone who tries to
use it and it should be a crime and sin for someone to use it against another
person. I know that if I ask for
something and I don’t get my way, I don’t go and punish the other person for
it, but there are certain circumstances where a person should always strive to
get what they want especially when someone tells them they cant have it or they
can do it and that is in sports and hopes and dreams. Another person telling you that you can’t do
something or that you are incapable of reaching your goals should be the fire
and motivator to get it done and to fulfill your dreams and goals. Although this is okay in accomplishing your
dreams, it is neither appropriate nor humane to use it against another
individual and in this case your lifetime partner.
"The
Question I am answering is Question 14”
(a) Describe the unity model in relation to the eternal significance of marriage and the mental state of the couple's threefold self
(b) Describe any resistance you have experienced regarding the unity model, including
(i) The
idea of unity as a higher state of life than all others
(ii) the eternal significance of marriage
(iii) Swedenborg's observations of marriages in
heaven.
(c) Describe the reactions of friends when you tell them about the unity model and marriages in heaven.
(d) How has the unity model influenced your thinking? What benefit do you think do class members acquire when studying the unity model in this course?
(d) Anything else you have to say
(a)
The unity model in relation to the eternal significance of marriage and the
mental state of the couple’s threefold self, all relate
to each other by being a part of each other.
A marriage begins in the unity model of marriage where that are three
models with three stages in each model.
The first model is the dominance model, the next is the equity model,
and the last model is the unity model.
Along with the se models, there are stages that each couple must pass
though in order to get to the next stage and so on. These stages are the sensorimotor, cognitive,
and the affective. This unity model has
uses an ennead chart using the threefold self and the three levels of mentality
creating the preference for each model.
If we were to put this altogether it would look something like this:
|
MODEL
THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFOLD
SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
level 3 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
level 2 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
|
level 1 |
1 |
2 |
3 |
As you
can see, the table is read from the bottom left box, then goes in a horizontal
manner to the right, all the way to box number three where it goes up one level
and back all the way to the left.
(b)
Further on, the unity model, the eternal significance of marriage, and the
mental state of the couple’s threefold self, relate in a way that within the
unity model lies the couple’s threefold self.
In order to move up into the unity model and have a conjoint love or bond
and an eternal marriage, the couple must go through all of the levels in the
model. Once a couple enters into the
unity model, they form a conjoint bond where their minds are instead of two
separate minds, they are joined into one.
They think like each other, act like each other, and can anticipate each
other’s thoughts, ideas, and feelings.
To enter this unity model, the husband or man must accept, understand
and want to have an eternal marriage with his wife. I will discuss this eternal marriage in the
next paragraph or sections to help you better understand. The unity model or level enters in to
eternity or into the afterlife where the soul or mind takes over completely and
whatever your mind thinks, it is your surrounding.
When
you die whether or no you are in the unity model or not, your soul which is
your brain or mind travels into the heavens.
You no longer have a body as you did on earth; you are a puff of smoke
or energy that reflects any physical appearance that you may want. When you are in the heavens your surroundings
are based on whatever you want them to be.
If you want them to be of the ocean, the mountain, or even the desert
all you need to do is to imagine them and they will appear. In heaven you can’t see other people from a
distance but if you do, they appear to be children because of the stigma
children and young people carry with them—innocence. In heaven you are perfect and this is all
what Emmanuel Swedenborg witnessed when he was in heaven. Swedenborg witnesses many encounters with
angels, devils, and all of the wonderful experiences that the heavens have to
offer those who pass on. In the eternal
marriage you are there with the one you were with on earth living together as
one.
(i, ii, iii,)The unity of marriage,
the conjoint self and ultimately conjugial love, all takes place in a higher
star of life than all others. Conjugial
love goes on further than “till death do us part” and outdoes the life
relationships on earth and goes on into eternity. Swedenborg saw this and was able to witness
the dual module of marriage on earth and in the afterlife. He provided us with many accounts of what he
saw when he was there. He even
recollected all of the things that the people who were in heaven and those that
he did interview in heaven’s things that they didn’t want him to write down and
to report back to the people on earth.
(c)
I understand that this information is hard to take in at first because I was
the same way when I heard about this random guy going into heaven and was able
to write hundreds of books on what he observed.
I am not a religious person either but I do believe in God and I do
believe that there is an afterlife for everyone but you just has to make it
worthwhile here on earth to have a happy afterlife. I thought about telling others about what we
learned in class but I haven’t gathered up enough confidence to tell others
about it because I am cure that I will be hit back with ten times more
questions from them that I won’t be able to answer. I was in awe and in shock to hear people even
talking about this in class and it took me a long time to truly grasp this
knowledge and still am too jealous to completely believe that what he is saying
is true because if I am not able to be the one to see these things, I am not going
to be the one to believe in it.
When
we began to read about Swedenborg in class, everyone in there probably felt the
same way as I did except the teacher. We
were all in disbelief in what we were studying but were quickly reminded to
keep an open mind and to just appreciate what this author is writing
about. As I kept my open mind it quickly
became interesting to hear and read these personal experiences. A lot of debate occurred in class between the
students and the teacher of disbelief and speculation. The teacher handled it quite well attempting
to answer all of our questions and in fact he did. He answered the entire question we threw at
him and he always was confident in what he was saying back to us. I still find it hard to believe and accept
that a regular human being was able to capture these incredible interviews such
a long time ago and still have a large effect in education.
