Report 1
My Filed Observations of Disjunctive vs. Conjunctive
Discourse and Behavior in Couples
By: Michael Malala
The Conjoint Self
“According to the
"unity" model of marriage, the perfection of unity in a marriage
increases through differentiation and reciprocity of behavior in the threefold
self of the two partners, and is a spiritual union that lasts to eternity. In a
unity marriage, the husband and wife develop a conjoint self, while their
former individual self recedes into the background and no longer operates. (Dr.
Leon James)”
Section A: AUVs in the Media
Examples of anti-unity values
(AUVs) that are often promoted in the media include:
This is Table 9
1. Living together unmarried
2. Having children out of
wedlock
3. Making each other jealous
on purpose
4. Adultery for various
reasons
5. Promiscuity and
bi-sexuality
6. Sexy dressing for men
other than one's partner
7. Having a same sex best
friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things
8. Having a heterosexual best
friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things
9. Same sex friends going out
as a group for fun and entertainment without their partners
10. Flirting with other
gender as retaliation against one's partner (or other reason)
11. Separate interests and
activities accepted for partners
12. Manipulating partner
through deception
13. Accepting the idea that
it's OK to "agree to disagree" about some things
14. Promoting the idea that
one should not try to change one's partner but should accept them with their
faults, etc.
15. Girls only or boy’s only
entertainment
16. Acceptance of the idea
that men are more important
17. Promoting the idea that
men are more rational than women
18. Promoting the idea that
women are generally frivolous as part of their gender
19. Making it look normal for
a man to exploit women
20. Making it look normal for
a man to abuse women
21. Making it look normal for
a man to have prerogatives or perks that women should accept and honor (e.g.,
serving men, doing what they want no matter what, being dominant, etc.)
22. Making it look like what
women say and think as less important
23. Accepting the idea that a
man does not need to "grovel" when he apologizes for something bad he
did to her (the minimum is enough and she should not ask for more even if her
feelings are still hurt or else she is being "unreasonable" etc.)
This Table is from: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-lecture-notes.htm#Table%209
My understandings of AUVs
Anti-unity values, in
relation to the Unity Model of Marriage, are actions and beliefs that prevent a
successful marriage. Anti unity values inhibit the husband and wife to form any
kind of real bond, they actually drive them apart. A lot of the anti unity values on the list
are the reason why couple’s argue. It’s
a shame because most of the anti unity values are seen everyday in movies,
sitcoms, commercials, and even magazines, it’s like our society views them as
normal.
I have seen every one of the
anti unity values in today’s media but there’s a couple that I have noticed
more then the others. For example living
together unmarried, this is portrayed in almost every sitcom or movie right
now. Another anti unity value would be
same sex friends going out as a group for fun and entertainment without
their partners, you know like boys night out at the bars or girls night out
at the club, happens all the time in movies.
All anti unity values are bad
for a relationship but I think there are some that could be grounds for
separation. For instance adultery for
various reasons and making it look normal for a man to abuse women. If and of these things ever happen to me I
would definitely have to leave the relationship because there is no excuse for
someone to cheat on you. And as far as abuse goes mental abuse is just as bad
as physical abuse.
Section B: Findings of a Prior Generation
Generation 24 on AUV’s
Generation 24 students were
asked to: (a) Consider Table 9 in the Lecture Notes,
which is in the Section on Making Field
Observations. It lists two dozen AUVs – anti
unity values that are commonly portrayed in the media – soaps, comedy, and
drama. (b) Select a full feature movie (not a TV series). Briefly
describe several scenes from the movie to illustrate the portrayal of gender
interactions that are contrary to developing into a unity marriage. (c) Select
two popular songs from an album or radio and show how the lyrics contain anti
unity values.
Karly Kanemaru
I found a very well written
report done by Karly Kanemaru. She found a full length movie and two main
stream songs with lyrics that gave examples of some of the anti unity values
that are in Table 9. She gave a brief
over view of the movie and then selected certain scenes to show as examples of
anti unity values. She also provided the
lyrics and the genre of the songs and pointed out specific lyrics as examples
of anti unity values.
