Report 1

My Field Observations of Disjunctive vs. Conjunctive

Discourse and Behavior in Couples

By:  Dayna Hasegawa

 

 

Instructions for this report are at:

www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-report1.htm 

G25 Lecture Notes on the Unity Model of Marriage:

www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-lecture-notes.htm 

 

 

Section A:  AUVs in the Media

 

            What are AUVs? AUV stands for Anti-Unity Values.  Anti-Unity Values can be considered actions, characteristics, beliefs and even goals that all prevent a couple from having a successful marriage.  If either partner maintains anti-unity values, they will continue to have problems bonding and adapting to each other as one.  It actually helps keep partners separate from each other by maintaining their independent selves.  It also creates negative feelings towards each other which will never be resolved unless these Anti-Unity Values are acknowledged and fixed. 

 

Anti-Unity Values are used in objection to the Unity Model of Marriage.  The Unity Model of Marriage lives by three different levels.  This includes the Sensorimotor, Cognitive and Affective selves.  The Sensorimortor self are the external activities that a couple does together.  The Cognitive self is the way that they think.  They always have to make sure they are thinking in consideration of each other.  And last but not least, the affective self is their adaptive feelings towards each other.  Their motivations for doing things should be in favor of each other at all times. 

 

By achieving all levels of the Unity Model, a couple will in deed live a happy successful marriage.  However, if they let any type of Anti-Unity Value affect their marriage, then they will not be able to achieve their cognitive and affective levels due to negative thoughts and independent values, activities and thoughts.   

 

Examples of Anti-Unity Values (AUVs) -- Table 9 

www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-lecture-notes.htm#Table%209 

Examples of anti-unity values (AUVs) that are often promoted in the media include:

This is Table 9

1.      Living together unmarried

2.      Having children out of wedlock

3.      Making each other jealous on purpose

4.      Adultery for various reasons

5.      Promiscuity and bi-sexuality

6.      Sexy dressing for men other than one's partner

7.      Having a same sex best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things

8.      Having a heterosexual best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things

9.      Same sex friends going out as a group for fun and entertainment without their partners

10. Flirting with other gender as retaliation against one's partner (or other reason)

11. Separate interests and activities accepted for partners

12. Manipulating partner through deception

13. Accepting the idea that it's OK to "agree to disagree" about some things

14. Promoting the idea that one should not try to change one's partner but should accept them with their faults, etc.

15. Girls only or boys only entertainment

16. Acceptance of the idea that men are more important

17. Promoting the idea that men are more rational than women

18. Promoting the idea that women are generally frivolous as part of their gender

19. Making it look normal for a man to exploit women

20. Making it look normal for a man to abuse women

21. Making it look normal for a man to have prerogatives or perks that women should accept and honor (e.g., serving men, doing what they want no matter what, being dominant, etc.)

22. Making it look like what women say and think as less important

23. Accepting the idea that a man does not need to "grovel" when he apologizes for something bad he did to her (the minimum is enough and she should not ask for more even if her feelings are still hurt or else she is being "unreasonable" etc.)

 

            Unfortunately, these anti-unity values will go against everything the unity model says.  For example, accepting the idea that men are more important.  This is the complete opposite of what the unity model says because according to the unity model, the man/husband is to do everything possible to make the wife happy.  This places the female/wife as higher importance in the relationship.  What the wife wants, the husband must do if he in fact loves her and wants to have a happy successful marriage. 

 

            Another example would be anti-unity value number 11.  This AUV says that separate interests and activities are accepted for partners.  This completely disagrees with the unity model for the main reason that it interferes with partners achieving affective reciprocity.  Affective reciprocity is when the man and wife have grown together learning what each other wants and what makes each other happy.  They must learn to abandon their independent feelings, goals, loyalties because by having independent feelings or motivations, they will never achieve the conjunction that is necessary for a successful marriage in the unity model.      

 

Section B:  Findings of a Prior Generation

 

Generation 24

 

Carly Kanemaru – http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/kanemaru/kanemaru-409b-g24-report1.htm 

 

I really enjoyed reading her report one.  She was trying to show her clear understanding of Anti-Unity Values and how she perceived them as negativity.  Her method of showing this was to describe these Anti-Unity Values with words such as dishonest, manipulative, temperamental, jealous, and possessive.  This is just to name a few.  She then defines each of them and gives us reasons why they would be likely to cause problems or negativity among a couple. 

 

            She then uses movies, television shows and songs to show her understanding of how AUV’s can be found every where in the media.  She took shows and movies that she has seen before where at first watching, she felt it displayed females as being evil and manipulative, however after watching and analyzing the movie once more, she realized that there are many AUV’s present among both partners in the relationship.

