Report 1

My Field Observations of Disjunctive vs. Conjunctive

Discourse and Behavior in Couples

By: Robyn Imose

Instructions for this report are at: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-report1.htm

G25 Lecture Notes on the Unity Model of Marriage: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-lecture-notes.htm

Section A: AUVs in the Media

Table 9- Lecture Notes

Anti-Unity Values (AUVs):

1. Living together unmarried

2. Having children out of wedlock

3. Making each other jealous on purpose

4. Adultery for various reasons

5. Promiscuity and bi-sexuality

6. Sexy dressing for men other than one's partner

7. Having a same sex best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things

8. Having a heterosexual best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things

9. Same sex friends going out as a group for fun and entertainment without their partners

10. Flirting with other gender as retaliation against one's partner (or other reason)

11. Separate interests and activities accepted for partners

12. Manipulating partner through deception

13. Accepting the idea that it's OK to "agree to disagree" about some things

14. Promoting the idea that one should not try to change one's partner but should accept them with their faults, etc.

15. Girls only or boy’s only entertainment

16. Acceptance of the idea that men are more important

17. Promoting the idea that men are more rational than women

18. Promoting the idea that women are generally frivolous as part of their gender

19. Making it look normal for a man to exploit women

20. Making it look normal for a man to abuse women

21. Making it look normal for a man to have prerogatives or perks that women should accept and honor (e.g., serving men, doing

what they want no matter what, being dominant, etc.)

22. Making it look like what women say and think as less important

23. Accepting the idea that a man does not need to "grovel" when he apologizes for something bad he did to her (the minimum is

enough and she should not ask for more even if her feelings are still hurt or else she is being "unreasonable" etc.)

This table can be found at:

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/409b-g24-lecture-notes.htm#field-observations

Anti-Unity Values are behaviors or beliefs that help to prohibit the marriage of two people to achieve the Unity model of marriage. The Unity model of marriage is a relationship where both the husband and wife conjoin on all three levels of the threefold self, which is the sensory motor, cognitive and affective levels. By conjoining on all three levels the couple can then achieve Unity and their marriage will last for eternity. To get to this level the man has to let go his independent self and dominance like thinking, such as the ideal that “men are more rational then women” and “making it look like what women say and think as less important” which are both AUVs that prohibit the Unity of marriage.

Having so much AUVs in the media really influences the public that it is ok for us to do those things. For example one of the AUVs that is portrayed very often is Living together unmarried. We see this in countless television shows and movies. When really this was not acceptable before. It was the norm to get married first then live together. But in present times most people start living together then decide if they want to get married or not. Even if couples have not actually moved in together, I believe that many couples, including myself have their significant other sleep over often. My boyfriend does not keep his things at my home, but he’s over just about every night. I think that is just as much an AUV even though he still goes home to shower.

I think that one of the worst AUV is Making it look normal for a man to abuse a women or exploit a women. I think when men do these things it is very wrong and hurtful to women in general. I truly believe that no women would want to be treated that way. Therefore I don’t understand how men can still act that way towards the women the are supposed to love.

Section B: Findings of a Prior Generation

Carly Kanemaru’s Report #1

In Carly Kanemaru’s report she analyzed the movie Unfaithful starring Diane Lane and Richard Gere; and two songs, Secret Lovers by Atlantic Starr and Big Pimpin by Jay Z. In these three examples of media many AUVs were present and were discussed by Carly and her friends. Some of the AUVs that were present were, Adultery for various reasons, Sexy dressing for men other than one’s partner, Flirting with other gender as retaliation against one’s partner (or other reason), Separate interests and activities accepted for partners, Accepting the idea that it’s OK to “agree to disagree” about some things, Promoting the idea that men are more rational than women, Making it look normal for men to exploit women, Making it look normal for a man to abuse women and more.

The movie Unfaithful us a story is about a housewife, who is unsatisfied in her marriage. She then starts to have an affair with someone she met by chance while she was in town one afternoon. Her husband soon grows suspicious and hires a detective to follow her. When he finds out that she is having an affair he follows her, then confronts the man when she leaves his apartment and in the heat of the moment ends up killing him.

