The Question I am answering is Question 3

Report: 2

The Unity Model of Marriage

My Interpretations of the Unity Model of Marriage

By: Crystal Bulda

The instructions for this report are at:

www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-report2.htm

I am answering Questions 3,4,6,7, and 10.

The Question I am answering is Question 3

(a) Select at least one student report on marriage from each of Generation 20, 21, and 22 as listed in the Readings section of the Lecture Notes at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-lecture-notes.htm#students

(b) Summarize each of the selected reports. Be sure to put a link to the student's report.

(d) How do their ideas influence what you yourself think about these issues?

(e) Would it be useful to teach this course to high school students? Explain.

I have selected three student’s reports on marriage from Generation 20, 21, and 22. From Generation 20, I have chosen to review Suzanne Howard, Shari Arakawa-Longboy from Generation 21, and Heidi Nakamura from Generation 22. Each of these students reports were completely different than one another and interesting to review.

Suzanne Howard Report 3: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bs2004/howard/report3.htm

The main purpose of Suzanne Howard’s Report 3 was to emphasize how the media depicts materials in an indirect way. She first analyzes the Unity Model from Generation 20, followed by some opinions of her class’ oral presentations. Then Suzanne does some field observations of her own to find anti-unity values that are portrayed in the media.

Suzanne goes upon evaluating three students from 409b Spring of 2004. Suzanne briefly described their reactions to completing their report 1, which all reflected a sense of acquired knowledge. Each student felt that report 1 has allowed them to understand gender relationships that will benefit their own lives.

Next, Suzanne gives her opinions of some of the oral presentations that were carried out in her class. She begins with Ryan Lau, who emphasized on the statement that “Not a single thing in a woman can be like a thing in a man, and vice versa.” Suzanne didn’t quite understand what that statement meant and felt that there are many similarities between a man and a woman. Suzanne disagrees with Ryan’s presentation that there are many differences between the two sexes.

Another disagreement that Suzanne had with Ryan was on the written statement from Ryan that “Women are intelligent and wise from within; from heaven, from the Lord. They will not do anything that is contrary to conjugial love.” Suzanne believes that women have to work on their relationships and that it is not natural for women to automatically take the position of the heavenly being.

Overall, Suzanne had many disagreements with Ryan, but felt that a woman and a man are not complete until there is a conjointment between the two. She believes that it is very important that we strive for conjugial love in the physical world so that we may be with our partners in the spiritual world.

Another student’s report that Suzanne evaluated was Jocelyn Hostetler, who presented on the Feminine Wisdom. Again Suzanne is confused about the quote provided by Jocelyn; “equity leads to accidental childbirths, unloved and insecure children, and single parent families.” Suzanne contradicts everything that the above statement has claimed. She contradicts this statement by providing information that may disprove this thought.

Next Suzanne performs her anti-unity field observations. She watches some episodes from the show “Sex and the City.” This show portrays the sex lives of four friends living in New York City, with different relationship values. Suzanne created an anti-unity value scale which ranged from 1 through 5; 1 being the least harmful to a relationship, while 5 being the most harmful. Suzanne ended up having an equal share of ratings of each number to each scene that she had observed.

What Suzanne gained from doing her report?

Suzanne had become more aware of what our society accepts. The media is a mean of affecting the way that the society thinks. She brings up the strong influences of Dr. Phil and Oprah, which Suzanne feels is helpful for many people. Now she is aware of the negative aspects from the media.

How des her ideas influence what I think about these issues?

I felt that Suzanne had in generally captured the negative essence that the media can send to society. Yet, there were some topics that she had disagreed with that I saw contrary. I have to agree with many of the students that she had evaluated. I felt that Suzanne hadn’t looked beyond the negative bias or dominant model of marriage to fully understand the Unity Model of Marriage. Suzanne’s report demonstrated to me that not everyone understands concepts the same way even though we have all apparently assumed the positive bias.

Shari Arakawa-Longboy Report 2: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bf2004/arakawa-longboy/report2.htm

Shari began her Report 2 contrasting three different views of gender relationships from Deborah Tannen, Laura Schlessinger, and Leon James. She had created a chart that briefly organized the three levels that a relationship may be committed to, which are the sensorimotor, cognitive, and the affective model. Sensorimotor levels would reflect the lowest relationship that a couple may presume, in other words this is where the dominance model would take place. Next the cognitive model would reflect an equity model of marriage, which is a step higher than the dominance model. Lastly the affective level is the desired model where a couple would their threefold self to become one unit.

