Report 1

My Field Observations of Disjunctive vs. Conjunctive

Discourse and Behavior in Couples

By: Laura C. Moa

Instructions for this report are found at:

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-report1.htm

G25 Lecture Notes on the Unity Model of Marriage:

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-lecture-notes.htm

Section A: AUVs in the Media

Examples of anti-unity values (AUVs) that are often promoted in the media include:

This is Table 9

1. Living together unmarried

2. Having children out of wedlock

3. Making each other jealous on purpose

4. Adultery for various reasons

5. Promiscuity and bi-sexuality

6. Sexy dressing for men other than one's partner

7. Having a same sex best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things

8. Having a heterosexual best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things

9. Same sex friends going out as a group for fun and entertainment without their partners

10. Flirting with other gender as retaliation against one's partner (or other reason)

11. Separate interests and activities accepted for partners

12. Manipulating partner through deception

13. Accepting the idea that it's OK to "agree to disagree" about some things

14. Promoting the idea that one should not try to change one's partner but should accept them with their faults, etc.

15. Girls only or boys only entertainment

16. Acceptance of the idea that men are more important

17. Promoting the idea that men are more rational than women

18. Promoting the idea that women are generally frivolous as part of their gender

19. Making it look normal for a man to exploit women

20. Making it look normal for a man to abuse women

21. Making it look normal for a man to have prerogatives or perks that women should accept and honor (e.g., serving men, doing what they want no matter what, being dominant, etc.)

22. Making it look like what women say and think as less important

23. Accepting the idea that a man does not need to "grovel" when he apologizes for something bad he did to her (the minimum is enough and she should not ask for more even if her feelings are still hurt or else she is being "unreasonable" etc.)

This Table is from:

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/409b-g24-lecture-notes.htm#Table%209

• What are AUVs in Relation to the Unity Model of Marriage?

In life, marriage between a husband and a wife begins at a natural level, a conjugal level. This type of marriage is limited by the physical world, a finite lifetime, and death. In a conjugal marriage, the husband and wife retain their individuality and independence, never fully becoming one. The unity model of marriage provides us with an alternative, or should I say higher, form of marriage that is not bound by death, in which husband and wife become “one”, unified as one mind, one entity, one body, SOUL MATES! With this model they are no longer bound by time, instead their love will transcend all limits and will carry over to the afterlife. It is a model that allows for husband and wife to be spiritually and intimately unified at a conjugial level. This is the highest form of human capability that two people can reach TOGETHER.

To attain a state of complete and inclusive harmony within the unity model, both individuals must conjoin together at the three levels of self. All human conduct is categorized into these three phases, with each individual phase representing a separate realm of behavior. After each partner has committed to reaching the unity model, they must then strive to conquer each level of self, one by one. These three levels, the sensorimotor consociation, cognitive affiliation, and the affective conjunction, can only be conquered in hierarchical order. Once a man and a woman have become integrated and unified at all three levels, every action or reaction, thought or belief, feeling or purpose will be one single experience. Contrary to the couple’s prior separate experiences, a new connection is formed that is utterly and completely bonded from two separate entities into one single existence.

The unity model of marriage promotes absolute mental intimacy between partners, however, in life, all relationships advance in similar arrangement. The unity model, as a whole, is a ladder of hierarchy in which each realm of the threefold self evolves. There are three archetypes within the model that couples progress through; these include the dominance model, the equity model, and the unity model. Every couple must complete all three levels of self before progressing to the next model. Devoid of exception, all natural relationships begin in the dominance model (A.K.A: male dominated domain). The cause of this is rooted deep within societies accepted norms, social pressures, and socialization of young. As a whole, society creates acceptable atmospheres for male domination to flourish in. This atmosphere hinders the unity of a man and wife forcing each relationship to begin at a level which is a constant source of denigration to women.

Every woman has ultimate need and purpose to conjoin in unity with the man she loves. However men, married or unmarried, have an innate instinct to retreat from unity and assert independence. This innate instinct is bred and encouraged by the constant and relentless societal and cultural influences which deter conjoinment and obstruct conjunction. Any action, thought, idea, belief, theory, or method of communication that hinders a couple from truly conjoining is defined as and anti-unity value (AUV). AUVs create obstacles to thwart the attainment of complete unity between husband and wife. Societal and cultural AUVs are so widely accepted that women are often even manipulated into accepting them as healthy in their relationships. Even various types of professionals like therapists and psychologists often promote methods that align with the dominance model. This ignorance further encourages men to maintain independence and reject the crucial steps needed to achieve reciprocity.

In order to achieve unity, a man must commit to changing. He must relearn how to be supportive, loving, and passionate so to overcome the previously existing attitudes which exploit and degrade his partner; otherwise she will be continuously struggling with him to conjoin. In order to accomplish this, explicit discernment is needed in order to decipher anti-unity values. These AUVs have become so prevalent amongst our culture that they are displayed in almost all areas of entertainment. Various types of media and popular music serve as vehicles for AUVs in which our constant exposure to them has successfully desensitized us to disjunctive behavior and language. Often, anti-unity values may masquerade as equity values but this idea is just a deception. AUVs exclusively advocate the dominance model; there is no exception to this. A perfect example of and AUV passing as an equity value is AUV #13.

