Instructions for
this report are at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-report1.htm
G25 Lecture Notes on
the Unity Model of Marriage:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-lecture-notes.htm
Section A: My
Understanding of AUV’s
A List of Anti-Unity Values
1.
1.
Living together unmarried
2.
2.
Having children out of wedlock
3.
3.
Making each other jealous on purpose
4.
4.
Adultery for various reasons
5.
5.
Promiscuity and bi-sexuality
6.
6.
Sexy dressing for men other than one's
partner
7.
7.
Having a same sex best friend who is placed ahead
of the partner or in competition for certain things
8.
8.
Having a heterosexual best friend who is
placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things
9.
9.
Same sex friends going out as a group for fun
and entertainment without their partners
10.
10. Flirting with other gender as retaliation against one's
partner (or other reason)
11.
11. Separate interests and activities accepted for partners
12.
12. Manipulating partner through deception
13.
13. Accepting the idea that it's OK to "agree to disagree"
about some things
14.
14. Promoting the idea that one should not try to change one's
partner but should accept them with their faults, etc.
15.
15. Girls only or boys only entertainment
16.
16. Acceptance of the idea that men are more important
17.
17. Promoting the idea that men are more rational than women
18.
18. Promoting the idea that women are generally frivolous as
part of their gender
19.
19. Making it look normal for a man to exploit women
20.
20. Making it look normal for a man to abuse women
21.
21. Making it look normal for a man to have prerogatives or
perks that women should accept and honor (e.g., serving men, doing what they
want no matter what, being dominant, etc.)
22.
22. Making it look like what women say and think as less
important
23.
23. Accepting the idea that a man does not need to
"grovel" when he apologizes for something bad he did to her (the
minimum is enough and she should not ask for more even if her feelings are
still hurt or else she is being "unreasonable" etc.)
This Table is from:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-lecture-notes.htm#Table%209
Anti-unity values, in relation
to the Unity Model of Marriage, are the complete opposite of what the Unity
Model explains. I would not necessarily term them under the word “value”
because I think that all of these are portrayed more as a way of life in a
majority of all relationships today. Since these are termed as a “value” it is
almost the same as saying their values are to manipulate their partner, which
is not good in a relationship. The sad part about each one of these AUV’s listed, is that they are viewed as normal in almost
everyone’s everyday lives. According to the Unity Model of Marriage, none of
these listed would make it to the sensorimotor,
cognitive, or affective levels within Unity. Actually, none of them would even
be tolerated.
Both numbers eleven and twelve stood out for me because I know these two would never be accepted in the Unity Model. In (12), a husband and wife should never have to “agree to disagree”. Once they are at the cognitive level, they begin to think as if they were one person, eventually leading into feeling as the other does at the affective level. Once they both reach this level together, they are one mind in two separate bodies. If the couple “agrees to disagree” they are not “one mind” because if they were, they would both be thinking the same way, or the male should make sure to make his wife happy and agree with her. In (11), if a partner wants to deceive their spouse, then they do not love their significant other, in my opinion. Love is not deception in any relationship, especially in the Unity Model. Deception is a form of hatred, and if a husband or wife has any feelings such as those towards their spouse, why would they get married in the first place or stay married? Marriage is supposed to be love, not hatred by any means.
Section B: My Findings from Generation 24
Opinions and Ideas from Students in
Generation 24
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/stipek/stipek-409b-g24-report1.htm
Adrial Stipek, from Generation 24,
really did a good job of showing her understanding of what anti-unity values
are and had good examples of them that are in today’s media. She showed how
much the media uses AUV’s through movies and lyrics
in music. The movie she decided to use was “
Adrial was very surprised on how many AUV’s she found in “
She also took popular songs in
the media today that are filled with AUV’s. The one
that I found absolutely horrible is Limp Bizkit’s “My
Way”. Everything is supposed to be his way, nothing based on the girl, or he
just is not going to deal with her. This is a perfect example of the dominance
model. It is horrible that so many songs out there today are played on the
radio, making it sound that relationships like this are “okay”. The awful part
about it is that girls, even myself, go around singing
these lyrics not even realizing that they are degrading themselves. I have
realized that I really need to start listening to every word in the lyrics of
songs before I start singing them out loud. When I actually look at the words
written down to songs similar to this one, it makes me not want to listen to
them ever again because of how demeaning they actually are to women. I thought
this song was a very good example to use in order to portray the Dominance
Model in relationships.
