PSY409b November 14, 2006
Marital Communication
By Paige Kim

 

Instructions for this activity are found at:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/g25-oral1.htm
Instructor: Dr. Leon James  

 

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (2004).  The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.  (Harper Collins Publishers, Inc.)  Reviewing pages 79-117.

I.               A woman’s wrongdoing in marital communication

a.    Women don’t accept that men have different communication styles

b.    Women expect husband to talk and listen patiently

                                                     i.     They expect their husbands to be their girlfriends

                                                      ii.     This is an erroneous expectation

                                                        iii.     If a man says he isn’t think anything, he probably isn’t so don’t force communication

c.     Women overwhelm men with communication

                                                     i.     Cut down on communication to improve it

d.    Women don’t let men unwind when they come home

                                                     i.     It is caring behavior towards your husband when you give him time to relax after work and then talk about your problems/feelings

e.    Communication is not just verbal

                                                     i.     Women think verbal communication is a power struggle

f.      Women do not make it clear when they want advice or when they just want to vent

g.    Women are caught up with the romanticized notion of thinking “he should know what I’m thinking”

                                                     i.     Too many women think their men are mind readers

II.              What women should do

a.    Women need to “let go” and “move on”

b.    Forgive men for being men

                                                     i.     Don’t take offense at the smallest details

c.     Look at what your husband does (not what he says)

                                                     i.     Men are made of action (so when he does tasks around the house such as scraping the ice off your car, this is his love-speak)

d.    Take whatever a man says at face value

III.            The differences of communication with men

a.    Men communicate with action and physicality

                                                     i.     A man feels appreciated when a wife hugs him

b.    Men love to solve tough problems

                                                     i.     Therefore, treat your man like the expert, and he will solve it due to his need of ego strokes

IV.            Poor men

a.    Men will not speak because their wives will not let them say what they want to say

b.    Men have a problem with opening up to their wives because the consequences are often unpleasant

c.     Wives don’t want to deal with men’s feelings, they just want to know their husband has positive feelings about them

d.    Wives have a habit of questioning their husbands to death about their own issues

 

 

 Related Links:

 

1.  How to control a woman’s nagging

http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_60/86_dating_advice.html

 

As I typed in “woman” and “nag” in the search bar, I came across a lot of articles.  I chose this site because it’s a self-help site for men, written by men.  The title of this article was “how to handle your woman’s nagging.”  After reading this, I was extremely upset!!!  Their first start off with why women nag.  They wrote that women try to “hook” you in by pretending to like the man’s sloppiness or mistakes and then once he’s “hooked,” the real side of her comes out.  It also goes over the different type of naggers and how to shut her up for good.  I chose this article because I hope everyone has a chance to read it and realize how intimidating and strong the dominance model is trying to be in society.  This article is just an example of how society is brainwashing people (in this case men) to think dominating your wife is acceptable and necessary.

 

2. How women drive their men away

http://www.menweb.org/willjuly.htm

 

This was another chauvinistic website that is for men, written by men.  In this article it gives 10 things women do to drive their man away.  One of these things includes not saying what she means.  Dr. Laura Schlessinger would agree with this article by saying women want men to be mind readers.  This article supports Dr. Laura’s opinion by saying that women use nonverbal gestures to communicate what they mean rather than telling what is truly on her mind.  The article says this drives men away because it creates a communication breakdown and both men and woman are left angry and frustrated.  I thought this article fits perfectly with what Dr. Laura suggest women should do which is to not expect men to know what you are thinking and to be straightforward rather than beating around the bush.

 

3.  Stroking a man’s ego

http://www.mrgoodman.com/understandingmen/whatmenneed7.html 

 

I wanted my last site to be something about the male ego.  Every site that I found stressed the importance of the male ego.  This site advises women to stroke her man’s ego because it will lead to better communication, better sex, and he will want to spend more time with you.  This is an article that Dr. Laura could have wrote herself!  I thought this represented what we are learning because it is another article that supports a man’s confidence being built, and dismisses the woman.  A man’s ego and his confidence is, too often, put before a woman’s ego and confidence.

 

My Homepage: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/kim/kim-home.htm

Class Homepage: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/classhome-g25.htm