Report
1
My Field Observations of Disjunctive vs. Conjunctive
Discourse and Behavior in Couples
By Tiffany Akiyama
My Field Observations of Disjunctive vs. Conjunctive
Discourse and Behavior in Couples
By Tiffany Akiyama
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-report1.htm
G25 Lecture Notes on the Unity Model of Marriage:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-lecture-notes.htm
In order for a couple to experience conjugial love, they need to form a conjoint self. The conjoint self refers to a couple who have "achieved unity at all levels of the threefold self" (page 19). This means they have grown together in reciprocity. Reciprocity refers to the forming of a new self that will mesh well with the other, like yin and yang. This means that each person has changed by acquiring new traits that work well with the other, and by leaving the traits that do not work well in the relationship, behind.
A conjoint self is achieved through the husband wanting to learn a sexy conjugial conversational style for their relationship. This is the "first step" to heaven. How a husband speaks to his wife is an important indicator of how comfortable and satisfied he is in their relationship. A sexy conjugial conversational style involves 4 things:
- The husband being reactive and friendly to his wife's conversations
- He does not disagree with what she has to say which will help to create a positive conversational atmosphere
- The husband's conversational style tells his wife that it is okay to talk, because he will listen
- A sexy conversational style helps to enhance her mood
When a husband speaks to his wife, it gives his wife a direct link to his threefold self. The threefold self is what governs a couples' actions. Their actions (sensorimotor self) involve the way they talk, their body language, the things they do with each other, etc. which is influenced by their cognitive thought. The cognitive thought shows how they think, reason, and justify their actions in their minds, which is basically what a couple thinks is acceptable or unacceptable in their relationship. This thought is governed by their affective self. Affective self reflects a couples' feelings, loves, motivations, and goals of their happiness.
So a husband's gestures, tone of voice, and the choice of words he uses with her reveals his sensorimotor self. The sensorimotor self reveals exactly what the husband thinks (cognitive self) and feels (affective self) on the inside. When a person talks, the threefold self of a person is always involved because it shows a direct link to the person's affective feelings.
Now taking a look at the examples of AUVS below. All of these actions that are portrayed in the media help to enforce a husband's independent self, rather than his dependent self that would help as a signal for his wife that he is ready to conjoin with her. These actions are cold and unsexy, which break the first rule of having a sexy conversational style towards his wife.
- Living together unmarried
- Having children out of wedlock
- Making each other jealous on purpose
- Adultery for various reasons
- Promiscuity and bi-sexuality
- Sexy dressing for men other than one's partner
- Having a same sex best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things
- Having a heterosexual best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in compeition for certain things
- Same sex friends going out as a group for fun and entertainment without their partners
- Flirting with other gender as retaliation against one's partner (or other reason)
- Separate interests and activities accepted for partners
- Manipulating partner through deception
- Accepting the idea that it's OK to "agree to disagree" about some things
- Promoting the idea that one should not try to change one's partner but should accept them with their faults, etc.
- Girls only or boys only entertainment
- Acceptance of the idea that men are more important
- Promoting the idea that men are more rational than women
- Promoting the idea that women are generally frivolous as part of their gender
- Making it look normal for a man to exploit women
- Making it look normal for a man to abuse women
- Making it look normal for a man to have prerogatives or perks that women should accept and honor (e.g., serving men, doing what they want no matter what, being dominant, etc.)
- Making it look like what women say and think as less important
- Accepting the idea that a man does not need to "grovel" when he apologizes for something bad he did to her (the mimimum is enough and she should not ask for more even if her feelings are still hurt or else she is being "unreasonable" etc.)
Another example of how AUVs are a hinderance to a male obtaining a sexy conjugial conversational style would involve the following and belief in item 8: "Having a heterosexual best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things" allows the partner, especially the husband to be influenced by many factors other than his wife. If the couple were to want to obtain a dependent self where they influence each other, especially the wife upon the husband, it wouldn't be possible because through this item it allows a husband to be influenced by other AUV items such as item 11, 13, 22 and 23. It shows that his wife is not his first priority, which she should be and forces her to compete for his love which she shouldn't have to. This is very unsexy because it makes the wife feel inadequat and unloved.
In general, an acceptance of one AUV, makes it okay for three more to exists and so on. It's like a domino effect. AUVs are a major barrier for a husband to obtain a sexy conjugial conversational style because all the items listed in the above table are cold and unsexy behaviors towards the wife. These acts are reflexsive of his sensorimotor self, which is governed by his affective self. These behaviors allow a husband to maintain his independent self, which prevents the couple from reaching a conjoint self. Trying to maintain an independent self is an unsexy behavior that a wife will pick up that tells her that her husband is not ready to be dependent upon her, so he is not ready to move onto the next level of their relationship, when she is.
They portrayed this by giving examples through movies and song lyrics. Everyone choose a movie or a TV series that they were familiar with and pointed out AUV items that corresponded to the act in that movie or TV show. They also explained how these acts were disruptive to obtaining the Unity Model. This was mainly established through their explanation of of how the dominance and equity model relates to AUVs and is not in conjunction with the Unity Model of Marriage.
The student's findings resolved around the issue that there are a lot of AUVs portrayed in the media and people, especially their peers do not see it because they are too caught up in the action of the movie, or the beat of the lyrics. The students of Generation 24 revealed that when you look closer into the movie or lyrics, and past the superficial surface of the selling point of that movie or song, there are hidden messages that have a huge influence on society and the children that engross themselves in these themes.
