Report
2
The
Unity Model of Marriage
Subtitle
By:
Laura C. Moa

Instructions for this report are found at:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-report2.htm
I am answering
Questions #: 1, 4, 5, 8, and 9
Question #1
The question I am answering is question #1:
(a) Contrast the four views of gender relationships
expressed by Tannen in Gender Issues, Schlessinger in The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands,
Coleman in The Lazy Husband, and James in The Unity Model of
Marriage.
(b) Include a chart or table that shows the differences between
the four books in a systematic way.
(c) Now give your personal opinion on the elements or entries in
your chart.
(d) How do your own views compare to whatŐs in the chart? How
are your ideas influenced by each of these four different perspectives on
marriage?
(e) Show your chart to two or three of your friends. How do they
react to your explanations? What is your conclusion?
|
Book Title & Author |
Views of
Gender Relationship |
Differences
Between Books |
|
ŇThe
Proper Care and Feeding of HusbandsÓ by:
Dr.
Laura Schlessinger One sided perspective |
á
All relationships should operate
in the dominance model. á
Females should be submissive,
males should be dominating. Therefore wives must adapt to husbands every
need. á
It is imperative that women abide
by the rules that are dictated by their traditionally corresponding gender
roles. o
Females should be home-makers o
Must not have careers or outside
jobs, (must be full-time housewife) o
Required to care for the
children, home, all household duties, provide their husband with all his
needs. Be responsible for all other duties given or expected of her by her
husband. á
Males are simple, females are too
complicated, often causing them to expect too much from their husbands and be
self-centered. á
Female prosperity creates selfishness
and hinders marital success and satisfaction. á
Male determinant of marital
satisfaction is sex and submission. á
A woman controls her own level of
happiness, in that, her happiness should never be based on what her husband
can do for her, but what she can do for him, how grateful she is to him, and
how adequately she fulfills his needs. á
Females complain too often and
praise too little. á
Women should be feminine at all
times (i.e. sweet, fit, up-keeping their bodies and looks, while men
masculine. |
á
In comparison to the other books,
the view concerning gender relationships in this book is the most confining. á
Dr. LauraŐs view of female and
male interaction is concurrent with the dominance model which dictates
specific gender roles per sex. á
According to Dr. Laura both
roles, specifically female, must be fulfilled during interaction in the
relationship. á
The other three books do not
confine in this way because they allow some level of leniency in compliance
to gender roles, although this level varies between the three. á
Dr. LauraŐs view is the only view
which prevents both partners from adapting, growing, and learning with the
other. According to her, only the woman must adapt, and learn the otherŐs
preference, but not grow. á
Unlike the other views, Dr. Laura
doesnŐt acknowledge the fact that men and women have an equal amount of
feelings and emotions. She acknowledges that men HAVE them, but that they are
simpler than womenŐs, whereas all three other views acknowledge that the
level of emotion and feeling in men and women is the same, just expressed differently.