Shari then continued her report by selecting six student reports on marriage from Generation 20. She had chosen Ann, Brigitlynn Duclos, Jocelyn Hostetler, Chris M., Jennifer Combs, and Makana Liwai. Shari had summarized each report by beginning with a quick summary with the student’s report, then by explaining the methods that they had used, followed with the student’s explanation and what they had gained from doing their reports. Lastly, Shari gave some personal input to each students report.

The next concept that Shari describes is what Table 6 in the Lecture Notes from Making Field Observations is trying to show. This table shows an organized view of the three phases of marriage. The Unity Model of Marriage is the most different from the dominance and the equity model. The Unity model is the most difficult to achieve, yet the level in which all couples should strive for. Shari’s table can help couples understand which level their relationship stands. This table would help couples to become aware of what they need to work on to reach the Unity level.

Shari had then performed a mini experiment in which she analyzed interactions between couples. Shari spent a day with a couple that she is friends with and recorded one of their conversations. She had then replayed the recording and used a table, I had just explained, to organize everything into a category. She had realized that her friends were in a dominant relationship.

Shari then proceeded to disprove that men have less feelings than women, by discussing the threefold self and the role of the affective in relation to the cognitive and sensorimotor. Shari shared that the differences between men and women are the levels of awareness; cognitively and from their sensorimotor. Each sex displays their feelings in a different way, but both sexes may be feeling the same emotion. This is due to how our society and culture has conditioned us to behave.

What Shari gained from doing her report?

One point that Shari emphasized was how she has a better understanding of how to achieve a Unity Marriage. She is currently married and had realized that she and her husband have not reached the Unity level. Shari seemed to understand the Unity Model of Marriage a lot more clearer after having read the other students reports. She also felt that our society plays a huge role as to how we view our marriages today.

How did Shari’s ideas influence my thoughts of these issues?

I felt that I had similar thoughts as Shari did. Prior to reading her report, I also had understood more of the Unity Model of Marriage by doing my first report. I can only agree with everything that Shari has discussed. I am more aware of how a relationship should look like as opposed to the lowest level, which is the dominance level.

Heidi Nakamura’s Report 2: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2005/nakamura/409b-g22-report2.htm

Heidi Kanemura begins her Report 2 by explaining how a couple, who had just enjoyed their moment in life, began fighting, and made a turnaround, which resulted in disrespectful behaviors. Heidi first explains that the couple’s argument that was filled with hatred was due to the male’s interest to be independent, while the female’s interest was to conjoin on a deeper level spiritually. The man in this scenario is fighting to keep his dominant role between the two, which hurts and upsets the female.

In order for a couple to stop fighting with such anger, the male must connect to his woman on an affective and cognitive level. The couple must connect deeper than the sensorimotor level, which is just doing things together physically. The male needs to recognize that the reason that they are fighting is because he doesn’t want to give up his selfish ways to understand her and love her the way that she wants him to. Heidi states that those relationships where there is arguing it must probably fall into a dominant or equity category.

Heidi then proceeded on by reporting the data that she had gathered while doing a mini-experiment. She had analyzed her own relationship to see if they had connected on an affective and cognitive level. Heidi and her boyfriend seemed to not have yet connected further than the equity level. Heidi needed to lay the rules out for her boyfriend since he doesn’t really want to do his share around the house. They are still working their way to the Unity model, which Heidi feels is a good direction for them.

Next Heidi goes about explaining Table 6 in the Lecture Notes, from Making Field Observations. The table provides critiques for each of the three models of relationships. Revealing in the table are similarities and differences between the dominance, equity, and unity model of marriage. Heidi then describes what each of the three models looks like, emphasizing how the Unity Model of Marriage is the ultimate relationship that involves a commitment the selves on a sensorimotor, cognitive, and affective level.

Heidi learned from observing a couple that she knew to assess the quality of the partner’s relationship in relation to the nine zones of the unity model. Heidi expresses communication between a wife and a husband as a means to establish a unity relationship. Women are defeated when they surrender to the man’s methods of blackmail. The woman needs to fight this battle to make her husband realize that what he is doing is not right.

Next, Heidi observes three programs to describe affective, cognitive, and sensorimotor aspects of the gender interactions. She chose to observe “That 70’s Show,” “Desperate housewives,” and “Simpsons,” each of which demonstrated unhealthy relationships, similar to society’s family norms. This field experiment allowed Heidi to realize that the couples of today are more prone to find marriage without marital bliss acceptable.

What Heidi gained from doing her report?

Heidi had figured out what she wanted more out of her current relationship. She wants to reach the unity level with her boyfriend, and also realized what they had to work on. Heidi learned from her observations that our society isn’t quite aware of the acceptable norms that will never allow a marriage to experience marital bliss. Another major insight that she has begun to think about, is her atheistic belief. She has now though of religion as a means of uniting couples for a Unity Model of Marriage.