This movie was filled with AUVs and Carly pointed many of them out for us. Some that she discussed were Adultery for various reasons, Sexy dressing for men other than one’s partner, when Diane Lane’s character bought sexy lingerie for the man she was having the affair with. But it was not only the woman who was committing the AUVs, which is easily overlooked. Carly discussed that this movie blames the wife for the wrongs in the marriage when actually the couple were committing AUVs before she even had the affair. This was by both the husband and wife by, Accepting he idea that it’s OK to “agree to disagree” about some things and Separate interests and activities accepted for ones partners.

Carly discussed that Anti-Unity Values seemed to be so imbedded in society that we did not even notice that are there and that they are bad for our relationships. For example in the movie, Richard Gere is portrayed as the innocent husband, whose unfaithful, unloyal wife cheated on him and he was helpless to stop it. When really he had time to fix his marriage before she had the affair if he had paid attention to her and saw that she was unhappy and did something about it to make her happy. Instead the movie points to the women as the “evil and manipulating” ones, blaming them for all the wrongs in the marriage.

Carly then analyzed two songs, Secret Lovers by Atlantic Starr and Big Pimpin by Jay Z. Secret Lovers is about two people who are each in relationships and having a secret relationship with each other. This demonstrates the AUV of adultery for various reasons and choosing someone over the preference of your spouse. The second song was Big Pimpin by Jay Z, which completely degrades women and mentions dominating and abusing women as a “cool” thing to do.

Carly then discussed how music that exhibits AUVs can be dangerous to relationships in society because, even though we say that it’s “only a song”, we are still listening to it and subconsciously we slowly begin to accept what these songs are implying. We listen to music sometimes constantly during the day, in our cars, at home, while shopping in stores many times there is music playing, while exercising etc., therefore having music with AUVs constantly being listened to, it probably will have an effect on how we think and what we think is a social norm.

When she talked to her friends about the movie Unfaithful, they both seemed to have a very much dominance model view of marriage and blamed the whole affair on the wife. When really many AUVs were occurring between the husband and wife before the wife even had the affair, showing that the affair was not only the wife’s fault. Carly felt that her friends were brainwashed into thinking that women are at fault and that portraying women negatively is normal. Carly definitely felt that AUVs in the media do affect how we think especially with music but her two friends both said that they usually like songs based on the beat of the song and not according to the words. They both agreed that the lyrics to the song Big Pimpin was degrading towards women, but they felt that it was just a song and it was not going to influence men to abuse them.

I have seen the movie Unfaithful and I can honestly say that they first time I watched it I felt the same way that Carly’s friends did. I blamed the wife for having an affair and feeling sorry for the husband. But now thinking back on the movie after taking this class I see things differently. I do see now that the husband was not making his wife happy and that is why she had the affair in the first place. If he had attended to her needs and strived to make her happy she would not have been lonely and craving attention that she later got from the man she had the affair with.

I also recall hearing both of the songs Carly analyzed and like her friends I usually like songs for the beat. But after reading the lyrics I am amazed that a song like Big Pimpin is allowed to be aired on the radio. The song is really awful and just speaks of women in one of the most degrading ways that I’ve ever seen. I think that from now on I will really make a effort to listen to the words of the songs that I like so realize what these artist are really talking about. I agree with Carly that listening to music so much in our daily life can subconsciously influence us, and I think that is a very dangerous thing if we are not careful to what we are listening to, our attitudes and views could change to reflect a lifestyle that includes even more AUVs which is hazardous to our relationships.

Carly’s Report can be found at www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/kanemaru/kanemaur-409b-g24-report1.htm

Skip Saito’s Report #1

In Skip Saito’s report he went over the movie, Mr. and Mrs. Smith staring Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, and the songs Jealousy Woes II by Eminem and Confessions by Usher. The selected media portrayed a couple different AUVs including, having children out of wedlock, Making each other jealous on purpose, Adultery for various reasons, Manipulating partner through deception and more.

In the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith both John Smith (Pitt) and Jane Smith (Jolie) live very secretive lives and keep from each other and we find out that they both are actually hit men for different companies. After their companies find out they are married they decide it is too dangerous and have them hired to kill each other. Before finding out that each other were hit men, their marriage seemed to be going down hill and they were attending therapy, but after they found out each others secrets, it was like they finally had something in common and it heated up their marriage.