My Thoughts on Gender Relations in the
Media
From what I have read from the other student’s reports in
Generation 24, I would have to say that I have realized how men and women are
viewed in the media, but I have not realized it to be to the extent that it is.
For example, in the songs that the other students used, women who sing along to
these songs, full of AUV’s, are bashing themselves without being consciously aware of it. What I
mean by that is if women sing along to these words, they are actually saying it
is okay for men to treat them, oddly enough, the way they don’t want to be
treated, whether they realize what they are singing or not. Since the media is
such a huge aspect of the way of life today, every single area, whether it be
through song, television shows, movies, magazines, whatever, is being sucked
into people’s brains that if this is allowed to be out in the public, then it
must not be too bad or it “should” be accepted in society. These thoughts
coming from people, especially towards women, are almost as if they are being
“brainwashed” from the media to let these attitudes (AUV’s)
be accepted, which I think is morally wrong and corrupting towards women.
Now, that I am becoming more aware of these AUV’s in the media, I am much more cautious, especially to songs. I mostly listen to soft, mellow songs that talk about love, which a lot of people make fun of me for, but I have not found many AUV’s when I listen to those types of songs. However, I will every once in awhile switch it over to a few hip-hop or rap songs because I like the beat, and lately, I have just stopped playing the song mid-way through because, now, I realize exactly what they are talking about. I am shocked at myself for not noticing it before. It almost makes me mad at myself for singing the words out loud before.
Examples of the Media Effecting Young Girls
and Boys
Today
in society, pornography is not seen as such a big deal. Actually, nowadays, it
is more popular since it can be seen almost anywhere. One of the main sources
for pornography today is the internet. I want to discuss this because many men
find absolutely nothing wrong with it, and even worse, many females that are in
a relationship with those type of men, allow them to do it. Once again, this
type of AUV is posted in the media, so, a majority of the people viewing it do
not find it that big of a deal since it is posted out to the public,
when in fact, it is a big problem. Many men do not think that something as “minor”,
or so they would say, as porn can affect a relationship. The main reason they
believe this is because it does not “hurt” their girlfriend/spouse, or so they
think. It isn’t doing any physical harm to them, so why should it hurt them? Well, in my opinion, and according to the
Unity Model, a man should not even be looking at another woman. There is no
reason to if he is in love, happy, and fulfilled with his significant other.
There is just no excuse for it.
The reason why this is an
issue and affecting young boys today is because of how the world relies on the
internet today for basically anything imaginable. Boys and girls in middle school today don’t come home and
call up their friends to hang out or talk. Instead, their source of
communication is the internet. While they talk to their friends through instant
messaging or e-mail, it is very easy to come across advertisements, and it is
extremely easy to just click on a button that leads to the porn world. The
distressing part about this is that is incredibly easy to access without anyone
knowing that it is being watched; for example: by parents. Technology is only
going to get stronger and stronger throughout the years, and if boys at a young
age have this easy connection now to pornography, they will keep watching it
because there is nothing or no one to really stop them. If they start at this
young age, without ever being with a woman yet, this “fantasy” of sex is going
to be what they expect when they are with a person they love or want to be intimate
with. When they see that most women are not like that, they are going to be
disappointed, mainly due to them not being able to fulfill their “fantasy sex”.
To
conclude, this will lead to two outcomes: Either the man will demand upon the
lady that she needs to execute his fantasies and do what he wants in order to
be happy (AUV), which is making her feel bad wondering why she is not good
enough, or, he will get rid of her and find someone else, which also hurts the
woman even more emotionally. On this website, this quote was very interesting
to me, “…a 2001
survey revealing that 2/3 of the 7037 pornography participants surveyed regard
their internet activities as harmless, having no counter-effect on the amount
of sexual activity present in their relationship,” which is wrong in my
opinion. Maybe for a few women, it will not effect
them for a short time, but after awhile, the man is just going to start
expecting more and more of the woman sexually, when she is not going to want to
do it. Therefore, it does affect the relationship.
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m2372/is_1_39/ai_87080439
“Although teen girls’ and women’s magazines,
such as Seventeen and Glamour have increased their coverage of sexual health
issues over the past decade, the majority of their coverage of sexual health
issues over the past decade, the majority of advertising and editorial content
in these magazines remains focused on what girls and women should do to get
and keep their man” (Walsh-Childers, Gotthoffer,
& Lepre, 2002). This is a perfect example of how
the media influences young girls today. This is one reason why I have stopped reading
magazines all together. Relationships and sex are only two of the numerous
areas that heavily influence females through the media at such a young age.