Prior to this class in general, I would not necessarily have looked at all of these movies as the students of Generation 24 has. I would look at songs as they did though. I'm usually the friend that ruins a favorite song for a person because I ask them, "Why do you like that song? Have you actually listened to the lyrics?" They (usually guy-friends) normally say no and then they listen to the lyrics and is then turned off by the song. However for movies, I too prior to this class and prior to reading Generation 24's reports, would have over looked a lot of hidden AUV messages. Some shows, like I'll describe below I can see off hand these AUVs but it's because it's so outrageous or totally against my values that I can spot them. But when watching things that are hidden by action, or similar reality that I deem normal, I over look things such as in Mr. & Mrs. Smith. The action in that movie blinded me from seeing the relationship issues of AUVs that Skip Saito pointed out.
I think with this new awareness, it helps me to view my parents relationship differently and movies as well. My parents I notice go in and out of the equity and unity model of marriage at times. Sometimes they slip into the dominance model, which is what turns me off from staying at home very long when those times occur. I never really understood the dynamics of why my parents would sometimes slip to that level, but through this class I've learned that a lot of it has to do with the husband and what he chooses to do. So in this case it would be my dad. Whom I've noticed will catch himself and apologize to my mom and try to make it up to her later.
I believe that growing up with them as my parents and the media that I've been introduced to has played an influence of how I view relationships. Which is why I believe that media does have some sort of effect on children, such as found through a psychiatry article about the negative influences of media upon children. The Media: Relatioships to Psychiatry and Children article speaks highly about the concern on health but it also touches on how much TV children watch a week, such as 21 hours a week. Which means that they are engrossed probably in AUV antics for 80% of that viewing time. This article acknowledges that this much TV can have a negative impact on children's views of sex and relationships.
Also, another site emphasizes the impact that media can have on boys and girls that encourage or discourage a type of speaking style that will reflect how they view the opposite sex is found in Language and Gender. This site also includes the impact of where the person was born and raised. Meaning that however that child's parents were influenced to act in a certain way in relationships will be shared with their child. This view is also shared on Helping Your Child Through Adolescence, where it says that parents need to help young teens to learn that not everything they watch is true on TV, especially when it comes to relationships.
I wanted a spectrum of episodes that reflected a few shows that I grew up with, that is still popular today, shows that are somewhat recent and is popular, and shows that are popular with children as well as the adults, or children alone. These TV series encompasses: Home Improvement, Family Guy, King of Queens, Yes, Dear, The Fairly OddParents, and The Cosby Show. I also chose some of these shows because after reading the lecture notes, I knew they would have a lot of dominance sensorimotor speech ("unsexy speech") along with some equity speech. And if those sensorimotor actions (the speech) is present, then it will reflect what the male is truly feeling because everything is the result of the affective feelings.
I discussed these TV series with friends who are familiar with the shows and I asked for their initial thoughts about the shows. I further explained to them what a disjunctive and conjunctive conversation is and asked what they thought of the shows through these two mediums and if through these two mediums, does it put a different light upon the shows they watch. I also asked them how they think these shows may or may not have an influence on society, especially children growing up who watch these shows.
Home
Improvement--Season 3--"Blow Up" (Episode 56)
|
|
| Home Improvement is a sitcom about Tim "the tool man" Taylor, an accident prone host of his own television program in Detroit, Michigan. The whole series is about him and his wife, Jill, raising their three sons (Brad, Randy and Mark) in a perceived dysfunctional home. The series catches the Taylor family in many quarrels, fights, and misunderstandings throughout the house. There is a huge emphasis on Tim's gimmicks where he ends up breaking something, or injuring himself. Also, there is a huge portrayal of traditional-like virtues in the Taylor house where Tim is mostly disrespectful and hurtful to Jill. However, he usually tries to make up for his mistakes in the end. | |
Illustrations
of Disjunctive Talk and Behavior |
Illustrations
of Conjunctive Talk and Behavior |
| Jill asks
Tim what he thinks of a dress she is trying on. Tim says she looks good, "I've always liked her in it." Jill makes a face at him and says it's new. |
Jill finds
out that Tim helped out with the surprise that was made for her and
feels touched. |
| Tim says Jill is thrifty, tight, frugal, and cheap in front of her friends. | Tim quizzes Jill about his hotrod, and she answers everything correctly. |
| Jill tells
Tim that he should have never let her return the dress. He yells, "I didn't." Jill tells him to not to argue with her |
On Tim's TV
show, he talks about how men sometimes don't realize how insensitive
they are. |
| Tim suggests
that Jill wear the "blue slinky low-cut" dress that he likes. She tells him that she doesn't have a dress like that. He says, "Oh yea." Jill makes a face. |
Tim re-did
the picture of Jill and have everyone sign it again. Tim cooked her a special dinner to make up for his screw up. |
| Jill says
that she needs to go fix her face. Tim tells her, "Good idea." Jill looks mad. |
|
| Jill finds
out he blew up her drivers license and is mad and embarrased. Tim runs away saying that he needs to, "fix my face." |
|
| Tim tries
to talk to Jill after the banquet. Jill gives him the silent treatment. Tim keeps talking. Jill tells him to shut up. |
|
| Jill asks
Tim how he could have chosen her drivers license when there are plenty
of pictures in the house to chose from. Tim says Marie did not give him enough time. Jill calls Marie to ask how much time she gave Tim, and finds out he had 3 weeks. |
|
| Jill says
that she's not mad about the picture, but is mad at how he didn't
realize how important the library fundraiser is to her. Tim said he did. Jill says that everytime she talked to him about it, his eyes would just gaze out and he tunes her out. |
|
| Tim tells
Jill that she does not listen to him. Jill says she does. |
|
| Nicholas Todd, 23: He initially saw Home Improvement as pure entertainment. He didn't really this show "to heart" when he would watch it. Nick said that it may have some bad influence on children as to how a wife should be treated, especially if they grew up with this series their whole life. Shows today are unlike shows of the past, where we grew up with other shows like Saved By the Bell and The Cosby Show. Either way, he says that kids may pick up a few bad habbits from this show. | |