AUV #13, which is “agree to disagree,” is an idea that has been commonly accepted in society as a respectful approach to compromise. If a couple quarrels and therefore cannot see eye to eye, it is perfectly normal for them to “agree to disagree” with the assumption that they are respecting each others individual beliefs. However, according the unity model of marriage, this is deceptive. In order to achieve unity at a conjugial level, sole mates can NEVER have separate beliefs. Both husband and wife must be wholly conjoined at all levels of the threefold self. To be conjoined at a cognitive level, the husband must synchronize his values, beliefs, and knowledge with that of his wife’s. AUV#13 is in direct conflict with this process of reciprocity.

Another AUV which promotes disjunctive behavior in relationships is AUV #6, “dressing sexy for men other than one’s partner.” Actions such as this are often displayed in the media. Men are constantly exposed to females on television who dress unreasonably sexy and attractive. Often times, this encourages men to expect pornographic behavior from their wives. This can cause women to feel inadequate or insecure. In some cases she may take cues from this observed behavior and begin to dress sexy in order to make her husband jealous, this would be categorized as AUV #3, “making each other jealous on purpose,” which is also deviating to the process of unity. Behavior such as this may even encourage a man to lust after a woman other than his wife. This, to me, is betrayal of emotional intimacy.

In marriage, physical fidelity is not the sole component that a woman desires. Wives also crave mental and emotional faithfulness from their husbands. According to the unity model of marriage, husband and wife should be each other’s single-most important priority. It is obligatory that both partners remain exclusively intimate. Any time one partner becomes intimate, either physically or emotionally, with someone other than their partner it is unfaithfulness, even if the intimacy is established through words or friendship. This is never beneficial because an act such as this is essentially a form of robbing one’s partner of their right to sole intimacy and closeness. I would consider this act to be the equivalent of AUV #4 “adultery for various reasons.”

Complete dedication from both partners is the only possible way to overcome the persuasions of the AUVs that bombard all individuals continuously each day. This means that husband and wife should permanently put each other first. Both AUV #7 “having a same sex best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things,” and AUV #8, “having a heterosexual best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things,” are in direct conflict with this idea. Often, both society and media promote the idea that one or both partners should engage in having close friendships or relationships in order to promote healthy individual lifestyles. However, while mutual friendships and pleasant interactions can be healthy, time is best spent when focused on developing a “best friend” relationship with each other.

Each of the AUV examples in the table shown above operate as influences which slowly diminish the possibility of healthy unity between man and wife. If action is not taken to obliterate this disjunctive behavior then the path to unhappiness and ruin will only become a more vivid and comprehensible fate. In order to fully explain the concept of anti-unity values I felt it was also necessary to amply explain the AUVs opposing paradigm, which is true unity, hence the elongated description above. Furthermore, I highly doubt that anyone can ever fully understand what a real anti-unity value is without fully understanding what UNITY truly is first; the ultimate physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual unification of husband and wife which is solely defined by the unity model of marriage itself.

Section B: Findings of a Prior Generation

1.) Carly Kanemura

· Methods, Findings, and Elucidations

Through careful review of Ms. Kanemura’s paper I had an opportunity to examine how she successfully conveyed her thoughts and feelings concerning the affects of anti-unity values in the media on our lives and relationships. Carly discusses how her newfound knowledge concerning the existence of AUV’s after taking this course has affected how she views men, media, and marriage. In her report she attempts to convey her shock upon the realization that AUV’s are so extremely prevalent in the media. By means of various sources which she researched she was able to compare the anti-unity chart to her sources and evaluate how one can recognize when an AUV exists. She chose some interesting media examples as her analysis tools and after valuable discussion with her friends she reported on her findings, incorporating, not only her perspective, but other reactions as well from those with whom she spoke with.

In an attempt to illustrate how one might go about “monitoring anti-unity values in the media,” Ms. Kanemaru chose three appropriate resources to analyze, two popular songs, which are often played on the radio, and one Blockbuster hit movie. I considered these three choices as good sources because they are all popular, well-known, and easily accessible, therefore each one has the potential to be highly influential on whoever is exposed to them. The movie that she chose was called “Unfaithful” in which it fittingly applies to the current topic of AUV’s in the media because the title itself reflects AUV # 4 which is “adultery for various reasons.” Carly then proceeded to collect data by watching the movie and recording how many anti-unity values she could find. She then reported on her findings, therefore establishing that the movie contained 12 out of the 23 anti-unity values reflected on table 9.