(d)
After immensely studying the Unity Model of Marriage and the Threefold Self, my
ways of thinking have changed in a way that will allow me to better view and
imagine what kind of life we can all look forward to. It gave me a better understanding on how
women feel in certain situations, and what women went through and still
possibly even go through today because of media therapists like Dr. Laura and
Dr. Phil. These individuals have been
providing women and men with information that could possibly have negative
effects on their relationships and lives.
I think that they need to rethink what they are saying to the public and
to really think about how people listening and watching are taking what they
are saying. I also think that the
viewers need to wake up and think about what they are listening to and
supporting. Women should listen to their
hearts and use the good judgment that they have for themselves instead of
listening to the male dominance model favorers.
I
believe that the people in our class benefited tremendously from taking this
marriage class because it opened up their eyes and mind to a world that we all
are soon to be living in and having to deal with the struggles and pressures of
marriage and relationships. The class
certainly showed me examples on not how to act and behave and some of the
consequences that arise from some of the negative examples that we learned
about.
"The
Question I am answering is Question 15”
(a) Describe the Web presence of Schlessinger, Tannen, Coleman, and Swedenborg. What does one find when looking them up with google?
(b) What do people say about them?
(c) Do they seem to have influence?
(d) Are they popular?
(e) How do you react to this Web information now that you are familiar with these four authors?
(f) Discuss some of their ideas with friends and see how they react.
(g) Anything else you have to say.
(a)
When I typed in either of the four authors Schlessinger, Tannen, Coleman, and
Swedenborg, there were over 500 hits to each of their names, reviews on their
books, own personal websites, anti sites for each of them, places to buy their
books, reviews on a talk that they may have made at a school, education
websites that they visited and gave talks at, websites that were in different
languages, and many other different websites that either they have contributed
to with their work or people have referenced them for their work. The lowest amount of hits that one of the
authors got was around 526 which was Joshua Coleman. Dr. Laura tallied up around 787, Deborah
Tannen recorded around 826, and the most and uncountable was Emmanuel
Swedenborg with easily over a thousand all on Google. I noticed that all of the authors had both
good reviews and they also came with the negative ones.
I
believe that Dr. Laura had the most anti-Dr. Laura sites for her anti-gay
rhetoric and negative sites toward her slams on Islam. I also noticed that Emmanuel Swedenborg had a
lot of mixed reviews on his notion of the marriage in the afterlife and that
didn’t strike a concern in me because as I said, it was hard for me to grasp
what he was saying and I found it easy to question and find ridiculous. A lot of Swedenborg’s
sites were in a different language; Swedish perhaps? As for Joshua Coleman, there were not that
many sites that I found on him. He
seemed to stay low key and out of the mix of the media and maybe its just that
he decided to be that way. Interestingly
I found that Deborah Tannen is a professor of linguistics at
(b)
A lot of writers and editors on the web have praised and bashed each of the authors
saying that they are either too critical or too strict on their own views that
they don’t take into enough consideration on what the others are trying to say
or discuss. In this case I think that
Dr. Laura fits what I am trying to say here.
A lot of her ideas are in favor of the male dominance and that society
is slowly picking up on her. Many
websites and organizations have kept records on her off-the-wall quotes and
sayings for instance on rotten.com they have a plethora of quotes from Dr. Laura
and one relates to the saying of editors bashing her for her gay and lesbian
remarks here, "If you're gay or lesbian, it's a biological error that
inhibits you from relating normally to the opposite sex. The fact that you are
intelligent, creative and valuable is all true. The error is in your inability
to relate sexually intimately, in a loving way to a member of the opposite
sex." On the other hand, a lot of
websites portrayed her as being a famous
Dr.
Laura has been criticized for her advice on her talk shows when her credibility
is flawed as she is neither a physician nor does she hold a PhD in her chosen
profession of physiology. Therefore critics
say that she shouldn’t even be calling herself a “doctor.” She got hit and busted for having fake guests
on her short lived TV show. One of her
staffers, named San-D Duchac, made guest appearances
in two consecutive episodes having different topics. After reading and looking over some of the
websites she was on, I was further unconvinced of her writings and of her woman
bashing and homosexual hatred.
For
Emmanuel Swedenborg and his mind blowing work on the eternal marriage, he has
gotten positive reviews from what I can read because most of them are in a
different language but some of the names he was called were the great
forerunners of spiritism and as a genius. His work had inspired a group of people so
much that they formed a church based on his teaching after his death that
became increasingly popular during the turn of the century. When I read this I wondered why these people
or people who were around in his time and age ask him questions and study with
him when he was alive and not dead. I
only say this because I found myself wanting to ask Swedenborg himself on what
he truly meant and what he saw when he was in our two worlds at the same time.
