Report 2
The Unity Model of
Marriage:
Together for Endless
Eternity
By Christina Delapena
The instructions for this
report are at:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-report2.htm
I am answering Questions
3, 4, 7, 8, and 10
I am answering Question 3
(a) Select at least one student report on
marriage from each of Generation 20, 21, and 22 as listed in the
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-lecture-notes.htm#students
(b) Summarize each of the selected reports.
Be sure to put a link to the student's report.
(c) Summarize what they say they gained from
doing their reports.
(d) How do their ideas influence what you
yourself think about these issues?
(e) Would it be useful to teach this course
to high school students? Explain.
Generation 20: “Shortcake”
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bs2004/shortcake/report3.htm
In Shortcake’s Report 3
called “My Proposal for TV Ratings on Anti-Unity Values (AUV) in Gender
Behavior, she started with a preface and talked about her previous report she
wrote. In Report 2, she had to analyze
her own relationship in regards to the unity model by self-witnessing her own
relations. She then gave a brief review
of what her Report 3 was about. The
purpose of her report was to evaluate Generation 20, followed by opinions of
some of her classmates’ oral presentations, and then to watch current programs
on television and rate the anti-unity values (AUV) they reflected.
Shortcake chose to evaluate
oral presentations from Ruby Englebrecht, Ryan Lau,
and Janessa Bixel. Englebrecht’s oral
presentation covered Deborah Tannen’s book Gender and Discourse. Shortcake agreed with Englebrecht
that she had presented. Lau’s oral
presentation covered another section of Deborah Tannen’s
book. Shortcake gained valuable
information where she can better her communication skills and adapt a broader
understanding of communication culturally.
Bixel’s oral presentation covered Section 16
of the Lecture Notes called “The Doctrine of the Wife” by Dr. Leon James. From presenting the same section as Bixel, Shortcake really couldn’t say if she agreed or
disagreed with what the Doctrine said.
In the following section,
Shortcake had to observe anti-unity values portrayed in television shows. The shows she chose were Dharma and Greg and Everybody
Loves Raymond. Shortcake found that Dharma and Greg was a show that depicted
the unity model. In the show, the
husband pleases his wife and puts her first.
However, Shortcake found a number of anti-unity values in Everybody Loves Raymond, such as the
husband being unfriendly to the wife and the husband lying or keeping
information from her.
What Shortcake Gained From Her Report
Shortcake felt that doing
this report will probably have an impact on the way she sees people and their
relationships for the rest of her life.
She also thought that it was very interesting trying to relate what she
had learned in class to what she sees around her. She thinks that it is easy to take
information and analyze a relationship, but comparing AUVs
to television shows was a harder concept.
And although she may not buy everything presented in class, she feels
that there are definitely some points that make a lot of logical sense that
cannot be ignored.
How Shortcake’s Ideas Influenced My Thoughts
When I was reading Shortcake’s
conclusion, I found myself agreeing with what she said. After taking this class, I feel like this
class has impacted me in ways where I see people and how their relationships
are. With being aware of dominance,
equity, and unity models every week, I can point out what category a
relationship can fall under. It’s funny
sometimes too because when me and my boyfriend argue, I’ll point out
(sometimes) how dominating he is. And I
also think that even though it may be difficult and a lot of hard work for a
couple to reach the unity model, some points does make logical sense.
Generation 21: Yuki Kumagai
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bf2004/kumagai/409b-g21-report2.htm
In Kumagai’s
Report 2 called “My Understanding of the Unity Model of Marriage”, she started
with comparing authors Deborah Tannen in Gender Issues, Laura Schlessigner
in The Proper Care of Feeding Husbands,
and Dr. Leon James in The Doctrine of the
Wife in regards to the three models of marriage. With comparing these authors to the three
models, she believed that Schlessinger was under the
dominance model, Tannen was under the equity model,
and James was under the unity model. Kumagai also created a chart to distinguish the three
authors under their models and illustrated each within the threefold self: sensorimotor (external), cognitive (internal), and
affective (inmost).
In the next section of her
report, Kumagai had to summarize six students’
reports from Generation 20 and have a conclusion to each of their reports. She selected reports from Brigitlynn
Duclos, Suzanne Howard, and Jennifer Combs. She then had to provide a summary and a
general conclusion discussing her reactions to what each student did.
In the next part, Kumagai made a field observation regarding Table 6 of the
Lecture Notes. In the table, it gives 20
examples of Behavioral Indicators of One’s Relationship Model, along with
Yes/No specifications for the three models.
She then had to explain what the table was trying to show, give brief
explanations for what the three models are in, and then create a similar table
with 20 new items that she makes up and calculate the percentage overlap for
the three models. Her results showed
that the dominance and equity models are somewhat similar than the unity
model. Therefore, it would be more
difficult for a couple to proceed to unity from equity than to equity from
dominance.
Then, Kumagai
had to make a field observation where she had construct behavioral
illustrations fitting patterns of contrast between the three models. She then had to make a table and it give to
her friends regarding how her friends behave as a couple. She gave her “survey” to eight people (four
couples) with two them being older couples and the other two being younger
couples. She concluded that both couples
fell in both the dominance and equity model.
In the following section, Kumagai had to create three dialogues between a husband and
wife each representing the three models of marriage. In the dominance model conversation, Kumagai said it was an actual conversation with her and a
guy she had dated before. In this
conversation, she told him she wanted to watch Shrek
2, so they decided to watch it one day.
When that day came, the guy kept insisting that he did not remember
making plans with her to watch the movie, revealing that he was only focusing
on himself--a dominant trait. In the
equity model conversation, she displayed a conversation between a husband and
wife. She pointed out that both
understood that even though (they think) they love each other, they are totally
different individuals. In the unity
model conversation, she said that the husband would never do anything to hurt
his wife’s feelings.
What Kumagai Gained From
Her Report
Kumagai said that being a 24 year old woman, she would
rather have her future relationship be a mixture of equity and unity
models. She said that even though she
had learned in class that having a relationship in the unity model is the
greatest, she is still not fully convinced because she feels that it is
impossible for men to reach that stage.
She also wonders how much effort a women needs to put into the unity
model and it is not guaranteed that a man would ever reach that stage. With a few doubts, she feels that the unity
model might be kind of boring because if a man is only suppose to agree to what
she says, she may find the relationship boring.
