Psychology 409b

November 20, 2006

By:  Katie Ide

 

Instructor:  Dr. Leon James

 

Instructions for this activity can be found at:

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/g25-oral1.htm

 

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (2004).  The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.  (Harper Collins Publishers, Inc.)  Reviewing pages 79-117.

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I)       Women don’t care just as much as men don’t

A)    Men wrote letters talking about how their wives don’t listen to their complaints and concerns

B)     Women are often found putting the blame on the man when he is complaining about something

C)    Danielle

1)      Both her family member (Sister) and Husband have similar strong personality traits

2)      Danielle’s sister and niece come over quite a bit

3)      Danielle’s sister comes over without asking permission and doesn’t seem to respect their privacy

4)      Niece is over almost every day for an extended period of time

5)      Dr. Laura advises Danielle to tell her sister that she is not a babysitting service

6)      Dr.Laura also tells Danielle to put her husband first before her sister relationship

D)    Women think men can handle being abused by their wives

E)     To keep the cat or not?

F)     Dr. Laura found it offensive that the woman would even consider thinking about keeping the cat in the house after it hissed and growled at her husband

G)    The woman wanted to keep the cat so she wouldn’t feel controlled in her marriage by her husband by doing what he told her to do

H)    Dr. Laura gave the advice of getting rid of the cat and find better friends. She also told the woman that marriage is a give and take and both people should care about each other’s needs

 

II)     Women in control

A)    A listener wants to include grandparents in her child’s life when her husband is strictly against it

B)     Dr. Laura calls the grandparent a stranger

C)    The woman says she wants her husband to be a man and make an effort to get along with the grandfather

D)    Dr. Laura accused her of degrading her husband

E)     The woman wants the picture perfect family

F)     Dr Laura tells her to be more woman like and learn to handle problems better

 

III)  A woman who is losing her relationship

A)    Anna doesn’t even know her husband at all anymore

B)     Dr Laura brings up the vows of loving and honoring a husband regardless of the consequences or situation

C)    Dr. Laura suggests showering him with love and making him a big dinner and giving him tons of attention as soon as he gets in the door

 

IV)  Disagreeing about raising the kids

A)    Husband said no to a football game, wife said yes

B)     They need to work as a team and come to a mutual decision before they answer their daughter’s request

C)    The husband complains about always being the bad guy in the situation

D)    Couples need to make choices together.

 

V)    Men have feelings

A)    Men aren’t as open but they do have feelings believe it or not

B)     Try to think in a man’s state of thinking when it comes to anxiety, fears and frustrations

C)    Don’t get on your husbands butt for not showing female feelings, just accept the fact that he expresses them differently

D)    Men don’t need to be detailed about their day in order to get support from their wife.

E)     Women need to know that men have emotions too

F)     One male writer talks about wanting that feeling in his heart that his wife loves him

 

VI)  Feminist mumbo jumbo

A)    Have realistic standards

B)     Men are simple where as females are complex

C)    Dr Laura blames communication faults on women

D)    Young girls are more verbal where boys have fewer words and more actions

E)     Wives often complain about not being able to talk as much with their husbands. Women want to be intimate

 

VII)           How to communicate better

A)    Offer downtime at the end of the day

B)     Use a certain phrase to signal that you don’t want advice, you just want a listener

C)    Summarize

D)    Work out problems on your own and then come to him to talk, he won’t be your therapist

E)     Use non verbal communications

F)     Forgive

G)    Don’t try to turn a man into a woman.

H)    Speak clearly, grey area is not allowed!

 

 

Related Links

1.      Divorce and how it affects the kids

http://www.readingeagle.com/blog/editorials/archives/2005/07/commitment_need.html

This article talks about even though divorces are declining in the United States; the number of couples breaking up is rising. Couples need to have a strong sense of commitment even if they aren’t married in order to successfully raise a child. Couples don’t think but in the long run, it is their kids that suffer if the couple is to split. This article’s main point is to talk about how living together before a couple is married, the marriage won’t last and there will be an overwhelming sense of instability

 

2.      How to get a guy to have feelings like a woman

http://www.bethlevine.net/articles/husbandtraining.html

This article would be the perfect combination with Dr Laura’s book. This article talks about what men need to say when their wives ask them a certain question such as “How are you thinking about” it’s an article for men to feel and express feelings like a woman

 

3.      Pets and spouses in harmony

http://www.josiebrown.com/marriage_confidential_you/2005/12/passion_or_pets.html

I found this article to be quiet entertaining. It talks about how you can love your pet and still make love with your spouse at the same time. The article suggests the partner and pet to bond with each other as well as preparing the pet for when the couple wants to have some ALONE time.. I giggled at that part!

 

 

Class Home Page: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/classhome-g25.htm

 

My Home Page: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/ide/ide-home.htm