Karly chose the movie
Unfaithful it’s about a housewife who is rather unsatisfied with her marriage
and with her very busy husband. In an act of chance she encounters a man who is
younger and physically attractive to her. She finds herself attracted to the
attention and aggressive personality of this young man. He strongly pursues her
and provides a rapture in which she begins a marital affair with him.
There were a bunch of anti
unity vales throughout the movie that Karly found, but the ones that kept
popping up where: of course her marital affair, lack of communication,
putting one’s personal desires in front of their spouses, and flirting
with the opposite sex for any various reasons. All of these anti unity values
are keeping them stuck in the equity model and they will never make it to the
unity phase if they don’t change immediately.
Karly felt it was important
for people to realize that the anti-unity values within the marriage were
evident before the promiscuity and the affair even took place. The marriage was
stuck in the dominance model but what the wife did was wrong. She should have sat down and tried to work
things out with her husband or file for divorce she shouldn’t have had an
affair.
Songs too
The song “Secret Lovers” by
Atlantic Starr is about committing adultery and lying to the one you’re married
to. It displays that it is okay to cheat on your spouse as long as they
don’t find out, because as long as they don’t find out they won’t get hurt.
Karly feels that cheating
devalues the relationship because the attention, affection and love is being
distributed to someone else other than their own spouse and in turn prevents
the couple from uniting together into a happy and unified marriage. There is no excuse for cheating on your
spouse, it’s better to get a divorce then to commit adultery.
The other song that Karly
used to show examples of anti unity values was “Big Pimpin” by Jay-Z. This song completely degrades women and
portrays men as the dominant figures in society. Jay-Z portrays women as
inferior to men and are easily dominated and controlled. These are all anti-unity
values which are beliefs and actions that are definitely going to prevent a
successful reach to the unity model of marriage.
Skip Saito
Skip Saito’s report was very
interesting to me because his movie and songs choices were similar to mine. He
found a full length movie and two songs with lyrics that gave examples of some
of the anti unity values that are in Table 9.
He also gave a brief over view of the movie and the lyrics to the songs
to show examples of anti unity values in today’s media.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith is a story
of a couple that gets married without knowing they both live secret, hit man,
lives. They work for separate agencies and are hired to kill very
important people. The catch is that eventually they are both hired to kill
each other. This is when they find out about each other’s secret lives
and are content on killing each other. The story ends when they both
realize that they are better off alive together.
Skip pointed out
a perfect example of an AUV that took place in a scene where John came home and
there were new curtains on his windows. They had decided earlier that
they were going to discuss it first before purchasing them. Jane went
ahead and bought curtains in spite of her husbands disagreement. John hated
the curtains and told her that he didn’t like them. If they were in the
unity model of marriage, there wouldn’t be a disagreement; John would be
supportive of Jane no matter what she picked out because it would have made her
happy.
There are a lot of important
scenes in this movie that are contrary to the unity model of marriage but the
one thing that obviously stands out is the fact that they are living secret
lives and lying to each other day in and day out. There whole relationship
is basically based on a lie. There are a number of other anti unity values
through out the movie like manipulating your partner
through deception, same sex friends going out for fun without spouses, and putting
ones personal desires in front of their spouses.
Going Mainstream
Skip’s first song choice is
“Jealousy Woes” by Eminem. This song is all about a
gold digging (someone who will love you for your money) wife who treats her
husband like dirt even though he works all day and follows every order she
barks. She eventually leaves him and he
is crushed but he gets over it and ends up making a lot of money.
The anti unity values that
are portrayed in this song are: Making each other
jealous on purpose, Adultery for various reasons, and Flirting with other
gender as retaliation against one's partner. The song is contrary to the unity
model of marriage because there is adultery and basically no love in their
marriage. At the end of the song you
find out that his ex-wife comes crawling back to him after he has made a lot of
money.
The other song
that Skip chose was “Confessions” by Usher.
It’s about a guy who is married, but has a girlfriend on the side, and
he just found out that he got her pregnant.
The song is basically him telling his wife that he got another woman
pregnant and hopes that she will forgive him. This is a very popular song and I
think it won some awards, it just goes to show you what marriage model our
society supports.