How Kumagai’s Ideas
Influenced My Thoughts
Kumagi kind of made me think twice in the part where she
said that she had doubts of the unity model because of the efforts women have
to put in and if men actually reach the unity model stage. From I what learned in class, being in the
unity model is a lot of work. But, a woman puts efforts into their husband
because she wants to, because she loves him, and because the man she is with
makes him happy. I also learned that
couples who are in the unity model may have slip-ups, where men sometimes may
do things or think things that fall in dominance or equity behavior, but it is
up to them to pull themselves together and make them stay in the unity model.
Generation 22: Jenny Kwan
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2005/kwan/409b-g22-report2.htm
In Kwan’s Report 2 called
“My Understanding of the Unity Model of Marriage”, she started off with
explaining how a husband and wife, who get along real well with everything, can
then have a fight over some disagreement and how they can show disrespect and
hatred towards each other. She pointed
out that a couple who do fight, even though get along real well, enjoy the same
activities, have fun, are popular with friends, and everything are in the
equity model, where their relationship consist of constant battle between his
right and her rights. Even though they
might seem to be in the unity model, the disrespectfulness and hatred towards
each other is not true unity. Kwan then
explained how the married partners can reverse this flip-flop cycle so it never
occurs again. She said for this to never
happen again, the couple must reach the unity model. In the unity model, there would be no
arguments or disagreements because the husband will automatically know how his
wife is feeling and thinking before he says anything to her. The husband will always think about his wife
first and strive to have his feelings the same as hers.
In her next section, Kwan
made a field observation regarding Table 6 of the Lecture Notes. In the table, it gives 20 examples of
Behavioral Indicators of One’s Relationship Model, along with Yes/No
specifications for the three models. She
then had to explain what the table was trying to show, give brief explanations
for what the three models are in, and then create a similar table with 20 new
items that she makes up and calculate the percentage overlap for the three
models. In her results, there was a 60%
overlap between the dominance and equity model and only a 15% overlap within
dominance and unity model. Between the
equity and unity model, there was a 35% overlap.
In the next part, Kwan had
to analyze the book The Proper Care and
Feeding of Husbands by Laura Schlessinger,
summarize its perspective, discuss the author’s philosophy or psychology of
relationships between men and women, and find 10 quotes. With the quotes, she had to analyze each one,
showing the character of the threefold self.
As Kwan was summarizing Schlessinger’s book,
she said that Schlessinger believed it’s the women’s
responsibility to change for their husbands because it will lead to the
betterment of their marriage; the man should never change because it’s the
woman’s fault if their husband is unhappy.
After going over the quotes, Kwan felt that she did not agree with Schlessinger’s approach because Kwan believes both should
be equal and change for each other.
Then, Kwan had to select
three programs and that portrayed gender interactions that are contrary to
having a successful marriage in respect to Table 9, Examples of Anti-Unity
Values. After finding AUVs in the shows Friends, I’m Sorry, I Love You, and Full House,
she then had to describe the affective, cognitive, and sensorimotor
aspects for these interactions. She
concluded in the shows, the affective interactions were in the equity or unity
model; the cognitive interactions were in the dominance or equity model; and
the sensorimotor interactions were in the dominance
or equity model. Her reactions to these
observations made her realized that it is hard to recognize characters from a
television program belonging to true unity.
Kwan felt that these
interactions of AUVs are portrayed so often because
some couples don’t know that AUVs are harmful to a
relationship. Also, with men being portrayed
as the dominant ones and women taking care of the chores and children around
the house, since it happens in real life, it can also be entertaining. Kwan felt that couples and society may
experience consequences as well because if they continue to practice AUVs, they will never be able to achieve unity with their
spouses.
In the following section,
Kwan had to describe the unity model in relation to the eternal significance of
marriage and the mental state of the couple’s threefold self, describe any
resistances she may have felt regarding the unity model, and then describe her
friends’ reactions when she told them about the unity model and marriages in
heaven. Kwan explained that the unity
model is the highest state in life where human couples can are stable, happy,
wise, productive, and useful. But, she
felt that not much couples will be able to experience this type of unity
because it’s too difficult and most men like to be dominate. When Kwan explained the unity model to her
boyfriend, he felt that he didn’t like the idea of being dominated. On the other hand, Kwan's sister really liked
the model and hopes her boyfriend will be willing to be in the unity model.
In the next section, Kwan
had to summarize three oral presentations from her generation. Kwan chose Tiffany Lee, Michelle Ching, and Tawny Antonio.
Lee did her oral presentation on the book Before Marriage and After Marriage, by Peter M. Buss. From her presentation, Lee believed that
marriage is a coming together of two separate beings, but is unsure if the Lord
can really create conjugial love. Ching did her oral
presentation on the book Gender &
Discourse by Deborah Tannen. Ching found that
contents, conversational styles, and the interactions between men and women
need to be considered when trying to understand how speakers use language. Antonio did her oral presentation on the book
The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands
by Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger and talked about how
women nag too much and how they try to micromanage the family.
What Kwan Gained From Her Report
Kwan agrees with the unity
model and believes that it is the perfect lifestyle for eternal happiness and
peace. She believes that her and her
boyfriend are in the equity model right now, but are in the unity level in their
sensorimotor self because they enjoy spending time
with each other doing activities together.
She hopes to have a future with her boyfriend and hopes to reach the
unity model.
How Kwan’s Ideas Influenced My Thoughts
Kwan was very thorough in
her report and gave very detailed examples in every section she covered. From reading things from her point of view,
it gave me a better understanding of the three models aside from the readings
in the Lecture Notes. I also agree with
her and hope that my fiancé and I will also reach the unity model someday.
Useful Course for High School Students
I think that this course
would be very useful to high school students.
Being in high school is the time where people date and go into
relationships. Nowadays, there is not
really a correct way of how to date a person or how to treat each other in a
relationship. A lot of relationships
consist of lust and betrayal. Media is
also another influence to how people date.
Many TV shows display anti-unity values; rarely any that depict the
unity model. If this kind of course was
taught in high school, it will give students a guide on how to treat each other
in a relationship and how to value being in a relationship. So by the time it comes to being in a serious
relationship, they’ll know what to want and expect.
I am answering Question 4
(a) Consider Section 21 in the Lecture Notes
at
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-lecture-notes.htm#unity-values.
It gives a selection from an article titled "Secrets to a Happy
Marriage." Read and discuss the article.
(b) Are these good instances of unity values
or not? Explain.
