Psychology 409b
November 13, 2006
By: Katie Ide
Instructor:
Dr. Leon James
Instructions
for this activity can be found at:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/g25-oral1.htm
Coleman, Joshua Ph.D. (2005) The Lazy Husband. (
I) The Worried Hubby
A) Men fear they will do something wrong when it comes to things around the house, so their worry prevents them from helping at all
1) Sometimes it’s an upbringing issue that started very young
2) A lot of responsibility was put on him as a child
B) Give your Husband a hand
1) Don’t shoot him down, because it’s not his fault
2) Try to keep his worrying at a minimum so it doesn’t evolve to other members in the house
3) If it gets really bad, send him to the doctors office
4) Take advantage of his sense of humor; joke around with him about the worry issue.
II) Why do wives have to be perfect?
A) Being a perfectionist causes wives to become unhappy during their marriage
B) Feels their family isn’t good enough
C) Family life would guarantee improve if the wife wouldn’t be so strict with expectations
D) Trying to have a perfect family gets in the way of the fact that it is a family
III) Sometimes, Husbands want to be perfect too
1) Wife may feel as if she has to be submissive to a husband that wants to be perfect
2) Very rarely will a “Perfect” husband will be a “Lazy” husband
3) Their expectations are impossible to fulfill
4) Can eventually give cause his wife to suffer from disorders such as anxiety and depression
5) The extreme side of a perfect husband is an Angry husband
IV) How to tell if your husband is an Angry husband
1) Abusive verbally or physically
2) Degrades the wife, puts her down and makes her feel bad about herself if something isn’t done to his liking
3) Wives who have had an upbringing with an angry father, might find it acceptable and tolerate her husbands behavior
4) Standing up for herself and taking a stand will help
V) Why on earth would a wife give in to her husband?
1) They want to protect their children
2) The wife is not a fighter, therefore she just throws in the towel
3) She has sympathy for her husband
VI) Wives can get angry too?
1) Women can become angry after getting married because it has been baggage that has been with her since childhood and she still has issues to deal with
VII) How can Husbands deal with this?
1) Angry wives have to let go of the negative feelings she has
2) Find a way where she can forgive herself for her feelings
Related Links
1. Angry Fathers + their kids
http://www.familyresource.com/parenting/parent-education/can-kids-talk-to-an-angry-dad
This article talks about how kids are affected when they get older after they have lived with an angry father. A study conducted among young teens concluded that their father’s anger prevented their kids to open up and confide in them. The article also includes a checklist of steps to follow when fathers lose their patience and start to become angry.
2. Wives who want to be perfect
http://www.oprah.com/tows/slide/200410/20041015/slide_20041015_108.jhtml
I found this article in the most random place. Oprah.com. The article talks about a couple who the wife is a perfectionist. The husband complains of a lack of interest in intimacy because his wife is too busy making sure the house is perfect for a house party. It’s funny that he quotes it “Hell on Earth.”
3. Let kids be kids
http://www.4momsdo.com/articles/so-its-a-mess.php#more-11
This article talks about how kids aren’t going to be perfectly clean and spotless, because they are kids. Mom’s should take it easy on their kids and let them do things their own way instead of wanting them to do everything tip-top shape. The article also tells mom’s to lighten up on themselves, just because their kids make a mess in the kitchen, doesn’t mean they have a bad mother.
Class Home Page: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/classhome-g25.htm
My Home Page: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/ide/ide-home.htm