Report 1
My Field Observations
of Disjunctive vs. Conjunctive
Discourse and Behavior
in Couples
By Christina Delapena
Instructions for this report
are at:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-report1.htm
G25 Lecture Notes on the Unity Model of Marriage:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-lecture-notes.htm
Section A: AUVs in the Media
This table is from:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-lecture-notes.htm#Table%209
Examples of anti-unity
values (AUVs) that are often promoted in the media
include:
1.
Living together unmarried
2.
Having children out of wedlock
3.
Making each other jealous on purpose
4.
Adultery for various reasons
5.
Promiscuity and bi-sexuality
6.
Sexy dressing for men other than one's partner
7.
Having a same sex best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in
competition for certain things
8.
Having a heterosexual best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or
in competition for certain things
9.
Same sex friends going out as a group for fun and entertainment without
their partners
10. Flirting with other
gender as retaliation against one's partner (or other reason)
11. Separate interests and
activities accepted for partners
12. Manipulating partner
through deception
13. Accepting the idea that
it's OK to "agree to disagree" about some things
14. Promoting the idea that
one should not try to change one's partner but should accept them with their
faults, etc.
15. Girls only or boys only
entertainment
16. Acceptance of the idea
that men are more important
17. Promoting the idea that
men are more rational than women
18. Promoting the idea that
women are generally frivolous as part of their gender
19. Making it look normal
for a man to exploit women
20. Making it look normal
for a man to abuse women
21. Making it look normal
for a man to have prerogatives or perks that women should accept and honor
(e.g., serving men, doing what they want no matter what, being dominant, etc.)
22. Making it look like
what women say and think as less important
23. Accepting the idea that
a man does not need to "grovel" when he apologizes for something bad
he did to her (the minimum is enough and she should not ask for more even if
her feelings are still hurt or else she is being "unreasonable" etc.)
AUVs in Relation to the
Unity Model of Marriage
The unity model of marriage goes beyond
"until death do us part"; it bases its marriage concept "forever
in heaven". This model centers on a
relationship that consists of three levels which include: the sensorimotor self, the cognitive self, and the affective
self. The sensorimotor self includes sensations, perceptions, and motor acts that are performed
in a relationship. The cognitive self includes thinking and
reasoning we do in these relationships.
The affective self includes
feelings and motivations in the relationship.
When a relationship is unified at all three levels, they create a conjoint self. This is where each individual has changed, letting go some traits and obtaining new
ones that can fit together as a unit.
When this is achieved, the husband chooses to
always act from his wife's feelings and choices, rather from his own. But achieving all three levels is not as
easy. Although women see this conjoint
self of soul mates and best friends as the ultimate happiness and fulfillment
of heaven, men don't really see it at first.
Men kind of see it as hellish, because the woman is always invading on
their mental space of freedom and comfort.
The husband is frequently trying to resist the unification process of
going on to more intimate levels, while the wife is always striving for the man
to do so.
Before even reaching the unity model, the couple
must get pass the dominant model and the equity model. The dominant model focuses primarily on the
man. The woman basically caters to the
man's needs because he is the breadwinner of the household, bringing more or
all of the income for the family. The
equity model is based on equality. The
man and the woman agree on everything
they do. But the man still retains his
independence because of what he
chooses to agree on.
In
comparison to the anti-unity model table, this table is far from the unity
model. This table has traits of the
dominant and equity models and can create conflict within the couple. One example that can create conflict within a
relationship is (#8) having a heterosexual best friend who is placed ahead of
the partner or in competition for certain things. This can create conflict because if a man has
a best female friend (or vice versa) the woman will be constantly be thinking
what is going on between them, creating feelings of mistrust and jealousy,
which are hellish traits.
Another
example which can be seen through both the dominance and equity model is (#22)
making it look like what women say and think as less important. You can see this in the dominant model
because women are constantly catering to the man's needs but the man doesn't
have to do the same for the woman. Just
because she doesn't bring in more or all of the income for the family makes the
man think that she's not as important as he is.
This is also displayed in the equity model because even though there is
an equal right principle, the woman basically puts out what choices they both
can agree on, but the man chooses.
