Psychology 409b (Tuesdays) October 4, 2006

Outline 4: Back to childhood and Qualities of a person

By: Ashlee Matsui

 

 

Instructions for this activity are found at:

www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/g25-oral1.htm

Instructor: Dr. Leon James

 

 

Joshua Coleman, Ph.D. (2005). The Lazy Husband. (New York, N.Y.: St. Martin's Press). Reviewing pages 100-124

 

 

I.                     Childhood

a.       Marriage is affected by the way a person grew up as a child (the type of environment they had, nice parents, good home)

                                                               i.      This may affect the type of marriage you have today

                                                             ii.      Result of childhood may arise when “me time” diminishes

                                                            iii.      In order to get a husband to do more around the house, one needs to understand his childhood

                                                           iv.      Also, how we communicate with one another is affected by the way we were raised

b.      women are supposed to be more understanding

                                                               i.      they are more likely to give in to a man

                                                             ii.      men are the opposite

c.      people usually become ashamed when being criticized

                                                               i.      this may have damaging effects

                                                             ii.      may end up be intimidated

d.      children in homes that believe that you are supposed to give more then receive – may become guilt ridden later in life

e.       questions to ask yourself if your childhood is affecting your marriage

                                                               i.      how did you mother and father treat each other?

                                                             ii.      How are you similar to them?

II.                   Personality

a.       While you maybe blaming your partner for everything, you maybe the cause of the problem

                                                               i.      How personality interacts affects the marriage

                                                             ii.      It is important to understand his and your past

b.      the Boy Husband

                                                               i.      similar to having another child in the home

                                                             ii.      not responsible and does not care, need to have things done for them

                                                            iii.      example: husband relies on wife to wake him up, cook for him, and generally do everything for him like a child

c.      guidelines for the boy husband

                                                               i.      allow for natural consequences to happen in partners life

                                                             ii.      don’t let feelings of over responsibility add to husbands laziness or inability not to do anything

                                                            iii.      give him notice with out making him ashamed

                                                           iv.      focus not only on wrongs, but rights too

                                                             v.      things are going to change over time, but not over night

d.      the worried wife

                                                               i.      over responsible behavior

                                                            ii.      may cause husband to tune her out

                                                          iii.      it is important to realize why you are so worried

 

 

Related Links

 

Predicting children’s personalities

http://www.apa.org/monitor/feb06/personality.html

I choose this web site because I found it very interesting and relates well to this topic.  The site talks about being able to predict a children's later personalities in life from their behaviors in their childhood.  They used a before and after perspective, and used a personality model when they were young and tracked them down decades later.  The findings were hopeful that researchers would one day predict habits such as overeating and smoking.  This site supports Coleman's idea and I agree with it. 

 

Childhood affecting adulthood 

 http://www.pep-web.org/document.php?id=paq.013.0131a

This is another site that supports Coleman, this focuses on obesity, an all too common problem in the United States.  It relates a child's aggressive demands, family patterns, avoidance of physical activity and other factors to contribute to obesity.  The research that was conducted supports my agreement with Coleman about childhood affecting adulthood.

 

Problems with Coleman

http://www.listproc.bucknell.edu/archives/femecon-l/200502/msg00064.html

I choose this site because it gave another people's perspectives to Coleman and his beliefs, mainly his book The Lazy Husband.  It goes though his book and states what they believe is wrong with his book.  The writers of this website believe that Coleman is continuing to "dump" on women.  It is interesting to read and see others thoughts. 

 

 

My home page: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/matsui/matsui-home.htm

 

 

Class home page:    www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/classhome-g25.htm