The anti unity
values that are portrayed in this song are: having children out of wedlock and
adultery for various reasons. I personally don’t know any woman
that could forgive a man for cheating on her and getting that girl pregnant. I
also can’t understand why you would want to cheat on your wife, the person that
you swore holy matrimony to. He most be out of his mind if he thinks his wife
should take him back, there is a saying “once a cheater always a cheater.”
Lauren Buchner
Lauren’s report was very
thorough I have never seen the movie she picked. But, she gave a great over
view of the movie and referenced some scenes that were perfect examples of anti
unity values. She also chose two songs that I have never heard before but it’s
nice to read her report because it’s all new material. I liked how Lauren
didn’t just show all of the lyrics she picked out certain lyrics to show
examples of anti unity values.
Lauren chose the movie The
Story of US, the film portrays the reality of many of today’s marriages and how
easy it is for couples to let life get in the way of their relationship. Ben
and Katie have been married for 15 years and have been fighting for the last
five. They have two adolescent children together (Josh and Erin) and throughout
the movie focus their attention on hiding the failing marriage from their
children.
Lauren noticed from the first
few scenes of the movie that you could tell that there relationship revolved
around taking care of their children. Taking care of your kids is a given but
there has to be some alone time for each other.
Their relationship was basically put on hold in order to take care of
their children so instead of “husband and wife,” they became “mom and dad.” No
marriage or relationship can be successful if it’s on the back burner.
Lauren points out the anti
unity value making it look normal for a man to exploit women in a scene
where one of Ben’s friends has online sex with another woman while his wife is
sleeping. Some how he comes to the conclusion that he is not cheating on his
wife because there is no physical contact except for the physical contact he
has with himself. There is no physical contact between the two individuals, but
the husband is still withholding a part of himself from his wife and that’s not
good for their relationship.
Another great example of an
anti unity value is when Ben is venting and he is telling Katie things like
“You never do anything fun anymore.” “You’re so critical.” “You turned into
your goddamn mother.” Saying
these things shows that Ben is stuck in the dominance model because Ben is
exerting his control by abusing Katie emotionally and mentally. He is also
exercising his independence by arguing and trying to change his wife.
Something different
Lauren picked a song called
“Ms. Fat Booty” by Mos Def I have never heard it before but I can already tell
there is going to be a lot of degrading remarks in this song. The song is about a beautiful woman who is
not scared of showing off her body that chases guys with money. Mos Def raps about her as if she was an
object, he talks about the first things that he notices about her is her rear
end and her tan lines.
Throughout the song Mos Def promotes
the idea that women are generally frivolous as part of their gender. When
describing her he focuses on just the physical attributes making her seem like
a sexual object. He also makes it look
like it is normal for a man to exploit women. The song makes it seem that he
became infatuated with her solely because of these physical reasons.
The other song that Lauren
chose is called “Faithful” by Common.
This song totally contrasts Ms. Fat Booty; it stands up for women and
talks about how society looks down on women.
It also talks about how a woman should be treated, like a goddess. It
was an excellent choice to show the reader that not all media is poisoned.
Unlike the rest of the songs
in the reports I have read this song contains absolutely no anti unity
values. The song talks about how if god
was a woman would she still be mistreated and how a relationship should be.
Your significant other should be like a best friend and it should be a blessing
every time you are in her presence.
Adriel Stipek
Adriel picked my sisters
favorite movie to help show examples of anti unity vales. She also picked two
anti unity songs and one song encouraging the unity model of marriage. She had
a great idea in choosing a song that encouraged the unity model I don’t think
anybody else has done that.
Adriel chose
I thought Adriel could have
picked a couple of better scenes to put in her report. One of the scenes she did
choose took place in the bar where Melanie got all drunk at the local bar and
started teasing the friends she grew up with and Jake got mad and drug her out
of the bar and started yelling at her. Jake didn’t hit her but he did drag her
out of the bar so technically it’s physical abuse and he said some pretty
hurtful things to her so he verbally abused her too.
In another scene in the
cemetery Jake and Melanie are paying their respects to the dog they use to have
and one thing leads to another and they kiss.
This is a weird situation because her and Jake are technically still
married but she has been gone for seven years and she is engaged to
Andrew. I hate to stereotype but this is
not a usual predicament for a woman to be in, in this movie the gender roles
are reversed. All of this running away
and lack of communication is no way to maintain a healthy relationship.