(c) Search the Web using Google to find
advice that is given to couples. Evaluate the advice given in terms of what you
know of the unity model of marriage.
In the article “Secrets to a
Happy Marriage”, Rev. Dr. Trey Kuhne, gives “secrets”
(or advice) for husbands and wives to follow in order to have a successful
marriage.
In Secret #1: Full Disclosure of Moneys – No Hidden Accounts, Kuhne states that it is the love of money that reveals the root of all evil. Therefore, spouses need to be completely
honest with each other about all money each person has. Doing this will not only prevent loss of
money if one may have an illness or an early death, but most importantly, for
both spouses to have equally empowered in the relationship. Within this secret, he advised both the
husband and wife to come clean to each other with any moneys hidden away and
fully disclose this information with them immediately.
In Secret #2: Each spouse must become a skilled cryptographer or develop
competent communication skills, Kuhne states that
both the husband and wife must become a cryptographer—a person who is trained
in breaking codes, the secret communication patterns intended to hide what’s
really being said. Both must develop
competent skills to understand each other.
Kuhne displays an example of a husband coming
home from work. With having a hard
stressful day at work, he just wants to watch TV and unwind. The wife then comes in the room, wanting to
connect with her husband about his day.
This may end up as a confrontation and the two spouses collide together
in misunderstanding and have rejection towards each other.
To avoid this, Kuhne suggests that spouses can develop competent
communication skills by both needing to take the time to ask each other what
they really mean and to clarify everything.
Within this secret, Kuhne advised husbands to
clarify with their wives and them just wanting to watch TV after work doesn’t
mean they are avoiding them. A husband
should tell his wife that he only does it for a certain amount of time and he
will be available to talk afterwards. Kuhne also advised husbands not to expect their wives to
always be able to read between all the lines and figure out what secret device
their using—they need to clarify, explain, and communicate with their wives.
Kuhne also advised wives to also clarify with what they
mean when they come home and want to spend time with their husbands. Kuhne says that
since husbands don’t understand emotional connections that women speak, don’t
expect wishes and wants to be met automatically by the husband. Talking with emotional connections, such as
'the need to be needed’ have husbands thinking that their wife is speaking in a
foreign language and he can totally miss what she says if she is desires
romance. Kuhne
says that having an established pattern of understanding helps ward off
unnecessary arguments and family problems.
In Secret #3: Words empower – praise your spouse often in public and
private, Kuhne stresses words alone can bring
damage or bring inner healing and health.
Therefore, Kuhne states that spouses praising
each other, especially in public, will show how much value each person is
placed within each other. This lets the
spouse know how important he or she is. Kuhne also pointed out that comments of complaint or
disgust to the other spouse of the way they look, what they do, etc. causes a
buildup, creating an emotional wall of rejection overtime between both
spouses. He also says that complaining
about each other in public puts a strain in the marriage because they are
lowering their value to the spouse. Kuhne advises both the husband and wife to note the
patterns of how they are with their friends in terms of how they speak about
their spouse to them. Kuhne says this is important because others can attest and
witness the husband or wife’s statements, but more importantly to talk as if
the other spouse is within distance.
Also praising each other in private gives direct feedback, where it
helps strengthens the husband and wife’s emotional foundations in the
relationship.
Are These Good Instances in Regards of Unity Values?
After going over Kuhne’s article, I felt that even though it sounded like he
was giving good advice to married couples, they did not fall into the unity
model. His secrets were characteristics
of the dominance and equity model.
In Secret #1, Kuhne states that both the husband and wife need to come
clean of any hidden money or accounts so both spouses can have equally empower
in the relationship. This advice may
seem like it is in the unity model because Kuhne
displays a good example of the sensorimotor
conjunction (husband and wife come clean of their financials) and the cognitive
conjunction (thinking that doing this will make them have an equally empowered
relationship). But yet, this is not
considered to be in the unity model because the husband and wife’s moneys are
separate from each other. This is where
they lack the affective conjunction because in the unity model, only conjoint feelings,
love, desires, and goals are allowed to remain operational in the mind.
In Secret #2, Kuhne says that both the husband and wife must develop
competent communication skills with each other.
So, if the husband comes home from a stressful day of work and just
wants to watch TV and unwind, the wife has to understand that the husband just
wants do that and he is not neglecting her; he will connect with her
afterwards. Kuhne
states that since women speak with emotional connections, men don’t really
understand that. Therefore, both spouses
must clarify, explain, and communicate with each other. After reading this advice, I automatically
thought that this fell in the dominance model because the wife is being
submissive and must wait for her husband to unwind before she connects with
him. In the unity model, the husband
puts the wife first in front of everything.
In Secret #3, Kuhne describes how words alone are important; therefore,
both spouses need to praise each other in both public and private. Praising a spouse let’s them know how valuable
they are. After reading this section, I
felt that this was in the unity model because both are constantly striving to
achieve a mental closeness by letting each other know how one values the other. This also seems like to be in the unity model
in regards how the husband and wife talk about each other to their
friends. Kuhne
said something similar to what Dr. James said—speak praise to your spouse
within listening range. In Dr. James
words, speak as if your husband or wife is there. Therefore, you talk to your friends as if you
are talking to your husband and wife.
However, Kuhne
mentioned a part about complaining about each other causes an emotional wall of
rejection and complaining about the spouse in public lowers the other’s
spouse’s value. Reading this, I thought
that these were not characteristics of the unity model because in the unity
model, there are no feelings of rejection towards the husband or wife
whatsoever. Both the husband and wife
value each other deeply and the husband chooses to always act from his wife’s
feelings and preferences, rather from his own, whether it may be different,
because the wife has been striving these things with her husband since the
beginning of their relationship.
Advice Given to Couples on the Web
Searching for advice on the
Web using Google, I came across this website called lovingyou.com. This website claims that they're the #1 site
for staying in love. I decided to read into an article called
"Making Your
Marriage Work" by Jennifer Good. The first line she opens up with is rules for loving each other until death do
you part. When I first read that, I
instantly thought that the advice she's giving to couples will not be from the
unity model and will either be from the dominant model or the equity model.
The first advice that Good
offers was to openly love your partner.
Affection is the main key. She
claims that marriages fail because one partner feels that the other isn't being
affectionate to them, leading them to think that they don't love them the way
they used to. This advice is not
considered to be in the unity model because in unity, both the husband and wife
are always affectionate towards each other.