From my own experiences growing up, girls have questions about everything.
Magazines were a place to turn to when I would feel embarrassed to ask my mom
or friends. I could easily look at a magazine and find the answer, and
sometimes, I would even turn to the internet. If young girls, just like I used
to be, rely on finding answers to their questions through the media, it once
again, “brainwashes” them to believe what is stated in a magazine is correct.
Just like the comment above on how magazines TELL HOW women should get
and keep a man (AUV)! When it should, in fact, be the
other way around. A woman should not try to keep a man, and if she is,
the man is not doing a good job of showing that he cares for the woman that he
is with.
My main point from this article I have read is if women are
looking for answers dealing with their relationships, the absolute LAST
place to go to is the media. If a “magazine” is considered to be their
guidance, the girl is going to have a rough road in front of her if this is
what she is going to follow after. This is because of how relationships
are viewed today in the Dominance Model. A woman is never going to feel
completely happy until she has a man that wants to conjoin with her and create
that mental union with her. Once children or younger adolescents start to learn
something a particular way, it is very hard for them to change later on, and
this stands very true in relationships. If one is taught to treat the opposite
sex a certain way starting at a young age, it is very likely they are going to
continue treating them that way when they are older as well.
Section
C: My Own Findings of AUV’s
in the Media
|
Illustrations of Disjunctive Talk |
Illustrations of Conjunctive Talk |
|
The Wonder Years (Episode 7) Jack ignores Norma after a long day of work,
when she wants to talk. Jack will not acknowledge Norma’s pottery
when she wants him to. Norma says to Jack, “I just want your to appreciate me for what I like to do.” Jack says to Norma, “ I
don’t want you to because I don’t like what you do.” |
The Wonder Years (Episode 107) Winnie will not let Kevin get away with
looking at another woman. If Winnie wants to conjoin with Kevin,
she knows that she cannot allow him to commit any AUV’s. Most importantly, she will not tolerate
this especially since they are both in public. She will never be able to trust him or
have someone to turn to if she cannot trust her man in public. |
|
The Wonder Years (Episode 107) Kevin flirts
and looks at another woman while he is in a relationship with Winnie. Kevin says to Winnie, “I didn’t do anything.
I wasn’t looking at her. I didn’t mean anything.” He lets Winnie walk away from him without
trying to make her feel better. When he does confront her, he addresses the
situation as she did something wrong. He
made Winnie feel like she was to blame in this episode. |
Hitch Will Smith makes it clear to men, before
going out on a first date, that they must listen. Every area that he teaches to his clients is
all from a woman’s perspective. Will Smith wants to make the men happy he
is working with, but in order to do that, he teaches the men how to treat the
woman how they want to be treated as women. |
|
Hitch Vance begins looks at Casey and asks for her
number, while he is in a relationship with another woman. Vance goes to a “love doctor” for advice
for what he should do in order to “bang” Casey. His desire is leading towards
cheating on the woman he is already with. Vance goes on a date with Casey, even
though he is with another woman. Vance has sex with Casey, therefore,
cheating on his girlfriend. He gets up and leaves immediately after they are
finished. |
|
|
Hitch Casey is interested in a guy named Vance even
though she already knows he is with another woman. Casey goes on a date with Vance, letting
him take control over her because since she knows he is with another woman
already, she has to do what he wants in order to get with him. Casey has sex with Vance and is
heartbroken because he just gets up and leaves without saying a word to her.
All the intimacy she thought was created between the two was shown to
her that all he wanted was sex, nothing beyond it. |
|
The Wonder Years (Episode 7: “Pottery Will Get You No Where”)
In
this television series, the show consists of the Arnold Family, which is a normal
family growing together in the late 60’s early 70’s. The mother (Norma Arnold)
and the father (Jack Arnold) follow the Dominance model. Norma is a typical
house-wife, always cleaning, cooking, looking after the kids, driving them to
and from… while Jack works hard everyday and just brings home the paycheck.
Everyday when Jack comes home and walks through the door, Norma is usually
cooking or doing something in the kitchen, and she waits for her husband to
arrive. Now, not in every episode, but in quite a few, he will have had a bad
day at work, and almost completely ignore his wife and passes her without
saying a word. Meanwhile, Norma will say, “Hi Hunnie.
How was your day at work?” Now, their relationship is not bad, they still show
love and affection towards one another, but this is obviously a marriage that
is followed after the dominance model, like many other marriages in society. It
is easily seen through their disjunctive interactions that this is not a
marriage based on the Unity Model whatsoever.