Adriel’s first anti-unity
song is “My way” by Limp Bizkit. In this song the man feels like he has been
controlled by his girlfriend, and now he is fighting back to gain power. He
feels as if she was trying to control him and he’s had enough it’s his way or
the highway no exceptions or he will leave her. He is not willing to negotiate
with her instead he threatens to leave. He also makes it clear that she will be
sorry if she doesn’t give in to what he wants.
The anti-unity values are
kind of re-occurring through out the song the main ones that I kept seeing were
separate interests and activities accepted for partners, acceptance
of the idea that men are more important, and making it look normal for a
man to exploit women. This song promotes disjunctive behavior and is
encouraging men to stay in the dominance model of marriage.
Adriel’s second anti-unity
song is “Never is a Promise” by Fiona Apple. Is about a guy who doesn’t
appreciate the woman he is with. He
doesn’t treat her how she wants to be treated and he lies to her. The woman for some odd reason stays with him
even though he treats her horribly and she knows it. There is a breaking point
for everybody some people run and some people give up.
This song is more destructive
to relationships then the Limp Bizkit song because it encourages women to stay
in abusive relationships, at least the Limp Bizkit song gives the girl an
option to leave. The main anti-unity values I found in this song were promoting the idea that one should not
try to change one's partner but should accept them with their faults, acceptance
of the idea that men are more important, and making it look like what
women say and think as less important.
The last song that Adriel
chose actually encouraged the unity model of marriage; she said that it could
actually have a positive impact on young people. The name of the song is “Making Memories of
US” by Keith Urban and it’s about a guy who is going to always be there for his
woman. He respects her and her family and he wants to spend the rest of his
life with her. This is a great song for
the youth to listen to it has great message in it.
Cynthia Adams
Cynthia two songs which she
felt conveyed anti-unity values and a movie that expressed a bunch of
anti-unity values. The name of the movie
she chose is “It Could Happen to You” and the two songs are “When Love
Comes to Town,” by U2, and “You Otta Know,” by Alanis Morisette. Both of
the songs are based on anti-unity values, the anti-unity value manipulation
through deception is feature in both of the songs.
“It Could Happen To You” is a
movie about based on the real life story of a married couple, Charlie and
Muriel, who win the
Throughout the movie Charlie
constantly ignores his wife’s wishes and does what he wants to do, this is not
good for a relationship. Charlie is
keeping his independence and is allowing his wife to request certain things but
he doesn’t listen to them. He also thinks that just because he says sorry for
something it makes it alright, but that’s not how it works. Charlie’s character
follows the typical male in today’s society and he drives his wife crazy
because they always seem to be arguing.
Cynthia thought the most
important scene was when Cynthia found Charlie and the waitress having sex with
each other. She felt as if Charlie and the waitress put reached a point
where they put each others feelings ahead of their spouses. Throughout the
movie Charlie seems to keep his desires and wants ahead of his wife’s and this
ultimately cause them to get a divorce.
Cynthia chose the song “When
Love Comes to Town” by U2 to explain some of the anti-unity values. The main
anti-unity value in this song is number 19, making it look normal for a man to
exploit women. The lyrics of this song talk about having sex and then being
left and abandon. A man tells a woman what she wants to hear in order to
have sex with her then he runs out on her. He abandons her before the
relationship could ever evolve into anything, let alone a lasting unified
relationship.
My
Reactions
My reactions to
reading all of Generation 24’s reports is that the society that we live in is
pretty messed up. There are songs,
movies, and shows out there that are being watched by millions and millions of
people that are sub consciously promoting anti unity values. The only way to
get out of this Dominance model headlock is to open people’s eyes to what is
really being portrayed in the media. To
explain to people what anti unity values are and that it’s not ok to cheat on
your spouse and it’s not alright to abuse your spouse.
Prior to this
class I did notice the overwhelming partner abuse and cheating going on in the
media. How could I not, there are all of
these “find the man/woman of your dream reality” shows on television. These shows allow a man or a woman to pick
from about twenty members of the opposite sex.