Their marriage won't fail because they both love each other and the
husband is willing to do whatever he can to please his wife. But if the wife did feel that there was a
problem with affection, she would bring it up to her husband and the husband
will change for her.
The second advice that Good
offers was to handle your upsets. She
says don't let a problem go unspoken for.
Handling a problem and coming up with a solution together, you gain as a
couple as well as individually. I was
kind of confused with this advice because at first she talks about them
handling problems together, and then she said doing so will help them gain
together as a couple and individually.
Although her advice seemed like to be the right track, this is not
considered to be in the unity model because a husband and wife are not to be
considered as individuals, they are considered to be a unit. In the unity model, the husband always
chooses to acts upon his wife, taking her lead, which unifies them into one
conjoined self.
The third advice that Good
offers was to respect your partner as they are.
She says that realizing your partner is human shouldn't be a cause to
nag, change, or treat your partner differently. She also says the
next time you're thinking of what you don't like, think about how you might
have changed in your partner's eyes and work on that instead. This advice is also not believed to be in the
unity model and supports the anti-unity value promoting the idea that one should not try to change one's partner but
should accept them with their faults.
One cannot achieve unity if the partners are not free to influence one
another in personality traits. Partners
who are motivated towards unity become for what the other wants and needs. Both partners strive to change for the other
so they become one.
The fourth advice that Good offers was
to be aware of each other's limits. She
says that nothing can
get a person riled up faster than feeling like they are
being pushed into a corner. Even though
it may not mean that the partner is the cause, but as their life mate, they
need to show that they are being supported as a team. This advice kind of confused me as well
because the theme was to be aware of each other's limits, and then she goes on
about supporting each other as a team.
It seemed like that this advice was kind of unity, but the way she put
things made it sound like that it wasn't.
In the unity model, you shouldn't be "aware of each other's
limits". The husband automatically
knows everything about his wife and wouldn't do anything to upset her. However, I did like how Good said to support
each other as a team, which shows unity.
The fifth advice that Good offers was
to talk about anything and everything.
She emphasizes that talking to each other is very important. She says that if the partners aren't talking
to each other, then who are they talking to?
The partner knows what going one in the other's life and they are the
only one that they've pledged and their life and affection. She goes on and says that if the couple
doesn't have time to talk, do something, like a long car drive, and just talk
about things until they both feel better about things. I would have to say that this advice doesn't
really fall into the unity model because when a husband and wife talk to each
other, the husband converses with her in a way where he gives his wife feeling
that he is interested and his thoughts are focused on self, the topic, or the
wife.
I am answering Question 7
(a) Consider Section 17a. Gender
Discourse Within the Three Models in the Lecture
Notes at
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-lecture-notes.htm#17a._Gender_Discourse
Explain in your own words how the conversational style between husband and wife
reflects what is going on in the intimacy of their relationship. Make sure you
discuss the three models in relation to conversational style.
(b) Create a conversation between them that
exhibits several elements mentioned throughout Section 17a regarding the
conversational style of married partners. Number the lines. Add whatever
explanatory notes are needed for readers to understand what's going on. (Note:
you are allowed to use borrowed parts of an actual conversation you heard or
read somewhere -- but you need to edit and adapt it so it fits with this
answer.)
(c) Analyze the conversation, explaining to
readers what its elements exhibit. Use the line numbers to be specific.
Conversational style between
a husband and a wife reveals the intimacy that they are experiencing within
their relationship. The level in which
the man is interacting with his wife at the verbal level is a direct sign of
the level he is interacting with her at the mental level. Men’s conversational styles are considered to
be either sexy or unsexy. A sexy conversational style for a man is when
his thoughts are focused on self, the topic, or his wife. An unsexy
conversational style for a man is when he is only focusing on himself. In the unity model, conjugial
love is the accomplishment of unity between the husband and the wife. Therefore, the husband “loves what she
thinks, so he does what he loves”.
Furthermore, “he loves what she thinks more than what he thinks”, which
means that he wants to be in heaven with her rather than his own.
There are four
conversational rules for husbands in conjugial
interactions. The first is for the
husband to be reactive and friendly whenever his wife is talking to him. The second rule is for the husband to deny
himself the right to express disagreement with her—he has to deny himself the
right to say “no”. The third rule is for
the husband to create a conversational atmosphere where his wife feels unoppressed, free, and safe which demonstrates that he
values everything about her. And the
fourth rule is for the husband to use conversation as a method of enhancing her
mood of making her feel young in heart and stimulated in mind.
Between the dominance,
equity, and unity models, they all contrast drastically in conversational
styles. In the dominance model, the
husbands interrupts his wife when they talk, calls her degrading names, talks
to her with harsh tones, and intimidates her with gestures. He also thinks that women are less
intelligent, dismissing his wife’s views.
The husband also loves to dominate his wife, rather than being intimate
with her.
In the equity model, the
husband always talks to defend his own views, rights, or conveniences. He also exaggerates and lies to control her
and call her bad names and criticizes her when she’s mad. The husband thinks that his wife’s views are
less relevant in a given situation and finds his views fair and rational. He also hides his feelings so that he can
control her. He loves to maintain
independence in certain areas and fiercely resists no matter what.
In the unity model, the
husband never tries to talk in an unfriendly tone and never interrupts her when
she’s talking. He also appears
interested, involved, animated, and supportive of her. The husband also thinks that his wife’s views
matter more than his since he is trying to adopt her views so they can be
unified in eternity. He loves to learn
how to make his wife more important instead of himself and loves mental
intimacy with her.
Seeing the three different
views of conversational styles within the models clearly distinguishes which
ones are unsexy and which ones are sexy. The dominance and equity model are unsexy conversational styles because the most unsexy thing a husband can do is to disagree with his wife
and to let her become disturbed and angry with him. Both these models display these kinds of
behavior. The unity model is a sexy
conversational style because the husband is focusing on his wife, making her
feel that she is being paid attention to and that he values her views, giving
her inner peace.
Analyzing a Conversational Style of Married Partners
I chose a conversation from
the reality TV show Newlyweds: Nick &
Jessica. This show follows the lives
of (then) husband and wife Nick Lachey and Jessica
Simpson. In this episode, Nick is doing
a lot of press for his record, so his record label had set up an interview with
Playboy radio which is hosted by the playmates.
Jessica and Nick are at a beachwalk and she wants to talk to him about the interview
and where it's going to be at.