| Kamaile Kelekolio, 19: "When I watch, I relate it to my own life. The way he treats Jill, he doesn't need to do that. I believe you should make someone fall in love with you everyday. He doesn't put Jill first like he should." | |
| Alan Young, 19: He thought that Home Improvement is a normal disjunctive couple with kids. Having kids adds a factor to the relationship as shown in Home Improvment. Alan feels that couples "usually have little arguments and problems so it adds to bigger problems (with kids in the picture). He doesn't feel that Tim does not listen to Jill and feels that Tim is unselfish. He asked, "What about the husband' when she don't do things for him?" I told him that turns into slavery. Alan disagreed and said, "It's called being a good wife." | |
| My
Reactions: Originally, I've always seen Tim Allen as
a selfish father who only does things that he wants to do. And now
I view him as a selfish dominance and occasional equity father. I
never really thought that he did anything for Jill, or even tried
to make up for his mistakes. Most of the time, you see Tim engaging
in some sort of dominance sensorimotor act, usually a selfish act,
or an equity sensorimotor act where he is usually lying to her to
cover his mistakes and to control her reactions. However, after analyzing
an episode, I realized that even though he portrays the traditional
values of a relationship, he does step into the Unity Model to try
to make up for his mistakes. Such as at the end of this episode, he
has the banquet picture re-made and re-signed and he cooks her a warm
meal. As for my friends, I expected most of them to see this as entertainent, and based on my prior interview with Alan, I was not surprised at what he had to say about relationships and this show. However, I was a little surprised about Kamaile's response because even though her quote is all about the Unity Model, she still believes that couples should have quarrels or fights (big or small), otherwise it doesn't show growth and understanding. So I think in that sense, there something that is conflicting for her to believe in love of the female, but to say that fights are okay. It could be her background or her generation, because Alan also agreed that it's not normal if a couple does not quarrel at all. Nick on the other hand did not have a comment about that. I believe that this famous TV show does have an influence on society even if they do not believe so. I think it plants a small seed that can either grow or not grow depending on their upbringing and environment as they grow up. Shows such as Home Improvement, portray a lot of sensorimotor Equity and Dominance actions that people find funny but they accept it subconsciously. A lot of my elementary and early intermediate tennis students portray this view that it's okay to put females down and it won't matter because they see these Dominant Sensorimotor actions on TV, so it affects their cognitive thought and their self-motives as they intereact with females. Sometimes when I speak to the younger second or third graders as to why they hit someone or called them a name their typical response is, "Oh. Accident," or "We're just playing around." But they still do it the next time around. Through the lecture notes I now see that TV plays a role in what the children deem is okay, because children like to reinact what they see at recess. |
|
Family
Guy--Season 3--"And the Weiner is..." (Episode
5) |
|
| Family Guy is a cartoon comedy about the Griffin Family. Many would say that it is similar to The Simpsons, but without the family values part. The Griffin's are middle class New Englanders who are not portrayed as an average family. There's Lois, Peter's wife who struggles to maintain normalcy at home and is always treated rudely by her husband. They have three children who each have their own quirks and their talking dog Brian who likes martinis. | |
Illustrations
of Disjunctive Talk and Behavior |
Illustrations
of Conjunctive Talk and Behavior |
| Andy wants to play another game of darts with Peter before "the misses notices I'm not snoozing on the couch." | Joe
and Bonnie are playing together with their sun in the snow. |
| Lois expected
peter to share in their daughter's (Meg) making of the Flag Girl squad. Peter is too busy competing with Chris and acknowleges Stewie (who had not done anything). Lois looks angry |
Lois
tells Peter, "I care as much about the size of your penis as
you care about the size of my breast." |
| Peter gets injured and expects the attention to be focused on him. | |
| Lois praises
their daughter and expected Peter to do the same. Peter notices the "hot" girl in the stand instead. Lois makes a face. |
|
| Peter calls
Lois to say he can't take the garbage outside. Peter's reason is that work is holding him up. Peter is calling from the kitchen. |
|
| Peter tells Chris, "Your mother and I are getting a divorce" to distract Chris so he can beat him at basketball. | |
| Peter blames Lois for Chris' large penis. | |
| Lois tells
Chris to drink his milk. Peter tells Chris not to, and drinks it for him. |
|
| Lois is trying
to explain something to Chris. Peter tells Lois to be quiet and mimics her by using his hand. |
|
| Lois tells
Peter that he is embarrassing her. All Peter cares about is the attention from strangers. |
|
| Lois finds
out that Peter stuffed Stewie in his pants and tells him it's disgusting. Peter says it's okay because, "He's outside of the underwear." |
|
| Lois tells
Peter he is acting pathetic. Peter tells her to shut up. |
|
| Lois doesn't
think it's a good idea for Chris to go hunting. Peter lets the NGA President to convince her otherwise with a video. |
|
| Nicholas Todd, 23: Everyone wants to see a dysfunctional couple or family. It's like the Simpson's but not as family-value oriented. Family Guy is popular for it's comedy, but it is not a good show for children to watch. | |
| Tristan Iranon-Estrella, 22: Tristan like's Family Guy because like my student below, it's hilarious, crude and outrageous. She thinks that it is intriguing because it pushes the limits of what is "ok" to be viewed on tv. For example, the issues of sensorship, American FCC (Federal Communications Commission), etc." Tristan felt that even though Family Guy portrays extreme examples of disjunctive communication, it doesn't change her views of the show. However, she does feel that it could have some influence on society because people like to copy what they see. Tristan doesn't feel that this cartoon will have much of an influence on children who watch it because, "they may play with the idea and try to use it in real life but I don't think that tv is to blame. We can watch a horror film and not go out and kill people even if the movie influences us." | |
| Zeno Choi, 13 : He says he loves this show because it is funny. He also likes Stewie because he gets to play with guns. I asked him if he thought that the treatment of Lois is "not nice," and he agreed. Zeno thought that Family Guy portrayed negative family values. However, he did not care about those issues because the show is funny. | |
| My
Reactions: I've always thought that Family Guy was a
dumb show that portrayed bad examples of what family values should
be. But through the lecture notes, I understand why I viewed it as
dumb. It's because it's actually is very dangerous and detrimental
to how a child, especially males will view what is okay in a relationship.
