Psychology 409b

Psychology 409b (Tuesdays) October 17, 2006

Outline 5: Tired of being hurt

By: Ashlee Matsui

Instructions for this activity are found at:

www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/g25-oral1.htm

Instructor: Dr. Leon James

Schlessinger, Dr. Laura C. (2004). The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. (New York, N.Y.: HarperCollins Publishing Inc.) Reviewing pages 51-64

I. Too many relationships (women)

a. Developed pain and disappointment

i. Scared of being hurt again

ii. Hypersensitive

b. wives need to be loved

i. care for your husband like he was your first love

ii. might destroy your relationship if not

c. girlfriends

i. with them its had to find the needed support

ii. Example of Wendi: married and husband wanted her to participate in church group, but when she went there she found out it was just for women to grumble about their husbands

iii. Example of Grace: told her support group that a wife wants to be appreciated for her daily tasks, then the husband wants the same appreciation

d. the simple man

i. collapse of religion, respect and child rearing

ii. religious

1. men and women become more bonded when they get married

2. women are losing their right to bond due to men expecting sexual favors during casual dating

3. at the same time when there was respect for life, when a women got accidentally pregnant, commitment would be in order, but now men feel it’s the women’s need to get an abortion and that fathers don’t need to raise their children

4. looking for that man- there are so many divorces today that its hard to see a lasting marriage as normal

e. feminists

i. women without men and children without fathers lead to women not to need a functioning relationship with a man

ii. Due to the current value of women, they feel that they are better, which is considered not true, they don’t have the upper hand

f. built up tension

i. false sense of being better (on top) + not having a father

ii. women need to be sheltered and cared for

iii. anger can build up with father not in the home

iv. need a balance

g. Louise

i. Father a violent man, but her mother was not a victim either, she was hateful towards men and taught her daughters to be the same

ii. To have a lasting marriage, she realized she needed to take responsibility for her actions toward her mate

II. steering away

a. men bashing as a form of entertainment

b. away from feminists where men not needed

c. girlfriends- gossiping and grumbling about their husbands

d. away from negative and focus on the positive

III. shut up about little things

a. men do things differently than women

b. micromanaging

i. all about control

ii. the husband will give up trying to please his wife

c. be happy with the man you married

i. women expect once married to a man that his previous marriage and children don’t exist

ii. don’t want the stepchildren around

d. its hard to get the wife to see that she is controlling

e. giving is a good thing and with that you may get back love

f. women are the rulers and in charge of the home

i. being happy is considered more of an attitude rather than a reality

ii. look for the good in every situation, even the bad