PSY 409b, December 5,
2006
Outline #10: Appreciate
and Change
By Katie Ide
Instructions for this activity are found at:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/g25-oral1.htm
Instructor: Dr. Leon James
Coleman, Joshua Ph.D. (2005) The Lazy Husband. (
I)
Appreciation
A) By Showing your wife daily appreciation, what does that mean?
B) Showing appreciation for the following things
1) What she does for the kids
2) What she does around the house
3) Taking care of you
4) Who she is and what kind of wife/mother she is
C) It’s a simple way of saying that you cherish what she gives to the relationship
D) It’s a way to tell her you love her without actually saying it
E) You will see an increase of satisfaction within the marriage
II)
How to
appreciate
A) Start off with an appreciation for something
B) Rate it on a scale from 1-10
C) Use non blaming language
D) Take responsibility for your part of the problem
E) Request solutions
F) Thank her for listening to you
III) Obstacles that get in the way
A) Being too defensive
B) Simply listen
C) Be sure to ask questions
D) Assume that whatever it is, it’s worth being listened to regardless of the method that it is presented
IV) Something known as the download
A) When a wife talks about worries, stressors, and complaints
B) Listen to her vent without commenting or saying anything at all for a few minutes
C) Show the amount of interest you would if you were talking to a co-worker or friend
V)
Stone wall
syndrome
A) This is when men build a wall around themselves and they don’t want to open up because they are feeling criticized
B) This can be damaging to the marriage
C) Best way is to complain. Women enjoy it when their men complain (yeah I didn’t understand this part. Coleman must be off his rocker)
VI) Talk about it
A) Men need to learn how to open up about their feelings.
VII)
Show
affection
A) Women love it when men are lovey-dovey, so men, show off your cuddling skills!
VIII)
The lazy
husband is no more
A) Conclusion
B) Men need more changes than women
C) Women are doing more and more and are getting paid a lot less then what they deserve
D) Women are going to continue to be the foundation to get men to change
IX) Trends of change
A) Women delay having their first child in order to establish a career
B) Men should be involved as fathers is more an important issue today
C) Advertisements make fatherhood seem so lavish
D) Fathers who talk about parenting in a work setting.
Related links
1.
Why men don’t
show their emotions
http://www.pacificinstitute-europe.org/men-e.html
This article was basically talking about why men don’t show emotions. The authors like to put the blame on how the male was raised. Men are raised as boys not to be vulnerable when it comes to their feelings, and to be the hardcore, stone wall type of man. The article also points out a video that is devoted to getting into depth about men and their feelings titled “Men and Emotion”
The hidden list
http://www.growthtrac.com/artman/publish/article_898.php
This is a list of ten things that women wish they knew about men. This list includes things such as why men are insecure, why men want more sex, and why men are tempted by visual things. This article takes on a more Christian religious approach but is still able to appeal to all sorts of people. My take on the subject is, if a woman is really baffled by the behavior of her husband or boyfriend, what better thing to do then to ask!
Appreciation and
affairs
http://www.ottawamarriage.com/why-women.htm
It’s no secret that these two go hand in hand. The article talks about how appreciation is correlated with women having affairs. Women want to feel appreciated, loved, young, sexy, and fresh. And what better way to satisfy this need by finding someone else who is more than willing to give it to you. It talks about how husbands set it up for their wives to cheat by not showing them enough appreciation and not making her feel like the princess she deserves to be treated.
Class Home Page: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/classhome-g25.htm
My Home Page: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/ide/ide-home.htm