I've always thought that it told the public that it is okay for a
male to act "this" way, and I've never watched it very much
because I thought it was detrimental to how a female is treated and
viewed. Initially I only saw relationships as traditional, equality, and soul mates. After reading the lecture notes, I now understand that the sensorimotor acts a male engages in is reflexive of how he feels of his relationship. And now I understand why these "dumb" shows made me so angry. I could not understand how a male could have such self-motives (affective feelings) as "I should be dominant because she likes it that way and is not as smart as me." Now I know that shows such as Family Guy do show the negative sensorimotor actions of male behavior. Such as in this episode, Peter is constantly oblivious to what Lois has to say and will only engage in conversation with her when it has something to do with him. That is the selfish part of the male dominance model, and it trains young children that this is how men act, so it's okay. I was not as surprised to the reactions of why my peers enjoyed the show. Partly because I hear the same comments from everyone who watches it. I think that society does like to watch dysfunctional families or couples because it's not "mundane" as Nick talked about. I don't understand why society would choose immoral-like values over moral values except for the quick thrill of laughter or to make yourself feel better. Part of it I believe is what Tristan mentioned is that the "extremes" are intriguing because you don't believe that anyone would do such a thing to their wife such as blaming her for their son's large penis, but the connoation of poor treatment is still there. What surprised me the most is why my tennis student, Zeno loves the show so much regardless of it's underlying messages. I understand that boys and most children in general may love a cartoon for the action and violence. When I spoke to him about the values it portrays such as asking him simple questions of if he thougth the way Peter treats Lois is wrong, he answered yes to all of them but he still loved the show. He didn't care about what the relationships told society. Which made sense too when I thought about it, because I loved to watch Married, With Children when I was growing up, but at the same time I was told that you should not do this or that as we watched it as a family. And when I used to watch it I didn't care what my parents said because I just thought it was funny and at the time I did not totally understand the dynamics of an intimate relationship. |
|
King
of Queens--Season 1--"Where's Poppa?" (Episode
23) |
|
| King of Queens is a comedy about a working-class suburb couple who lives in Queens, New York. The show follows Doug and Carrie Heffernan as they explore together the everyday challenges of life, love, family and marriage. Most people would say that are able to relate to this show because it reflects the everyday realities that most of society's couples face. | |
Illustrations
of Disjunctive Talk and Behavior |
Illustrations
of Conjunctive Talk and Behavior |
| Carrie tells
Doug, "Shhhh." Doug tells her to, "Shhhh." |
Carrie praises Doug for how he went all out for their movie night. |
| Doug is frustrated
with Carrie's dad. Carrie apologizes for her dad being in their house. |
Carrie is
so excited about their weekend together. Doug tells Carrie to start a list of things they should do together. Carrie starts the list and Doug joins her. |
| Carrie suggests
that Doug call his cousin Danny. Doug gets mad and refuses. |
Doug makes
breakfast for Carrie and wants her to eat. Carrie tells Doug she has a hair appointment. Doug says, "I know, ok." |
| Carrie tries
to be intimate with Doug. Doug tells her to get off because he's too fool from pizza. This turns her off. |
Doug spends
time in the shower and in front of the mirror to "beautify"
himself for his wife. |
| Doug insists that she stay home and eat with him. | |
| Carrie is
too angry to have sex. Doug says that if she "mounts" him she'll feel better. Carrie asks if Doug expects her to just go throug the motions. He says, "If you want to." |
|
| Carrie asks
Doug if they are going to fool around. He says not tonight because he is too preoccupied. |
|
| Doug wants
to have sex in the morning but Carrie is too tired. Doug jumps up and down on the bed to get Carrie out of bed to have sex. |
|
| Kamaile Kelekolio, 19: Kamaile felt that this is a very disjunctive show. She recalls an episode she saw that her husband gets Carrie drunk everytime when she gets home from work to loosen her up and so she is more enjoyable to be with. The episodes she recalls is that Doug is always yelling at Carrie and so she ends up yelling back. She doesn't think that this show has a huge influence on children since it is mostly shown during the mid-day or late at night when children are either in school or sleeping. She feels that this show allows coupls to look at what they're going through and to think they are not so bad off. This is how Kamaile and her boy friend uses this show. | |
| Alan Young, 19: He thought that this show was also just an example of a "pretty typical couple" because they go through a lot of fights and problems that "typical couples go through." He says that they argue over little things and that's what couples do. He thinks that they are a "normal disjunctive couple" because no couple is perfect. | |
| Terry Suguritan, 37: Terry felt that this show had disjunctive and conjunctive conversations. He didn't see anything different of this show and saw it as an entertainment value. Terry doesn't feel that a lot of people take these shows seriously. | |
| My
Reactions: I've always felt that King of Queens was funny,
and I never really thought that some of Doug's disjunctive acts were
disjunctive. This is one show that I could say I got caught up in
the moment like how my friends get caught up in Family Guy or Home
Improvement. I guess some of Doug's antics did not seem so "dysfunctional"
that I overlooked the real meanings behind them. I don't watch this
show enough to notice things that Kamaile and her boy friend noticed
about Doug and Carrie's quarrels. But after analyzing this episode,
they are not as "dysfunctional" as their arguments seem.