1. Jessica:
"No, no really, I wanna know. You're going to the actual playboy
building?"
2. Nick: "I don't know where I'm going
Baby.
3. Jessica: "Nick, you're lying right
now. You're avoiding me."
4. Nick: (Raising his hands and talking
in an offensive tone) "I, I, I have no idea where the interview is."
5. Jessica: "Like where girls do their photoshoots and that kind of thing?"
6. Nick: "It could be in Hugh Hefner's
basement for all I know. I don't know.
7. Jessica: "Oh Nick stop."
8. Nick: "All I know is that they're gonna give me a reach around while I..."
(And he laughs, trying to
imply a joke. She gets kind offended and
playfully hits him. They hug and kiss).
9. Jessica: "It's not like Howard Stern's
where they have girls there showing their tits and all that kind of stuff
right. It's not like that right?
10. Nick: "No, it's not just the
tits, they show the whole thing."
11. Jessica: "Oh shut up."
Later on that night...
12. Jessica: "On Tuesday, you're not going
to the playboy mansion are you?" (She makes that dumbfounded face because
he's taking too long to answer)
13. Nick: "Well... uh, I was planning on
it."
14. Jessica: "Cause it's my one day
off."
15. Nick: "I think you're flying out that
night, Jess--"
16. Jessica: "What?"
17. Nick: "You're mom said you're
flying out Tuesday night."
18. Jessica: "Welllll,
when she say that?"
19. Nick: "Today, when I asked her."
(There's a slight pause
between them, kind of like they're both in an awkward position).
20. Nick: "Won't you find out your schedule
and if you're not gonna---
21. Jessica: (cuts him off) Well I don't want you
to go.
(Nick walks away and Jessica
grabs his arm, stopping him.)
22. Nick: "Jess..."
23. Jessica: "Why are you walking
away?"
24. Nick: "Why don't you want me to
go?"
25. Jessica: "Because it's going to be my
only day off."
26. Nick: "You're not gonna
be here, Jess." (Sort of raising his hands in an offensive manner)
27. Jessica: "When does it
start?"
28. Nick: "Like I just told you. Why don't you
find out when you fly out, and then if you're still here, then we'll talk about
it. If it's not a conflict, what's the
point of sitting here and arguing about it?"
29. Jessica: (she walks away while saying)
"Whatever."
(Jessica calls her mom while
Nick decides to cool off in the Jacuzzi.
Jessica goes to see him outside.)
30. Nick: "Jess..."
31. Jessica: "What??"
32. Nick: "What's wrong?"
33. Jessica: (Talking to him while grabbing the
towels) "You know what's wrong."
34. Nick: "Well why don't we just talk about
it instead of you getting all pissed off about it."
35. Jessica: "Well, I didn't know I was
going out of town and plus, I don't really like the fact that you're going to
the Playboy mansion. (Walking away with the towels) I mean, why would I be
excited about that?"
After going over Nick and
Jessica's conversations, it clearly shows that they are in the dominant
level. Nick is talking to Jessica in an unsexy conversational style. He'd rather focus on himself, and not
consider what she may feel.
From line 1 of their
conversation, you can already tell that something's bothering her. Instead of talking about it right there,
since he already senses that she's uncomfortable about him going to the Playboy
building, he plays dumb (lines 2, 4,6) and continues to ignore how she
feels. He tries to make a joke out of
the situation in line 8, continuing to blow off her questions and disregard her
feelings.
Later on that night, Jessica
brings up the subject again. When Nick
tells her that he was planning on going on line 13, she implies that she
doesn't want him to go because it's her only day off. Nick tells her that she is flying out that
night, which she's wasn't aware of. From
line17, Nick explains to her that he had to talk to her mom earlier about
it. Then there's a slight awkward moment
between them, as if Nick knows that Jessica doesn't want him to go, but Jessica
knows that he's going to go anyway. Nick
tells her to find out her schedule but Jessica finally tells him that she doesn't
want him to go in line 21. He then walks
away, again, continuing to ignore how she feels about the situation. Jessica stops him and Nick asks why she
doesn't want him to go (line 24). He
already senses and knows that she is uncomfortable about the situation, but he
still insists that he goes. But Jessica
should have been honest and told him what she felt, especially from the
beginning. But then again, Nick already
sensed how she felt. He then tries to
justify her feelings by saying in lines 26 and 28 that she wasn't going to be
there anyway. Jessica walks away in line
29, feeling angry and hurt.
While Nick is cooling off in
the Jaccuzi, Jessica goes to see him and wants to
talk about him going to the Playboy mansion still. In lines 30 and 32, Nick continues to play
the dumb role, asking what is wrong with her, when he clearly knows that she
doesn't want him to go to the Playboy mansion.
When Jessica replied, "You know what's wrong" in line 33, Nick
gets kind of irritated in line 34, telling her instead of getting all pissed
off, they should just talk about it.
This made her feel even more aggravated and upset, and she expressed
what she felt in line 35, but in a sarcastic way. Nick should have not offered to talk to his
wife about the situation in such a demeaning way. This just goes to show another way of how he
dominates her.
According to the Lecture
Notes, the most unsexiest thing a husband can do is
to disagree with his wife and let her become disturbed and angry with him,
which is clearly what Nick did. Nick
continued to keep Jessica in "hellish" feelings by continuing to
refuse to give up his position and refuse to agree to do what she wants him to
do. If Nick wanted to progress with
Jessica to the unity model, he must understand that he has to conjoin himself
to her. Therefore, whatever feelings he
has that conflicts with Jessica, he must drop them and think from her point of
view. So, if Nick already knew that
Jessica was going to be upset with him going to the Playboy mansion, he
wouldn't even have considered going.
I was a regular watcher of
the Newlyweds and was surprised when
I first found out that they were going to divorce. It is said that one of the reasons they
decided to file for divorce because the cameramen for the show were constantly
following them around, causing tension between them. They were unable to be intimate with each
other at certain times or have private conversations when they wanted too. But from my perspective, after thoroughly
going over this conversation and noticing more disjunctive behavior than
conjunctive behavior in other episodes, I think the problems they had go deeper
than that.
I am answering Question 8
(a) In your own words, describe the unity model of marriage
and the mental states of the couple's threefold self.
(b) Describe any difficulty or resistance you have
experienced regarding the unity model, including
(i)
the idea of a unity couple as a higher state of life than all others
(ii) the eternal significance of marriage
(iii) Swedenborg's observations of marriages in
heaven.