How Heidi’s ideas influence what I think about these issues

I too have gained some insight as to what I would want my future husband to be. Majority of her report was based on field experiments that viewed the reality of the influences of media, her current relationship, and what a unity relationship should look like. I agreed with her, when she said that she was not aware of how we accept the norms of marriage, without striving for a deeper ultimate conjugial love.

Teaching this course to high school students

It would be useful to teach this course to high school students because it is this age where the minds of adolescence are very influential. During the adolescence stage, the mind is very moldable, to learn about the world that they will take on shortly. Many high school students do not know what relationships are supposed to be like; instead they are easily persuaded to copy models seen in the media or amongst peers. As we have learned thus far, the media does nothing to teach people the right way to think spiritually, as a matter of fact it teaches superficial and materialistic values.

I believe that if students are taught this course, it would help them to be better prepared for commitments that will come their way. This may prevent accidental pregnancies, early divorce rates, or unhappy marriages. It will also teach students the spiritual reason why relationships between a male and a female occur, and how they operate. Students will be more aware of the media and recognize the evil denigrations that are discreet towards women.

The Question that I am answering is Question 4

(a) Consider Section 21 in the Lecture Notes at
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-lecture-notes.htm#unity-values
It gives a selection from an article titled "Secrets to a Happy Marriage." Read and discuss the article.

(b) Are these good instances of unity values or not? Explain.

(c) Search the Web using Google to find advice that is given to couples. Evaluate the advice given in terms of what you know of the unity model of marriage.

Based on the article, “Secrets to a Happy Marriage,” I have reviewed three secrets which Rev. Dr. Trey Kuhne has proposed would bring success to a marriage. Within each secret, there are instructional advice given for the husband and the wife to carry out that may fall in the dominance or the equity model of marriage. None of which fall into the Unity Model of Marriage.

The first secret discussed is Full Disclosure of Moneys-No Hidden Accounts. Money is portrayed as power in a spousal relationship. Spouses need to be completely open with one another about all money that each obtains. This is so that both spouses can be equally empowered in the relationship. This secret falls within an equity model of marriage, where both partners obtain equal power sharing.

Rev. Dr. Trey Kuhne states that this is vital to keeping the love and intimacy healthy in the marriage relationship which I beg to differ. Yes, it is a step closer to become united to a conjoint relationship, but there is still a lack in the affective self. The partners have a good direction to start off with the cognitive belief that everything belongs to both of the two and not independently from one another.

The second secret that is discussed is where each spouse must become a skilled cryptographer or develop competent communication skills. This is when spouses work hard to develop competent communication skills to understand the other. The example provided by Rev. Dr. Trey Kuhne depicts a situation when a husband comes home from work to unwind first. The wife rather desires to connect with her husband but it ends up being a confrontation.

Dr. Kuhne gives the advice that the husband should tell the wife that he wants to watch television first and then he will talk afterwards. I must completely disagree with Dr. Kuhne’s advice. Here is a perfect advice that is appropriate within the dominance model of marriage. The husband is telling the wife when she can have her turn from his priorities. The husband’s wants and needs are apparently more important than her needs and wants.

This example reveals that if the wife obeys his wishes then she will receive affection. I see his as blackmail, where she has to be his slave in order for him to connect in any superficial means possible. Communication is used this secret as a way for a husband to demand what he wants and desires. The wife would never be satisfied with marriage knowing that her husband is not attempting to conjoin but rather be independent from her.

Secret number three is based on the fact that words empower. You should praise your spouse often in public and private. Spouses should praise the other spouse when they are out in public and in private to show that they value and recognize each other. Opposite from praising are comments of complaint which expresses small forms of rejection according to Dr. Kuhne.

This third secret is a bit tricky. Yes, I agree that praising is a definitive must do in a successful relationship, but according to the unity model of marriage, when a wife criticized her husband or offers her comment of complaint it is because she needs her husband to be able to allow his wife to take the lead role. The man needs to voluntarily submiss to his wife’s affections and motivations, ebing committed to follow them instead of his own will.

In Dr. Kuhne’s belief that criticism results in small forms of rejection, it is because the man has the cognitive level of a dominance position. The husband is offended that his wife is challenging his behaviors. He is still thinking independent form his wife and is not attempting to cognitively connect with her.

All three of the secrets revealed have opposed the unity model of marriage. Each secret doesn’t allow the wife to be in control of the relationship, but rather keeps a dominant or equity model of marriage. The three secrets do not allow the conjointment of the threefold self. None of the secrets revealed how a husband should behave or think to commit affectively to his wife.