Skip discusses the various AUVs that are present in this movie. A big AUV that is present throughout the movie is manipulating partner through deception, because they are living secret lives from each other’s and lying constantly to each other. For example while eating dinner and talking about their day, everything they say is a lie because that was not really what they were doing all day. They also both have secret places where they each hide their weapons from each other, Jane in the kitchen and John under the garage.

A scene that he discussed was the curtain scene in which Jane and John had decided they were not going to change the curtains but Jane when and bought some anyway, when John saw them he did not like them, but Jane did not care. She wanted him to just learn to live with them. Skip argued that this was very much going against the Unity Model of Marriage because for one, a couple that was in the Unity Model of Marriage would not go without one another to pick out the curtains, but however even if she did, John was supposed to supportive in her decision.

When discussing lyrics, Skip picked two songs Jealousy Woes II by Eminem and Confessions by Usher. Jealousy Woes II is about a wife who is cheating on her husband despite his efforts to please her. This exhibits the AUV adultery for various reasons and making each other jealous on purpose. Skip discusses that this song is contrary to the Unity Model of Marriage because there is a lot of hatred toward each other and the couple will probably never get out of the dominance model. The next song Confessions by Usher talks about a man who gets the girl he was cheating on his wife with pregnant and he has to tell his wife he got her pregnant and she is going to keep it. This song exhibits the AUVs Having a child out of wedlock and Adultery for various reasons.

I think that Skip picked good media choices to exhibit AUVs. I first saw Mr. and Mrs. Smith before taking this class and I enjoyed it. I now look at it differently knowing how wrong their marriage was because it had so much manipulation, deception and lies in their daily life. I also think that the curtain scene was a good example of what the Unity Model of Marriage is not. The songs that Skip picked were also very appropriate. Both songs were committing serious AUVs and I agree with Skip when he said that lyrics could actually have an influence on them.

Skip’s report can be found at www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/saito/saito-409b-g24-report1.htm

Lauren Buchner’s Report #1

Lauren Buchner discussed the movie The Story of Us staring Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeifer and the songs Ms. Fat Booty by Mos Def and Faithful by Common. Some of the AUVs that these medias portray are, Making it look normal for a man to exploit women, Adultery for various reasons, promotes promiscuity and bi-sexuality, and more.

The Story of Us staring Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeiffer is about a marriage that is about to fall apart. When their two kids go off to camp we see the real relationship between the two parents. The movie shows us many different AUVs and Lauren argues that the marriage starts and ends still in the dominance model of marriage. They never move out of the dominance model of marriage because instead of having the husband change, the wife just accepts him as he is, which is also an AUV, this keeps them in the dominance model, because if they were progressing the husband would make the changes needed to make the marriage work.

The song Ms. Fat Booty by Mos Def is about a woman who likes rich men who like to spend money on her, which is the only thing that she is interested in. This song is very degrading to women and demonstrates the AVU, Promoting the idea that women are generally frivolous as a part of their nature and Make it seem normal for a man to exploit women. In the song Faithful by Common, he talks about how women are mistreated and how god never intended women to be treated that way. The song later talks about a man who cheats on his wife because he is unhappy in his marriage, and when presented the opportunity he takes it. Lauren argues that this promotes the Dominance model of marriage because since the husband regrets what he has done, he thinks that it is ok.

Lauren also argues that music like movies has a big effect of society. She felt that through AUVs portrayed through the media, adolescent and young women could grow up with the assumption that beauty is external from songs like Ms. Fat Booty. The song promotes the idea that men only find beautiful women who are toned, wear designer clothes and shoes, which is very bad for society because beauty is not only external, but lies in large part internal. The song also promotes the notion that sex is used as a means to communicate attractiveness and relationship status and stability by the media.

In both songs, the fact that women are so sexually active makes her attractive to the man. This promotes a bad ideal to women listening to the music because they might think that being promiscuous is a attractive good thing, and that as the women they must always please the man sexually which is also wrong. Lauren also states that this not only has a big impact on young women but it also has an impact on young men. When the dominance model is portrayed, it makes it the social norm and boys then think that it is the correct way to treat women.

I strongly agree with Lauren that these types of songs and movies keep the dominance model the norm and does not allow society to see that there are better models of marriage out there. It promotes young people to keep treating each other is a disrespectful way that demonstrates many AUVs. I also agree that music is around us 24 hours a day and can have just as big an impact as movies do, with this in mind we should really observe and filter out the music that the next generation is listening to. I think that there is no reason for modern musicians to promote disrespecting women and using them only as objects. They should promote respect and honor to each other and not promiscuous abuse to women.