They all live together and the man/woman gets to go on dates with all
twenty members of the opposite sex and more times then not there is a physical
bond being formed on every date. In the
end the man/woman has to choose the person that they want to be with.
If television wasn’t
bad enough there’s the music industry that is probably just as bad if not worse
in supporting anti unity values. Most
mainstream songs that are hip hop or rap related have to due with promiscuity. The videos to these songs are worse than the
lyrics. The videos usually contain a bunch of half naked women dancing very
promiscuously in front of a couple of guys.
They promote women as objects; they fall in the same category as a big
house or nice cars, basically something achieved by their wealth. The worst
part is that women buy in to these stupid ideas.
All of this is
relevant because sex sells and the portrayal of women as sex objects has to be
an anti unity value. Wherever I go I hear or see something that supports women
as sex objects. From songs on the radio and television shows to magazine covers
it’s every where. It’s even in sports, why do women volleyball players need to
wear spandex, the men’s volleyball team wear shorts? Commercials and billboards are another place
that exploit women. They use sexy half naked women to sell things like tires
and cigarettes, what do half naked women half to do with tires and
cigarettes?
The effects of all this filth
in the media is hitting children the hardest because they don’t know any better
so they grow up wanting to be a rapper or a ninety-five pound model. Parents
should realize all the junk on television and on the radio and try to monitor
what they see and hear. Parents also need to sit down and have a talk with
their daughters and tell them about eating disorders and that the models she
sees are unhealthily thin.
Confirming Conclusions
Sex and Relationships in the Media
http://www.media-awareness.ca/english/issues/stereotyping/women_and_girls/women_sex.cfm
This article talks about how
the media puts pressure on young women to be sexually attractive and sexually
active. It also provides a few eye popping numbers about women in the media:
23% of women in the media (commercials, billboards, magazines, etc.) bare their
breasts or show cleavage, 31% show off their thighs, and 15% show their
behinds. It also talks about how the media has made being “attractive” in to
being “thin.” It also talks about how the media is encouraging kids to be
promiscuous. This article shows just how much sex there is in our media. How did it get to this point, why does there
need to be sexy women to sell products?
Sex in the Media
http://www.girlzone.com/insideout/SexInTheMedia_io.html
I chose this article because
it highlighted a positive in all the sex we have in the media. The article
talked about how teens around the country are saying that they have learned how
to talk with a partner about safer sex, and how to say no to an uncomfortable
sexual situation from watching TV. It even helped them to talk about sex with
their parents. The article also talked about how sex is not what it seems like
on TV, the actors are faking and they are at no risk to an STD or AIDS.
Media May Prompt Teen Sex
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/04/03/health/webmd/main1464262.shtml
I chose this article because
of the section “Parents’ Attitudes Count” because it’s true there can be porn
on television as long as the parent monitors what the child watches. The article also states that one of the
biggest factors in early teen sex was parental attitudes on sex. As long as
there is clear communication between parent and child I don’t think you can go
wrong.
Section C: My Own Findings
on AUVs in the Media
I have chosen two television
series to pick out certain episodes and scenes to help illustrate how the media
portray gender interactions in talk and behavior. Both of the shows are on VH1 and are part of
this new “celebreality,” reality shows featuring celebrities. I have seen a
couple of episodes of Flavor of Love and Hogan Knows Best and I have definitely
noticed some anti unity values.
Illustrations of
Disjunctive Talk and Behavior: Flavor of love
Flavor of Love 2 is a show
about an old rapper by the name of Flavor Flav from Public Enemy. He had his heart broken on the first episode
so he’s back and ready to find someone to settle down with. He is looking for
romance and he has 20 unique girls of all different races, ages, and body types
that he has brought to his mansion to stay with him. The whole show is about him dating the girls
and making them do pretty much anything he wants, every week Flav has to get
rid of a girl or two. In the end he hopes to find a girl to settle down with.
First of all let me start of
by saying that Flav has twenty girls staying at his house. They get to go on
dates with Flav and special girls get to have a nightcap (spend the night) with
him. The whole premise of the show is
based on anti unity values number 1 and 5, living together unmarried and
promiscuity. The season premiere of Flavor of Love 2 was number one in
the ratings. So that means that millions
of people are agreeing or promoting these anti unity values expressed in the
show.