Section B:
Findings of Prior Generation
These reports are from Dr. Leon James' prior
generation, G24. These were his
students' Report 1 on "Monitoring Anti-Unity Values in the
Media." Throughout going over their
reports, I will be referring to anti-unity values from the table in Section A.
Carly Kanemaru
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/kanemaru/kanemaru-409b-g24-report1.htm
Kanemaru had chosen the movie
"Unfaithful" and two songs, "Secret Lovers" by Atlantic
Starr and "Big Pimpin" by Jay-Z that all
portrayed anti-unity.
In the movie "Unfaithful," a woman
named Diane is unsatisfied in her marriage because her husband, a business man,
didn't have the time to express his love and affection to her that she had
craved. Diane then has an affair with a
young man named Peter Martel to whom she was physically attractive too. With Diane denying that there's anything
wrong in her marriage, her husband senses something and hires a detective to
follow her.
Diane had a wonderful husband, who was a
hard-working businessman. And instead of
trying to communicate with him and tell him how she felt about everything, she
goes out and has an affair with another man instead. Kanemaru found a number of anti-unity values
in this movie, which were mainly revolved around marital affair and lying. In one part of the movie, Diane had bought
new lingerie for Peter. This supports
the anti-unity values adultery for various reasons (#4) and "sexy dressing
for men other than one's partner" (#6).
Another anti-unity value that Kanemaru found was "flirting with
other gender as retaliation against one's partner or another reason"
(#10). This is displayed throughout the
whole movie while Diane is having an affair with Peter. Kanemaru believed that these anti-unity
values will destroy the relationship because the other spouse feels unwanted
and hurt by what their spouse has caused.
Kanemaru also felt that this movie revolved
around the anti-unity value of lying.
Kanemaru describes a scene where Diane lies to her husband about where
she has been and betrays him when he tries to make things better for her by
spending time with her. Instead of
talking things over with her husband, Diane turns on him. This example supports the anti-unity value
"manipulating partner through deception" (#12). Kanemaru pointed out that communication is
very important in a relationship.
Without it, couples may become lost and confused and then pull away from
their spouse.
In the song by Atlantic Starr called
"Secret Lovers," it talks about two people who are having affairs
with each other. Kanemaru believed that
this song was a perfect example of anti-unity and displayed the anti-unity
value "having a heterosexual best friend (or person) who
is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things"
(#8). Kanemaru believed that this
diminishes the relationship because another person is put ahead of the spouse,
which prevents them from uniting together in a unified marriage.
The other song that Kanemaru had chosen was by
Jay-Z called "Big Pimpin". This song degrades women and displays men as
the dominate people in the society.
Women are inferior by men, who are easily manipulated by men. This song is very anti-unity, having
anti-unity values such as "making it look normal for a man to exploit a
woman" (#19). Kanemaru believes
that a man and woman cannot unify together if a man sees a woman as
inferior. They won't be able to connect
to each other if the man believes those kinds of things and pushes the woman
away.
My reaction to Kanemaru's
findings
I enjoyed going over Kanemaru's report and felt
that she chose good examples that portrayed anti-unity. Having movies and songs out there, like
"Unfaithful" and "Secret Lovers," makes it look okay to
society for people to cheat on their spouses if something goes wrong in the
relationship. And having songs played
like "Big Pimpin" makes it look like that
it's all right for men to degrade women like that. Displaying these kinds of interactions in a
relationship puts a strain on each of the spouses, halting the process of
unification together and to spiritually conjoin; or maybe, not even reaching
that level at all.
Skip
Saito
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/409b-g24-lecture-notes.htm
Saito had chosen the movie "Mr. and Mrs.
Smith" and two songs, "Jealousy" by Eminem and
"Confessions" by Usher that all portrayed anti-unity.
In the movie "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" a couple,
John and Jane, are married to each other who both have secret lives, in which
they deceive, lie, and manipulate each other.
In the movie, they are both hired to kill each other, and they both find
out about each other's secret lives. At
the end of the movie, they both decide that they are both better off alive
together.