Based on my analysis I believe they sway between disjunctive and conjunctive
speech. I believe though that they are probably in the doministic
model because when Doug feels like it's something that will be beneficial
for both is when their conversations are conjunctive. I thought that it was interesting how Kamaile and her boyfriend uses this TV series to compare their relationship to TV-drama. I guess I always thought that people may compare themselves to different sitcoms, but not to actually reflect their life from them. I was not very surprised at Alan's reaction because he seems pretty set in the doministic view for whatever reason. I was surprised at Terry's consistent answers of his beliefs that he does not think people take these shows too seriously. Perhaps because of the generation he grew up in, and how he was raised that more children during that time were engrossed with Leave It to Beaver, The Cosby Show, etc. that with today's shows that don't reflect "good" family values are not taken too seriously by these people. As I go through these different TV shows, and I speak to the different thoughts of my peers I begin to think that yes, these shows can be reflexive on society if society lets it. I also believe that the times at when they show these shows are not times compatible with when children are home, so it is not so much of an influence on children as it would be on adults who are staying home from work. I do believe that if there is an adult who is in a similar environment as what is shown on TV, it only makes it okay for them to believe that what they are doing is correct and not wrong at all. |
|
Yes,
Dear--Season 5--"Won't Ask, Won't Tell" (Episode
102) |
|
| Yes, Dear is a comedy about two couples and their different views on parenting. Kim and Greg Warner struggle to become the perfect parents as well as a perfect couple. Kim is portrayed as a neurotic-mother who wants things "just right" even though she is reminded by her sister, Christine, that things can't be perfect. At the same time Christine's husband, Jimmy tries to instill his parenting views on Greg where Greg should not let Kim influence him to be a "lesser man." | |
Illustrations
of Disjunctive Talk and Behavior |
Illustrations
of Conjunctive Talk and Behavior |
| Jimmy tells
Christine that he is cleaning the house, but is playing video games
instead. |
Christine
praises Jimmy for being so thoughtful for the errands he ran. Jimmy responds with, "Paying attention to you and your needs are important for me." She thanks him. |
| Christine is trying to talk to him over the phone but all he says is "Uh-huh" and puts the phone down because it's in the way of his game. | |
| Jimmy tries
to find out the task he promised Christine by trying to be "sexy." Christine will not play his game, and he says, "What happned to my sexy wife?" |
|
| Jimmy talks
to Greg about his dilemma and asks for help. Greg agrees to keep Christine occupied so Jimmy can search her desk for answers. |
|
| Kim tells Christine, "Isn't it great how we can use guilt to make them do work?" | |
| Jimmy does everything on Christine's "To Do List" in hopes he covered his promise. | |
| Greg suggests
to get Christine drunk to obtain answers. Jimmy says no, because she gets more smart like that (implies his wife is dumb) |
|
| Greg comments,
"Are you kidding...I do a little dusting and I can get anything
out of her (Kim)." Both call their wives idiots. |
|
| Tristan Iranon-Estrella, 22: "I think it's whinny so I don't watch it much. When I think of Yes, Dear I think of the whinny guy (Greg) and that they have a lot of problems. I kind of feel like the relationship is sort of equal but the woman (Kim) is not really extreme like Family Guy's Lois." Tristan feels that Greg and Kim's relationship is more geared toward what Kim wants, almost Unity-like, however is more ruled by the equity model of relationships. Tristan goes on to say, "I feel like it's more real than Family Guy. Family Guy is like "haha" that's crazy, they don't say that to their wives. But Yes, Dear I feel like it's more how it (relationships) works." | |
| Alan Young, 19: "My girlfriend makes me record and watch it. It's an interesting show. It's a perfect example of disjunction to the extreme, like Everybody loves Raymond." He feels that the show is a true reflection of most "normal" couples who disagree, etc. He says his girlfriend likes to compare their relationship to the show. He follows with, "I don't think it's a bad influence in relationships. It shows a little bit of truth for relationships." | |
| My
Reactions: Everytime I've seen this show, I always thought
that Greg was an immature parent who was too caught up in what he