In episode 2 Flav invites his
friends over and he holds a contest, he makes the girls get on stage and shake
their booty’s and who ever he and his friends pick gets to go on a date with
him later that day. Flav putting on this little contest is a perfect example of
anti unity value number 19 making it look normal for a man to exploit women.
This is a disjunctive behavior he is promoting women as sex objects. Promoting
women as sex objects is also disrespecting them and thinking that you are
better then they are. He is never going reach the unity model behaving like
that.
In episode 11 Flav takes the
two finalists to
Illustrations of
Conjunctive Behavior and Talk: Hogan Knows Best
I also chose the reality show
called Hogan Knows Best because it‘s about a childhood hero of mine and there
is some great examples of conjunctive behavior and talk. The show is about the
famous wrestler Hulk Hogan and his family.
Hulk and his wife Linda are trying to raise their daughter Brooke and
their son Nick in a semi-normal millionaire lifestyle. Hulk Hogan was an honest hardworking man and
he worked very hard for his money and fame and he gets upset when his children
take it for granted.
In episode 6 Linda is very
stressed out with the kids and the construction of their new home so Hulk tells
his wife to go relax and take a nice hot bubble bath while he handles the
workload. He doesn’t let the kids or the workers bother her while she is
relaxing. Hulk didn’t really know how to handle the workers but he knew that
Linda was stressed out so he tried his best.
It’s Linda and Hulk’s
anniversary in episode 14 and all Linda wants from Hulk is to take ballroom
dance lessons from with her. Hulk is not very happy with this prissy dancing
stuff, but he knows Linda has always wanted to learn so he goes. Hulk is trying
very hard to learn when Linda teases him saying he is all stiff like
Frankenstein, he gets offended and leaves. Linda apologizes and Hulk refuses to
go back because she will make fun of him Linda goes with out him, but what she
doesn’t know is that Hulk goes and takes secret lessons and surprises her on
their anniversary with a dance.
This is a perfect example of
conjunctive behavior Hulk does whatever it takes to please his wife even when
she pokes fun at him. Hulk is a great dad and a great husband even though they
are in the equity model I think that very very soon Hulk will become
enlightened and transform to make it to the unity model. He loves his wife way to much to have it all
end at death.
My Conclusions
Every where you look there
are conjunctive and disjunctive behaviors and talk. I chose to go through these two shows because
I watch them on a pretty regular basis and I wanted to see if I was unknowingly
helping support these values that the media is portraying as normal. The media
has taken it a little overboard by promoting modern day pimping by having shows
like the Bachelor and Flavor of Love. But as long as people keep watching these
shows the media is going to keep producing shows like these.
My Friends Reactions
I chose my friend Tyson
because he is straight shooter, he’s not afraid to speak his mind. I chose my
friend Julia because she is a girl and I needed a female’s perspective. I explained to both of them the three different
models of marriage. I also explained to them what conjunctive and disjunctive
behaviors were. I summarized the examples above and asked them what their
reactions were.
Tyson
Kafentzis
Tyson has seen a couple of
episodes of Flavor of Love and he feels that it’s an entertaining show but it
degrades women. Tyson’s reactions to the
scenes I explained to him was that it’s embarrassing. The show is promoting
this idea that women are nothing but sex objects and it’s okay because it’s
normal. Men around the country are watching this and they think its okay to
treat women like that. What’s worse is
that women are also watching the show and they are being brain washed in to
thinking its normal to be treated as a sexual object.
Tyson’s reacted to the scenes
from Hogan Knows Best were very positive and supportive. He explained that Linda must really mean a
lot to Hulk because he learned how to tango for her, even after she teased the
way he danced. It’s weird to see a big
guy being so “romantic” because society has forced this false perception that
big guys are suppose to be tough and manly.
Julia Sandborn
Julia has also seen a couple
of Flavor of Love episodes and she agrees that the show is amusing but it is
very degrading. In the first scene I
described she said that the guys took advantage of their wealthy status and the
girls that participated in the “strip show” showed no class. Julia brought up a good point about the
second scene, no woman in their right mind would go on a romantic get away with
a guy knowing that he is bringing and other girl along. People do not meet the girl of their dreams
on a television show especially when they are competing for you.