After reading her opinions on the movie, as well as the opinions of her friends, I was able to recognize the underlying stipulations that the movie contained which I had not previously detected when I first watched it. I had initially expected to see the presence of a few AUV’s generally relating to adulterous acts, however, I never realized that there would be so many AUV’s present in the film nor demeaning allegations of woman. Overall, the movie generally portrayed the wife as the adulterer and the husband as the “good provider.” The husband in this particular instance was represented as the victim, however from Carly’s description I realized that the movie was stigmatizing woman as being irrational and conveying a message that her husband’s actions were justified due to his wife’s demeaning attitude. Both partners displayed extremely disjunctive behavior which prevented them from being unified in their marriage.

In analyzing Carly’s descriptions of the characters in her film I realized that both partners contributed to the problems in their marriage. Obviously there was a high level of marital dissatisfaction that existed previously which created a rift between the couple. When a rift between a husband and wife is ignored the result can only be harmful. Communication between husband and wife is crucial for a marriage to succeed. Both partners failed to communicate their feelings in this instance causing both to act deceitfully. Diane Lane’s character ignored her vows of fidelity and, instead, escaped from her problems through means of an affair. As a result her husband was devastated and therefore acted irrationally instead of confronting her. She allowed her feelings of lust to cloud her judgment therefore rejecting her husband and his love. This type of disjunctive behavior can cause irreparable resentment and bitterness.

According to the unity model of marriage there can never be space between a husband and wife. As this movie reflects, society often promotes the idea of “space” whenever problems occur. I often see these portrayals in the media through disjunctive language like “Let’s take a break” or “maybe we should separate,” Movie’s such as these promote unhealthy marital tactics. They condone the idea of partners looking outside their marriage for happiness if one or both partners are unsatisfied. Anytime a problem exists, both husband and wife should work to conjoin together and connect emotionally. Communication, love, and trust are foundations in marriage that can aid any couple during times of trial.

The two other sources that she used, “Secret Lovers,” and “Big Pimpin,” were very straightforward. She outlined the lyrics and discussed the anti-unity values that were represented through each song. Carly discovered that “Secret Lovers” displayed AUVs 4, 8, 12 and “Big Pimpin” displayed AUVs 16- 21. In her findings she discussed that “Secret Lovers” promoted infidelity and deception provided that the adultery isn’t caught. This song promotes the idea that commitment is meaningless. It allows for two people to deceitfully stray from their marriages in order to feel intimacy elsewhere. It endorses adultery as exciting and beautiful because the two are in love, in reality, they are engaging in an act that completely disregards the feelings and emotions of the people that they are in a relationship with. Lyrics such as these continually expose people to the idea of infidelity in which constant exposure can increase chances of imitation.

The other song that Carly’s chose “Big Pimipin,” was a very intelligent selection. In her comments, she expressed unhappiness concerning the depredating lyrics. In this song the rapper condones male domination, superiority, abuse, female manipulation, and worthless companionship. He commends the idea of men using woman for meaningless sex. He glorifies his position as a pimp, claiming that his abuse and humiliation of woman brings him high status in society. He uses demeaning language, referring to woman as “bitches” and “hoes.” These lyrics obviously promote the dominance model, encouraging men to mistreatment and exploit women. This outright disjunction injures the status and reputation of women and bluntly persuades men to continue this behavior to maintain respect from their peers.

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/kanemaru/kanemaru-409b-g24-report1.htm

2.) Skip Saito

· Methods, Findings, and Elucidations

Upon reviewing Mr. Saito’s report I was motivated by the opportunity to read a male’s perspective on AUV’s in the media. Skip chose sources to aid in evaluating his previous unawareness concerning the existence of underlying disjunctive behaviors in the media. He asserts that his observations would not have been apparent before taking this class. I found his choice of sources to be very thought provoking considering that his film selection was somewhat characteristically male oriented. Entertainingly enough he was the only student to select an action film for his analysis. His opinions, along with the reported accounts from friends were most helpful in reinforcing the pronounced gender differences that exist in society concerning marriage. These different gendered views reflect the evident effect that subliminal AUVs has on our culture.

With the definition of anti-unity values clearly defined, Skip was able to identify various AUVs among his selected sources. The resources he chose consisted of one movie, “Mr. and Mrs. Smith,” and two songs, “Jealousy Woes II” by Eminem and “Confessions” by Usher. In his analysis he agrees that the media is crucially influential on our culture. He specifically identifies the influence of popular movies to affect mainly “adolescent and young women.” He challenges us to visit the idea that females are often impacted by scenes from various movies which instill unrealistic romantic expectations about love and marriage. Therefore, these females often grow to anticipate an unrealistic ideal of marriage. He deduces that unharmonious marriages in society are partly caused by the damaging effects of AUVs in the media. Mr. Saito also raises some interesting topics concerning lyrics and it’s relation to drugs, sex, and violence.

