Psychology 409b

December 2, 2006

By:  Robyn Imose

Instructor:  Dr. Leon James

Instructions for this activity can be found at:

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/g25-oral1.htm

Dr. James Leon; Dr. Nahl Diane; Unity Model of Marriage ver. 12a, University of Hawaii, 2006, section 17a part 3, http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-lecture-notes.htm

I. Conversational Rules for Husbands in Conjugial Interactions

A. First rule of conjugial conversation

1. Husband has to be reactive and friendly while he is talking to his wife.

2. This type of conversation is usually used when the man first starts dating the woman, therefore he has to reflect on that time and talk to her like he talked to her then.

B. Second rule of conjugial conversation

1. Husband can not allow himself to be in disagreement with his wife.

2. He also can not allow himself to say No to something his wife wants him to do

C. Third rule of conjugial conversation

1. Husband can create an conversational atmosphere where she feels unoppressed, free and save because he cherishes everything about her.

2. He needs to defeat the urge to snarl and growl at her to shut her up and defeat himself to put himself under her will power.

D. Fourth rule of conjugial conversation

1. Husband can use conversation as a method of enhancing her mood, stimulating her mind and making her feel young again.

2. A wife conjoins with her husband’s wisdom, truth and rationality.

3. She must love how her husband thinks and conversation is an expression of how we think.

4. The husband must have wisdom and rationality whenever he speaks to her

Related Links

Communication Between Men and Women

http://ezinearticles.com/?Gender-Jive:-Communication-Between-Men-and-Women&id=1861

This article talks about communication between men and women. She quotes Deborah Tannen’s book and agrees that men and women speak different languages. This happens both in the work place and at home. Nancy Stern is the author of this article and she feels like a translation is desperately needed. I thought this article was interesting because she mentions Deborah Tannen, who we have been studying all semester and I felt her ideas were similar to Deborah Tannens.

Ten Rules for Good Communication with Your Husband

http://www.familylife.com/articles/article_detail.asp?id=397

This website lists ten rules for wives to follow to help have good communication with her husband. Some things that are listed are to be gentle when telling the truth, say things with love, and timing is everything. This is some what different from Dr. James four rules but I thought this set was also interesting because it was a list for the wives to follow where as Dr. James rules are for the husband.

Ten Rules for Effective Communication

http://www.aish.com/family/marriage/Ten_Rules_for_Effective_Communication.asp

This website is similar to the one above but is geared for both spouses. It suggests things like don’t exaggerate, do not attack and pick a couple of topics and stick to those. I thought these rules seemed to be effective in keeping order in a conversation between a couple that could tend to turn the conversation into an argument.

My Homepage:  http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/imose/imose-home.htm

Class Homepage:http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/classhome-g25.htm