Julia has never seen an
episode of Hogan Knows Best but after explaining some of the scenes she told me
she might watch a few. She said that
Hulk is a “big sweety” for allowing her to get away and relax while he tries to
handle the kids and the construction workers.
Hulk showed how much he loved Linda when he put his pride and manliness
on the side and did something that Linda really wanted.
My Reactions to my Friends Opinions
My friends’ reactions were
pretty much along the same lines as mine. I think that these types of
interactions are so popular in the media because it sells. My friends and I are guilty of supporting
these disjunctive behaviors because we watch these shows. My friends, like most people, watch shows
like these because they entertain us. I
don’t think they are watching it because they like to see women being
disrespected and used.
The consequences of all this
media poisoning is that couples will start to accept these disjunctive
behaviors and the divorce rate will rise drastically. Young women are going to
be affected the most because they are being brain washed to accept that men are
better. Young men are going to grow up and want to live a very promiscuous life
with a lot of beautiful women because that’s what he sees on television and
that’s what he hears on the radio.
Section D: Disjunctive vs. Conjunctive Verbal
Interactions
I got this dialogue from
Everybody Loves Raymond
Debra: Where do you think you
are going?
Ray: Umm.. I told you I had
that thing (grabbing golf bag)
Debra: What thing and why do
you have your golf clubs?
Ray: Because I’m going golfing
Debra: No Ray, I told you I
have to go to Beth’s party and you need to watch the kids
Ray: ohh.. um…. I gotta get going the boys are waiting
for me. Bye hun I love you! (runs out the door)
Debra: Ray! NO! Ray!
This dialogue shows how most
men think, they think that if they do something wrong they can just say I’m
sorry or I love you. Men also seem to be
on their own agenda doing things when they want to them. Men need to sit down
and let their wife’s explain what they want from them and how they want to be
treated. Sometimes people just need to be sat down so there are no distractions
and told what to do. Men are simple
creatures!
Section E: Conclusion and Advice to Future Generations
The dominance model is what
most people call a “traditional style” of marriage. It’s where the husband
works and the wife stays home and takes care of the kids and cleans. The wife
is submissive and obedient to the husband.
The husband only thinks about himself and what he wants.
The equity model is a “till
death do us part” marriage. The wife and husband make decisions by agreeing ad
talking things out. The husband still
has his independence and this leads to arguments. The husband helps around the house and cooks
when he feels he needs to. The woman is
still not satisfied she wants more she wants the husband to treat her how she
wants to be treated and to do what she asks when she asks.
I have learned that to reach the full potential of a healthy loving marriage is
through the unity model. The unity model
does not stop at death it continues on in to the eternity of afterlife. This means that the man has let go if his
affective independence and aligned his feelings with his wife, they conjoin.
Learning about the three
types of marriages let’s me know where I am right now and it sets a goal for
where I want to get to. When I get in to a serious relationship I can use this
class in making the woman happy. It also allows me to be less influenced by all
of the media. With so much filth in today’s media it’s nice to have a filter,
this class’s views and opinions.
There are a couple of
concepts that are difficult for me to accept like the idea that there can be a
marriage bond that continues in the afterlife, because there is no way to prove
it. I would like to think that after I have died that there will be a time that
I will reunite with my wife. The unity model of marriage is hard for me to
believe in because I like the equity model so much. I just don’t want to be a puppet and my wife
to be the puppeteer.
The only thing I would change
about the class is the length of the reports. This is by far the longest report
I have ever wrote in my life. I really like the oral presentations and making
us do outlines keeps us on top of the readings. I also like the fact you make
us read a variation of writings so we can get all of the opinions out
there. In presenting us with all of the
information and opinions it allows us to choose what we want to believe in.
Advice to Future Generations
This is an extremely long paper
so get started early. There is a ton of information to cover so do your
research prior to starting your paper. Your report will be on the internet for
anybody and everybody to see, your report basically reflects the person you are
so you had better make it nice. If you can you should finish your paper a
little bit early so you can go back and add or take out things.
Section F: Links
My Homepage: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/malala/malala-home.htm
G25 Class Home Page: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/classhome-g25.htm