PSY 409b October 3, 2006
Making Changes
By Christina Delapena
Instructions for this activity are found at:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/g25-oral1.htm
Instructor: Dr. Leon James
Coleman,
Joshua Ph.D. (2005). The Lazy Husband. (
I.
The Problem with Motherhood
a.
Person who cares
most has least bargaining power.
i.
Example: Couple
gives birth; mother is immediately attached while father is not at as much.
ii.
Father has more
barraging power because father is not as strongly motivated in baby's
discomfort while mother has less bargaining Ýpower because of greater investment in child.
II.
Male Status at Bargaining Table for Change
1. Give him sense of fair play and let him know why he
should care enough to pitch in his share with caring for the kids and
housework.
2. Recommend to him that if he changes his behavior, it
will benefit him in someway.Ý For
example: More quality time together.
3. Let him know that in a relationship, it's give and
take; give a favor, receive a favor and vice versa.
4. Express to him how much you're pitching in your share
through lists, trading places for a day, or simply just telling him.
5. Be straightforward and clearly let him know that
you're unhappy with the current arrangement.Ý
Then list ways of what he can do to make you happy.
6. Knowing what his priorities and pet peeves are can
improve your bargaining position.Ý Go
over with him what is his top numbered priorities and encourage him to change.
7. Consider eliminating some of the chores by keeping
things simple and getting your kids to more.
8. Make trades with him by letting him know that you'll
exchange things/behaviors he values for what you value.
9. Improve your bargaining power making long- and
short-term approaches such as increasing your financial power by going back to
work or improving your beauty.
II.
Bargaining Power with the Divorce Culture
a. Divorce has increased women's power to say to their
husband if they don't change, they will leave.
i.
But yet, women
are more punished because they don't have that financial stability as the men.
b. Gives them more bargaining power because a divorce
may make her life not as stressful than it already it is.
III.
The Lack of the Husband's Power
a. If the wife earns more than the husband, the husband
generally does more parenting and housework.
b. Sometimes, it doesn't matter who makes more, it's
also a meaning of who's more invested in the marriage.
Related
Links
Why Women
Experience Depression More Than Men Do
http://selfhelpmagazine.com/articles/depress/womendepress.html
This
website explains a study performed by two psychologists in regards to why women
become more depressed than men do.Ý
Social conditions and personality characteristics contribute to the
gender differences in depressive symptoms.Ý
Some factors included great loads of housework and childcare.
Working
Women Do More Chores Than Men
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6011245
This
website talks about a survey conducted on 21,000 people on their activities
during an average day last year.Ý Results
found that employed women do an hour more per day of housework than employed
men.Ý Also, men found more leisure time
in their day (5.4 hours) than women (4.8 hours).
Women
Feel More Rushed Than Men
http://www.livescience.com/othernews/060125_women_rush.html
This
website describes a study that was conduced in regards to why women feel more
in a hurry than men.Ý One factor was
increased workload of paid work, household chores, childcare, and personal
tasks.Ý Another factor was that women
feel that they are the ones responsible for the housework and childcare.
My Homepage is: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/delapena/delapena-home.htm
Class Homepage: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/classhome-g25.htm