When evaluating his movie choice, Skip found AUV #12, “manipulating your partner through deception,” to be present in the movie. He discussed the various ways that deception and lies between partners can severely derail unification. According to Skip, both characters in the movie were constantly lying to each other. He explains that this type of interaction can cause lack of trust in a relationship. He provided us with some scenes from the movie which embodied disjunctive behavior. John comes home from work and Jane has purchased curtains for their home without him. Instead of supporting his wife, John gets upset with her for not consulting him. Skip describes this scenario as an example of a husband’s noncompliant behavior. This scene promotes dominance in marriage in that a wife is not capable of making decisions without her husband’s approval. This type of gender portrayal is common among popular movies.

I found it insightful that Skip touched on the irony of real life effects of this movie. During filming, Brad Pitt left his wife, Jennifer Aniston, to be with his co-star, Angelina Jolie. Skip proposes an interesting question, “Was it that there was just so much passion and sex that they both found irresistible or did they actually find some attributes in each other that followed the unity model of marriage?” In Hollywood, the lines between passion, love, and sex, are often skewed. The unity model never condones a husband leaving his wife for another woman. This is an absolute breach of vows. Movies like these elevate the importance of beauty and passion over real commitment. In movies, sex sells, not love. It is very ironic that the tempting circumstances of this movie led to the demise of a real marriage. This shows how influential AUVs in media can be.

In order for a couple to achieve ultimate spiritual and mental intimacy they must trust each other completely with the secrets of their hearts, minds, and souls. A relationship is a journey that husband and wife embark on together. It takes time and effort to conjoin with one another. Both partners must grow to know each other by heart, likes and dislikes, humor, mood, and needs. In order for a couple to know the other person at their deepest level husband and wife must be open and willing to get close and trust each other. In knowing each other wholly they can be there to ease each others pain, formulate laughter at the right moments, and never leave each others side.

As for his song choices, Skip identified AUVs #2 and #4 in “Confessions” and #3, #4, and#10 in “Jealousy Woes II.” He agrees that song lyrics can often have a negative impact on youth by exposing them to violence, sex, and drugs. Not only can curiosity lead to addiction and teen pregnancy, but it can inspire youth to search for dangerous experiences. Nevertheless, he asserts that music often tells stories of the artist’s own experiences. Skip asserts that this can be educational and expressive. However I don’t necessarily agree that children need to be exposed to drugs, violence, and meaningless sex for him or her to learn that it is harmful.

In “Confessions,” Skip evaluates that the lyrics promote adultery, promiscuity, and having children out of wedlock. In the song, Usher sings apologetically to his girlfriend, asking for forgiveness because he has cheated and gotten his mistress pregnant. This is a very popular song which was very influential amongst our culture. I often found myself singing the lyrics because the beat was extremely catchy. However, singing a song with these lyrics or hearing it on the radio just makes the actions seem “normal.” Skip establishes a correlation between these lyrics and the promotion of the dominance model. He also determines a firm connection between cheating and immorality and AUVs.

As I read the lyrics to “Jealousy Woes II,” I was astonished at the negative language used towards women. In the song, the woman is portrayed as the unappreciative, conniving, jealous, gold-digger who cheats of her man. The rapper explains how her lack of trust is tearing their relationship apart. Skip insightfully comments on the hatred that exists within their marriage. He explains that hatred between husband and wife flows against the path of unity. As I read the lyrics I found myself wondering what her side of the story was. This song portrays woman as being ungrateful and promiscuous. Eminem sings “cause every accusation makes me wanna smack your face in.” This lyric is a flat-out reinforcement that verbal and physical abuse to women is okay. It is extremely eye-opening that this major rap icon, Eminem, is able to promote such misogynistic ideals to young vulnerable minds.

Overall, I felt that skip chose some excellent sources. I enjoyed reading his male perspective comments and comparing them to that of the other students. Although his opinions did not completely coincide with the unity model of marriage, I appreciated his honest comments and the comments of his friends. Hi report showed a wider spectrum of perspectives clearly dividing the female opinions from males and reinforcing the socialized differences between the sexes.

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/saito/saito-409b-g24-report1.htm

3.) Lauren Buchner

· Methods, Findings, and Elucidations

I was very impressed with Ms. Buchner’s report concerning AUVs in the media. I thought she did a wonderful job conveying her feelings by thoroughly describing each of her sources. The resources she chose include one movie, “The Story of Us,” and two songs, “Faithful” by Common, Be and “Ms. Fat Booty,” by Mos Def. Through careful analysis of each source, Lauren uncovered the various different AUVs that were subliminally being conveyed. She then separated her paper into explicit sections with each section containing a specific AUV. Under each section she then presented her evaluations and opinions concerning each topic of her choice. Ironically she chose the same movie that I had initially chose. I feel this particular movie is a wonderful and honest representation of marriage.