Saito describe several scenes that displayed
anti-unity. Throughout the movie, you
can see that both John and Jane are deceiving each other and lying about
everything. They lie about their whole
day and have secret gadgets hiding around special places in the house. This supports the anti-unity value
"manipulating each other through deception" (#12). Saito choosing this movie was a good example
of showing characteristics of the anti-unity values. Being honest in a relationship is one of the
most important things. If there is no
trust, a couple cannot unify together because there are constant conflicts with
each other.
In the song by Eminem called "Jealousy",
it talks about how a wife, who had a husband who really cared for her, cheated
on him anyway. It leaves the husband
wondering what he done to deserve this.
Just by reading the lyrics, you can tell that it is very anti-unity
because Eminem degrades women in such a way by calling her names and expressing
abuse. This song supports anti-unity
values of "making each other jealous on purpose" (#3), "adultery
for various reasons" (#4), and "flirting with other gender as
retaliation against one partner or other reason" (#10). Saito pointed out that a couple cannot reach
the unity model if a couple displays adultery.
And having so much hatred for each other will keep the couple in the
dominance model.
In the song by Usher called,
"Confessions", it talks about how man is telling his wife that he had
an affair with another girl. She ended
up pregnant and he doesn't know what to do.
The man is asking his wife for forgiveness and another chance. This song presents anti-unity values
"having children out of wedlock" (#2) and "adultery for various
reasons" (#4). Saito believes that
the man is still in the dominance model and that he has to really change for
his wife.
My reactions Saito's
findings
I liked going over Saito's report because he was
very straightforward in presenting his examples of anti-unity. I haven't really seen the movie "Mr. and
Mrs. Smith" but I have heard about it.
With Saito analyzing this movie in this perspective would have never
made me thought that this was that type of movie; my boyfriend had watched it and
liked it because it was full of action.
As for the song by Eminem, I think all of his songs are very degrading
to women. I have heard one of his albums
and it kind of disgusts me to hear him talk about women like that. And for the song "Confessions" by
Usher, I used to always listen to it and have never seen it in an anti-unity
perspective. I just thought about it as
a man preaching to his wife because he had cheated on her; nothing deeper than
that.
Lauren
Buchner
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/buchner/buchner-409b-g24-report1.htm
Buchner had chosen the movie "The Story of
Us" and two songs, "Ms. Fat Booty" by Mos Def and
"Faithful" by Common.
In the movie "The Story of Us", it is
about a couple named Katie and Ben.
Being married for 15 years, Katie and Ben have been fighting for the
last five years. With two adolescent
children together, Katie and Ben pretend that everything is all fine when the
whole family is together, when really, their marriage is falling apart.
Buchner describes various scenes that all
displayed anti-unity. In one scene that
Buchner described, the whole family was at the dinner table. It looked like that Ben and Katie were in a
great marriage, discussing with the children what went on throughout the
day. But, when the children left the
table, the smiles on their faces disappeared and it was a totally different
vibe. They shortly talked about their
anniversary and said they could do whatever they want, just as long the
children see them leave together.
Another scene that Buchner explained from the movie was the couple's
concept of cheating. Katie believed that
Ben had cheated on her because she had walked in on him telling his female
co-worker intimate details about their marriage. Katie had believed that Ben had cheated on
her because he was able to form an intimate relationship with someone else and
talk about personal things.
These scenes all support anti-unity values, and
from reading these scenes, the anti-unity values I've noticed were
"separate interests and activities accepted for partners" (#11) and
"having a heterosexual best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in
competition for certain things" (#8).
Buchner also pointed out that this movie started and ended without
having any unity whatsoever. One
anti-unity that Buchner pointed out was "promoting the idea that one
should not try to change one's partner but should accept them with their
faults, etc" (#14). This is
displayed in the end of the movie where Katie decides that she is going to be
the one to save their marriage and just accept Ben for who he is. Obviously, Katie and Ben are stuck between
the equity and dominant models. Katie
and Ben agreed that they will not show that their marriage has fallen apart in
front of their children. Also, Ben
"cheated" on his wife, which is a dominant behavior.
In the song "Ms. Fat Booty" by Mos
Def, it talks women, who rather choose to be with men with lots of money and
shows it off, which makes her look good.