In each secret the advice given were all ways in which a man would most likely benefit from the marriage. There are no suggestions as to how to make the wife happy. The wife is still left with a feeling of not being his first priority in his life. All of these secrets would never direct a marriage to a Unity Model of Marriage.

In searching for advice on couples provided by Google, the first pop-up was Dr. Phil’s webpage. I decided to check out his article on “The Role of the Man in the Family,” which is written differently from his opinions on television. This article proposes much like the Unity model, for the man to contribute to the emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental well-being besides just the financial care.

This advice is similar to the Unity Model of Marriage in a sense of having the man recognize that he must not only conjoin his sensorimotor self, but also his cognitive, and affective self to his wife. Dr. Phil states that the man must know that the money he brings home is not the most important aspect to having a successful marriage.

The next article I decided to evaluate from Dr. Phil’s webpage was on “Roles in Marriage.” He first states to communicate instead of just COMPLAINING! Here Dr. Phil’s advice completely contradicts the Unity Model of Marriage. In the Unity Model, wording a wife’s request as complaining is denigrating to the wife’s self worth.

Dr. Phil doesn’t realize that the wife is simply trying to conjoin their cognitive selves together to build a united marriage. This advice clearly depicts how a man needs to just be told, instead of trying to understand his wife and her motivations. This advice is very disturbing for women who simply just want their husbands to make them happy. Wives just get called naggers and complainers for their good and loving intentions.

Dr. Phil’s next advice is to negotiate, which also contradicts the roles in the Unity Model of Marriage. There are no equal divisions of responsibilities in the Unity Model. In the Unity Model, the wife leads the relationship, with no negotiations. This is because her intentions are to conjoin, while in negotiating, the man is still cognitively and affectively independent from his wives.

The following advice that Dr. Phil offered reflected similar ideas as the Unity Model of Marriage, where the husband should stop being a “right fighter.” He states that it doesn’t matter if he is right or wrong on the male’s side. The husband is told to voluntarily submiss to his wife’s affections and motivations, instead of challenging her with his own. He continues with more similar Unity Model advice stating that you should do whatever makes your partner happy. Wives should demand what they want out of their husbands so that they can realize what will make them happy.

The Question I am Answering is Question 6

(a) Consider Section 5.1 Sexuality: Love of the Sex vs. Love of One of the Sex in the Lecture Notes
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-lecture-notes.htm#sexuality
Describe the difference between the two types of loves as explained there.

(b) Compare this spiritual idea of sex to the idea of sex promoted today by psychologists and sex therapists. Find some examples on the Web (give links) or in books and journal articles (give full reference).

Sex is the number one interest that is common in practically every society of the world, since the beginning of the human race. This is due to the love of sex that is built into the affective organ of every mind. This is the result of an influx from our vertical communities of everyone’s mind. This is where we receive all of our heavenly and hellish traits in the spiritual world. The influx in our vertical communities causes us to carry our behaviors in the physical world.

From our vertical communities in the spiritual world, we are capable of knowing and choosing what motivations and intentions we will carry out in the physical world. This leaves us with two opposing ideas of sex, which is the love of the sex versus the love of one of the sex.

The love of the sex is motivated by the natural sensuous part of the mind. This is the lowest portion of the mind that is a mental operation we share with animals. This is a hellish trait which is indiscriminate, non-exclusive, and temporary, love of the actual behavior since it is determined by the love of sex regardless of situation or condition. Everything about the love of the sex is for the sake of self and the world.

The opposite of the love of the sex is the love of one of the sex. This is when you love one of the sex, to love one person sexually. This requires a spiritual sensuous level of rationalization that animals do not obtain. The love of one of the sex is exclusive, and feels good with only one person. Spiritual sexuality is acquired by elevation one’s rational consciousness by Sacred Scriptures above the natural sensuous thinking.

The love of one of the sex is called conjugial love, when love is toward on the of the sex with one. Humans are capable of elevating their minds to a spiritual rational level from the natural rational level of thinking. Our natural sensuous level of thinking is where we can only understand the universe from our sense in the physical body. To think beyond this, we must think in a higher rational level, called the spiritual natural. Every human may receive this from the influx of our vertical communities. After understanding that heavenly things are above earthly things, then shall our level of thinking will elevate to a spiritual rational level.

As you can see, the love of the sex is ties with natural sensuous hellish traits where there is no deeper understanding of the behavior than feeling the satisfaction from the physical body. For the love of one of the sex, it requires a spiritual natural understanding that the love of one of the sex is a heavenly trait that will result in pure bliss in the mind.