 

            I was not surprised by her findings mainly because it is similar to what I have found after learning about Anti-Unity Values.  Because of our societal and cultural norms, we tend to let issues among relationships slide a little, not realizing that it actually affects a relationship in a very negative way.  For example, same sex friends going out for a fun time, may seem like an innocent way to relax with friends.  But for a husband to go out with the boys, could actually hurt his bond with his wife.  A man uses his buddies to vent about their wives by degrading, criticizing and putting them down.

 

            I would have never imagined that AUV’s were so common among the media that we watch on a daily basis to what we see in the movies.  Who would have thought that the portrayal of these gender related issues are so common.  Maybe if more people realized the negativity that can result from issues like these they will be able to acknowledge them better whether they are watching it on television or witnessing it in their own relationship and be able to prevent it.    

 

            According to Carly’s findings of how AUV’s are very common in the media and how they reflect negativity by both partners, I can relate it to my own interactions from work.  Even though I work in a child psychiatrist’s office, we always encounter the parents that bring the child in also.

 

 Being that I am a receptionist, I always see what goes on in the waiting room as the parents wait their turn to see the doctor, and the conversations that some parents have are unreal.  I’ve been able to witness the husbands manipulating the wives through deception and also if they begin to argue, the usually tend to agree to disagree, just so it does not snowball into an even larger argument right there in the middle of the doctor’s office.  Sadly, it’s usually concerning the child. 

 

Because being able to see these negative portrayals of gender relations in the media is so common, it is unfortunate that we can not stop our young children from watching such shows and movies.  I believe that it is not good for young girls and boys to be influenced by such media because when they start having relationships with the opposite sex, what they see and hear in the media will definitely have an effect. 

 

These young girls and boys will see issues like cheating, sex, girls/boys only entertainment, or even putting your same sex or opposite sex best friend above your partner as issues that are ok, even when they are clearly not.  If these young girls and boys are not taught to be able to acknowledge these common AUV’s in the media and environment, they will never be able to have a marriage in the unity model. 

 

 

Skip Saito – http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/saito/saito-409b-g24-report1.htm 

 

It was good to read a report with a male’s perspective.  I thought his report was very clear and well prepared.  He did a great job of showing his understandings of what AUV’s really are according to relationships and according to the dominance, equity, and unity model of marriage. 

 

            The most effective method that he used to clearly explain AUV’s was when he broke it down by different models.  He even created subheadings for each new topic that he would be discussing.  For example, he used titles: “relation to the unity model”, “putting auv’s into perspective”, “the dominator”, and “equality is not the way to go”.  These are the subheadings that he used before discussing each of different models, unity, dominance, and equity and how AUV’s fits into all of it.

 

            I loved the way he explained his findings of AUV’s and the media.  He basically states that gender relations that are portrayed in the media usually have lots of problems in the relationship and yet they are always resolved in the end.  The media portrays relationship to be a never ending web of arguments and problems and CAN be solved, however Saito concludes that the media is all wrong. 

 

            The type of “relationship” that we all see in the media around us is something that our society has become so cultured to, that we do not see the wrongfulness in it.  We see how these sitcom celebrity relationships survive and we tend to think that our relationships are supposed to be like that too.  Dealing with husbands that go out with a female “friend” or “the boys” and learning that it’s ok because it’s “supposed to happen that way”.  However, the unity model disagrees with everything.  This is not the way we should have to live, constantly dealing with arguments and having to resolve problems.

 

            After reading his findings, I couldn’t agree with him more.  It is not something that I have thought about before learning about AUV’s, but I agree that everything that we see in the media affects how we deal with relationships also.  I’m sure there are many couples out there that has let more than enough issues slide because in their mind they think “well I guess that’s just the way it’s supposed to be”.  That thinking more than likely comes from what the media and our society has been used to. 

 

            I can relate this to my own interactions because I would also agree that with my experiences in relationships, I tend to let things slide.  I don’t like arguments so if something bothers me I usually keep it to myself rather than bring it up and cause an argument.  I guess this could be influenced a little by our society and what I have seen on the media also.  This method seems to be accepted by society because I know a lot of people and have seen it on television where this happens. 

 

            This however could definitely have a negative effect on young girls.  If they see this enough on television by their favorite actress, they will soon adapt to it also and grow up thinking that this is the way they should be in their relationships if they do not want to deal with arguments.  According to the unity model, because the wife is the one that is always seeking conjoining with the husband, there is nothing too little or too big for her to mention to her husband.  She should not worry about causing an argument because if the husband loves her he should be willing to do what makes her happy.