Buchner pointed out that throughout the song, the lyrics displayed
anti-unity values of "promoting the idea that women are generally
frivolous as a part of their nature" (#18) and "making it look normal
for a man to exploit women" (#19) because the song talks about women in a
degrading way. Mos Def's song is in the
dominance model perspective because of the way he talks about woman.
In the song "Faithful" by Common, it
talks about if God was a woman, would she still be mistreated by himself and
other people like him. Throughout some
of the lyrics Buchner has given from this song, you can tell that it is
anti-unity. In one set of lyrics that
Buchner gave, it talks about how Common explains a situation between a man and
is his wife's best friend. The man had
received oral sex from his wife's best friend but didn't really consider it
cheating because they did not have sexual intercourse. This is an example of a dominant behavior and
these lyrics support the anti-unity value "adultery for various
reasons" (#4).
My reactions to
Buchner's findings
As I was going over Buchner's report, I was kind
of having a hard time in finding certain things because her report was broken
up into many sections. But after reading
it, Buchner had good, detailed examples in supporting anti-unity values in the
media. With Buchner going over "The
Story of Us", I can see how having children can really affect a
marriage. But I do not believe that a
couple must stay married for the sake of the children. If they can no longer be happy together, then
each person deserves to be happy and find someone else they can unify with. As for Buchner's song choices, I thought that
"Ms. Fat Booty" by Mos Def was a like a typical song that degrades
women. And for the song
"Faithful" by Common, it was a song that saw women in a different
way, but was expressed negatively.
Adriel
Stipek
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/stipek/stipek-409b-g24-report1.htm
Stipek had chosen the movie "
In the movie "
Stipek described four scenes, but two scenes
that I wanted to point out were scenes one and three. Scene one was when Melanie gets proposed by
Andrew. Andrew had taken Melanie to the
jewelry store Tiffany's and when the lights turned on, Andrew proposed to
her. She was surprised and shock and
didn't really give him an answer. He
then became dominating to her, saying words that were nicely put, but forcing
her to say yes. Stipek believed that the
way that Andrew had proposed to Melanie was manipulating and made it looked
like what he wanted was more important.
This supports the anti-unity value "acceptance of the idea that men
are more important" (#16).
Scene three was when Melanie was at the dog
cemetery in
In the song "My Way" by Limp Bizkit,
it talks about a man being controlled by his girlfriend and is fighting back to
get his power. Throughout reading the
lyrics, Stipek pointed out 11 different anti-unity values (#9, 11, 14,
16-23)! Though having many different anti-unity
values, Stipek believed that the main anti-unity values that were revolved
around the song were "acceptance of the idea that men are important"
(#16); "promoting the idea that men are more rational than women"
(#17); and "promoting the idea that women are generally frivolous as part
of their gender" (#18). Stipek
pointed out this song is very much in the dominance model. If they were in the unity model, the man
would understand his girlfriend, trying to get closer to her. Instead, the relationship is in the dominance
model because the man is fighting back for his control.
In the song "Never is a Promise" by
Fiona Apple, it talks about a woman who is with a man that she had settled for
less for. Even though she knows that she
deserves more and that he should change, she recognizes that her partner will
never truly know her. Stipek found eight
anti-unity values in this song, but mainly revolved around the anti-unity value
of "promoting the idea that one should not try to change one's partner but
should accept them with their faults, etc" (#14). This is outside of the unity model because
the man is not acting upon the woman's feelings or preferences. If the woman is going to feel like this
throughout their relationship, she is never going to unify with her man and
connect with him on a spiritual level.
In the song "Making Memories of Us" by
Keith Urban, it talks about how a man should really be with his wife. This song reaches out to people on how men
should treat women in their relationship.
This song talks about how to treat her, respect her family, and how he
believes there is an after-life and how they're on their way to unity. This song is very much in the unity model
because the man is acting upon the woman's feelings and preferences. The man believes that there is an after-life
and he wants to unify together, to be with each other in eternity.
My reactions to
Stipek's findings
I enjoyed going over Stipek's report. As Stipek was going over the movie "
Cynthia
Adam
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/adams/adams-409b-g24-report1.htm
Adam had chosen the movie "It Could Happen
to You" and two songs, "When Love Comes to Town" by U2 and
"You Otta Know" by Alanis Morissette.