According to Dr. Leon James Lecture Notes, sex therapists in atheistic psychology advise couples to promote fantasies of promiscuity to help their relationships. It is the process of watching pornographic videos to stimulate and revitalize the passion of the relationship. This will only fuel the natural sensuous desires in the male. The psychologists have no advice as to how a couple may experience a spiritual sensuous sexuality. The male in this scenario is cognitively thinking of sex in a hellish way, and not thinking in terms of conjoining with one woman.

While searching Google, I found one site that provides some advice for couples, as to how to have a greater sex drive. The site is located at: http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20060103-000002.html

The first advice given was that many people don’t really want great sex. This is defined as lusty sex, which is from an experience that is “mind-blowing.” This advice states that this type of great sex reminds you that your experience is just an experience that may not actually remain with you. I find this advice totally strange how it speaks about great sex as a physical pleasure that is temporary and not an eternal bliss. Great sex is not defined as a spiritual experience but a natural sensuous experience.

Another advice given from this same site, states that sex gets better with age. This advice pertains to having a greater “sense of self.” On this site it means that as we age we are less self-conscious about ourselves. This statement reveals that as we get older it is because of our self-esteem from our individual selves that will result in greater sex. This advice doesn’t mention how an aged relationship will result in great sex due to the conjointment of the two selves into one; meaning, understanding what each other is thinking and feeling.

I had searched more thoroughly after this site, and actually found many sites that stated that better sex will only result if there is an open communication between the male and female. Many sites emphasized how understanding the other partner and their thoughts, and realizing that they are the one they want to be with forever is the only way the two may experience great sex. Both partners need to push away the fantasies and insecurities to experience real bliss.

The Question that I am Answering is Question 7

(a) Consider Section 17a. Gender Discourse Within the Three Models in the Lecture Notes at
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-lecture-notes.htm#17a._Gender_Discourse
Explain in your own words how the conversational style between husband and wife reflects what is going on in the intimacy of their relationship. Make sure you discuss the three models in relation to conversational style.

(b) Create a conversation between them that exhibits several elements mentioned throughout Section 17a regarding the conversational style of married partners. Number the lines. Add whatever explanatory notes are needed for readers to understand what's going on. (Note: you are allowed to use borrowed parts of an actual conversation you heard or read somewhere -- but you need to edit and adapt it so it fits with this answer.)

The conversation style between a husband and wife reflects what is going on in the intimacy of their relationship. This is because women intuitively evaluate the man’s conversation as either sexy or unsexy. If the conversation is sexy, than the wife will respond with warm inner feelings to their husband, on the other hand, if their husband uses unsexy conversation styles, then she will be turned off or averted from her man.

A man interacts with his wife on a verbal level that is a direct indication of the level he is interacting with at the mental level. A sexy style from a man is determined from where his thoughts are motivated from; self, the topic, or his wife. He is sexy if his focuses are on his wife.

In a dominance model of marriage, the man’s mind is focused upon himself. The man doesn’t care if the wife finds him sexy or not, which is unsexy. The husband controls his wife so that he can get sex whenever he wants, which is more important to him than his wife. The wife is expected to cooperate or be obedient, meaning that when she is speaking, he has all the right to interrupt her. The man injures and eliminates the wife’s sexual feelings.

In the dominance model, the husband frequently makes jokes or complains about the fact that his wife is not giving them enough sex. Women as a result feel sexually blackmailed. He constantly is trying to control the conversation by changing the wife’s conversational focus in various ways.

In the equity model, the focus of the husband is on the topic or task. The husband’s conversational style is still unsexy when he is still defending his own ideas and opinions. He thinks that his wife’s’ ideas are not as relevant to the specific situation, where his views are always fair and rational. In the sensorimotor level, he talks like he is always out to defend his views, by exaggerating, lying, name calling, and through criticism.

Lastly, the unity model is the only level in which you can find sexy conversation styles. The focus of the husband is on his wife. The wife is more important in his mind than himself. He loves mental intimacy with her views for the sake of unity in eternity. From the sensorimotor level, he never interrupts her and shows interest to her ideas.

A husband needs to understand how the women he is interacting with actually responds. He needs to give his wife the feeling that he is interested in maintainingher topic focus. This is obtained when his speech acts like he wants to hear what she wants to say to him. This requires the husband to be hot rather than cold to whatever the wife is saying or implying. This means that he shows his reactions emotionally or affectively.

It is important for a husband to learn to recognize his wife’s humor to make sure he can laugh at those moments. He must show that he is having a good time being with his wife, whenever and wherever. He has to understand that there is a spiritual dynamic between him and his woman who is conjoining herself to him, resulting in eternal bliss.