Lauren’s report can be found at www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/buchner/buchner-409b-g24-report1.htm

Adriel Stipek’s Report #1

Adriel Stipek discussed one movie, Sweet Home Alabama and three songs, My Way by Limp Bizkit, Never is a Promise by Fiona Apple and Making Memories of Us by Keith Urban. These medias exhibit many different AUVs, some of them include Adultery for various reasons, Acceptance of the idea that men are more important, Separate interest activities accepted for partners, Making it look normal for a man to abuse a woman, Promoting the idea that women are generally frivolous as part of their gender and more.

When Adriel discussed the movie Sweet Home Alabama, she argued that there was a lot of AUVs in the movie and a lot of dominance by the men in the movie. The movie is about a girl who makes it big in the fashion industry, falls in love with a man, Andrew, who has a sort of JFK Jr. status, and he proposes to her in Tiffany’s. The one problem that he does not know about it the fact that she, Melanie is still married to her childhood sweetheart. Therefore she rushes down to Alabama to finalize her divorce so she can get married to Andrew. But while she is down there she starts to fall in love with her husband again and starts to rethink what she is going to do.

The movie exhibits many AUVs because the whole time that Melanie is having a relationship with Andrew, she is married, therefore breaking many AUVs. The AUVs in this movie give the impression that it is ok for the man to be the dominant one and it promotes the dominance model of marriage. It also demonstrates the AUV of adultery of various reasons because while Melanie was with Andrew she was committing adultery because she was married.

Adriel argues that the lyrics of the first song that she picked could influence young boys that it is ok to treat women badly, and to totally dominating them working in absolutes. The second song Adriel felt would influence young girls into settling for something when they deserve better, she felt that girls should know that they deserve good things and should not settle for being in a relationship where they feel they are not loved. The third song she picked he felt could influence young people in a positive way. She felt that it demonstrated the importance of respecting each other and through positive actions their love could last forever.

I agree with Adriel that these movies and songs can greatly influence young people. Especially into the dominance model because there are so many movies and music now days that promote that kind of relationship. This was apparent in both the movies and one of the songs that she picked. A big example of that is the song My Way, which stated if you do not do it how I want it, I am leaving. When I first saw the movie Sweet Home Alabama it was one of my favorite movies, I had no idea it would demonstrate such a dominance model perspective. It was really nice to see a positive song in the mix in this report. This is the fourth report I’ve gone through so far and it’s like a breath of fresh air to see that there are positive songs out there that are leading us in the right direction.

Adriel’s report can be found at www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/stipek/stipek-409b-g24-report1.htm

Cynthia Adam’s Report #1

Cynthia Adam discussed the movie It Could Happen to You, which was based on a true story, and the songs, When Love Comes to Town by U2 and You Otta Know, by Fiona Apple. These chosen medias present a variety of AUVs for us to observe some of them are, Adultery for various reasons, Having a heterosexual best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things, Separate interests and activities accepted for partners, Promoting the idea that men are more rational than women and more.

In the movie It Could Happen to You, a man named Charlie, goes in to a diner and does not end up having enough money to tip the waitress, he does however have a lottery ticket, so he promises her half of the lottery tickets winnings not knowing how much it was going to win. Charlie ends up winning the lottery, and when he tells his wife what he was done, promising half to a stranger, she is furious. Charlie does end up giving the waitress half of the money, and they grow close and it eventually leads to a divorce between Charlie and his wife.

Cynthia discussed a few scenes where Charlie and the waitress named Yvonne, grow close and he begins to put her before his own wife, which demonstrates the AVU, Having a heterosexual best friend who is placed ahead of the partner. Throughout the movie, Charlie and Yvonne continue to grow close and fall in love eventually leading to the having sex while he is still married, demonstrating another AVU, Adultery for various reasons.

Cynthia felt like today many AUVs are common in society and they are demonstrated almost every in the media. She states that if children do not look at their parents for role models they look elsewhere often to the media, which influences the children in a bad way. Also that it is very common now for children to grow up in single parent homes and because of that there is a lack of discipline and guidance. Cynthia feels that if children do no grow up in a household where they can learn values and morals from their parents then we will continue to face many of the social problems, which are contrary to the Unity model of marriage.