In
this particular episode, Norma has just began a
pottery class. The kids are growing up, she was
starting to get lonely and bored throughout the day, so she decided to join
this class. She was still getting everything done she needed to do throughout
the day, such as cleaning the house and cooking, but she just thought she would
join it for fun. When the family got together at dinnertime, she would put new
ceramics that she made that day on the table so everyone could see. At first,
they weren’t the nicest things to look at, since she was new at it, but they
progressively got better as she took more classes. All she wanted throughout
the whole episode was her husband, Jack, to notice the new art she was bringing
home and for him to appreciate it. One morning, to make sure he noticed the new
mug she made, she hid his mug that he ALWAYS drinks his coffee out of in order
to make him drink out of the coffee mug she made. He got really upset, and they
began arguing because of this. Towards the end of the episode, she began to
scream to him, “I just want you to show you appreciate me for what I like to
do.” And Jack replied, “Well, maybe I don’t want to because I don’t like what
you do.”
The reason I chose to talk about this episode is because I have grown up watching this TV series, and besides this episode, Norma and Jack have never fought. I never found anything wrong with their marriage because, to me, they seem like a perfectly happy, married couple. As I watched this episode, however, I noticed so many AUV’s throughout the entire thing. Jack was showing he was not appreciating what she enjoyed, he completely ignored what she wanted him to see, he ignored her when all she wanted was a hello when he walked in the door after work, etc. This is NOT how a marriage should be, and so many families are like this.
My Friends’ Reactions
Brian Rafeal
I went to my friend Brian and
explained to him the three different models of marriage that we are discussing
in class. I gave him a summary of the last episode of the Wonder Years I
explained above. I asked him what his reactions were to this episode. His
response was that he did not agree with the husband, Jack, treating his wife
the way he did. He said that even if Jack did not like his wife’s pottery, he needed
to at least pretend he did in her to make Norma happy. He felt that it was
wrong for the way Jack was making his wife feel because she wasn’t doing
anything wrong, but instead, she was doing what she wanted to do.
Amanda Lucero
I also explained to my friend,
Amanda, the episode and asked her what her opinions were on the married couple.
The first thing she said was that she does not think that couples treat each
other like that today. I told her the differences between the Dominance model
and the Unity model, and she thinks women are much more independent today in
their marriages than they were around the 60’s and 70’s. I asked her what her
reaction was to Jack’s responses to Norma throughout the episode, and she did
not agree with him one bit. She said there was no reason why he should have
gotten upset with her because she was still doing everything around the house,
taking care of the kids, and cooking a nice meal for him when he walked in the
door. She said it was very unfair the way he treated her, and he needs to
realize how much she actually does for him and the rest of the family. Amanda
kept relating this episode back to today’s times and her relationships. She
said there should never be just one “breadwinner” in the family. A wife and a husband
should both appreciate one another for what they do.
Amanda strongly believes that when she gets married, she is going to be able to support herself on her own, and both her and her husband will contribute to the daily chores along with their jobs outside of the home. I found it very interesting to see her point of view on how she thinks married life should be.
My Reactions to my Friends Opinions
I asked Brian because I wanted to get a male perspective
of the situation from this episode. And I would have to say I agree with him
much more than Amanda. They both felt it was wrong for Jack to act the way he
did to his wife, which I agree with, but I disagree with Amanda when she said,
“…couples don’t treat each other like that today.” I think it may be even worse
than it was back then in the 60’s. Many men are much more controlling to women
today, mainly due to the media portraying it to be okay. I never really
compared relationships in the ‘60s to relationships today, but every time I
think of it, I just see the dominance model more and more because of how
influencing the media is on young people today.
The Wonder Years (Episode 107: “Broken Hearts”)
In this episode, the main characters are Kevin Arnold and
Winnie Cooper. Kevin is the son of Jack and Norma, and Winnie is Kevin’s
girlfriend and his long-time friend since they were children. This episode
takes place at a diner/fast-food restaurant. It begins with Kevin ordering food
at the front, while Winnie is in the back at a table waiting for him. A pretty
girl takes Kevin’s order and is obviously flirting with him. She keeps smiling
back at him, and Kevin does not verbally flirt with her back, but he smiles.
The waitress says to him, “I put some extra relish on the side for you,” and
then she winks at him. Kevin once again smiles, says, “Thank you,” and returns
to Winnie at the table with their food. He is just sitting there smiling at
Winnie, like nothing is wrong. Winnie has a very upset look on her face and says,
“Did you get enough relish on the side with that?” then gets up, and
walks over to her friends. Kevin has a shocked and confused look on his face,
wondering what just happened?