The husband must at all cost avoid sexual blackmail in his conversations with his wife. This is because unsexy conversation styles inhibits and freezes over a wife’s feelings or warmth in the chest and hands. When her sexuality is frozen above the waist, the wife also senses coldness below the waist.

There are four conversational rules for husbands in conjugial interactions. The first rule of conjugial conversation is to be reactive and friendly whenever his wife is talking to him. The second rule is to deny him the right to express disagreement with her. Third, is to create a conversational atmosphere in which his wife feels unoppressed, free, and safe because he shows that he cherishes everything about her. Lastly, the fourth rule is to use the conversation as a method of enhancing her mood, making her feel young in heart and stimulated in her mind.

Creating a conversation

I am currently living with two roommates that happen to be a couple. I decided to record their argument one evening when I was working on this paper, and found it to be a perfect example of a dominant disjunctive conversation. Wendy, Jason, and Wendy’s mother had gone out to eat dinner two evenings before Thanksgiving. Wendy was driving Jason back to our townhouse first before she dropped off her mother. Then Wendy cam back home to continue the chaotic event. It had proceeded like this…

1) Jason: “I’m going to Fashion 45 tonight to support Ryan’s performance.” (Wendy, Jason, and Wendy’s mother are all in the car, driving home from dinner)

2) Wendy: “What, we were supposed to do all of our preparations for thanksgiving! Remember!”

3) Jason: “It’s only going to be for one hour.”

4) Wendy: “I told you ahead of time. We have so much to do! We didn’t even buy the food yet.”

5) Jason: “I have to go. Ryan needs everyone to support him tonight.”

6) Wendy: “You know what?! You don’t even invite me out with your boys. Every time you get to do whatever you want, but you never want me to go out of the house.”

7) Jason: “Well if I can’t go out then you can’t!”

8) Wendy: “I’m not going anywhere! What are you talking about?”

9) Jason: “You’re so f***ing stupid! (In front of Wendy’s mother that is in the car)

10) Wendy: “Don’t f***ing swear in front of my mom!”

11) Jason: “Why you swear all the time.”

12) Wendy: “It’s my mom! I can swear in front of her if I want.”

(Wendy drops off Jason to our townhouse, and goes to her mother’s apartment and is speaking with the mom downstairs of the mother’s apartment)

(Jason calls Wendy on her cell phone, while she was still with her mother)

13) Jason: “Where the f*** are you?”

14) Wendy: “I’m talking to my mom!”

15) Jason: “Get the f*** home now!” (Jason hangs up on Wendy)

It is clearly obvious that this argument had shown many disjunctive, unsexy conversation styles. My friends fall directly into the dominant level or relationships. Throughout the entire argument, Jason had interrupted Wendy, called her names, used harsh tones, and used his gestures and his body to intimidate her. This latter behavior occurred when he had grabbed Wendy’s cell phone out her hand when it had rung. He had also punched the interior of her car when she was parked.

Everything that Wendy had said was dismissed to turn the blame onto her. Jason had rejected all of her ideas so that it may suit his ideas. The argument also began because of his preference for the company of his other male friends. He chose his wants over her plans for the evening. This was reflected in line number 1.

It is also apparent that Wendy reflects her inner desire to conjoin with Jason when she is trying to get across the fact that she would want Jason to be with her instead of his friends from line 2 and 4. She then had opened up a deeper issue when she brought up the fact that Jason doesn’t invite her out with his friends on line 6. Jason has an anti-unity value in which he would rather go out with his same sex friends and exclude her out of his activities.

Jason then portrays a very unsexy remark when he tells Wendy that she’s so F***ing stupid on line 9. He denigrates the woman that is just trying to conjoin to him, and he is resisting giving up his independence, which upsets him. He says this line with harsh tones in his voice to intimidate her, but more badly it was in front of her mother.

I honestly do not see a happy future between my roommates. Jason must change his dominant behaviors and ideas on the relationship. I have heard many things in my house that are not appropriate for a relationship to rise up to the unity level. Jason has to learn and understand where Wendy is coming from, and he must let go of his independent self. Jason is constantly putting himself over Wendy. He must learn how to put her as his first priority for the relationship to be successful. Jason is always in the dominant position in this house of ours, which does not allow Wendy to feel free to do or speak whatever she wants.

The Question that I am answering is Question 10

(a) Explore the Web and the library for explanatory models of mate selection. How is this process supposed to occur? Why are people attracted to each other to become a couple?

(b) Describe the current practices in mate selection that you are aware of. Use what you already know from your life observations as well as what you can observe on the Web or other online type activities that are popular.