(c)
These authors surely do seem to have influence on academia and within churches
and politics. A good example of this is
how a foundation has been named after Swedenborg. It was founded in 1849 where its’ sole
purpose was to print and to distribute his theological writings. This foundation publishes the theological
works of Swedenborg, contemporary books, and videos on spiritual growth, offers
lectures and workshops, and maintains a library of Swedeborgian
literature. The website is www.swedenborg.com Swedenborg’s theological
church form the basis of the
(d)
As I said earlier, most of these authors are relatively well known and popular
as is expected if you publish a book and are on talk shows in the morning. However some of their credibility is lost
dues to the fact that they don’t have the right credentials for their own line
of work. The valid authors we have
studied in the class that I have found are Emmanuel Swedenborg, Deborah Tannen,
and Joshua Coleman. Laura Schlessinger
is a great read for a good laugh and to gossip about what she has to say but
for the most part of being a positive intellect, the only value she has is to
compare to her and to see just how wrong she really is.
(e)
I expected some of the results that I found because after reading their books
in class, I could see that what they were preaching to us was legit and it was
easy to see that others would as well. I
was amazed however to see just how far people around the world would accept and
practice Swedenborg’s writings and works. I didn’t expect to see the vast number of
results and churches and foundations that truly believe in what he witnessed
and has shared with us. There is a lot
of discussion on the web about marriage problems and how to attempt to fix
them. I also didn’t realize that so many
people are having nor had trouble with their marriages because I thought that
the whole marriage principle was for two people who are in love and will devote
themselves to the well being of their partner but I now see that I was wrong
and it is a much more complex practice.
(f)
Some of my friends also agreed with me when I said that it seems that marriage
is often overlooked and rushed into. I
think that if two people are serious about getting married they should take a
step back and learn about some of these ideas these people are writing
about. I don’t say this to discourage
anyone from getting married, it is just a suggestion for them to see and learn
a little more than they might not know which could improve or even save their
marriages or relationships in the future.
(d) As this is the last question of my report 2,
I am happy to write that those people who have been married for over 15 years
have really found something special which they should have and should be proud
of what they have got going in their life and to share it with the rest of the
world.
"My Report on the Previous Generation."
Report 2:
My Understanding of the Unity Model of Marriage
By Tiffany Lee
Tiffany
selected question 15 as I did and after I read through her report I noticed
that he ideas and opinions are similar to mine in the question as I feel the
same way about Dr. Laura’s ideas that she gives to the people who call into her
for advice. It’s a joke! Of course the men at first would say, “Yeah,
that’s the way the wife should be” but after they think it over and realize
that the only thing Dr. Laura is doing to women, is bashing them and
reinforcing the male dominance model.
Tiffany
also agrees that it was a beneficial experience to take this class and to learn
and get a better grasp on gender and marriage.
We both will walk away from this course with a greater knowledge and
appreciation for marriage.
Report 2:
My Understanding of the Unity Model of Marriage
By Michelle Ching
Michelle
selected question number 3 as I did. As I began to write this topic on the
previous generation’s reports, I noticed that a lot of the students in the
class did the same questions which were 3, 6, 8, 10, 12. What I wanted to do was to look at the people
who answered the same questions as I did to see what they wrote. I think they were also assigned a certain
question to answer too. In Michelle’s
response to question number 3, she has a similar response as I did where we
both thought that the couple was in the equity model. It seemed that we both had the same
understandings of why the couple was in that model and not the other ones.
I
believe that Michelle also has a similar understanding to the unity model of marriage
as I do in regards to couples who are married need to be aware of the threefold
self and how it can move you up into the next level or take you back down to
the previous one.
Report 2:
My Understanding of the Unity Model of Marriage
By Kalena Luney
When
reading Kalena’s report, it was interesting to read what she wrote for question
number 12 and the AUV or anti-unity values.
I watch the same TV shows as she wrote down for her examples which are
Scrubs, Friends, and Sex in the City. It
was funny to see how I remembered those episodes that she reported on and it
was more of a shock to see that if I were to answer the question, I would have
used the same shows but not the same episodes.
It shows that those shows she reported on, does support and have a lot
of AUV’s that maybe they are aware of or maybe they
are not. I especially liked her answer
on friends because I specifically would use the same answer.
Friends, Making each other jealous on purpose
Scenario: Ross was getting married to Emily. He wanted to make sure Rachel was ok with it. When he asked her how she was doing, he made her feel incompetent, so she reacted by trying to make him jealous. She started gushing about her new boyfriend, Joshua, and how good they were together and how he was so much better than Ross.
Advice
to Future Generations
My advice to future
generations would be to once again start early with your assignments and not to
get caught behind. It is essential that
you start early to ensure that you get all the information that you can and to
make sure that you understand what you are looking for. Another main point is to keep an open mind
especially when you are reading Swedenborg because at first if you are not
religious, it will blow you mind away and if you are, you will definitely have
questions on whether or not it is valid.
This is my second class with Dr. James and I can say with confidence
that you will learn a lot of things on the computer and about the subject matter. You will walk away with an even more open
mind and will probably want to take another class of his.
Class Home Page: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy23/classhome-g23.htm
My Home Page: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2005/razon/home.htm