The songs that Cynthia discussed were When Love Comes to Town by U2 and You Otta Know by Atlantis Morissette. The first song is about a man who tells a woman what she wants to hear in order to have sex with her and then he abandons her after. This song demonstrates many AUVs. Cynthia felt like people today think that it is “cool” to be a “player and score” with many people. She thinks that there seems to be a really break down of traditional values and morals in society today.

The second song is about a woman who’s relationship ended and now she is angry because she was replaced quickly. Many AUVs exists in this song because it is from a brokenhearted women’s point of view, so it is a bit angry, and she wants the man dead. Cynthia thought that people today do not really analyze music they are listening to and just like the song because of the beat.

I admit that when I saw the movie It Could Happen to You, a long time ago, I did not feel disappointment in Charlie for cheating on his wife. If I remember correctly, his wife was not portrayed in the best way, therefore I was all for Charlie getting together with Yvonne. If I remember correctly Yvonne was portrayed as a nice, pretty, sweet women who treated Charlie better then his own wife did. Now looking back, I can see how wrong that is according to the Unity Model. I now think that if Charlie had feelings for Yvonne and did not for his wife anymore, he should have gotten a divorce before he cheated on his wife.

I agree with Cynthia when she said that people today view being a player as “cool”. I also get that impression when I listen to music or see music video and I think that is really sad. I also can understand what she means when she says that most people like music for just the beat but I still do now think that those types of music with such degrading or women can be very harmful to society, because I’m sure a lot of people DO listen to the lyrics of the song and can interpret them in a way to which they end up thinking its an ok thing to do.

Cynthia’s report can be found at www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/adams/adams-409b-g24-report1.htm

How is this relevant to your own interactions in everyday life such as at work or at home?

Growing up, I would say that I mostly observed a dominance model relationship between my parents relationship. Both my parents grew up in a very Japanese traditional family, where the husband worked and the wife did everything else. Food was ready when the husband came home from work, laundry, household cleaning, the wife did any kind of household chore. Because of this my parents somewhat followed in their footsteps, but just not to the extent that they were raised in. By this I mean, my dad did cook sometimes, and when we got older my mom actually got my dad to do his own laundry. So therefore I think at times they were trying to at least get to the equity model of marriage, which was a start.

Describe some effects that these portrayals could have on young girls and boys.

I think that the media has a big impact on the upcoming generation. I think that this impact is not only for young girls and boys but also for everyone that watches or listens to any kind of media. As far as young girls and boys, I think that when songs are made that degrade women, and talk about just using women as sex objects and then abandoning them, it could give the impression that that kind of behavior is ok to do to women. I certainly hope that society does not evolve to which that sort of behavior is acceptable, and it scares me because sometimes I feel we are very close, for that kind of abuse to women be socially acceptable.

I see examples of this, for one thing all of these songs being made about abusing and degrading women, and nothing being done about them. The more songs that get recorded and the more movies that get made, the closer we are getting for this kind of action to be acceptable.

Confirmations from the Web

Degrading of Women

One of the topics that I started to really think about was the music have lyrics that degrade and talk about sexually abusing women. I think I started to feel this way after I actually read the lyrics to the song Big Pimpin, by Jay Z, in Carly’s report. I found it really offensive, and would not want to have my child one day to hear a song like that, and think its ok. I found a website that reported as study that was done on the exposure to sexually degrading music. This study tested if listening to sexually degrading music lead the child to become sexually active earlier in life. They concluded that listening to sexually degrading music did in fact lead a child to become sexually active at an earlier age.

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/118/2/e430

I thought this next website was interesting because it talks about the study done on the website I just mentioned. But it also states at the end that we should not blame the artists, and that as parents we have the power to educate our children so that they do not only have the information that is found in the sexually degrading music. I strongly agree with that, at first I felt like, why would people make such music and why are they allowed to, but it is true that we live in the United States of America, and we have freedom, in this case freedom of speech, and we have to take the good with the bad. Therefore, it is true that we have a say in what our children listen to or watch, and we are can try be there when they witness sexually degrading media to tell them it is morally wrong and that all people should be respected and not degraded.