           

 

Lauren Tiani Buchner - http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/buchner/buchner-409b-g24-report1.htm 

 

She attempted to show a brief understanding of what AUV’s were and the main concepts that she felt were important to the dominance, equity and unity models of marriage.  Her methods may have been short and brief, but she was very straight forward in making her points clear. 

 

            Her findings on AUV’s are that they are ways that individuals find that prevent their progress towards the Unity model of marriage.  She also explained that because they are portrayed so commonly in our media, we as society has become desensitized by what we are seeing.  She feels that because of this, most of us will not be able to recognize an AUV in our popular shows, not without a closer look at least.  And this of course will have a negative effect on our own personal relationships. 

 

            My reactions to her findings are predictable.  I think most people after learning about AUV’s all will have the same reactions and findings.  I agree that media plays such a huge role in our lives and sometimes we don’t realize what kind of effect it actually has on us and on how we interact in our relationships.  Because for me personally, I would not even have given the shows that I watch a second look, before learning about AUV’s.  I want to make sure that it does not negatively affect me and my relationships.  

 

            This is relevant to my own interactions in life because after learning about how we become so immune to what we see in the media, it makes me want to become even more aware of the AUV’s so that I can acknowledge them in everything that I watch.  This way I can take it into account and learn from them, rather than let it affect me and my personal gender interactions in a subconsciously negative way. 

 

            I believe that the more and more media allows and comes up with even more ways of showing promiscuity, infidelity, living together before marriage, premarital sex and so forth, the more, children who are watching shows like these will grow up thinking that it is okay.  These kids will grow up and be in relationships where there will be a continuous flow of AUV’s and they will never be able to gain that unity model until they can acknowledge and change. 

 

            I think that it is important for young girls and boys to learn now, even at a young age, that the things they see or hear in the media can have a negative affect on their own personal relationships in the future, unless they are able to recognize for themselves and prevent such happenings.  For example, they need to know that it is not okay for a husband to manipulate, abuse or use power against women.  Men are not the most important person in the relationships and it is okay for women to expect their husbands to make them happy. 

           

 

Adriel Stipek - http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/stipek/stipek-409b-g24-report1.htm

 

Unlike other student reports, I noticed that her interpretations of AUV’s did not discuss them in relation to the dominance, equity and unity models of marriage.  In her method of discussing AUV’s, she chooses one feature length film and three songs. 

 

            The movie she chooses is “Sweet Home Alabama”.  This movie is basically about actress Reece Witherspoon who gets engaged to fiancé and yet is still married to high school sweetheart who is back in her home town of Alabama.  With out telling her fiancé about her situation, she returns to Alabama alone so she can find closure with her ex and get him to sign the divorce papers.  The movie goes on where her fiancé finds out, but they continue on with the wedding and in the end realize that even though her ex has signed the divorce papers, she in fact forgot to sign them herself. 

 

            She then picks out specific scenes from the movie and points out the AUV that she found in that specific scene.  For example, she chose a scene where Reece Witherspoon’s character, is back home in Alabama with her ex-husband, Jake.  She becomes drunk and he takes her keys and yells at her to get into the car so he can driver her home.  She will not listen to him, so he uses some force by grabbing her arm and putting her into the car himself.  She stated that this scene shows Jake playing the dominant role where he uses yelling and force to over power her. 

 

            Adriel also picks the songs: “My Way” by Limp Bizkit, “Never is a Promise” by Fiona Apple, and “Making Memories of Us” by Keith Urban.  For the song “My Way”, she explains that it talks about a man who feels that his partner is trying to control him and he will not stand for it anymore.  Through out the song, the man is basically saying that if she wishes to keep him, she needs to do exactly what he wants, there is nothing to discuss, and if not then he will leave her for good.  And this is something that he is not willing to talk about. 

 

            This song obviously shows a lot of different AUV’s.  It not only shows a male dominance over women, but the importance of the man.  It also shows the normalcy of women accepting the need to do what ever a man asks of her. 

 

            I thought that her findings were well caught.  What I mean by this is that I would not have seen many of these scenes in “Sweet Home Alabama” as being negative and containing AUV’s.  For example, in the first scene where Reece Witherspoon is being proposed to was only seen as a romantic scene.  When I first saw the movie, I was overwhelmed and could only dream of being proposed to like this.  However, she found the tone of his voice and how he worded his proposal as being over dominant.  He says “you know I wouldn’t ask a question I didn’t already know the answer to”.  It doesn’t leave her with any option to say no. 

 

            This relates to my own interactions in my everyday life because it teaches me to look more carefully at the media.  Usually when it comes to songs, I tend to just listen to a good beat, even when I know that the words may be bad.  After seeing her breakdown individual lyrics to three different songs, I realized that in almost every song that we listen to there will probably be at least a few AUV’s that we can find in the lyrics.

