Psychology 409b
November 19, 2006
By: Robyn Imose
Instructor: Dr. Leon James
Instructions
for this activity can be found at:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/g25-oral1.htm
Coleman,
Joshua Ph.D. (2005) The Lazy Husband. (New York,
N.Y.: St. MartinÕs Press). Reviewing Pages 191-206.
I.
For
the Husband
A.
Daily
Appreciations
1.
Appreciate
everything your wife does for you.
a.
For
caring and doing various things for the kids.
b.
For
caring and doing various things around the house.
c.
For
caring and doing various things for the husband.
2.
Appreciation
is very important.
a.
It is
a way of saying you do not take your wife for granted.
b.
It is
a way of telling her that you love her.
3.
Appreciate
her for herself
a.
We
feel most loved when our partners appreciate what we like about ourselves.
b.
Some
things that women value are, her career, her capacity as a good wife and
mother, her intelligence etc.
c.
Reassure
your wife about her insecurities that she had nothing to worry about and should
not be insecure. For example, her
weight, her job, her parenting etc.
4.
DonÕt
be so defensive
a.
Try
not to be so defensive and keep your cool if your wife has criticisms for you.
b.
Ask
questions and be willing her listen to her and let her finish talking.
5.
The
Download
a.
When
the wife comes home her way of connecting with her husband is to talk with him
about all the events that happened that day.
b.
Dr.
Coleman suggests greeting your wife with a hug and listening without comment
for ten to fifteen minutes everyday.
6.
The
Stone Wall
a.
This is
when the husband withdraws and does not say much when they are criticized by
their wives.
b.
This
can seem to the wife as if the husband does not care. Which most times is not the case.
7.
Talk
about Feelings
a.
Women
really like it when men talk about their feelings, it makes women feel as if
they are connecting to their husband.
b.
Men
have a hard time with this because it sometimes makes them vulnerable and makes
them feel weak.
8.
Be
Affectionate
a.
Women
rank being affectionate as one of the most important behaviors in their
husband.
b.
Unfortunately
men are not naturally very affectionate therefore have to work on it.
II.
The
Lazy Husband Campaign
A.
Men
are the ones that need to change.
B.
Women
are already doing a lot more in households and are not getting adequately compensated.
C.
It is
also better for the children if they grow up in a household where the father is
more involved. It gives them the
impression that as husbands they should do more around the house, and as wives
they should expect their husbands to do more as well.
D.
Advertisements
are starting to glamorize being a husband and father showing a shift to valuing
fatherhood.
E.
Changing
your husband is a long term commitment because people take a long time to
change therefore as long as you are moving in the right direction you are on
your way to being treated how you deserve to be.
Related
Links
Can
Divorce be predicted?
http://innerself.com/Relationships/Can_Divorce_Be_Predicted.htm
This website
is about a study done by Dr. John M. Grottman. He studied the predictors of divorce instead of the results
from it. He video taped his
clients when they came to see him and by just studying their physiological
responses such as heart rate and blood flow during conflicts, they could
predict divorce with a 95% degree of accuracy. He also found that Òstone wallingÓ was a big factor in
predicting divorce. The studied
showed that stonewalling not only predicted the husband being lonely but also
played a factor in his deteriorating health.
How to
Meet the Need for Affection
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5010_qa.html
This
website has a letter from a women who is getting back together with her husband
after being separated for 2 years.
She says that a problem in her marriage was that he was not affectionate
so what should she do. The
therapist says that men are not naturally affectionate, they have to learn to
be by either their family or their girlfriend or wife. He gives his clients a list of things
to do throughout the day to show her he loves her. At first I agreed with some of the wives in that it could be
view as fake affection, but I think that after some time of doing what is on
the list, it becomes more from the heart and not fake at all.
Showing
Your Husband or Wife That You Love Them
http://www.wikihow.com/Show-Your-Wife-or-Husband-That-You-Truly-Love-Them
This
website has steps to take in order to show your husband or wife that you love
them, or to just have a happier marriage.
Some of the helpful hints they suggest is to do things together with the
cell phone and tv turned off to just enjoy each other. Also to show your love through your
actions like giving each other massages and drawing each other a bath. I thought this list could be very
helpful to couples around because it is simple things that you can do for each
other that might end up making a big impact of the relationship for the better.
My
Homepage: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/imose/imose-home.htm
Class
Homepage:http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/classhome-g25.htm