http://www.treatmentonline.com/treatments.php?id=901

This website discusses a survey that was done on 14-18 year old girls. 20% of them have been either shoved, hit, slapped or forced in to sexual acts on a date. The website mentions music, Internet and movies as one possibility to this rising number. But emphasizes that as parents we can instill morals in our children. I think this is a very serious topic, does this mean that boys are slowing believing that an act such as rape could be acceptable? I think that would be a very terrible thing because a girl having to go through an ordeal such as rape could potentially never psychologically recover. I think that rape or being sexually abused is one of the most morally wrong acts a person can commit against another person, and seeing the numbers be on the rise should be reason for alarm.

http://life.familyeducation.com/teen/dating/36539.html

Section C: My Own Findings on AUVs in the Media

Friends

The show Friends was a popular sitcom that ended a few years ago after ten years of being on the air. It was about six friends who lived in New York City. The six main characters were Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Chandler, Ross and Joey. At the end of the series Monica and Chandler were married and had just adopted twins because they were unable to conceive. Phoebe got married to Mike and were living happily, and Rachel and Ross finally decided to be together again after a drunken marriage ceremony in Vegas that led to divorce, and a child together.

Grey’s Anatomy

Grey’s Anatomy is about the Seattle Grace Hospital and mainly the surgical interns named Meredith Grey, Isabel Stevens, George O’Malley, Christina Yang and Alex Karev. Early in the series Meredith started dating an attending doctor, Derek Shepard not knowing he was married. Soon after his wife showed up and Derek ended up getting back together with her even though she had an affair with Derek’s best friend Mark. In recent episodes Derek cheated on his wife with Meredith again and his wife Addison found her panties in Derek’s tux pocket. Addison then proceeded to get drunk and ended up sleeping Mark again. Derek and Addison end up getting a divorce.

The OC

The OC is a show about privileged families that live in Orange County, in Newport Beach. Some of these families are very wealthy and we see this in their homes and behaviors. Ryan Attwood is adopted by one of these families by chance and because he also came from a poor side of California and the family that befriended him felt he could do better in their care. The show is mostly about Ryan, Seth (the son of the parents who adopted Ryan), Summer (Seth’s girlfriend), Marisa and their families. Ryan and Marisa have had an on and off relationship for most of the series. And at the end of last season Ryan and Marisa got into a car accident after being forced off the road by Marisa’s ex boyfriend, causing Marisa to lose her life in Ryan’s arms.

Illustrations of Disjunctive Talk and Behavior

Illustrations of Conjunctive Talk and Behavior

Friends Ross and Rachel living together and having a baby while not being married. Monica and Chandler living together before getting married Joey sleeping with girls and not calling them back afterwards Grey’s Anatomy Derek not telling Meredith he was married and having a relationship with her. Addison having an affair with Mark while still married to Derek. Derek sleeping with Meredith again at a later time while being married to Addison Meredith was in a relationship with another man when she sleep with Derek the second time. The OC · Marisa had a relationship with another female · Marisa’s mother Julie was having an affair with her ex husband while being married to someone else. · Ryan started to like another girl while still in a relationship with Marisa. · Marisa became good friends with another guy causing Ryan to be jealous.

Ross and Rachel realizing they love each other and get back together to have a meaningful relationship Derek trying to forgive Addison for the affair and tries to save his marriage to her. No discrimination between female and male surgeons. Bailey is a women and one of the best resident surgeons. When Kirsten had a drinking problem, her husband told her he loved her and they would get through it together.

Conclusions

Looking at my lists it is easy to say that three of my favorite shows has more disjunctive talk and behavior then conjunctive talk and behavior. This makes me wonder what kind of impact it is having on my life. On previous topics I discussed that degrading music could impact kids into degrading people in their lives. By looking at my lists it seems that one of my favorite shows has a lot of affairs occurring in it. Does this make me more likely to have an affair? It could make me feel as if an affair is not as wrong, if the two people really love each other. I think that I just have to keep in mind that it still is very wrong though because they have taken vows to other people.

As for the AUV of living together unmarried, which is common in another favorite TV show of mines, Friends, it makes me wonder if that is why so many of my friends, and myself included, often have our significant other sleeping over just about everyday. It is not exactly living together because maybe his belongings are not all left at my house, but I think it still would be considered an AUV. This is so common now that maybe this is one example of how the media socializes society to accept certain things that were not acceptable before.