When evaluating “The Story of Us,” Lauren identified AUVs #4, #14, #19, #20, #21. Apart from the AUVs she listed, Lauren also identified a number of other examples of disjunctive behavior. She gives a brief description of the movie to set the scene and then discusses each of the characters lives in depth. The movie is a fairly realistic portrayal of how the wear and tear of life can often take its toll on a husband and wife over many years of marriage if they are not conjoined together as one. Often times, after a couple has worked to establish a life and has kids, repetitious every day tasks and fast paced schedules can often become overwhelming. Being a parent is a full time job. Nevertheless, most full time parents also have full time jobs. To adhere to busy schedules partners often put their relationship on the back burner and then begin to drift apart. This is the case with the two characters in this film.

In this movie, the husband (Ben) and wife (Katie) have been married for fifteen years. Within the last few years of marriage a rift has grown between them. Ben and Katie have neglected to communicate and resolve resentment that exists from previous problems. Sex between them has begun to lessen within the last few years. Ben blames Katie for being rigid and controlling. Katie blames Ben for being irresponsible and unsupportive. When they first met, they were so much in love, but now, they retreat to separate corners to avoid battles and refrain from talking just to keep the peace. Subsequent to their drift, Ben formed a relationship with another woman, although there was no physical intimacy between them, he had frequent conversations with her over the phone about the intimate details of his and Katie’s marriage. Katie is hurt by this; she feels betrayed and cannot forgive her husband.

In a marriage like Ben and Katie’s, living in the dominance model has caused hurt to build up over time and, therefore, manifest itself as anger. According to Lauren’s findings, the movie does an excellent job of constantly portraying the wife as the frustrated “nag.” However, through the identification of AUVs within the movie, the problem in their marriage becomes much clearer. Until the end of the movie, Ben doesn’t realize that it’s him that needs to change. Although Katie fell in love with him because he was spontaneous and fun, they now have responsibilities and Katie needs a husband to be there instead of another child who needs care.

I found it very interesting that Lauren initially thought that Katie was at fault. In her interviews, Lauren reported that her friends also agreed with her initial opinion in blaming the wife. This shows how influential media can be and how accepted AUVs are in our culture that they are no longer even recognizable by most people. This movie did so well at portraying the wife as faulty, just by portraying her as a nag. Lauren did a wonderful job in conveying that society holds firm preconceptions about the way woman should be. Movies often portray these preconceptions which, when exposed, further perpetuate the cycle of negative attitudes toward woman.

As a song selection, Ms. Buchner chose “Faithful.” This was a creative choice, in that, the lyrics reaffirmed the fact that woman are often maltreated in society. The singer poses a question to his peers, “What if God was a her? Would I treat her the same?” The singer is acknowledging that women in society are seen as objects of sex, taken for granted, and exploited. The singer also implies that the reason men are abusive to women and often reject or disregard them, is because they have an innate craving to cheat and cannot control their lust. According to Lauren’s analysis of this song, the singer is using this as an excuse to make cheating and mental abuse tolerable. With this source, Ms. Buchner is conveying that lyrics in songs such as these promote sex as meaningless and intimacy as unnecessary. This is disjunctive according the unity model.

The second song Lauren evaluated, “Ms. Fat Booty,” consisted of AUVs #5, #18, and #19. To illustrate disjunctive portrayals Lauren listed lyrics from parts of the song that contained demeaning language. From reading her opinions I deduced that the song’s lyrics depict woman as being promiscuous beings who only care about status and wealth. As a result of this, men can only treat women as what they are, promiscuous and shallow. Lauren comments on the inappropriateness of this. She also goes further to say that the media makes physical beauty and attractiveness to important. Young women are influenced by this portrayal of unattainable beauty. They are socialized to believe that beauty is only skin deep and that physical attractiveness is what men want. These harmful portrayals of AUVs are partly responsible for the low self-esteems that women have concerning their bodies and the disillusioned ideas that they accept about what relationships should be like.

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/buchner/buchner-409b-g24-report1.htm

4.) Adriel Stipek

· Methods, Findings, and Elucidations

The methods that Ms. Stipek used to display AUVs in the media consisted of three songs, “My Way,” by Limp Bizkit, “Never is a Promise,” by Fiona Apple, and “Making Memories of Us”, by Keith Urban. She also used a popular movie as her source entitled, “Sweet Home Alabama.” To illustrate her findings Adriel collected data from each source. In regards to her movie source, she evaluated the movie and the discussed her opinions about the film with her friends. She split up the movie into scenes in order to explain the actions of the characters. Adriel then determined that AUV# 4 “adultery for various reasons,” and #16 “acceptance of the idea that men are more important,” were present in the scenes. Adriel then gives a concise narrative of the disjunctive behaviors that she found in the film.

According Adriel’s descriptions, the movie “Sweet Home Alabama” is another film which promotes and displays values of the dominance model in relationships. In this film, the boyfriend (Andrew) of the main character (Melanie) is asserting his control through the disjunctive language which he is using to assert his superiority over her. Andrew asks Melanie to marry him and when she doesn’t give him the response that he was expecting he makes a comment to show that he is in control in order to push her into giving him the answer he wants from her. According to the unity model of marriage, this is just another way for a man to go about manipulating his partner in order to get what he wants from her. This web of manipulation between a men and women is often hidden in various types of media that we are exposed to every day.