When
I watched this scene, I took Kevin’s reactions to the waitress’ flirtations
towards him as a boost of self-esteem. He knew that Winnie was back there, so
he did not want to make it obvious that he was flirting back. So, all he could do
was smile, which is still a way of flirting, but in a non-verbal way. And a
majority of flirting is done non-verbally. I think he really liked the way that
the other girl was looking at him, and when he realized Winnie saw, and was
mad, he had to cover himself up and act like nothing was wrong. Guys LOVE
getting attention from other girls, just as much as girls love getting
attention from other guys, in certain circumstances of course. But I think this
is a good example of an AUV, where Kevin is in a relationship and still looking
at other girls, when he should be focused on only the woman he is with.
I chose this scene for two reasons. One was because Winnie just got up and walked away without discussing anything with Kevin. And the other was because of the flirtation going on between Kevin and the waitress. I was curious to see my friends’ reactions to this episode. I wanted to see if it was wrong for Winnie to get up and just walk away, or if she had every right to. And I also wanted to see their opinions on whether Kevin actually did something wrong, if he was caught in a bad situation, or what he should’ve done. I asked once again a girlfriend and a guy friend to get the two different perspectives from the two genders.
My Friend’s Reactions
Kristin Kowlkowski
I first asked her to give me her
reactions to this particular scene in the episode. She began by comparing this
to her and her husband. She said, “Well, if that was Josh (which is her
husband, and she is replacing Josh with Kevin), I would first be flattered that
a waitress was attracted to him. I would not get upset at all because I know
that would be a weird situation for him if someone were trying to hit on him.
And I know that he would not be rude to her, but smile back to her as well,
just because he is the nice guy that he is. And that is exactly what Kevin did
too, so, I would not be mad.” She also felt that Winnie was overreacting a bit.
She said she could see reasons for her being upset, but if she was upset, she
needed to discuss those feelings with Kevin first before walking away from him.
Doug Harr
I also asked my male friend what he thought about this interaction between the couple. He agreed with Kristin, as well, on Winnie overreacting about Kevin. He said as long as he wasn’t making any obvious flirtations back, both verbal and nonverbal, then he thought he did not do anything wrong. He said if Kevin sensed something wrong with Winnie, then he needed to explain to Winnie exactly what went on and tell her that he is not even interested in another girl. I asked him, “If Winnie wouldn’t listen to Kevin and just kept walking away, what should Kevin do?” He said that Kevin should keep going after her until she listens or understands where he is coming from, but if she will have absolutely nothing to do with him, then Kevin should just let her go.
My Reactions to my Friends’ Opinions
After hearing Kristin’s opinion on Kevin’s reaction to the
waitress, it made me think a little bit. I still think Kevin enjoyed the
attention and the flattery looks he was getting from the waitress, but maybe he
was just smiling back because he is a nice guy and does not want to be rude. I
am really not sure what I think now, since I know from watching TONS of these
episodes, Kevin Arnold is a very nice, down to earth guy. I don’t want to give
him an excuse, or let him get away with looking at another woman, so I have to
say that I am really unsure of what I think of him now. However, if I were to
follow the Unity Model, that would not be tolerated. If Winnie was hurt and
upset by the other woman, Kevin would need to accept that, understand Winnie’s
feelings, and apologize, whether if he thought he was right or wrong.
However, I do agree with Kristin and Doug on Kevin trying to communicate with Winnie. I don’t think, if Kevin was right or if Winnie was right, Winnie should have walked away when Kevin was trying to talk with her about what happened. He obviously was showing that he cared and wanted to fix the situation. He did not like seeing her upset. So, I do not think that Winnie should have got up right away without saying any words first to Kevin. I think this was a good example of how men are portrayed in the media, when looking at other women (AUV), but this was different from most other shows or movies because Winnie would not let Kevin get away with it. She put her foot down right away and said that is wrong. So, I actually think in this episode, they portrayed men as being wrong, and that they should not look at other women. Which is something that needs to be shown more throughout the media.
Hitch (Movie)
This movie is based on a “love-doctor”,
also known as “Hitch”, who is played by Will Smith. His main goal focuses on
helping other men be with the lady of their dreams. Throughout the movie, there
are numerous relationships beginning, ending, and minor relationships that are
not discussed much. I chose to talk about this movie because it has a
combination of AUV’s and then, I believe, Hitch is
trying to get men to focus towards the Unity Model, without them even knowing
it. I am going to describe several scenes within in the movie as well as quotes
or statements that Hitch uses to help the men start a relationship with the
women they are interested in.