 

            As Adriel described, it is very easy to find AUV’s in the media because they are all around us.  This means they can easily affect young girls and boys when it comes to their gender interactions for the future.  But if we know this, then we should be able to give knowledge to young girls and boys about AUV’s and how detrimental they can be to their personal gender interactions. 

           

 

Cynthia Adams – www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/adams/adams-409b-g24-report1.htm

 

 I really enjoyed reading her report.  She gave a good detailed explanation of not only AUV’s but the unity model of marriage itself.  I would definitely recommend her report to others if they wanted a clear explanation and understanding of the unity model and how AUV’s negatively affect achieving this unity model of marriage. 

 

            The method she chose was to make sure she was very clear and organized when it came to explaining her concepts.  She broke it down step by step on what the unity model is, the different levels that need to be achieved in order to reach the unity model, and how to achieve it.  She then goes on to explaining what anti unity values are, how they prevent a couple from achieving the unity model, and she also lists examples of AUV’s by relating them to real life and relationships. 

           

            In order to clearly show her understandings of AUV’s, she chose to discuss a feature film, “It Could Happen to You”.  It is about a man who makes a promise to a waitress to give her half of his winnings if he wins the lottery because he did not have enough money to leave a tip.  He makes this promise to Yvonne, a complete stranger, without his wife, Muriel, even knowing.  To their surprise, Charlie and Muriel win the lottery and he is forced to tell his wife his promise he had made to Yvonne, the waitress.

 

            As the movie progresses, she gives an example of a scene that she found to have an AUV.  Cynthia explains that the promise that Charlie makes to someone other than his wife is an AUV that will prevent them from achieving the unity bond.  Through out the movie, there are different scenes where Charlie is seen spending extra time doing activities with Yvonne alone.  This is also another AUV that goes against the unity model.  Charlie should not be spending all this extra time alone with someone of the who is not his wife.  This will only negative effect the bond that him and his wife are trying to achieve. 

 

            I would say that her findings were accurate.  The scenes that she chose clearly contained AUV’s.  I have not seen this movie before, but by the way she describes the scenes and the movie in general, I would have picked out those exact AUV’s to discuss.  Sadly, the scenes that showed Charlie spending a lot of alone time with someone who is not his wife is a scene that is very popular in almost every type of “love” movie.  Relationships like these will never benefit and will never achieve the right kind of bond for a unity type of marriage. 

 

            I would relate this to my own life because this is an issue that I clearly acknowledge.  Both my boyfriend and I have friendships both of the same and opposite sex whom we like to hang out with and enjoy doing things like having lunch with them.  I know that according to the unity model, we will never be able to achieve an affective bond by having these types of friendships outside of our relationship, but we are no where near getting married.  So for now, with both of us having this same understandings of each other, it seems to be working in our relationship. 

 

            In Cynthia’s report, she discusses the fact that in the unity model of marriage a husband and wife, love and respect each other, which helps with their conjoining of selves as one.  She feels that this should be the basic model for all children.  She believes that it is based on support and togetherness and it is important for children to learn this for their future relationships.  I agree with her in this aspect.  However, I think children also need to learn about the negative side, the AUV’s, that will try to pull them away from this perfect model of marriage.      

 

Related Links

 

http://www.media-awareness.ca/english/issues/stereotyping/women_and_girls/women_sex.cfm  I chose this site because I felt that it contributed to the issue of women in a dominance model of relationships.  Like it is also said on this site, women are looked at as sex objects and that because of the media influences, women are pressured into believing that they need to look a certain way in order to get a man’s or keep their man’s attention by staying thin or dressing a certain way. 

 

http://www.cps.ca/english/statements/PP/pp03-01.htm  This site offered good information when it comes to the type of media and what kind of affect it has on society including especially our young girls and boys.  For example, television and video games is proven to have both positive and negative effects on children and adolescents.  Therefore, it is vital to teach these kids how to interpret what they see or hear in the media.  Since we can not stop the media from infecting our children, all we can do in teach them how to be aware of the negative affects. 

 

 

Section C:  My Own Findings on AUV’s in the Media          

 

7th Heaven:

 

            The first show I did my field observation on is the show 7th Heaven.  In a recent episode, the main topic between all characters is about Simon’s upcoming wedding to his fiancé and girlfriend of only a few months, Rose.  None of his family members really care for Rose, and is kind of expecting or maybe even hoping that the wedding will get called off. 

 

However, the most recent episode is that they are two days away from the wedding and both Simon and Rose are getting the pre-wedding jitters.  They both are nervous about getting married and both go and seek advice from outside sources.  Simon goes to his sister Lucy for advice, and Rose goes to her ex-boyfriend, Roberto.  During her conversation with Roberto, she confides in him and also gets upset by saying that none of this would be happening if he had only married her.  She continues on with the fact that they were not too young and how they should have married, but Roberto is good heartedly explaining to her that it is just nerves and she is to marry Simon because they love each other and should be together. 