Regarding another scene of the movie, Adriel discusses a similar circumstance of dominance in which Jake, Melanie’s husband, has allowed his anger overtake him. In this situation he forces Melanie into the car by grabbing her arm. According to Adriel, this is in direct conflict with the unity model. Within the unity model, men often misuse their anger to pull away from their partners. This deters conjoinment. Women, on the other hand, are only zealous. Often, a woman’s passion is often misinterpreted as anger. For a woman, zealousness is only a means of communication. While men are trying to assert their dominance and independence, women are struggling with them constantly to conjoin. This can be exhausting for woman whose only desire is to achieve mental intimacy with her partner. When a man gets upset, it is never out of frustration to conjoin, it is only a means of dominance.

Interestingly enough, this movie, AGAIN, portrays the man as the victim and the woman as the adulterer. In the last two scenes that Adriel discusses, she evaluates the actions of Melanie. She comes to the conclusion that Melanie is displaying disjunctive behavior because Melanie is engaged to Andrew at the same time that she is still married to Jake. It is apparent to me that this, by all means, is action that displaces synchronization between two partners. Commitment shouldn’t be taken lightly, however, in today’s society this is often the case. This particular movie displays harmful ideals by glorifying romance over commitment. In movies like these, I often find myself cheering for the relationship with the most romantic qualities, whether or not that relationship is a product of adultery or not. This shows what a substantial effect that AUVs can have when exposed subliminally.

To evaluate the prevalence of AUVs in popular music, Ms. Stipek’s first choice was “My Way,” in which she found AUV #9, #11 #14, and #’s 16-23. She uses this song as her method of evaluation. To illustrate her evaluations, Adriel copied the lyrics of the song and then gave a brief description of her findings. To organize her work, Adriel wrote an epigrammatic description under each line of lyrics that she assessed was an AUV. I found this method to be smart because her analogies were, not only easy to read, but were also very straightforward. According to her analysis, Ms. Stipek found that the singer was using offensive language assert his independence and control his partner by threatening her. Adriel was trying to convey through her notations that this song advertises male dominance over women.

Subsequently after reading the lyrics I was able to form an opinion in agreement with Ms. Stipek. The lyrics in this song insult women by expressing the idea that dominant woman are bad. The song uses coercive language to advocate the idea that men should have control, not women. In reality, although these lyrics attempt to convince us that women are sometimes too dominant over men, this scenario doesn’t exist in real life. Women are often accused of being dominant only because they chose to reject the idea of being dominated. If a woman asserts what she wants and needs from a partner who is trying to maintain his independence, he will obviously resist. Crying “dominance,” is just another way for him to manipulate her into thinking that she is wrong. The song conveys that women are less important, less intelligent, and less rational; therefore, they should never have control.

In her second song choice, “Never is a Promise,” Ms Stipek observed a number of different AUVs, these include #’s 13, #14, #16, #18, #21, and #22. I was fascinated by this choice because the singer, Fiona Apple, is a woman. Regarding her music, her songs are often construed as being bitter towards men. As an artist, she is often accused of being an angry woman. However, after reading Adriel analysis of the AUVs, I realized that her songs are just an honest representation possible hurt that has been caused by domination. Others in society may view her honesty as outrageous anger, but I believe this is only because the media assisting in convincing individuals in society that woman should accept a certain role.

According to Adriel’s interpretation of the song, the singer is discouraged because she is unhappy in her relationship. She has apparently chosen to stay in a relationship that she knows is unfulfilling. The singer accepts her circumstances because she doesn’t believe that he will change or that she deserves better. Her trust in his words has dwindled and she expects to be hurt. The lyrics suggest that she is assuming he will eventually lie or break his promise. In the song, the singer expresses her sadness because the man she loves doesn’t know who she is. He hasn’t tried to understand her feelings, beliefs, or desires. This obviously makes her feel unimportant. According to the unity model, this is demeaning.

For a man and woman to reach unity they must conjoin at the cognitive and affective levels of self. This means that both partners must strive to understand each other at the emotional, spiritual, and mental levels. The man in this song has neglected to conjoin with his partner at these levels and this makes her feel hurt. According to Adriel’s interpretation, the singer is pleading with her partner to conjoin and yet in her heart she knows he will resist so she accepts the way he is. She decides to stay with him because she loves him but she expressing her unhappiness through the lyrics. This song is full of AUVs, however it is written from the woman’s perspective so in this instance the man is portrayed as being hurtful. Because women are often portrayed in media badly, I can understand how society can be so critical of this artist.