looks like to everyone else and of when he can do things. Most of
the time he doesn't try to understand Kim's view, which I thought
was poor because to put down your wife in front of their own children
is like telling them that they can do it too. These types of Dominance
and Equity Sensorimotor acts always anger me because of how I was
raised. I never understood how a male could think that "back-talking"
his wife infront of his children is nonchallant. I think that's why
in general I would just say, "that show is dumb," because
it goes against my affective feelings of how a husband should act
toward his wife. I never thought much of Jimmy and Christine because I thought that they were sometimes too permissive and tried to instill that on Greg and Kim's child. After analyzing this show, I never realized how disjunctive the two husbands act or speak of their wives. Greg and Jimmy are constantly portraying sensorimotor equity and dominance acts. A lot of times you can find them consoling each other by "trash talking" about both their wives. These sensorimotor dominance acts were never allowed in my house. My dad always told me that men and females should not be doing that in a relationship because it is detrimental to a couples unity. After speaking with my friends, I thought that I sided with Tristan, but I had to disagree with Alan as I've done in the past. I don't really understand how Alan can hold such a view as, "It's what a wife is suppose to do" attitude and be loving at the same time to his girlfriend. I'm not sure what type of relationship they have, but it must be similar to Yes, Dear since his girlfriend makes him record and watch it because she feels she can use it as a reference to their relationship. Which to me seems like she may be trying to take him out of the doministic view, but he is totally opposed to that idea of being affectively dependent upon her. I remember in an earlier interview he said that letting a woman "impose" is like giving up your identity. I think that this show can be influential on society, specifically those who have young children. I would like to think that people watch this show to learn of how not to act in a family, but I know that is not why most people watch it. However, I think that not many people watch it because of the type of role that Greg plays. Tristan said he was too whinny, and I agreed. And most of the guys I've spoken to have never heard of it. I think because of the character Greg plays it goes against a "typical" male physique (mind and body) versus Jimmy, the supporting character. And since society likes to watch their typical "American Hero" and disasters, this show does not really fall under that category. |
|
The
Fairly OddParents--Section 3--"Information Stuporhighway"
(Episode 26) |
|
| The Fairly OddParents is a cartoon for children that follows the life of Timmy Turner and his Fairy God Parents. Timmy turns to Wanda and Cosmo whenever he gets bored, or wishes to do things a normal 10-year-old would not be able to do without magic. Such as living the life of a superhero. This show rarely shows his parents raising him and when they do, Timmy's parents are either "so into each other" or putting the other down. | |
Illustrations
of Disjunctive Talk and Behavior |
Illustrations
of Conjunctive Talk and Behavior |
| Timmy's Dad
tells Timmy's Mom to write specific comments to Timmy's secret admirer
but the comments put her down. Timmy's Mom is not very happy with those comments. |
Timmy's Mom
and Dad reminisce together of how they first met. |
| Timmy's Dad comes back and says, "If I have to be miserable, so do you." | Wanda zips
Cosmo's mouth shut so they don't get in trouble. Cosmo sees this and goes along. |
| Wanda and Cosmo are constantly working together to guard something for Timmy, or to graduate in the Fairy realm. | |
Nicholas
Todd, 23: "Family wise, there's a nice couple
with nice values (Wanda and Cosmo). Even though they are imaginary
that could be good. Children may not take the show too seriously
since fairy godparents don't really exists." |
|
| Kamaile Kelekolio, 19: She never really thought of this show as derogotive or late (when it is viewed). She feels that the focus is more on the children because it 's a cartoon on daytime unlike AdultSwim anime. Also, the colors and shapes of a show does not give her a negative feeling. | |
| My
Reactions: I never looked to cartoons as being influential
upon children when it comes to relationships, except Family Guy. I've
only looked at most cartoons as entertainment, or if it taught children
any moral values of life. I've always thought of this cartoon as a
cute, pleasant cartoon to watch when there's nothing else to watch.