LISTEN
At the very beginning of the film, it
switches from couple to couple on their first dates, with Will Smith in the
background stating facts about relationships and giving statements about what
women want in relationships. It shows clips of Hitch going back and fourth to
different men and giving advice to his clients on what they should do on their
first date. The one piece of advice that stood out to me was when he said, “Listen to them.” I feel like that is one
step that is necessary in order to move towards the Unity Model. If a man does
not listen to his significant other, how would they ever conjoin together, let
alone understand one another’s feelings?
I think this is a very good area that is portrayed for men in the
media in this particular movie. It is something that is emphasized a great deal
every time Hitch talks to his clients throughout the movie. Listening to women
is acknowledged as something positive and something that MUST be done by men.
Will Smith makes it clear that the men will not be with the women they love if
they only listen to them when THEY want to. It must be done every time they are
with them.
My Friend’s Reactions
Dallas
I talked to my friend Dallas, and I explained to him about
the Unity Model. I told him how in this model it is very important to put the
female in front of everything else, and how listening was a very important
aspect to this model. I asked him if he thought listening was an important part
to a relationship, and if Will Smith was right about making it as imperative as
he did to those men in the movie. He said he agreed and disagreed with Hitch.
He thinks that listening needs to come from both the girl and the guy, and it
cannot be from just one person. He also said, “If you care about a person,
however, you will listen to them. It shouldn’t be an issue to
listen to the person you love if you care about them.” He related this
to his relationships about when the person he loves remembered important, but
subtle, facts about himself. He said, “It really means a lot if the person you
love remembers what you say. It just shows that they care, and they WANT to
listen to you.”
I would have to agree with
Kainoa Rudolpho
I explained to my friend Kainoa the
same as I did to
I agree with Kainoa,
and he made me see a different perspective about relationships and ask a
question to myself? Why is it that men and women, when they first begin talking
to one another, relationship-wise, do listen to one another more, or try
to learn more about one another? Shouldn’t it always be a constant yearning to
want to learn more and more about one another, especially the one you love? It
made me think and wonder why that is when I heard his response. And he
is completely right, for both males and females. When they begin a
relationship, it is almost as if EVERYTHING is blocked out of their world,
except for that one person, so they ARE going to listen word for word. After
awhile, in most relationships today, it just seems that many people find their
significant other to get old or boring, or just have nothing they want to listen
to from the other. I don’t know if that is a cause from the Dominance or Equity
Model, but if it is, something needs to happen in society because it is not a
good way to keep going through life if one cannot listen to the person they
love. I think that is why there are numerous communication problems as well in
the world today. It’s because people do not listen!
Once again, I think listening is an
extremely important facet in a relationship. I am very glad that this was made
a good point in this movie towards men. I think it could’ve been used in a
better way, so it was not directed just towards men. I think women are just as
guilty as men when it comes to listening, to an extent.
Cheating (AUV)
In a scene at a bar, one of the main
characters, Sarah Melis and her best friend, Casey,
are having a drink together and discussing their weeks. Casey mentions to Sarah
that she met a cute guy in a lingerie department earlier in the week. She said
that they exchanged numbers and how cute he was. Sarah knocked some sense into
her and said, “Casey, you know he has to be with another woman if he was buying
lingerie.” She answered back, “He was buying it for his mother.” Sarah replied,
“No man buys high-priced lingerie for their mother.” This is an example of an
AUV because it is showing a man who is thinking of another woman other than
their own, especially since they exchanged numbers.
Later in the movie, the man, Vance, who Casey met in the
department store, actually meets with Hitch. Vance tells Hitch that he has met
a wonderful woman (referring to Casey) and cannot get her out of his mind. He
says, “I can’t think, can’t sleep, food has lost its
taste… I just don’t think things will go back to normal… until I bang her.”
Meanwhile, this man is with another woman. Thankfully, Hitch does not help him
and says he will not work with a man who only wants sex and nothing remotely
near a relationship.
Towards the end of the film, Casey and Vance actually go out on a
date. Casey describes the date to Sarah in a coffee shop. She said, “It started
out beautiful. He took me out to dinner and had flowers for me at the door. And
then at the end of the night, I had never seen a man put on his clothes so
fast.” Here is another AUV: having sexual relations with another woman while in
a relationship and before marriage. It also shows that Vance was doing only
what he wanted. He could care less what Casey felt or wanted.