(c) Describe the reactions of friends when you tell
them about the unity model and the idea of marriages in heaven as given in the Swedenborg reports.
(d) How has the unity model influenced your thinking?
What benefit do you think do class members acquire when studying the unity
model in this course? Do you have suggestions on how to teach the unity model
to couples, and at what age?
In the unity model of
marriage, it goes beyond “until death do us part” and goes on “forever in
heaven”. This model focuses on three
levels which include: the sensorimotor self,
cognitive self, the affective self. When
a relationship is unified at all three levels, they create a conjoint self. The conjoint self is where each individual has
changed, letting go some traits and obtaining new ones that can fit together as
a unit.
The first level, the sensorimotor self, includes sensations, perceptions, and
motor acts two partners perform in their relationship. The sensorimotor
self comprises the sensorimotor conjunction, which
includes activities that a man and woman enjoy doing together, such as eating,
playing, embracing, and talking. These
are considered to be the “external” physical self because it is visible for
everyone to see. In this level, the man
is often seen as dominant while the woman follows, keeping the relationship
going. Their motives are different as well. The man aims to please himself while the
woman is motivated to keep their relationship going on a deeper level.
The second level, the
cognitive self, includes thinking and reasoning two partners do in their
relationship. The cognitive self
comprises the cognitive conjunction. In
the cognitive conjunction, the woman strives to take her man’s perspective,
learning everything about him. Whether
it is remembering the details in his life he discloses or learning how he
reasons things, whatever it is, she is motivated to harmonize with him and
please him. On the other hand, the man
usually focuses on himself, his ideas, and is delighted when the woman shows
that she knows how his ideas work. This
gives the woman a better understanding of him and is another step of conjoining
with him.
The third level, the
affective self, includes the feelings and motivations in a couple’s
relationship. The affective self
comprises the affective conjunction. In
the affective conjunction, the man aligns his feelings with his woman’s
feelings. This is where he surrenders
his male prerogatives that were attained from society and traditions. This doesn’t mean he has to give up his own
independent feelings and strivings and depend on her for his own feelings,
goals, and intentions, he is suppose to love her and be devoted to her.
In the unity model of
marriage, the two partners are conjoined in the sensorimotor
self, cognitive self, and affective self all at the same time. The husband realizes that unity is based on
reciprocity of differentiation of traits.
This becomes a lifestyle where nothing is negotiated. The husband sees that since his wife has been
striving since the beginning for him, he to will do the same. He will do this by preventing himself from
disagreeing with her of any demands, requests, pleadings, urgings, or
expectations, which are all the ways a wife shows her affections to her
husband. By the husband being
subordinating of his own affections to hers, they create a unity and truly will
be of “one mind” and “one spirit” that will go on forever in eternity.
I think that the idea of a
unity couple in a higher state of life than all others is a fascinating
concept. Being married to someone
shouldn’t stop at just “until death do us part”; it should go on for eternally. I also think that Swedenborg’s
observations of marriages in heaven were interesting. Although Swedenborg’s
writings may seem like a fantasy story, the things that Swedenborg
describes how spiritual marriages are in heaven is intriguing.
I discussed the unity model
of marriage and the idea of marriages in heaven as given in the Swedenborg reports with my fiancé John and my cousin Marvelyn. As I was
explaining what the unity model was to John, he was kind of surprised of how
much the man has to do and give up to please his woman. Of course, being his fiancée, I did kind of
get offended. I pointed out that since
the woman has been striving for her man in the beginning in order for the
couple to progress to the unity model, the man must act upon his wife’s
feelings and preferences—the same thing she has been doing in the
beginning. He then got a better
understanding of it. As for the Swedenborg’s observations of marriages in heaven, I read
him a few sections of it in the Lecture Notes.
And although he was surprised of Swedenborg’s
observations of spiritual marriages, he thought that it seemed kind of unreal
for Swedenborg to actually live his life in the
spiritual world while maintaining his normal life for many years.
I also discussed the unity
model of marriage and the idea of marriages in heaven from Swedenborg’s
reports with my cousin Marvelyn. As I was explaining to her what the unity
model of marriage was, she liked the idea of how a man should be acting on a
woman’s feelings and preferences and that her husband ought to learn how to do
that. When I read to her several
sections from the Lecture Notes about Swedenborg’s
observations of marriages in heaven, she was surprised to hear what it was like
to be married in heaven. She compared
the “heavenly” and “hellish” cities to her relationship with her husband. She said that when everything seems to come
along well with them, it’s heavenly. And
when they argue or when he makes her upset, she sees that as hellish.
Ever since I started taking
this class, I tend to look at my relationship more and find that John and I go
back and forth with all three models.
When everything is going good, we either fall in the equity or unity
model. And when we fight, we fall into
the dominance model. I pointed this out
to John and we both concluded that our relationship should consist of things
that make both of us happy. We support
each other, love each other, and we are each other’s best friend. Taking this class has made me learn more
about myself, him, and our relationship.
And this is what I think other students acquire when studying this class
also. They learn about themselves in a
different way and about the people they are with.
I also think the way that
the class is being taught by Dr. James should be taught in the same way to
couples.
I am answering Question 10
(a) Explore the Web and the
library for explanatory models of mate selection. How is this process supposed to occur? Why are people attracted to each other to
become a couple?
(b) Describe the current
practices in mate selection that you are aware of. Use what you already know from your life
observations as well as what you can observe on the Web or other online type
activities that are popular.
(c) Can you think of
improvements in these practices? What
would be your ideal community in which mate selection is practiced at its best?
I came across this article
online called "Mate Selection"
by Michael Matthews. He says that there
are five stages of mate selection called "The Five Phases of Mate
Selection and Their Progression".
The first phase that Matthews reveals is physical attraction. Studies have shown that people decide within
the first three seconds of meeting a person if they are attracted to him or her
on a physical level. If this physical
attraction is reciprocated, this may lead to a conversation between them. Studies also show that within the first three
minutes of conversing with someone, a person will know if they like that person
or not, which is indicated by body language, showing mutual interest than the
conversation itself.
The second phase that
Matthews explains is infatuation. When
two people decide that they like each other, this stage can be noticeable
quickly. Both become overwhelmed, and
feel excited and anticipated towards each other. Furthermore, they want to discover each
other's personality and characteristics.