In the movie "It Could Happen to You",
it is real life story of a married couple, Charlie and Muriel, who win the
Adam points out several anti-unity values in
this movie. One anti-unity value was
"promoting the idea that men are more rational
than women" (#17). This is
illustrated when Muriel wanted to do many things with the winnings but Charlie
pointed out that she is not being rational with the situation because of the
promise he had made. With Charlie
believing that he is the more rational one, this shows that he is in the
dominance model.
Adam pointed out another anti-unity value
"separate interests and activities accepted for partners" (#11). While Muriel wanted to remodel their condo
with the lottery winnings, Charlie did not help her, and spent more time with
Yvonne. Rather than helping out his wife
remodel with their home, he spent more time and did other activities with
Yvonne. Charlie is not putting his wife
first, which displays another anti-unity value of "having a heterosexual
best friend (or person) who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for
certain things" (#8). This is also
another trait of the dominance model because Charlie lacks interdependence with
his wife and his thoughts and feelings are intended for another woman.
In the song "When Love Comes to Town"
by U2, it talks about how a man has sex with a woman by telling her whatever
she wants to hear and then walks out on her.
Adam points out that this song is revolved around the anti-unity value
"manipulating partner through deception" (#12) because the man isn't
really following the promises that he had said to her, and is just manipulating
through deception so that he can have sex with her. This song is a characteristic of the
dominance model because the man is very much into himself and doesn't care what
the woman thinks.
In the song "You Otta Know" by Alanis
Morissette, talks about how a woman feels about her partner ending their
relationship and how quickly she was replaced.
She was very hurt and angry because of what her partner did. Adam found several anti-unity values which
were "making each other jealous on purpose" (#3); "manipulating
the partner through deception" (#12); and "promoting the idea that
one should not try to change one's partner but should accept them with their
faults, etc" (#14). Obviously this
song depicts anti-unity because the woman is unable to connect and unite with
the man because of how he had treated her.
My reactions to Adam's
findings
While reading over Adam's report, I enjoyed
reading about the movie she had chosen.
I have never heard about or watched "It Could Happen to You"
but found it really shocking. If I were
in Muriel's shoes, I would just be completely devastated because my husband had
betrayed me in such a peculiar way. As I
was reading the lyrics to the song "Love Comes to Town" by U2, the
lyrics were beautifully put but twisted in a way where U2 can turn it into song
about a man sleeping around. As for the
song "You Otta Know" by Alanis Morissette, I think that it is typical
for woman to feel that way, especially if they have been hurt and deceived by
someone they had loved. And when women
write songs about situations like that, it makes men look more self-centered,
staying in the dominance model.
My
Thoughts of these Observations before Regarding the Portrayal of Gender
Interactions in the Media
Usually when I watch TV, I watch shows that are
interesting to me. Majority of the shows
that I watch are reality TV shows because they claim to be
"real". But in all shows, I
think that they are all the same in where the man is portrayed as the dominant
one and the woman is portrayed as the inferior one. Media is the number one source to get in
touch with everyone, so if men are going to be represented as being dominant,
then that's how our society is going to act.
Society is going to expect men to lead the way and expect women to
follow them, which can lead to degradation of women.
This is far from the unity model because the man
has his own ways and women are not supposed to follow them. Both are suppose to let go some traits and
obtain new ones that mesh well together, enabling them to connect with each
other into the unity model. Since media
is out there to sell, I don't think they won't have that much media that
displays this kind of model. But I think
if they were to, maybe the way of how men and women are looked at would totally
change in a different perspective.
My Own
Interactions in Everyday Life at Home
Since our world is a dominant society, of course
I've grown up in a dominant home as well.
I am from an authoritarian family, where my father is very dominating
and my mother is the follower. I am the
middle child with having an older sister and a younger brother. It's hard to explain what I go through (and
I'm sure there are others who experience far more troubles than I have), so all
I can say is that not being able to connect with my parents on an emotional level because of their strict
ways bothers me. I have never had a
heart-to-heart conversation with my parents, especially with my dad. Our conversations only consist of three things:
school, work, and money/wealth. He is
the type of person who is very hard to approach and won't tolerate things he
doesn't want to hear.