 

In another scene, Simon and Rose are arguing.  Rose had previously told Simon that she might possibly be pregnant because she was late in getting her period.  She told him not tell anyone, but she told her family and he told everyone in his family.  So in this scene, she is yelling at him because he told his family.  He yells back by saying what does it matter because she told everyone in her family also.  They go on yelling back and forth, and she thinks that he won’t marry her if she’s not pregnant, and he tells her that he would marry her whether she was or was not pregnant. 

 

 

The Gilmore Girls

 

The Second show I have chosen is Gilmore Girls.  This show is basically about the life of Loralai Gilmore who is a single mother, and her relationship with her daughter and best friend Rory Gilmore.  The show is always about their daily endeavors whether it comes to work, school, friendships and their many relationships with guys and family members.    

 

In a recent episode Rory is going out with boyfriend Logan.  Unfortunately, he has just graduated and will be flying off the very next day after his graduation to London.  His father has set up numerous internships and meetings for Logan once he gets to London.  So Rory plans a big party with all of Logan’s friends for a good-bye party.  As they sit down and have a one on one conversation with each other during the party, Logan interrupts Rory’s burst of conversation by saying “Tell me to stay, Tell me not to go to London, Tell me to blow off my father and stay with you”.  As much as Rory does not want him to leave, she says that she can not do that. 

 

In the next scene, Logan is all dressed and packed to leave for the airport, he wakes Rory up to kiss her and say goodbye.  She freaks out and tries to get ready because she said she has to go with him to the airport to say goodbye.  He keeps saying no and that if she comes then he will not get on the plane.  He then tells her that the apartment is paid for a whole year, and there is money on the card if she needs it.  He also says that the car is at her service if she needs it. 

 

 

Reality T.V.

 

            I also chose to analyze a reality show on mtv.  Reality shows are even more and more common now days, so figure what would be more perfect then to analyze a show where the people on it are supposedly being real.  So for this observation I decided to choose the Duel. 

 

            The Duel, is a reality show where they recruit a team of 20 or more individuals from the different shows road rules and real world mtv, and they are confronted with a series of different battles where they compete against each other.  Every show is one battle and at the end of every battle they choose two people to challenge each other in a one on one battle.  The one who loses will be sent home for good.  And the one who wins will get to return to the rest of the group and continue to battle to be the last one standing.  The one male and one female left at the end standing, will win $150,000 each. 

 

            In the most recent episode, the battle had every player with a different color and the objective was to swim through a mud bath, retrieve a colored ring which resembles another player, which is on one end, and swim in to the opposite side and place it on matching colored posts.  Each color has 5 rings to be transported.  Once all 5 rings are placed on the post, that person is out.  The last one standing was the one who’s post had the fewest rings.  So in this episode, the guys went first, then it was the girls turn.  The guys had made comments about how it was every guys dream to watch a bunch of girls in bathing suits rolling around and fighting each other in a big pool of muddy water.  In this episode, the homosexual guy was booted off.    

 

            In another scene, after all battles were complete, everyone was discussing one of the female players, Diem.  She had a moment to shine because she had won not only the battle for the day but had over come a huge obstacle in her personal life. She has been in remission from having ovarian cancer and had just finished chemo 6 months prior, so her hair was slowly growing back.  She wears a wig, and feels very uncomfortable taking it off. 

 

For the competition with the rings and mud bath, Diem was forced to take off the wig and reveal her short hair.  Even though everyone was revolved around her eye opening moment, another fight had brewed between two other female players, taking the spot light off of Diem.  This even resulted in one of those girls getting sent home for punching the other girl in the face. 

 

             

Illustrations of Disjunctive

Talk and Behavior

Illustrations of Conjunctive

Talk and Behavior

 

 

7th Heaven

 

 

 

 - Both Simon and Rose discuss their pre-wedding wedding jitters with someone else other than with each other. 

 - Simon gets over his pre-wedding jitters and tells everyone that he is confident and knows that he wants to marry Rose.  He would do anything for her just to see her happy.

 

 

 - Rose discusses her worries to ex-boyfriend Roberto

 - Simon is excited at the fact that he is getting married and could be having a baby with the women that he loves

 

 

 - Rose tells Roberto that she wouldn’t be going through this kind of worries and problems if HE had only married her like they were “supposed” to marry

 

 

 

 - Rose tells Simon that she might be pregnant to ensure that he will marry her and will not call off the wedding

 

 

 

 - Rose and Simon raise their voices during argument

 

 

 

 - They have had premarital sex

 

 

 

Gilmore Girls

 

 

 

 - Even though Logan had a sincere and caring tone of voice he should never interrupt Rory when she talks. 