The third phase that
Matthews points out is dating. This
period is the longest phase of the mate selection process. The couple goes out together and learns if
there are any shared interests, common goals, or similar values that exist
between them. Even though there may be
an immense difference in goals or interests, the "chemistry" that the
couple has keeps them together. During
this phase, either one or both of them claims to fall in love with the
other. Different communication styles
may occur in this phase as well, which may lead to problems and the ending of
their relationship.
The fourth phase that
Matthews talks about is the commitment phase.
This is after a certain period of dating each other exclusively, either
one or both of them proclaims or continue their commitment to each other. This stage is based on compatibility, genuine
caring, and thoughts of building a future life together. Though commitment may only continue based on
how long the dating period has gone on.
Once more, if communication is unclear, the differences of a man and
woman's definition of commitment and how it is exhibited could complicate
things, and could possibly end their relationship.
The fifth and final phase
that Matthews reveals is the official show of commitment, which is concluded by
a wedding ceremony or to decide to live with each other, with the main goal focusing
on sharing each other's lives, making a future together, and possibly starting
a family together.
Current Practices I'm Aware Of and Improvements in
These Practices
After reading over Matthews'
"Five Phases of Mate Selection and Their Progression", I agree with
it and think that this is the process that people go through when selecting
someone to be their mate. I think that
is it is a step by step process, and if one or both partners fail, they either work
out their differences or start the process all over again with another
partner. There are also people that just
go from phase three to phase five, and then they realize that they just don't
mesh well together because they haven't had a long enough period to get to know
each other in the proper steps.
As far as finding popular
activities to finding mates online, the first thing that came to my mind is eHarmony.com. I see commercials for this all the time where
people claim that they have found someone very compatible to them, that they
had found their soul mate. EHarmony.com is a
marriage-oriented matchmaking website. A
person creates a profile by filling in how questionnaires that best fit their
personality. When they begin to search
for people, their characteristics are matched with another person, finding them
the most compatible person.
I think that having this
kind of practice is a good thing because it gives people another way of seeking
their mate. I also wouldn't really
improve anything about this practice because it has been successful. EHarmony.com has more than 13 million
users with more 6,000 marriages between members. This shows that another opportunity awaits for
mate selecting.
My Report on the
Current Generation
Dayna Hasegawa
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/hasegawa/hasegawa-409b-g25-report1.htm
Hasegawa started her report
by explaining what anti-unity values were.
She said that AUVs are considered to be
actions, characteristics, beliefs and goals that prevent a couple from having a
successful marriage. After going over
the different examples of AUVs, she then had to
evaluate findings from a prior generation.
Hasegawa chose to evaluate Report 1 from Carly
Kanemaru, Skip Saito, Lauren Buchner, Adriel Stipek, and Cynthia Adams
all from Generation 24. Hasegawa talked
about how they saw AUVs being portrayed in the media
and what her thoughts were on each of them and found related links on the Web
that show how media affects society.
In the next section of her
report, she had to do her own findings in the media that depicted conjunctive
and disjunctive behavior in regards to anti-unity values. The three shows she chose to observe were 7th Heaven and Gilmore Girls, and The Duel.
In the show 7th
Heaven, Hasegawa talks about two episodes that displayed disjunctive and
conjunctive behaviors. In one episode,
Hasegawa talks about how Simon and Rose are nervous about marrying each other
and get pre-wedding jitters. Instead of
talking about it with each other, Simon consults his sister Lucy for advice and
Rose seeks advice from her ex-boyfriend Roberto. This act displays disjunctive behavior. For conjunctive behavior, Hasegawa explained
a part where Simon told everyone he is confident in marrying Rose. In another episode, Simon and Rose are have
an argument because Rose told Simon that she thought she was pregnant. Rose told Simon not to tell anyone, but they
end up telling each of their families behind each other’s back. They ended up yelling at each other because
they both found out that had said something.
This displayed disjunctive behavior.
The second show that
Hasegawa chose that displayed disjunctive and conjunctive behavior was Gilmore Girls. In the episode Hasegawa described, Rory
planned a big party for her boyfriend Logan, who is leaving to
The third show that Hasegawa
chose that portrayed disjunctive and conjunctive behavior was the reality TV
show, The Duel. This show is about two teams comprised of 20
individuals who compete in battles with each other. At the end, there is only one male and one
female winner, receiving $150,000 each.
Disjunctive behaviors that Hasegawa pointed out included exposing men as
being macho and as pigs, portraying women playing the irrational role and
looking like sexual beings in their bathing suits while men were the more
rational one, and there were also homosexual males and females in the
show. As for conjunctive behaviors,
Hasegawa found it gave women and men a chance to compete equally at the same
games and it allowed women to obtain the respect they deserve.
After going over the shows,
Hasegawa expressed what she thought. She
said that it is easier to point out things in the media that are disjunctive
than conjunctive. She also said that she
felt that the reason why these types of negative interactions are portrayed
often in the media is because it makes it entertaining. Hasegawa then explained what her friend
thought about the shows and these issues.
Hasegawa’s best friend, Sheena was surprised and thought these shows (7th Heaven and Gilmore Girls) were innocent for the younger
generation to watch. Sheena also said
that we need to monitor what children watch if they have negative effects. She also thought that teaching kids about the
unity model at a young age is important.
In the next section of her
report, Hasegawa had to evaluate disjunctive and conjunctive verbal
interactions in dialogues. The two
dialogues she chose to evaluate comes from the movie Grease I the show Miami Ink. In Grease
I, it is about a two people, Sandy and Danny, who meet during the summer
and fall in love. In the movie, they
both sing are singing a song to each other called “You’re the One I Want”. Hasegawa thought that this dialogue portrayed
an aspect of the unity model because they both realize what each other want and
how each other feels, and they are willing to adapt to each other to become
one.
In Miami Ink, Hasegawa had a dialogue of Bridget and Yoji, who are husband and wife. Bridget visited Yoji
at work and told him that ever since their baby was born, instead of being at
home, he’d rather be at work. Yoji replied that he’s at work with his friends and
customers, and that he has to make money.
Yoji’s friend was overhearing the conversation
and said “Yea, don’t worry; I won’t be gay with your husband.” Bridget said that that’s more than she gets
and Yoji told her jokingly, “Go home!” Hasegawa found this conversation to be
clearly in the dominance model and that Yoji makes it
seem like the he plays the more important role compared to his wife, and that
she's being irrational and frivolous.