My dad is very strict, instilling rules that we
have to oblige until we graduate college. He believes that if we are still depending on
him, then we still have to obey him.
What's funny is that my mother will agree on him with whatever he says,
but when he's not around, she's a totally different person. I see my mom in a different light when he is
not there, but when he's around, it's like she puts on another mask. So until I graduate, it's what he says goes.
Effects
on Young Girls and Boys
These portrayals affect young girls and boys
drastically. The minds of young girls and
boys are very influentially are can learn and pick up things easily. Media is everywhere, so when they see these kinds
of values being depicted, they're going to think that it's acceptable. So if media is constantly portraying men as
the dominant figures and women as "second-best", then the younger
generation is going to think that it's okay to treat women in dominating ways
and for them to be submissive towards men.
Therefore, as children grow up, they need to be guided and learn that
these kinds of things are wrong. And I
think the best way for them to learn things quickly is through their education. There should be a course offered on how men
and women should treat each other, starting in elementary school, while their
minds are still yet developing and can be easily changed. And then it should continue on (in depth), throughout
middle school and high school. If they
can learn about math and history, they can definitely learn how men and women
should treat each other. So as they grow
up, these values are instilled with them and they become more aware of their
actions, knowing what's right and wrong.
Confirmations
on the Web
I have found several websites which displays how
there are unfairness between genders in the media and how men are very
dominating.
How the Media Define Masculinity
This website talks about how the mainstream
media takes a role in helping males shape themselves to be a "real"
man in society. The media's portrayal of
men often reinforces the men's social dominance. This affects how men should treat others, as
well as how they treat women and children.
Gender and the Media
http://www.wiu.edu/users/mfjks/ws1903.html
This website talks about how both genders are
displayed in the media. Covering many
aspects, some points include sexism and language in the media and created
cultures in the media.
Women in the Visual Media
http://www.bgsu.edu/departments/tcom/faculty/ha/tcom103fall2003/gp9/women.html
This website is by various students who believe
women are portrayed in the media differently from men. The students' reports revolve around music
videos and how the public views them in regards to women.
Section C: My Own Findings on AUVs
in the Media
The two shows that I have selected are
"Flavor of Love" and "Married with Children. Flavor of Love is a reality TV show on VH-1
(which ended a couple of weeks ago).
Flavor Flav (or Flav), who is in search for love, has 20 women live in
his house. He gets to know each of the
girls, goes on dates with them, and votes them off until he has one girl left
standing. In this last episode, two
women are left, Deelicious and
The other show that I've picked was
"Married with Children." This
sitcom is a classic, which aired in 1987 and ended in 1997. They still play it once in a while on certain
channels. This show is about Al Bundy, a
shoes salesman who raises his dysfunctional family. His wife, Peggy, is unemployed and addicted
to shopping. They have a daughter,
Kelly, who is attractive but has the intelligence of an ant. They also have a son, Bud, who has bad luck
with women.
Flavor of
Love: Illustrations of Disjunctive Talk
and Behavior
Flav takes
Flavor of Love: Illustrations of Conjunctive Talk and
Behavior
After
their conversation, Flav took a swim to cool off his thoughts. After coming back from his swim, he made up
with her. Later on that night, he took
her to a nice dinner. During their conversation,
he told her, "There's certain things I feel for you... I love you
Comments
and Conclusion on Flavor Flav
On "Flavor of Love", Flav seems to be a dominant person when challenged, but
knows how to completely sweep a woman off her feet by his romantic
tactics. After watching his two seasons,
this was the first time I ever saw him flipped out on a girl. I can see why Flav did flipped out on
I discussed this with my fiancé, John and my
sister-in-law Persel who also regular watchers of
"Flavor of Love". They both
thought that
For this type of show, these types of interactions
are portrayed because it sells. With
this being a reality show, they display whatever they can to persuade people to
watch their show. Although it is a
"reality" TV show and they claim that all things are real, they can
edit whatever parts they want to portray people to look a certain way. To me, Flav came off as person with a lot of
money and having a lot of power over the girls.
And it didn't really matter what Flav wanted to do to the girls because
they all wanted to win.