 - Even though Rory wants Logan to stay with her, she is looking out for his best interest by not asking him to give up this opportunity and staying back in Stars Hallow with her. 

 

 

 - He shows his dominance and power by telling her things like “tell me not to go, tell me to blow off my father”

 - He makes sure that she has nothing to worry about while he is gone

 

 

 - He refuses to let Rory come see him off at the airport

 

 

 

 - He is being selfish by thinking only of himself.  He knows he will not get on the plane if she comes to the airport, but he does not stop to think about how she feels

 

 

 

 - He also shows another dominant feature by having everything taken care of for her while he is gone.  (paying off the apartment that she can stay in, putting money on a card that she can use and etc.)

 

 

 

 - They are living together with out being married

 

 

 

The Duel

 

 

 

 - It exposes men as macho beings

 - It gives a chance for women and men to compete equally at the same games

 

 

 - It shows women playing the irrational role

 - It allows for women to get the respect they deserve

 

 

 - With women in bathing suits rolling around in mud, it gives the view that women can be looked at as sexual beings

 - A few of the male players were making Diem feel more comfortable about her hair by complimenting her natural hair

 

 

 - Shows men as pigs

 

 

 

 - Shows men as being more rational

 

 

 

 - There is always homosexual guys and girls on the show

 

 

 

 

My Reactions

 

            After laying all my observations out into table form, I was quite surprised.  I knew that there would be a lot of features on the side of disjunctive talk and behavior, but I would have thought that there would at least be an equal amount of conjunctive things I could find among these television shows.  I was quite wrong.  I tried searching for more conjunctive features, but there just were not anymore. 

 

            After learning about what is considered to be a negative aspect of behavior that will only prevent achieving the unity model between a couple, I would now conclude that it easier to find things in the media that are disjunctive than conjunctive and for the unity model.  At first I had a hard time even noticing AUV’s in the media, but now that I am aware of it, it’s easier to spot during your favorite show then a value that is in conjunction to the unity model. 

 

            The reason why these types of negative interactions are portrayed so often is probably due to the fact that it makes good television.  For some reason, everyone is drawn to the idea of watching relationships that are not their own.  I think it is a way for those who have a picture perfect relationship to learn about what others go through with dramas and issues, and it is a way for people who have bad relationships to either learn how to deal with their unfit partners or dream about what they could have. 

 

            Celebrities also make these movie relationships seem like it is the kind of relationship that we are supposed to have.  It is an unfortunate way of life, but people really do look up to celebrities.  And society puts so much pressure to be like these celebrities that people tend to follow their ways, whether it is physical appearance to way of living and way of relationships.  This could definitely have a detrimental effect on couples in our society.  We will get so used to seeing that negative “type” of relationship in the media that society might start implying it to be the norm. 

 

            This is definitely not a good thing when it comes to our future kids and the media’s influence on them.  If all we watch and hear around us is filled with values that are negative and will only influence young kids in a way that will prevent them from having a successful marriage then we need to do something about teaching them how to acknowledge AUV’s so that they do not include them in their own personal gender interactions. 

 

Friend’s Reactions

 

            I discussed these shows and issues with my best friend, Sheena.  She was surprised to hear my list of disjunctive behaviors compared to the conjunctive side.  She said that especially when it came to 7th Heaven and Gilmore Girls, she always thought of those shows as being innocent and for the younger generation. 

 

            Sheena said that she agreed with my observations for 7th Heaven.  She felt that they were portraying Rose as being needy, and irrational.  She also felt that they were portraying Simon as rational and more important because he is the male.  “They really made Rose out to be an immature little girl” said Sheena in response to the way Rose’s behaviors portrayed.  It doesn’t send out a good message to young girls and boys. 

 

Sheena however, disagreed with me in the episode of the Gilmore Girls.  She thought that Rory’s boyfriend was being sweet and caring.  She didn’t take anything that he said as dominant or overpowering.  She thought he was sincere and really cared for Rory, and would rather stay with her than go to London for how many years.   

 

            She then pointed out that if shows like that can have such negative affects on us because of the portrayal of their gender interactions, then we really need to monitor the type of shows our kids are to watch.  She said that she would not want her kids to get a distorted view of what a relationship is supposed to be like. 

 

            She said that she knows that there should not be any one in particular who should have the power in a relationship, especially the male, but she says that once you’re in a relationship like that, it is hard to get out of it.  She herself admits to being in a relationship that has a lot of AUV’s and she knows that she will never be able to achieve that unity she would hope for in her marriage, but this is her longest relationship and it is hard to just pick up and leave. 