I never thought that there was anything wrong with it except for the
way Timmy's parents try to raise him. However, looking at this cartoon
through either disjunctive or conjunctive conversation, I'm not surprised
that I found mostly conjunctive situations. I thought this because
of his fairy god parents, Wanda and Cosmo who occasionally have disagreements
but it always ends with Cosmo doing what Wanda wants. I have to agree with Nicks view that children may not take the show too seriously except wishing that they too had fairy god parents to grant things of their every whim. I had a feeling that my peers would not really think of this cartoon as too "threatening" towards the development of children. Therefore, I had a feeling that they wouldn't even think of this show as having disjunctive or conjunctive portrayals of speech. I think Kamaile is right, that people would not deem this cartoon as threatening because of how the characters are drawn and the types of shading used to bring them to life. I think that most of society would think like that too because they don't look at the values of a show too much, but more for the entertainment value and if that value is "violent" or not for children to watch. However, if children were to take this show to heart I think that it would have a positive effect on how children would view their relationships in the future. Mostly because of the way Wanda and Cosmo interact together and those two are shown 95% of the time along with Timmy versus his parents. I believe that Wanda and Cosmo are Unity-like mostly based on an episode that I've seen in the past of their love for each other. Cosmo constantly tries to make Wanda laugh, or asks her what they should do next. He seems very dependent on her and trusts in her decisions, like how a male is when he is in the Unity Model. Sensorimotor actions like those, are positive and good for people (especially children) to copy. |
|
The
Cosby Show--Season 1--"A Shirt Story" (Episode
8) |
|
| The Cosby Show Show is about the Huxtable family and the problems or issues faced as their children grow up to be young adults. This series portrays, Dr. Cliff Huxtable as a warm family man who goes along with his wife Clair's wishes. The couple is portrayed as a warm union who raises their family in a humane, loveable yet humour manner. | |
Illustrations
of Disjunctive Talk and Behavior |
Illustrations
of Conjunctive Talk and Behavior |
| Clair tells
Cliff that all men go through the phase of trying to be "somebody." He disagrees and tells her he didn't have to do that because he had his football jersey. Clair tells Cliff that is the same thing as needing an expensive shirt. |
Cliff is shocked
at how much Theo spent on the shirt. Clair joins in with, "Oh. Well there must be a pair of pants in there too," and shuffles in the box in search of pants. |
| Clair asks
Cliff is he is sick, because she knows he is. Cliff refuses to give in to admitting he's sick. |
Cliff tells
Theo to take the shirt back, take the $30 in his hand to buy a cheaper
shirt. |
| Clair gives
him the look to let him know she knows he's sick. Cliff claims it's the dust. |
Clair reminds
Denise of how hard it was for her to finish a dress. Cliff reminds Denise that the dress is different from a shirt. Clair gives examples to Denise's unfinished projects. Cliff helps by adding to the list. |
| Cliff won't
give in to the sick-act. |
Cliff tells'
Clair he is sick. He asks her if he will take care of her. She responds with a "Yes" to everything. They walk up the stairs together arm in arm, holding their breath. |
| Nicholas Todd, 23: Nick says that TV is at that time is where it is more family-valued . "I remember Bill Cosby had his famous book on parenting." He also thought that it has collision drops. | |
| Kamaile Kelekolio, 19: She thinks that this show is very conjunctive. "I think that show is more of an advice-like show. Everyone is so nice to each other that it makes you feel nice inside. She felt that this was a good family show because it showed a lot of the "realities" of growing up." | |
| My
Reactions: I've always loved to watch The Cosby Show because
I thought it was hilarious, and it portrayed good family values. Family
values as in how children should be raised, and how a wife should
be treated. I never looked into the show as deeply as to how conjunctive
or disjunctive Cliff and Clair are towards each other. But I did always
notice how they never really fought, and he never instilled authority
over her such as "Do this because I said so." Now that I
understand what conjunctive and disjunctive means to the Unity model
of marriage, I understand why this series was constructed as such.
Many TV shows were constructed around the "good" family
values that help a couple and their family to grow interdependently
of each other rather than independent or co-dependent versus today's
theme of disorder and chaos that society loves to watch. I thought that Nick and Kamaile understood that this show had a lot of good family values but didn't really recognize the values that were strongly portrayed between Cliff and Clair to make the show seem like an "advice-like show." I believe that Cliff and Clair were in the Unity model, which is why they could raise their children "together" unlike how a lot of today's family shows are portrayed as "separate." Separate meaning two contrasting parenting styles that conflict because the male wants to be independent in his own authority like in the dominance model. I believe that they understood why this show seemed like an advice-like show after we discussed it together. I think that society needs more "old-school" family shows like these to remind people that relationships don't always have to have arguments like in what Alan and Kamaile believe in. I believe that the children who grew up with The Cosby Show and others like it will be influenced by it if their parents sit down with them to discuss issues because of the impact that media has on portraying the "okay-ness" of male dominance and equity behavior. Then maybe Alan wouldn't say, "Well, it's everyone. On TV, in most relationships..." I've come to realize that the influence of a TV show upon a child is extremely strong and can be detrimental if the parent does not step in to explain that such sensorimotor dominance/equity actions (ex., agreeing to disagree, calling a female 'bad-names,' or disregarding her thoughts as unimportant) are unacceptible. |
|
In order for
this section to help tie into my earlier sections, I choose to transcribe
dialogues in a few of the different TV shows that I used to discuss with
my friends. Trying to look for dialogues online or in other books did
not seem to fit what I wanted to portray based on what has already been
spoken. By using dialogues used in the TV shows previously discussed will
also help to dwell into the deeper meanings behind the portrayed disjunctive
and conjunctive interactions that society doesn't think about. In order
to show how disruptive AUVs are in a man obtaining a sexy conjugial conversational
for his wife, I am going to focus on Family Guy (disjunctive) and The
Cosby Show (conjunctive).
In Family Guy, for the episode discussed above there is a scene where
Peter gets mad at Lois because he blames her for Chris' large penis:
It's dark and Peter is moaning.
(Lois) "What's wrong honey?"
Lois senses that something is bothering
Peter, not from just his moan but his behavior prior to getting into bed.
This shows that she is trying to understand him.
(Peter) "I'll tell you what's wrong. I'm trying to make love to you
and you're thinking about Chris!"
Peter immediately lays blame to Lois
for something that she has no knowledge about which breaks all the rules
of how a husband is to acquire a sexy conversational style with his wife.
The main thing here is he is creating a hostile atmosphere that is unsexy.
(Lois) "Peter, is there
something you need to tell me?"
Lois is tryng to understand what is hurting Peter because that is what
wives do. They try to make their husband's lives easier.
(Peter) "Thanks to you our son has a huge wang!"
Peter is still breaking the rules of maintaining a sexy conjugial conversation
with his wife by remaining hostile to her.
(Lois) "Thanks to me?"
(Peter) "Well he didn't get it from me!"
