Psychology 409b (Tuesdays) November 22, 2006

Psychology 409b (Tuesdays) November 22, 2006

Outline 10: Respect for men and guys time

By: Ashlee Matsui

Instructions for this activity are found at:

www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/g25-oral1.htm

Instructor: Dr. Leon James

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (2004). The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. (New York, N.Y.: Harper Collins Publishing, Inc). Reviewing pages 161-180

I. Parents and children

a. The mother vs. the father

i. Mother : protective and nurture

ii. Father: autonomy and adventure

iii. This balance equals to a balanced human being (the child)

b. in the case of the wife treating the man like a child

i. puts him down

ii. this results in an unloving lump of a man

c. Tammie

i. Husband excels when he is treated and respected like a man

1. she did not demand that he do things

2. instead she gave him options for his problems

ii. don’t embarrass him in front of others

1. in front of family, co-workers and friends

2. gets the women a confident man

d. the power of women

i. controls the overall tone of the family and home

ii. the case of CJ

1. learned to develop a sense of humor-turned her attention toward her husband

2. in return she got a more loving husband

iii. complaints: domestic and emotional

1. Kelly, her husband was not meeting her emotional needs

2. one day she discovered she has a brain tumor, at this time her husband stepped in, he stayed by her side in the hospital, went to work and raised the kids

e. Jennifer’s ER doctor husband

i. Physicians wife should know what comes with the territory, or she should have known that what she was getting into when she got married

ii. Instead of getting mad at him, she should have a hot dinner when he comes home from work

iii. She should do something with the kids while her husband is working hard saving lives, and she should be happy that she has all this free time

iv. Make her husband want to come home

f. family needs

i. needs husband and wife in the family

ii. the term of fixed roles is controversial

iii. if disrespect man in home, then unhappiness continues

II. Hanging out with the boys

a. Sabino can’t say no- supposed to go on family vacation and his friend wanted to come along and he could not say no-very immature

i. He thought he should stand up to his women and back his friends

ii. Adds to masculinity

b. resentment builds up

i. main issue: insecurity and jealous

ii. wife feels that she needs to be at the center

c. after marriage- domesticated

i. you should know what you are brining into the home

ii. husbands think their feelings are not important to wife

d. men callers

i. state all the things they do for the family as a way of backing themselves

ii. say they use their guy time as a way to blow off steam, relax and reconnect

iii. wives take men for granted and try to mold them into what they think they should be

e. sharing and support well being of the relationship

i. refresh themselves so can be at their best

f. women hang out with their friends a lot and men should be able to do the same

i. they go away and come back better men

ii. be a smart and happier wife toward your husband