 

            Despite her personal relationship, she feels that it is very important to start your kids off at a young age on teaching them about what the unity model of marriage is and how to make sure to exclude any type of anti-unity value.  Her boyfriend did not have a good support system or anyone teach him about how a guy should treat his partner, so she feels that it crucial to start teaching this to kids so they know how to achieve a unity model of marriage.      

 

            I was not really surprised at all by Sheena’s reaction to the observations.  I honestly would ordinarily agree and think that Logan, Rory’s boyfriend, was being caring and sincere.  But knowing all of the AUV’s and what would be considered as helpful to a unity marriage, I know that even his motives need to be considered.  By achieving this affective level of unity, both partners are thinking of each other when it comes to their motivations and desires.  Everything is to be for their partners, and not for themselves. 

 

Section D:  Disjunctive vs. Conjunctive Verbal Interactions

 

The first dialogue comes from the movie “Grease I”.  The entire movie is about two people, Sandy and Danny, who meet during the summer and fall in love.  However, they think that they will never see each other again, but to their surprise end up going to the same high school that following school year. 

 

              Sandy, played by Olivia Newton John, is a girl next door, good girl who dresses preppy, but hangs out with the popular girls, the “pink ladies”.  Danny, played by John Travolta, is the ring leader to the bad boy group, the “T-birds”.  The T-birds and the pink ladies usually date among each other however Danny is only worried about his image.  The side of him he let Sandy see during the summer, would ruin his bad boy image if seen by his boys.

 

 Continuously trying to make things work between each other turns out to be very exhausting on both sides with neither of them happy.  They both want what they had during the summer, but worry about letting their true selves be seen by their friends.  At the end of the year, they have a carnival for the seniors and this is where with out each other knowing, both Sandy and Danny decide to be more like what they think the other person wants.  Danny dresses prep, and Sandy dresses sexy with the bad girl appeal. 

 

Dialogue 1:  “You’re the one that I Want”

 

John Travolta: I got chills they're multiplying

And I'm losing control
Cause the power you're supplying
It's Electrifying!

Olivia:  You better shape up cause I need a man
And my heart is set on you
You better shape up, you better understand
To my heart I must be true

You're the one that I want(You are the one I want) ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want(You are the one I want) ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want(You are the one I want) ho ho ho honey
The one that I need oh yes indeed

Olivia:  If you're filled with affection
You're too shy to convey
Meditate in my direction
Feel your way

John Travolta:  I better shape up, cause you need a man (I need a man)
Who can keep me satisfied
I better shape up, if I'm gonna prove (you better prove)
That my faith is justified
Are you sure? Yes I'm sure down deep inside

You're the one that I want (You are the one I want)ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want(You are the one I want) ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want(You are the one I want) ho ho ho honey
The one that I need oh yes indeed

You're the one that I want(You are the one I want) ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want(You are the one I want) ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want(You are the one I want) ho ho ho honey
The one that I need oh yes indeed

You're the one that I want(You are the one I want) ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want(You are the one I want) ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want(You are the one I want) ho ho ho honey
The one that I need oh yes indeed

You're the one that I want(You are the one I want) ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want(You are the one I want) ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want(You are the one I want) ho ho ho honey
The one that I need oh yes indeed

 

My Interpretations

 

As you can see by the lyrics of what Olivia Newton John is singing to John Travolta they seem to be heading towards the unity model of marriage.  She knows that he is the one she wants to be with and she has already adapted to his feelings and desires.  Now she is basically telling him what she needs and wants in order for him to be with her.  As he sings back, he is willing to accept and adapt to her wants, desires and goals. 

 

They both realize what each other wants and how each other feels, and they are willing to adapt to each other to become one.  They know that the only way they can be happy together, is if they think of not themselves and their independent ways, but of and for each other.  John Travolta’s character was obvious that he was willing to drop his independent ways and his ring leader ways by ditching the T-Birds and doing his own thing.  This is a good example of how after growing together and learning what does and does not work, they have finally conjoined and realized that the only way to be happy and achieve the unity model is to do things in consideration of each other. 

 

Dialogue 2: is taken from “Miami Ink”

 

Bridget:  I had to see what you were up to at work, since you rather be here than

at home

Yoji:  Well I’m here, with my friends and customers

Bridget:  Ever since the baby was born, you only stay at work

Yoji:  I have to make money

Bridget:  I think you rather be with your buddies

Yoji’s coworker:  Yea don’t worry I won’t be gay with your husband

Bridget:  Well its more than I get

Yoji:  Go home! (jokingly)

 

My Interpretation

 

            This dialogue between husband and wife clearly shows more of a dominance model of marriage.  It is the classic, wife stays at home with baby, and husband goes to work to bring home the money to support the family.  Bridget is trying to bring up an issue to her husband with out making it sound like she’s attacking him, and he responds by telling her “go home”.  Even if he was joking around when he said, he is showing signs of dominance.  He makes it seem like the man plays more of the important role compared to the wife, and how the wife is just being irrational and frivolous. 