(c) Can you think of improvements in these practices? What would be your ideal community in which mate selection is practiced at its best?

The process of mate selection is based on our history of our Evolutionary sexual psychology. From this perspective, human sex differences reflected the pressure of differing physical and social environments between females and males. This resulted in sex-specific evolved mechanisms that cause our sex-differentiated behaviors. Each sex developed different strategies to ensure their survival and reproductive success. This led to the different social roles that each sex acquires.

Evolutionary psychology explains the sex differences as the basis of parental investments. Since females are the sex that invests more in reproduction they will seek out mate who will improve the chances that their offspring will survive. Men are not as choosy with their mates, since their purpose is to spread their genes. The male’s number one problem was to find a female who was willing and fertile. Female’s, on the other hand, had the problem of finding a male to stick around for parental investment.

Physical sex differences influence the roles held by men and women. These differences of traits are believed to place the individual hierarchy of desirable social structure. Men who have roles of power and good standing in society are shown to be more dominant, whereas women are classified with lesser power along with subordinate behaviors. Women will seek those who have power and success so that their offspring will survive.

I have gone over the history of the reason why we choose the partners we do, but let me explain how we end up finding someone attractive. Physical appearances play a big part in mate selection. Women prefer men with symmetrical features, healthy skin and other exterior features, which state that they have good genes. Women also prefer masculine features, such as a strong jaw, facial hair, broader shoulders, narrower hips, and a muscular build. These all indicate that there is sufficient testosterone for reproduction.

Men prefer women who are fertile, which are relatively young women with full lips, breasts, and hips, a smaller waist, which result form sufficient estrogen levels to successfully birth a child. Men also look for symmetry to provide healthy genes. They are less concerned about the social status of their chosen mates.

From my past experiences, I have studied evolutionary sexual psychology. I enjoyed studying this theory because I find it very valid as to how I understand and view attraction between sexes. There are many online sites that work with profiles to help individuals in the dating system. Some popular site is www.match.com, www.eharmony.com, www.dating.com, and a local Hawaii site available at www.thedatedoctor.com.

Online dating services work by providing a large database of males and females. You can look at their interests, and contact them through e-mail, instant messaging, or chatting. Popular online dating services allow you to create a personal ad, upload your photo, and receive a limited number of e-mails for free. A charge is required if you’d like to contact other members, and use their features.

The search begins with what the seeker is seeking out for; gender, age, location from their hometown, then an advanced search of hobbies, languages spoken, sexual preference, previous marriages, children, professions, education, religion, height, and weight. You can then click search and there will appear close matches to what you were looking for. After your result pop up you are able to either e-mail, or instant message to get an acknowledgement.

I believe that these online sites have their success rates based on the common traits of what each sex is particularly looking for and what the online information provides. Individuals are also able to look at their pictures and find out their background information without going through the nervous stages of getting to know someone on the first date. All the information is provided right before them and there is no social anxiety since there is no physical contact.

My Report on the Current Generation

Robin Imose Report 1: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/imose/imose-409b-g25-report1.htm

Robin Imose began her report by explaining what anti-unity values are. She then evaluated Carly Kanemaru’s, Skip Saito’s, Lauren Buchner’s, Adriel Stipek’s, and Cynthia Adam’s Report 1 from prior generations. Robin summarized each of their reports by explaining what each student had done their own field observations of the media on.

Robin compared herself to the reports that she had read, and found similar results, being that she grew up observing a dominant model relationship between her parents. Her family exhibited a traditional Japanese family, where the husband worked and the wife did all of the child care and the household chores.

Robin felt that the media impacts upcoming generations, which pertains to everyone who watches or listens to any types of media. She hopes that the media will not further their influences of female denigration, because it will only allow society to accept abuse to women.

Next Robin did her own findings on AUVs in the media. She has observed “Friends,” “Grey’s Anatomy” and “The OC.” She found out that each show had more disjunctive talk and behavior than conjunctive talk. She believes that drama is necessary in these shows to be interesting, but allows more provocative behavior that will be acceptable in society.

Robin continued her report by depicting a scene from “Desperate Housewives” and “Nip Tuck.” She had found more disjunctive talk in both shows compared to conjunctive talk.

Lastly, Robin finalized her report with her conclusion and some advice to future generations. Robin expressed her new thoughts as to her surrounding environment. She has a clearer view of how the media she watches or listens to allows her to accept disjunctive behaviors and talk. She felt glad that she was able to read up and learn to notice how relationship works. Robin realized that reports should be time managed, to successfully understand what you are writing.