I do think that televisions shows have this much drama because if they did not, no one would watch them because they would be boring. But this is a double-edged sword because as networks make more provocative TV shows, our society slowly evolves to be like them because we become more accustomed to it, therefore it becomes more acceptable. For example, same sex kissing on television. I remember a time not too long ago where networks were afraid to show it. Now days when TV shows show same sex kissing, it hardly even gets a second notice.

I think that the young girls and boys presently will think that everything that they see on television or in any other source of media, was always as risqué as it is now. They will not remember a time where people were conservative and marriage was sacred. In the times of our parents the television programs consisted of parents sleeping is separate beds, and the next generation might never get to know those TV shows or that time.

After talking with friends about these topics they concluded that society’s moral standards are decayed already and can only get worst with the volume of garbage shown in the media today. One of the friends that I interviewed felt that televisions shows had a much greater impact on the youth then music lyrics because with television you can actually see it and with music you have to visualize it yourself. He stressed that it was like reading a book with murder, you have to visualize it yourself therefore it is not as harmful. He also felt like it does depend on the person too and how they interpret the lyrics. He just really emphasized that he felt that seeing it visually had a greater impact. As for affairs, they felt that television did not have too much of an effect because people make their own decisions. They also pointed out that there has always been affairs throughout the years even thought it was not portrayed on television.

I think that my friends had a point that television can be more harmful because visually you can see it happening, but I still think that lyrics can also be powerful to people that interpret them instead of just listen to the song for the beat. I also can understand that people make their own decisions on whether to have affairs. And it is true that men and women had had affairs all along and in those times it was not shown in the volume affairs are shown on TV today, but affairs still occurred.

Section D: Disjunctive vs. Conjunctive Verbal Interactions

Desperate Housewives

The show Desperate Housewives is about the women and families that live on Wisteria Lane. This show has a lot of drama and many AUVs are committed in just about every episode. The particular episode that I want to discuss is a recent one in which, Lynette is now supporting her family by working and her husband Tom is taking care of the kids, while in the mean time looking for a job. Lynette tells Tom that she wants him to follow his dreams and find a career that he is going to enjoy. He does some thinking and tells Lynette that he wants to open a pizza parlor. Lynette is not to happy about that because she thinks he’s going to fail and tries to talk him into maybe starting a catering company instead but he’s set on pizza.

Disjunctive Verbal Interactions

In this next scene Tom brings Lynette to the location he wants to open his business. The place is a run down old Italian restaurant with rats running around. Lynette calls the place a “dump” and is not too supportive of the idea that Tom wants to lease the place, being that he is gambling with their life savings.

Tom then says “We hopefully it’ll grow on you”

Lynette then says, “Tell me you didn’t sign a lease”

Tom “There is going to be a dart board”

Lynette “Tom, no”

Tom “There were multiple offers I had to move fast”

Lynette “You leased a building without telling me”

Tom “Well maybe I didn’t tell you because I know you’d talk me out of the best opportunity of my life.”

Lynette then says that they can sub lease the place but Tom argues that its his dream. Lynette then says that she thought he’d have a dream worth supporting. Tom then says that he’s going to sleep there tonight (the building he just leased)

Many things happen in this scene that show disjunctive talk and behavior. First Tom goes behind Lynette’s back and signs the lease without consulting her first. This is a big AUV, to go behind your wife’s back because you know that she would not approve. Then he says “It’ll grow on you”, which is suggesting that he is not going to give in on his side and that Lynette has no choice but to accept his decision to lease the place which is very much dominance model.

After that because the Lynette and Tom did not come to a compromise and were still disagreeing Tom told her that he was going to sleep separately from her that night. Because he told her he was sleeping separately it is like because she is not giving in to him, he is going to punish her by not coming home that night, which is also dominance model behavior.

Conjunctive Verbal Interactions

After both Lynette and Tom spend that evening apart, they both do some thinking on their own. While Tom is at the restaurant cleaning the floor, Nora comes to visit him, who is the mother of his love child; Tom had a one-night stand with her before he was married to Lynette. Nora comes on to Tom telling him she supports his dream of opening the pizza parlor. They end up kissing, but as soon as they do Tom stops it and says he loves his wife. This makes Tom realize his love for Lynette. Lynette spends the night drinking with a couple female friends and realizes that she should support his dreams no matter what. Tom comes home later that night and tells Lynette

“You mean more to me than any restaurant ever could”

Showing her that he is willing to give up on his dream for her because he loves her more then his dream. And will do anything to keep her happy and them together.