I chose these scenes because it illustrates many AUV’s combined into one large one, cheating. I also chose it because the guy got away with what he
did. When men watch this, they may think they can get away with it too, making
it acceptable when it really is far from that. If these types of actions are
exposed more and more in the media, they will continue to happen more often in
society. I really feel that a big part of why there are so many divorces today
are because of the media. People do what they see. And if they see cheating in
films, with people getting away with it, they are going to cheat as well.
My Friend’s Reactions
Kehau DeMello
I began by describing the different models we have been focusing
on in this class, and then described all of the different scenes to Kehau. She did not give me much feedback though. I kept
trying to ask her follow-up questions, but the main reaction she got from these
scenes was that it was wrong. She did not agree with one bit of what these
scenes were doing. She thought it was wrong for Vance to begin talking to a
lady in the first place, it was wrong for him to try to get help from a doctor,
just in order to have sex, and it was wrong for her to go out on a date with
him when she knew he was with another woman. I asked her what Casey should’ve
done. She said, “ She should’ve never went out with
him on a date. I think it is somewhat her fault for the ending of the night. It
was not right of him to leave so fast and make her feel bad, but Casey kind of
brought it upon herself.”
I fully agree with Kehau on these scenes being wrong. They do not follow the
Unity Model by any means, and are ALWAYS portrayed the same or similar in other
media settings. I also agree with Kehau saying how
she should not have even gone out on a date with him. She should’ve known from
the beginning that he was not trustworthy if he was already being unfaithful to
another woman. Kehau also just wanted to say, “What a
jerk,” which was one of my reactions too. However, now that I have watched this
a few times, I don’t feel so bad for her because she put herself in that
situation. Kehau also made a good point though that
it is hard to tell if the guy should be to blame and no blame on the female.
She said this because the female could’ve been looking for just a
one-night-stand as well as the guy. So, if that’s all they were BOTH looking
for then she should have not reacted the way she did while talking to Sarah.
Andy Brown
I decided to ask my boyfriend’s opinion on these scenes mainly
because it is one of his favorite movies, and I wanted to see how his first
reactions were to this. He would not allow the man to be the only one to blame
in this situation. I asked him if he thought it was wrong for Casey to go out
with Vance even though she knew he already was with someone?
He replied, “No, I don’t because what if she thought that she was helping him?”
I didn’t really understand what he meant by that, so he explained further,
“Obviously, Vance was not happy in his relationship with this other woman, so, he was either looking for someone else or looking for a
one-night stand. If he was looking for someone else, maybe the girl
thought that she could be ‘the one’ that he was looking for. She could
help him realize what he really wants and needs.”
I had to stop and think when I heard
his answer because I was unsure if I wanted to listen to that or not, or wanted
to think of that as a logical answer. I would have to say that I can agree with
him to a certain degree, ONLY if the guy was extremely unhappy with the person
he is with, AND he felt that Casey was right for him. I can give the girl some
slack if she truly believes she should be with him too. However, I can’t agree
in these particular scenes though. If the man was really that unhappy,
he needed to go out with this girl AFTER he ended things with the girl he is
with now. And if he would refuse to do so, the girl needed to REFUSE to see him
until he did. So, I do not agree with Andy on how he viewed this particular
scene. I still think it was very wrong on both of them. It was wrong for him to
commit adultery and wrong for her to allow this to happen.
My Overall Explanation for the Media
I think there are two main reasons why
many of these interactions explained above are depicted in the media. One is
merely for entertainment. People like to see arguments, lust, adultery, etc…
anything that complicates areas within a relationship. It is not entertaining
to see people happily in-love all the time, mainly because, people KNOW that is
not how life really is. People need to work at a relationship to make it work.
Relationships/marriages are not floating on “cloud 9” 24/7.
The other reason I think these are portrayed so often in the
media is because I think that many people find nothing wrong with half of these
actions. Adultery isn’t so bad since it happens so often in society now, lusting isn’t bad if “my wife” doesn’t know about it…A
majority of people find nothing wrong because they happen on a daily basis, so
it is not a “big deal” if they see it on television as well.
I think the overall consequence for couples and society today is
the majority of couples out there are not able to stabilize a relationship for
a long period of time, whether it is a relationship or a marriage. Like I said
earlier, people do what they see. If all they are watching or reading from the
media is “so and so divorced” or “so and so cheating on this person”, then it
is going to be repeated, especially for the young men and women today.