Christina Delapena Report 1: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/delapena/delapena-409b-g25-report1.htm

Christina briefly explained what anti-unity values were. Following this, she then reviewed and summarized five students from prior generations. The five students were Carly Kanemaru, Skip Saito, Lauren Buchner, Adriel Stipek, and Cynthia Adams. Christina had summarized what findings that each student had observed from the media and ended each student with her own reactions to their findings.

Christina had agreed with each student that majority of the roles that are portrayed in the media sway for the male dominant positions. She watches a lot of reality television since they are claimed to be “real.” But in reality these shows reinforces the acceptance of the degradation towards women. Christina realized that none of the shows that she finds entertaining are good examples of the unity model.

Along with Robin, Christina next mentioning that her family fell into a male dominant model. They had a traditional way of living where the father would be dominant whole the wife obeyed. Christina did not agree to the lifestyle growing up, believing that it was too strict. Since her father controlled the household, there wasn’t much emotional bonding between everyone in the house, which is similar to male traits.

Christina next searched to find confirming websites that exploited the gender discrimination against women presented in the media. She had found three sites, which were: http://www.mediaawareness.ca/english/issues/stereotyping/men_and_masculinity/masculinity_defining.cfm

http://www.wiu.edu/users/mfjks/ws1903.html

http://www.bgsu.edu/departments/tcom/faculty/ha/tcom103fall2003/gp9/women.html

Christina did her own findings on AUVs in the media. She chose to observe “Flavor of Love” and “Married with Children.” Flavor of Love is a reality show aired on VH1. Flavor Flav is the main character that is in search of finding his love to marry. He goes through the process of elimination from 20 girls and chooses which one to marry.

From this show Flavor of Love, Christina illustrated disjunctive talk and behavior. Flav happens to show a dominant role between each of his relationships with every different woman on the show. Some examples are provided; one reveals Flav talking to Deelicious, making her feel guilty about something that she said. Then there are examples of conjunctive talk from Flav, one is where Flav makes up for being a jerk, and telling New York, who is another female that he is sorry and wants to make it up to her with a romantic dinner.

Married with Children is Christina’s second show that she had chosen. This is a classic sitcom that aired from 1987 to 1997. Al Bundy is the man of the house, married to his wife Peggy. This sitcom illustrates a very dysfunctional family, with children. There is obvious disjunctive talk and behavior between Al and Peggy. Peggy is described as frustrated because she can’t turn on her husband to have sex. Al doesn’t seem to care. Then there is also conjunctive talk and behavior illustrated that Christina explains from a scene. Peggy tells Al that she needs to be sexually satisfied at least once a month. Al decides to get in shape and puts a weightlifting room in their basement to better his lack of performance.

Christina then commented on both shows and realized that these chows exhibited the males in dominant positions. Both shows are funny and very entertaining, but it is only due to the fact that the producers and script writers twist the show around. Christina believes that these shows would have consequences on couples in society because people might take it the wrong way and get offended or think its okay for a husband to be the dominant character.

Christina’s next portion of her report covers disjunctive versus conjunctive interactions. She goes upon finding some quotes from the book, “A Newlywed’s Confession: 52 Fights,” by Jennifer Jeanne Patterson. This book is about the author, Jennifer, and her husband, Matt. The entire theme of the book is written about the fights that they had after one year of being married. Love is what gets them through each surprising fight they encounter.

In Christina’s choice of literature, she had found many disjunctive interactions between Jennifer and Matt. This portrayed characteristics of the dominance model. There were also examples of interactions of the equity model, when Matt decides to agree about a specific request that Jennifer had asked. Christina also found conjunctive interactions between Matt and Jennifer, which depicted the unity model when Matt realizes all the things that Jennifer does for him and apologized to her for his stupidity.

Finally, Christina ended her report by concluding her thoughts about the class, along with some advice for future generations. Christina thought that this class is really interesting, especially since she is planning on getting married. She now is knowledgeable and values the unity model. Another important habit that she also learned was to time management. She had learned to pace herself everyday so that she wouldn’t stress out and benefit from clearly understanding what she was writing about.

My Advice to Future Generations

As you will read over and over again from everyone’s advice, DO NOT PROCRASTINATE! This class takes a lot of thorough reading and evaluations of topics and other students work. You must allow yourself the time to clearly read and not skim all materials given from class or online. It will be a lot easier to write out your paper if you are sure of the material.

A few weeks ahead of the due date is preferable to begin writing your report so that when the date comes near, you will not have to worry about cramming. You have to allow yourself time to go back and edit things that you might have missed to present a excellent report, not only to the professor but remember to everyone else who may just drop by on the web to take a look at the fine work you are capable of producing.

Class Home Page:

www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/classhome-g25.htm

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