The third song, “Making Memories of Us,” was used as an attempted to show the contrast between dominance and unity. In this song, the artist expresses his absolute love and dedication to his partner. He uses conjunctive language to show that he is willing to do whatever it takes to reach unity. According to Adriel, there are no AUVs in this song because it is an example of a man striving for the unity model of marriage. He acknowledges the spiritual aspect of relationships and wishes to conjoin with her in the afterlife. With this song Ms. Stipek conveys that lyrics are just as meaningful and affective if conjunctive language is used, rather than disjunctive language. She asserts that the effects of AUVs can be detrimental to the self-esteem of young girls. Constant exposure to disjunctive language will convince young girls that they don’t deserve to be treated with respect.

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/stipek/stipek-409b-g24-report1.htm

5.) Cynthia Adams

· Methods, Findings, and Elucidations

Cythia Adam’s used three methods to “monitor the effects of anti-unity values in the media.” The three sources she chose to study were, “It Could Happen to You,” the full featured film, and two songs “When Love Comes to Town” by U2 and “You Otta Know,” by Alanis Morissette. She evaluated each of these sources by identifying the various different AUVs that exist within each source. She then discussed each AUV and how it was applicable to each circumstance. In regarding the movie “It Could Happen to You,” Ms. Adams identified various AUVs by comparing it the anti-unity chart in table 9 of the lecture notes. To display her findings, she gave a detailed description of the characters in the movie and the circumstances surrounding the events which occurred. Cynthia determines that AUVs #4, #6, #8, and #11 are present in this film.

After identifying the various AUVs, Cynthia discusses her findings with friends. She acquired mixed opinions from friends regarding the idea of partners having separate interests. The women that she talked to agreed that partners should not have separate interests. These friends asserted that separate interest often causes disagreements. Cythia asserts that separate interests often just puts space between a husband and wife. This goes against the teachings of the unity model of marriage. On the other hand, the male friends that Cynthia talked to disagreed with the women. They asserted that partners should respect each others separate interests and support each others decisions to participate in their separate activities. Her collection of opinion from friends reinforced the ideas of the male dominated media domain. Men are socialized in adolescence by different gender portrayal in the media. This movie is an example of a film which portrays that AUVs are constructive.

Cynthia also discussed the AUV #14, “Promoting the idea that one should not try to change one’s partner but should accept them with their faults.” After interviewing her friends, Cynthia concluded that the men often supported AUV #14, while the women rejected it. She, therefore, decided that most men are socialized to believe that their wives should accept them for who they are and not expect them to change. If a woman marries a man she is choosing to marry him with knowledge that he has flaws. As a consequence she should learn to love him with his flaws. Ms. Adams tries to convey that this attitude is selfish.

Women have an innate reflex to be compassionate of mistakes and look for the potential in their partners. They have faith in their husbands when they marry them that they will improve for the better, instead of regress or stay stagnant. According to Cythia’s interpretations, if a woman loves a man she will want to be there to encourage him to change for the good of the relationship. This movie is a good example a husband who tries to assert his independence. In this movie he makes a huge decision without discussing her which eventually becomes a main reason for their separation. Also, the husband is constantly spending time with another woman instead of working on his relationship with his wife. As a product of this he becomes infatuated with her and their relationship becomes romantic. Eventually they become sexually intimate with one another, although he is still married.

The movie displays a chain a destructive choices that led to a chain of unhealthy events. Although the husband in this film displays excessive disjunctive behavior, his wife is still portrayed as bad because she is controlling nag. I remember the effect of the movie when I first watched it, I also found myself happy that the husband and his lover ended up together. The movie portrayed the man as the hero and I found myself wanted him to be with the other woman because she was nicer than his wife. I never realized inaccurate my initial perception of this movie was. I failed to see the underlying AUVs because I am often used to seeing them in other films. I felt the Cynthia picked a good source because it shows how the depiction of woman is often bad in films.

As a resource to monitor AUVs in popular music, Cynthia used “When Love Comes to Town,” by U2. In order to express her findings, she displayed the lyrics of the song and then gave feedback concerning her opinions. Cynthia identified AUV #12 “Manipulating a partner through deception.” According to Cynthia’s interpretation of the song, the singer manipulated a woman for sex and then left her shortly after they consummated. Cynthia tries to convey that this behavior is disjunctive. It promotes an attitude of disrespect towards woman by expressing to men that it’s okay to use woman and then abandon them. Cynthia is using this song as an example to convey that popular music has become amoral and is a source which influences promiscuity and adultery. She discusses the negative ideals that society upholds against woman which coincides with the ideals portrayed in this song.

After reading the lyrics of this song I noticed that there were more AUVs displayed in the lyrics that Cynthia did not list. Apart from AUV #12, I also identified AUVs # 19 “Making it look normal for a man to exploit women,” and #20 “Making it look normal for a man to abuse women”. The lyrics of this song, not only display elements of manipulation, but the song condones abuse and exploitation. To use a woman’s body for sex is a form of abuse. Every time a woman is exploited sexually it is damaging to her self-esteem. This can cause her to feel used and unworthy. Continual denigration can often manipulate her into thinking that this exploitation is normal. The behavior that Cynthia discussed in this song is definitely disjunctive. There is no possible way that two people can achieve unity if this type of behavior is upheld.