He never lays blame on himself through
this whole dialogue, or episode but constantly points the finger at Lois
for his troubles. This should not happen because if a female is to feel
assured to speak freely with her husband, he can not be aggressive and
pointing fingers. This too is unsexy.
(Lois) "What are you talking about?!"
(Peter) "I'll show you."
Peter and Lois go into Chris' room, and Peter lifts up the blanket.
(Peter) "How the hell did this happen? I'm supposed to be the man
of the house. You must be so ashamed of me."
Again Peter puts blame on Lois and tries
to make her feel guilty by saying that it is a threat to his "man
hood." He is a little calmer but he never lets Lois speak until the
next line. Which is not condusive for a female to feel that she is being
listened to. He only cares about his penis problem but not what Lois thinks
about it.
(Lois) "Oh Peter I care as much about the sizeof your penis as you
care about the size of my breast."
This is where Lois is trying to invite
Peter to be affectively dependent upon her because she's trying to assure
him that she loves him no matter what and that's what she thinks he feels
too. However, that is not that case.
(Peter) "Oh my god!"
Peter runs away crying.
For Peter to run away crying after
the loving words Lois just said is very unsexy because it tells her that
she can't say anything to him. For a husband to have a sexy conjugial
conversational style, he needs to have the discipline to sit and listen
to his wife without criticizing her.
The above is an example of disjunctive communication that is truely dominant
in media that portrays AUVs. These disjunctive communication styles are
a problem because a lot of the body language and behavior a husband shows
to his wife in these shows breaks all the rules of how to obtain a sexy
conjugial conversational style that emits to her that he is ready to become
affectively dependent upon his wife. When males see this, they think it's
okay to be like this because, especially today, a lot of TV shows portrays
this type of male-doministic attitude. Which is part of the reason why
I think Alan stands so strongly on these shows being "normal,"
it's all he knows and no one has every told him otherwise.
To show the upside of a disjunctive conversation, I choose to use a dialogue
from The Cosby Show because I believe that Cliff's character has learned
a sexy conjugial conversational style that allows his wife to feel confortable
in speaking with him. Shows like these should be more portrayed so that
people can see that it's not all about fights or the "all about me"
perspective.
(Cliff) "I don't believe
it. A 14-year-old boy with a ninety-five dollar shirt."
(Clair) "But Cliff, it's the symbol. You men are all alike. In every
generation you go through the same thing. You think you need it to be
somebody."
Allowing Clair to speak without interruption
is one of the major rules in obtaining a sexy conjugial conversation with
your wife. Which is what Cliff does. He doesn't interrupt her, but waits
his turn to speak.
(Cliff) "I never needed a ninety-five dollar shirt. I put on a football
uniform to impress the woman I was in love with."
This line sounds like he's trying to
maintain an independent thought, but I think it is more his way of encouraging
her to speak, which is what one of the rules of conjugial conversation
is all about: making your wife feel enriched and encouraged to speak.
(Clair) "Well that's a symbol. And you didn't need that because I
already liked you. I liked your little pointy head."
Clair smiles at Cliff and he acknowledges what she says and nods in agreement.
In the end, Cliff's nonverbal cues of
agreeing with her is the conjunctive part of their conversation and it
also goes along with maintaining a sexy conjugial converstional style
with his wife because he does not put her view down but acknowledges and
understands her instead of objecting her views.
The above dialogue did not have the obvious cues of a conjunctive conversation.
However, it did portray how a male should listen to his wife so that she
feels welcomed to speak. Which is what having a sexy conjugial conversational
is all about. Acknowledging that your wife has a voice, and that the husband
realizes the importance of showing her that. The ending of this conversation
however has the conjunctive persona of how he agrees with her explanation
of how "symbols" never changed for each generation.
Reading the material for this class has helped to reasure my values that I've had about relationships and what they mean to me. I've learned that it does take two to reach the Unity level and it can't be soley on the wife. The male needs to give in to his ego and give up his male-prerogatives in order to experience true conjugial happiness and love. However it is the wife or girlfriends job to not to give up on him as well.
It has also made me look at shows as closely as I listen to the words and meanings in lyrics. I always thought that people liked shows and music for the entertainment factor, but I didn't really think it was that influential. Reading through all the notes and gaining a better understanding of how Anti-Unity Values are perceived in TV and lyrics. The notes has helped me to understand that AUV's is a form of sensorimotor actions that are detrimental to Unity. Most of the shows listed above portray many AUV's and because people may watch that show habitually, they may try to connect with the character. In doing so, they act out those sensorimotor acts. Part of the reason they do so is because the male may learn to feel that is how he should feel (ex. women need to be dominated), and will think that he needs to instill his authority.
I believe a good way to grasp his material is to reread sections that were read already, and to actually read through all of the Unity Notes (especially when it comes to this report). I found that rereading sections helped me to better understand things that I may have over looked. I also learned that just highlighting is not condusive enough to remember what you were thinking when you highlighted that line or passage. You also need to tag the pages and write notes on the pages, and on the page itself. The notes on the page would involve either rewording a paragraph in your own words or writing questions in the margins to ask Dr. James later on. It's also good to read the material ahead of time so that you can let it set for a day and then going back to review what you've digested, and even discussing things with a friend can help sort things out too. But the most important thing that helped me to understand the material a whole lot better is by completely reading all of the Unity Notes, and then at the end, the small picture turns into a clear, big picture.
G25 Class Home Page: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/classhome-g25.htm
Last
Updated: 12/05/06