Younger adolescents look up to celebrities and want to do
everything like them, along with modeling after older people around them. If
these girls and boys are modeling after their favorite stars, then
relationships are going to continue to get worse and worse as time goes on. How
often do you see celebrity marriages last more than 10 years? Isn’t the person
that these people are saying “I do” to supposed to be
the person they spend the rest of their life with and for eternity? And they
can’t even make it 10 years together, if that? This is what children today are
being swamped with through the media when they are looking to something in a
relationship, unless they have good parents to model after, and in most cases,
their parents are divorced as well.
The problem is that it is almost impossible, if not impossible, to stop the media exposing male and female
relationships because that is what people want to see. If a couple is
having trouble within their relationship or their marriage, the last thing they
need to do is turn to the media. They need to look directly at each other,
otherwise, in most cases, it is never going to be
solved. And if it is, it will be a continuing cycle of unhappiness because of
HOW the media portrays male and female interactions with one another today.
Section D:
Dialogues
The following dialogue begins with a conversation between a married man and a woman who he is having an affair with. It begins with them together and then shows letters that one another send each other. I chose this because it first shows an AUV (adultery), but it also shows how the man is so kind and wanting to please the lady. This is strange because it seems as if the man wants to do everything for a woman who he is not committed to.
He- Good morning my dear Emma.
She.- Good morning sir, I hope you are well,
He- Well thank you, and happy to see you, I hope
you will enjoy this pleasant trip with heart-felt satis-
(He is wanting her to be happy, he
wants to make it good for her;
Unity Model.
But at the same time, he is committing adultery
faction. You know the last time we
rode together we against
his wife, being unfaithful towards her, which as an AUV.)
were annoyed by those drunken scoundrels who ever
and anon disturbed our mutual conversation, but now
everything bids fare for an undisturbed and pleasant
interview between us, which I hope will turn out to our
mutual advantage. I was very uneasy the last time we
were together, thinking your mamma would bring you
to a strict account about where you were so very late (He is deceiving his wife by sneaking out
at night; AUV)
that night. I had a very remarkable dream that night
which left me very uneasy about you, thinking that all
our secrecy was found out by your mamma.
She- Dear Thomas, the thing was managed
very
well on my part, if a soliciter had been with me to
give
me his advice on the subject, I could not have acted
better. I told mamma that a particular friend took me
to the play that night, to see a favourite piece
acted,
Which lured all suspicion and prevented further enquiries
I sent you a letter last week I hope you received it, my
chambermaid is very attentive to me on all matters of
secrecy, she post's my letters carefully and with such
circumspection that, I am not at all frightened of de-
tection. Sir, when you write, address your letters to
the care of John Grimshaw, for Ann Fletcher, residing
in T--street, No. 5, and by so doing we can keep up
are gular correspondence undetected.
At this period the shrill
whistle of the railway train
announced that the engine had arrived at it's destination
on alighting at the station, Thomas, took Emma by
the hand, and cordially shook it, saying, farewell my
dear Emma.
After the parties had left the
railway carriage, two
ofters Were picked up, the
following are correct copies
the same.
My beloved
Angel. (He is treating her the way she wants and
putting her above everything else by referring to her as an angel; Unity Model.
But again, using another AUV because he is going against his wife.)
It always adds to my
happiness (Dominance Model by my
happiness.
In order for it to be the Unity Model, it should be her
happiness.)
by sensing a line to my beloved. When you write to
me be very circumspect and in broken sentences. I can
easily understand your sentiments, least it should get
into the hands of my wife, whose keen penetration
would soon discover our intamacy. She has a
sharp (This intimacy is not a
conjoined intimacy.
He cannot have more than 1 person he is being intimate with to be
in the
penetrating eye. keener
than the point of a tailor's unity
model. He should not even say our intimacy because
our would be 2 people in 1 mind, which in this case, is not
true.
needle, her tongue goes faster than railway
speed, and This is clearly dominant
since he is not doing what she wants,
but what he wants. He is trying to keep it secret by
if she once starts, there is no telling where she may deceiving his wife; AUV)
stop. Meet me on Wednesday night at the gate, you (He knows that if his wife finds out,
he will never
hear the end of it, so he has to keep things
from her, which would never
know where. let the hour be eleven o'clock,
when the work in the Unity Model.
If they both reach the affective self,
both of them should know what the other is
feeling, even when
youngsters are asleep that have so frequently
disturbed they are separated.)
our nightly meetings.
I remain my dear Emma,
Yours. ever
affectionate.
Yours came safe to hand, I shall
always
esteem it a great favour
to comply with your wishes