The second song source that Ms. Adams used was “You Otta Know.” In this song, Cynthia displayed that AUVs #3, #12, and #14 were displayed in this song. After analyzing this song, Cythia interpreted that both partners in the relationship were participating in disjunctive behavior. The song describes a woman who is anger at her ex-boyfriend for leaving her and replacing her with another woman. From the lyrics it is obvious that she feels used and abused. She is angry at the man who hurt her and therefore displays her anger using degrading language. It is also obvious from the lyrics that they did not have a very good relationship and that the man also did some things to respect her as well. This song was a good choice to monitor AUVs because the disjunction is very bluntly visible.

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/adams/adams-409b-g24-report1.htm

· My Thoughts on the Portrayal of Gender in the Media

I was delighted to read the five reports above from generation 24. I felt that reading the reports of other students helped me to look at some excellent media sources other than my own to analyze more thoroughly the portrayal of gender in the media. Before taking this class and learning about anti-unity values I was aware that the media can sometimes present an unequal representation of gender roles. However I did not realize how rampant these negative portrayals are. Presently, when I watch movies, television shows, or listen to popular music, I often think about these negative portrayals and am able to identify them more easily. Each student from generation 25 chose one movie source. Amazingly enough, all five of these movie sources depicted the female character as either malevolence or annoying. I believe that these portrayals are a product of a society that advocates stereotypes among the genders.

Stereotypes are ubiquitous in the media. This prevalence of stereotypes in the media just encourages societies, already existing, unequal idea of the genders. In the last few decades the woman’s rights movement has taken major strides to bring equality of gender to our culture. Equal work force, equal pay, and equal opportunities for education are all products of the feminist movement. However, although our view of woman in society has come along ways to bring equality amongst the genders, female and male stereotypes still exist which promote male domination in our culture. A good example of this was displayed in Cythia Adams report.

In society, men who are promiscuous are often given status and respect. Ms. Adams used words like “player and score” to represent the names that promiscuous men are given when they have meaningless sex with many different woman. In order to maintain status, society encourages men to have a high number of sexual partners, regardless of the intimacy factor. However, when a woman is promiscuous, society often portrays her as unwanted and detestable. Derogatory words like “slut and whore” are used to describe woman who are promiscuous or have had many sexual partners. This double-standard reiterates the fact that society still holds uneven views of the sexes. I was impressed to see Cynthia touch on this issue in her report. With media, men are swayed in this sense to pursue meaningless sex, therefore creating obstacles for conjunction in relationships.

In media, I frequently see dominant woman being portrayed as bad. This is another stereotype that society upholds. In relationships, if a male is committed, in love, and dedicated to making his partner happy, he is often considered “whipped.” In society, this is the word that most people use to refer to a man who listens to his partner, puts her before his friends, and loves her unconditionally. Media often portrays “whipped” men as weaklings, portrays dominant men as strong. Therefore society often looks down on strong-willed woman, calling them dominant. This ideal is subliminally advocating male dominance. Media portrayals and society’s views often go hand in hand. They are interconnected, with one constantly influencing the other. Overcoming these stereotypes is an enigma that has yet to be solved.

· Relevance of Gender Portrayals in My Life

Disjunctive gender portrayals are very influential on every individual in society, including me. Media often promotes the dominance model of marriage. I have experienced living with this model first hand. I grew up in a household with parents who are strict fundamentalist Christians. I was taught at a young age that a man is always the head of the household. My mother often displayed submissive characteristics with my father in order to coincide with their religious beliefs. Seeing this same behavior in the media often jilted my view of marriage between a husband and a wife. It also affected my attitudes and actions in my relationships as well. As I got older and began experiencing relationships of my own, I realized that there were other alternatives to the dominance model.

In forming closer relationships with parents now that I am an adult, I realized that I may have misconstrued certain aspects of relationships due to the various influences when I was young. In media, the lines between real love and infatuation often overlap. Extreme romantic gestures are seen as indications of sincerity. In real life, and real relationships, the most extreme romantic gesture of love is the gift of commitment, intimacy, and unconditional dedication. Because sexual attraction is often held in higher regard then commitment in the media, we are often influenced to believe that this is true in real life situations as well.

When a man walks into a room with a beautiful girl on his arm, he is often commended and respected. Beauty is portrayed in media as one of the most important qualities that a woman should have, not intelligence, not charisma, but beauty. These portrayals were very relevant in my life during adolescence. It had a substantial effect on my self-esteem, self-confidence, and attitude. I can only assume this is true for other adolescent females as well. I would often try to mimic the behavior of the many female stars and icons on television. This influence from various types of media was one of the reasons I started to wear make-up in junior high, although my parents didn’t approve. To me, this makes media influence all the more vivid in my life today. After presently analyzing certain aspects of gender portrayals in the media I can now determine that these portrayals have been very influential on my life.

· Effects of Gender Portrayals on Younger Generation