I think there are consequences for having a show
like this for couples and societies because it makes it look okay for men to be
that way. The show makes it look like
that it is okay for men to treat women like that and for men to be with a
number of women at one time, hoping that they'll find true love. This show will also affect on adolescents and
young men and women because they will grow up and think that it is alright for
men to treat and talk to women that way and it is okay for women to take it.
Married...
With Children: Illustrations of
Disjunctive Talk and Behavior
In this episode, Peggy is frustrated because she
can't turn on her husband Al to have sex.
She goes out and buys some lingerie hoping for the best. When Al came home, she came down wearing a purple
lingerie outfit. Starting to become
upset because Al hasn't said anything to her, she tells him, "Can you
honestly look at me in the eye and tell me that this does not turn you
on?" Al tells her, "Well, Peg,
I can look you anywhere and say that." Upset and worried, Peggy says, "It can't
just be me, maybe no one has sex anymore."
She opens their front door and both of them hear their neighbors
moaning, having sex. Then Al tells her,
"You hear that Peg, everyone in the neighborhood but me is eating."
Married...
With Children: Illustrations of
Conjunctive Talk and Behavior
In another episode, Peggy is unsatisfied with
her and Al's sex life. She grumbled to
him how they haven't had sex for a month and if they do, their session only
lasts for five minutes. Peggy told him,
"I just need to be taken out and driven once in a while." Peggy tells
her neighbors about her problem with Al, which leaked to the whole neighborhood
knowing about their business. With Al
determined to make his wife happy and to smash the neighborhood gossip, Al
decides to get in shape and puts a weightlifting room in their basement to
better his lack of "performance."
After working out for a couple days, he sees
Peggy sitting on the couch reading a magazine.
He takes it away and tells her, "Let's see what you got." With a big smile on her face, he picks her up
and brings her to the bedroom. They
stayed in there all night, all day the following day, and all of that night.
Comments
and Conclusion on Married... With Children
I used to watch this show a lot and found it
hilarious and catch it sometimes when they play it on TV. When I watch it, I notice Al always tries to
resist having sex with Peggy in almost every episode. He seems like the dominant type, constantly
putting his wife down and even his children.
I discussed these scenes with my boyfriend, John and my sister-in-law Persel. John and Persel are familiar with the show and think it's really
funny. When John watches this show, he
also noticed how Al is to his wife and kids.
Persel thinks that the family is really messed
up, but that's what makes it entertaining.
I think that these types of interactions are
portrayed in the media because with having a male-dominated society, they twist
the show around, making it funny and entertaining to watch. I think this show will have consequences on
couples and society because even though this show may be funny, people might
take it the wrong way and either get offended or think that it's okay for a
husband and father to be like that. This
show can also affect adolescents and young men and women because they may grow
up and think that it is okay for a husband and a father to be like that to his
family.
Section D: Disjunctive vs. Conjunctive Verbal Interactions
For my research on disjunctive and conjunctive
verbal interactions, I have chosen several dialogues from the book "52
Fights" written by Jennifer Jeanne Patterson. In this book, which is narrated by the author
Jennifer, she and her husband Matt are newlyweds. With being married for one year, they
suddenly the married life is far from what they expected. The fights that they have encountered
together takes them by surprise because they never meant to be the kind of
couple that acted that way. But from
learning from each other's strengths and weaknesses, having a strong foundation
of love will get them through whatever obstacle they may encounter.
Disjunctive
Interaction I
In this section, Jennifer and Matt wake up early
on a Saturday morning to start the first day of their house-remodeling
project. They've agreed that everything
would be pink or purple, even though Jennifer hates those two colors the
most. To begin their first project, they
were removing the silver wallpaper in their master bath.
"Start at the top of that wall and work your
way to the bottom," he says as I put on an old food-stained t-shirt and
jean shorts. "Work while the water
is warm. Don't let it go cold."
"Yes, captain," I say, and he
laughs.
Matt puts his energy scraping wallpaper glue off
the bathroom ceiling. Glue drips down
his arm like sap down a tree trunk. I
lean over to rub glue on his nose, and he waves my hand impatiently.