Hasegawa ended her report by
providing her own thoughts and provided advice for future generations. Hasegawa has a clear understanding of the
unity model of marriage and has already applied the ideas of it to her everyday
life. She also thinks that more males
need to take this class to learn more of the unity model so that they would
have a better understanding of how pleasing their wife will make them
happy. Hasegawa has benefited a lot from
taking this class and feels that people who will also take this class will
learn what kind of person they are in their relationship.
Paige Kim
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/kim/kim-409b-g25-report1.htm
Kim started her report by
explaining what anti-unity values were and how they were detrimental to a
marriage. She then had to evaluate
findings from a prior generation. Kim
chose to evaluate Report 1 from Carly Kanemaru and
Skip Saito, both from Generation 24.
Hasegawa talked about how they saw AUVs being
portrayed in the media and expressed what her thoughts were, how it relates to
her own interactions at work, and how it affects young boys and girls. She then provided related links on the Web
that show how the media affects society.
In the next section of her
report, she had to do her own findings in the media that depicted conjunctive
and disjunctive behavior in regards to anti-unity values. The two shows she chose to observe were Everybody Loves Raymond and The War at Home.
In the show Everybody Loves Raymond, Kim talks about
two episodes that displayed disjunctive and conjunctive behavior. This show displays the marriage between
Raymond and Debra, as well as Raymond’s parents’ marriage, Frank and Marie. In the first episode she talked about, called
“The Angry Family”, Kim provided five examples of disjunctive behavior, which
all clearly show how dominant Ray is towards his wife and how he mentally
abuses her. Kim also found one
conjunctive behavior in this episode, which made her disappointed. This example actually shows Raymond agreeing
with his wife and shows a sign of togetherness when a couple agrees with each
other.
In another episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, called “No
Roll”, Kim found eight examples that clearly showed disjunctive behavior. Kim felt that this episode dealt a lot with
sexual blackmail. Raymond repeatedly
tried to make Debra feel guilty for wanting to have sex with him and pushed
himself onto her when she clearly did not want to have sex. Kim also only found one example (once again)
of conjunctive behavior in this episode.
In this part, Debra wanted Raymond to be more attentive in all areas of
their marriage and Raymond finally saw her point and understood what she
wanted. He is finally changing to fit
his wife’s needs.
The second show that Kim
chose that displayed disjunctive and conjunctive behavior was the show The War at Home. This show is about a married couple named
Dave and Vicky, who have three children, Larry, Hillary, and Mike. In the episode called “Gambling”, Vicky
founds out that someone had opened up a credit card in their name. Dave finds out that it is their son that
applied for the credit so that he could use it online for gambling. Dave does not tell Vicky and lied to her,
saying that it was the credit card company’s fault.
In the same episode, Dave
takes Hillary to practice driving and she gets pulled over by the cop because
she kept swerving the car. Dave quickly
switches places with Hillary in the car and takes the blame. But since he was
drinking, the cop arrested him for drunk driving. When they got home, Vicky was worried about
them. When Dave was telling her the story,
she asked what was wrong with him. Dave
continued to criticize her and take Hillary’s side.
Kim was surprised to find so
much disjunctive behavior of deception and lying that was going on in Dave and
Vicky’s marriage, especially on Dave’s part.
Dave was very chauvinistic and his talk consisted of either lies or
criticism towards his wife. As for
finding conjunctive behavior, Kim did not find any. She found that throughout the episode, Dave
remained chauvinistic. This made Kim
upset because every comment that Dave made to Vicky was against her.
After going over the shows, she
asked her friends what they thought about them and then provided feedback of
what she thought they said. Kim’s friend
Aaron thought that the media now focuses on drama and complications. He also thought these shows never make the
man look smart; it makes the man look like their dominant and stupid. Kim’s other friend, Stevie,
said that she has lived with some of these AUVs maybe
because she’s already succumbed to them unconsciously. Stevie also said
that she thinks the media and real life is like one big circle—we influence the
media and the media influences us. Kim
agreed with Aaron and understood Stevie’s point of
view. Kim then explained why these type
of interactions are portrayed in the media so often, how it consequents couples
and society, and how it affects adolescent women and men.
In the next section of her
report, Kim had to evaluate disjunctive and conjunctive verbal interactions in
dialogues. Kim chose a dialogue from a
romance novel called Forever More by
Rosemary Starn.
This story was about a man named Scott Taylor who falls in love with a
widowed mother, Rebecca, who has two sons.
In the scene Kim chose,
Rebecca had talked to their friend Tom about Scott’s condition. Scott had hurt his hand in a bad accident and
refused to go to therapy. Rebecca was
worried that Scott was doing damage to himself by not going to therapy, so she
consulted Tom and let him know how worried she is about Scott. Rebecca and Scott have a fight, and
continually degrade each other.
In Kim’s findings, she found
that the dialogue between Rebecca and Scott was very hostile and violent. She sees that their marriage is in
shambles. Scott is completely in the
dominance model while his wife is trying to push him to see her side of things
and thinks their marriage is unhealthy.
Kim also talks about the fights she has witnessed in real life. Both men and women call derogatory names to
each other and then make-up, using the excuse that they were just mad and
didn’t mean the things that they had said.
Kim ended her report her
report by providing her own thoughts and provided advice for future
generations. She has learned a lot about
relationship by studying the three different types of marriage. Out of the dominance, equity, and unity
models of marriage, Kim believes that the unity model can help a lot of couples
for the better. She says that this model
will create a positive marriage and both partners will be satisfied because the
husband is always choosing to act from his wife’s feelings and desires. After taking this class and writing this
paper, Kim sees how many people are subject to learning stereotypes in the
media and how it is damaging to a person’s relationship because it gives
examples of how a person should be. She
says we should just take media for what it is—for entertainment only.
Advice for Future
Generations
The most important advice
that everyone should follow is not to procrastinate. Having sufficient time to write papers is
crucial if you want to succeed in this class.
Have adequate time to go over the required readings for the report and
leave enough time to edit your paper.
More time will also lead to less stress because you have used your time
wisely, pacing yourself throughout the writing process.
To have a full of
understanding of what this class is about, you have to do all the necessary
work, such as reading all the Lecture Notes and books and keeping up with the
outlines. You will get to learn how
interesting this class is and will be able to learn more about yourself and the
type of relationship you are (or will be) in.
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