Proper Care pp

PSY 409b November 29, 2006

Treat Him Like a Man

By Christina Delapena

Instructions for this activity are found at:

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/g25-oral1.htm
Instructor: Dr. Leon James

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (2004). The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. (New York, N.Y.: HarperCollins Publishers Inc.). Reviewing pages 161 to 180.

I. Him Being the Man

a. If a woman marries a man, she should always treat him like one and he’ll always act like one.

b. Men excel if wives treat them like men. Women should:

i. Ask.

ii. Suggest opinions and let him pick.

iii. Never differ him in front of children.

iv. Not embarrass him or make him feel less manly in front of anyone.

v. Man will become loving and giving to his wife.

II. The Wife Sets the House’s Mood

a. Women are responsible for the tone of the home and the entire family.

i. Both children and husbands are inexorably dependent upon approval, appreciation, and acceptance of Mom.

ii. Without that, they desolate and behave badly.

III. Meeting Emotional/Domestical Needs

a. Men rescue, repair, provide, and protect; men are active and proactive.

i. They do that out of love, duty, responsibility, and character.

b. A good man is a man, not a best girlfriend.

IV. Women Should be Supportive

a. Women need to be supportive that they have a man who is trying very hard to take care of his family and get them to a position with no financial problem.

b. Do what you want all day, but make sure a hot dinner is served with a smile and a hug when he gets home.

c. More appreciation = more he’s going to want to be home.

V. The Role of a Wife and Mother Comes Before Career

a. A family needs a woman and a man, a husband and a wife, a father and a mother, much more than equal power of two career-oriented people.

b. Women can work, but work must revolve around family. Wives need to put more effort in being a wife and mother, rather than focusing most energy at work.

VI. Guy Time

a. Men want to play a sport, go on a trip, or do something tame (poker) with their friends.

b. Women feel resentment towards their husbands’ guy time because of their insecurity which include:

i. Fear that their husband is not enjoying the wife’s company.

ii. Wife may not know how to be alone without feeling bad about themselves.

iii. Wife may be envious of their husband’s hobbies and friends.

iv. Without wife’s influence and control, wife may feel that husband is not evaluating their relationship and family situation as desirable.

VII. “Accept the Animal You Brought Home”

a. Women believe that after marriage, the husband will become completely domesticated and she will be the master; the whip will be her desires and feelings.

i. Men put up with it to a certain point then don’t.

b. Wife should stop threatening him into being the man she thinks she wants. Two choices:

i. Wife can be angry all the time and ruin her life as well as her husband’s life together.

ii. Or accept him and reframe his traits in the positive.

1. With this, men see their wife appreciating him for the man he is—and that will make him want to be more of that for her.

c. Dr. Laura believes women take men for granted and want to mold them into an image they have in their own minds of what a husband—their husband—should be.

i. “Accept the animal you chose to bring home”.

VIII. Having a Healthy Balance in Marriage

a. Marriage means to share and support the individuality necessary for mental and emotional health, and for ultimate well-being of relationship.

b. Husbands who have interests outside of marriage are happier and come back to wives as better men.

c. To stay balanced and centered, a reasonably amount of quiet time and alone time, is necessary.