 

            In an earlier monologue he explains that ever since he and his wife had the baby, he feels as if he needs to support them by bringing home enough money so they can have a nice house to live in and enough food on the table.  I’m sure his motivations are sincere to him, but he needs to realize that even though he is working supposedly with his family in mind, he still needs to maintain a healthy relationship with his wife also.  He needs to continue to think about her wants and goals and keep all motivations for his wife.  Otherwise, he will continue to stay stuck in this dominance model and their marriage will only become more frustrating with a disjunctive attitude which prevents them from conjoining as one. 

 

Section  E:  Conclusion and Advice to Future Generations

 

            Through all of the field observations and what we have been learning about in class, I can say that I have learned a lot.  Before taking this class I would have never imagined that every couple can fall into one of the three different models, dominance, equity or unity. 

 

            According Dr. Leon James, we need to constantly be working towards achieving the unity model by adapting to your partner and learning what makes the person happy.  When we grow with our partner in reciprocity, it means we abandon our independent acts and behaviors so we can be one with your partner. Once this reciprocity is achieved we are one step closer to achieving conjunction and living in the unity model of marriage.  Only when this is achieved will we be able to live a happy and successful marriage. 

 

            If we can not grow together, and abandon issues like the anti-unity values then we will never be able to reach the ideal marriage. 

 

            I can definitely benefit from learning about anti-unity values and how they are detrimental to achieving a marriage in the unity model.  I feel that by at least being aware and knowing what it takes to achieve the unity model and what can prevent achieving it, we’ll be better equipped.  At least then we can always keep an eye out for AUV’s and be able to fix them. 

 

            The only concept that I had a hard time to accept is the fact that according to Dr. James’ unity model, women are never wrong.  Coming from a female perspective, I should be happy about it, but I have always been careful to admit when I was wrong.  However, according to the unity model, as long as the husband loves his wife, there is nothing too great for her to ask of him to do to make her happy.  If he is living in the unity model, he should know what makes his wife happy, and be willing to do anything to please her. 

 

            I wouldn’t say that this concept is hard to follow or something that I would never agree to, but at first hearing, I thought it was a bit unheard of.  I thought that the whole part of having a good marriage was to compromise so both partners are happy.  Now I know, that if the husband is keeping his wife happy, then the husband should be happy also.  No task is too small or too big to ask a husband to do.  I just feel that more males need to take this class to learn about the unity model. 

 

            I think that I have already applied the ideas of the course to my everyday life.  I don’t think that I would change any of it because it is a good way to think.  More couples need to realize how important it is to stay away from issues like the anti-unity values.  All it does is hurt your relationship and will cause distrust, dishonesty between a two partners.  These anti-unity values will only create a wall between you and your partner which will physically and mentally hurt the bond. 

 

Knowing that AUV’s is also all around us in the media, we need to better prepare ourselves so we will not be negatively influenced by them. It will benefit all of us in the long run and in all our future gender interactions. 

 

My Advice to Future Generations      

 

            For those students who will be doing a similar report in the future, my advice to you is to not procrastinate.  When it comes to actually doing the report itself, it will decrease the stress if you take it section by section and work on it one step at a time.  By doing this, you can be sure you will not miss any part or any little question that Dr. James requires you to answer. 

 

            Do Not be intimidated by the length that the report has to be.  With all of the sections and questions that you have to answer, length will not be a problem.  Just be thorough with your explanation and refer back to Dr. James’ lecture notes.  The lecture notes can be very helpful in explaining these concepts. 

 

            I have benefited a lot from taking this class, and I believe that anyone else taking this class will do so also.  Take advantage of taking this class, where you will learn more about yourself, what you want in a relationship and what you what from it.  You will be able to learn about the kind of person you are in a relationship whether you fall in the dominance model, equity or unity model, and you will also be able to learn a great deal about what kind of partner you want. 

           

Dr. Leon James will be able to teach you a lot about the topics of marriage which you can apply to your personal gender interactions and own relationships for the future.  He will leave you with a bit of knowledge that you can carry with you for the rest of your life and use them to achieve a successful marriage in the unity model.    

           

Section F:  Links

 

My Home Page: 

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/hasegawa/hasegawa-home.htm 

 

G25 Class Home Page: 

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/classhome-g25.htm