Lynette then says that she shouldn’t not support him just his dream is risky; she should support him no matter what.

This shows that both partners are willing to do whatever it takes to keep them together because they love each other that much.

Nip/Tuck

Nip/Tuck is about two successful plastic surgeons that are based out of Miami. The show is based on their patients and about their lives. In this season, one of the two partners Sean McNamara and his wife Julia has just had a child named Connor with lobster claw syndrome. Sean believes that he can do an operation to help Connor live a normal life.

Disjunctive Verbal Interactions

In this scene Sean and Julia are having coffee in the morning at home and Julia asked what Sean did the night before because he came home late. He says that he was practicing for the surgery, and when he says he was practicing on baby cadavers Julia cringes. Sean then says that is why does not like to talk to her about the surgery.

Julia then says, “If it was any other surgeon I would have a chance to ask questions but as it is everything I ask just seems to stress you out”

Sean then replies “I’m just focused, I’m trying to anticipate any and every possible complication for our son, and that's a good thing”

Julia then says, “ya, of course”

This scene shows disjunctive talk and behavior because Julia was just trying talk about her son’s surgery, and because Sean did not want to deal the stress of explaining it, blamed the reason they do not talk about it on her. But really if he looked at it from Julia’s perspective he would see that it is very difficult to be a parent and not able to ask questions and find out information of what is your child is going through.

Conjunctive Verbal Interactions

After thinking about the situation a bit Sean then replied to her with

“You’re right Julia, I promise I’ll schedule a sit down at the office and you can ask all the questions you want.”

This shows conjunctive talk and behavior because after thinking about the situation, he was Julia side and agreed to help her understand the surgery by setting up an office visit where she can ask what ever she wants to make her understand what was going to happen.

Section E: Conclusions and Advise to Future Generations

I think that this class has opened up my eyes to my surroundings. When I watch television now or listen to music or just witness people’s relationships I see things differently. Sometimes many television shows want to you perceive a certain person as the “bad guy”, but really when you look at the relationships with the Unity Model of Marriage, the “bad guy” could actually be the victim. Learning about the different models of marriage is really interesting because you can fit most marriages into one of the three different models.

I never knew that there was a model of marriage like the Unity Model. It seems so ideal for a women because she is cherished and loved and I think that is what most women want in life, therefore if women and men can achieve this type of marriage, relationships might be able to last longer and maybe even for eternity. I think that if you are able to find a guy who is willing to let go of his independence and commit himself totally to her, that girl is really lucky because in reality I do not think there are too many guys out there that are willing to commit to the Unity model of marriage.

I think that even though I do think that it is hard to find a man that would commit to the unity model of marriage, just learning about this model of marriage has influenced my life in a good way. I see now that women deserve better than the dominance model of marriage and we should not have to do all of the work around the house. I was raised with my mom, my sister and I doing most of the cleaning and cooking, and all the while my dad would just lie on the coach and watch television. Not really even feeling bad that everyone around him was cleaning or cooking. I do not think that was his fault really though, maybe if he was raised in a family where the husband did more things would be different because he might have been more socialized to help out more.

I think that some concepts in this course a little hard to believe but if you open up your mind, you think, hey maybe it really did happen exactly like that. The concept that I am mostly speaking of is the Sweedenborg reports, when he speaks of living with the spiritual world and the current world at the same time. Therefore I think that as long as you come into this class with an open mind, this class will be very interesting and helpful in life.

I would not really change anything in the course. I think that the reading are all helpful to see the different models of marriage. This was the first time I would read a book by an author that had a PhD. and tell myself, “he’s wrong!” I think that when taking this class you slowly start to really believe in the ideas of the class because Dr. Leon James teaches it was a lot of passion, and you can really tell that he truly believes in these ideas and the Unity model of marriage. Because he is so committed to it, you start to look at it more carefully and I started seeing how much good can come from a marriage with the Unity model in place.

I would tell future students to keep an open mind, that's very important because some things that Dr. Leon James suggests is the opposite from what we view as the social norm today. Also when doing the report, take your time and do not wait till the last minute to do it. This report takes a lot more then just an all nighter the night before it is due. Also read the readings because the books are really interesting and you get more a feel for the different models when you read the books. By doing all the