He spots glue to my left and says, "You
missed a spot." Matt has energy for
both of us, but I wish he'd focus it on himself. I would've seen the spot eventually and fixed
it; I don't need him pointing it out.
Ten hours later, we're still working, although
it's growing dark out. We've only struck
up a few conversations, and now the bathroom seems unbearably quiet. Throughout the day, we put own our scoring
tools only twice, once for lunch and once for dinner, and I'm tired and my
fingers feel arthritic.
"Want to go to the movies?" I ask.
"We're not finished yet," he says, and
I don't respond at first. I silently
fume. I don't want this house to consume
us. I'm not spending the next thirty
years handing him nails and screws while he stands on a stepladder, and, with
his free hand, grabs for whichever tool he's left lying on a countertop.
"This isn't how I want to spend our time
together," I say.
Matt doesn't get angry. Instead, he launches into logical lawyer
mode, and I start to feel as I'm on the witness stand.
"What did you think marriage was
like?" he asks.
This section showed disjunctive interactions
between Jennifer and Matt and portrayed characteristics of the dominance
model. In the beginning of the dialog,
Matt didn't really trust Jennifer doing her own section of scraping wallpaper
and pointed out a spot that she missed.
He left Jennifer thinking that she was incapable of doing it
herself. In the second part of the
dialog, after working for so many hours, Jennifer wanted to spend some quality
time with Matt aside from fixing the house.
Instead of thinking things in a full perspective, he retorts back at
her--a comment that would most likely hurt her feelings. This section is an example from the dominance
model Matt displays a commanding behavior towards Jennifer and also puts her
down.
Disjunctive
Interaction II
In this section, Jennifer describes a time when
her and Matt were not married and were just dating. While Jennifer was out with Matt, his was
checking out a lanky girl in a bikini top who rollerbladed past them.
"Do you ever stop looking at
girls?" I asked.
"I thought I knew the guys she was
with," he said.
"How is it you know every guy who's with a
girl in a bikini?" I asked.
On our next walk, he showed up wearing dark
sunglasses that hid his blue eyes.
"If your head moves, I know you're
looking," I said. "I don't
care if you look when I'm not around.
But don't do it when you're with me, okay? It hurts my feelings."
He obliged.
This section showed disjunctive interactions
between Jennifer and Matt and portrayed characteristics of the equity
model. Matt offended Jennifer by looking
at other girls, telling her he thought he knew her boyfriend, which was
probably a lie. This section is an
example from the equity model because he agreed to not look at girls while he
was with her. But this shows that Matt
has the upper hand because he had hurt Jennifer feelings by his actions.
Conjunctive
Interaction I
In continuing from the prior section of
Disjunctive Interaction I, Matt realizes that he had hurt Jennifer's feelings
after what he had said.
He puts down his sponge and spray bottle and
hugs me.
"I'm sorry.
I thought this would bring us closer," he says. "I know how much you love to take baths,
so I thought we'd start with this room first.
And then I get it--he doesn't see strands of
soggy wallpaper sticking to his arms or mildewing walls needing to pair; he
sees us building our future.
This section showed conjunctive interactions
between Jennifer and Matt and portrayed characteristics of the unity
model. Matt had realized that he had
hurt Jennifer and he apologized. He also
told her that that he knew how much she loved taking baths and that's why they
started on their bathroom first. This
section is an example from the unity model because Matt is acting on Jennifer's
feelings and preferences.
Conjunctive
Interaction II
In this section, after cleaning the house
washing so many loads of clothes, Jennifer is restless. While she's lying on the bed, Matt begins to
look through his closet for a particular shirt.
"Where is my shirt?" he asks.
"Which shirt?" I asked.
"The long-sleeved one. I put in the laundry basket yesterday."
I think for a moment. "I must have left a load in the
dryer," I say.
"How hard is it to remember to get the
clothes out of the dryer?" he asks.
"I forgot I had a load in the dryer
okay!" I yell. "I did three
loads. I washed your darks, your whites,
and the bedsheets. So I'm sorry that I
forgot one stupid load in the dryer!"
I'm crying now, trying to catch my breath
between tears. I hate when my eyes blur
over. When I feel an emotion, you see
it.
"I'm sorry," he says. "I shouldn't get on you like th