á
It is the only view which does
not allow a woman to bargain, work, encourage, or teach to get what she
wants. In essence, she must learn to settle for unhappiness, and in that
settling, she will be happy. á
Dr. LauraŐs view is similar to
Joshua ColemanŐs, in that females expectations and standards are considered
to be too high, whereas in TannenŐs view, they are
said to be considered acceptable differences, and JamesŐ view, they are considered
to be perfectly reasonable. |
|
ŇThe
Lazy HusbandÓ by: Joshua
Coleman |
á
All relationships should operate
in the equity model. á
Relationships based on bargaining
and equal trades. á
Females are automatically more invested
than men. Therefore, they must work to get men to be as invested. á
Males and Females have different
ways of communicating. Men are direct, woman are indirect. á
Females have an innate instinct
to give men more power and idealize them as providers. á
Females are socialized to be
caring, nurturing, sympathetic, gentle, and self sacrificing. This causing
guilt which prevents woman from demanding that their needs be met. á
Men donŐt like to be told what to
do, so woman must justify their actions and get them to understand their
motivations. á
Men have a sense of fair-play á
WomenŐs standards are often too
high. á
The male determinant of marital
satisfaction is sex. á
Female determinant of marital
satisfaction is investment (i.e. communication, affection, housework). á
Males are willing to let females
do everything for them. á
Women engage in inhibiting
behaviors which allow men to be lazy and dominant (gatekeeping,
criticizing, over-involvement). |
á
Joshua ColemanŐs view on gender
relationship and interaction follows that of the equity model. It is similar
to TannenŐs view in this way because both
acknowledge a sense of equality through intellect and justification. á
Like Tannen,
Coleman believes that both men and womenŐs styles of speech and interaction
are equally good but that the difference causes conflict. Therefore, both
encourage justification and understanding, but not necessarily change, as the
unity model does. á
Whereas Dr. LauraŐs view accepts
none of these, but directs the female to five complete allowance and
distance. á
Coleman and Dr. Laura are
similar, that both views require more effort from female to change herself but
Coleman takes it further to expect the female to also change her husband. He designates this
job of changing to the female because she is seen as the one to automatically
invest more. á
Like Coleman, the unity model
acknowledges that women have an innate instinct to invest more in their
relationship but Dr. JamesŐ designates the task of changing to the male
because he is normally more disjunctive in terms of conjoinment
than the female. á
ColemanŐs view is similar to that
of Dr. LauraŐs, in that both believe females engage in generally inhibiting
behaviors to hinder marital success and encourage bad behavior from men. á
Tannen believes both sexes engage in inhibiting behavior due to
differences in conversation style, while the unity model believes the
inhibiting behaviors are expressed mainly by males. |
|
ŇGender and
DiscourseÓ by: Deborah Tannen |
á
Females are more affectionate and
comfortable with close contact. á
Men are less comfortable with
close contact. á
Females have more conjunctive
nonverbal communication skills (eye contact, body posture, etc.), while men
have less conjunctive nonverbal communication skills. á
Females feel more comfortable
with closeness, while men assert space (including proximity or distance). á
Men and woman communicate differently.
What is seen as good communication is often measured by female norms. á
A manŐs verbal interaction is
usually a direct indication of his level mental process, but in a different
way than females. á
Women often use excessive
verbiage to communicate feelings, while men use sarcasm. á
Women are often more insightful
than men when determining their spouseŐs feelings (but not necessarily his
conversational cues). á
Men often use more aggressive
conversational styles than woman, who are often more indirect. á
Men often Ňact out,Ó while woman
often Ňinternalize.Ó á
It is more likely for a man to
avoid conversation that for a female. á
Woman remember topics better and
normally switch topics less often concentrating in depth on one or two in
particular. á
Men donŐt remember topics as
well, switch topics more often, and designate topical cohesion. á
Males and females often have the
same amount of emotion, feeling, or engagement in conversation but show it
differently. |
á
TannenŐs view has similarities to ColemanŐs view and Dr. LauraŐs view because
she accuses women of using excessive verbiage to communicate. She discusses
this appearance in her example from ŇScenes from a Marriage.Ó á
Dr. LauraŐs way of stating this
same concept is explained through her idea that women are too complicated,
while Coleman states this same concept by saying that women disjunctively
criticize, nag, and disrespect. á
The unity model does not acknowledge
this occurrence. On the other hand it promotes what Tannen
calls, Ňexcessive verbiage,Ó and encourages men to learn this style. á
TannenŐs view of gender relations are concurrent with the equity
model, similar to that of Tannen. Both believe
assert that men and women donŐt necessarily need to change their perspective,
ideas, or ways of speak, but only should learn how to successfully
communicate needs, wants, and desires in their different ways. á
The unity model does not agree
with this. Dr. JamesŐ view encourages men to change their styles of speech,
perspective, and ideas to become more conducive to that of the females. á
Tannen and JamesŐ views are similar, in that, both acknowledge the
fact that men have trouble concentrating on one topic. The unity model,
explains that men should learn and make the effort to remember the topics
that his wife discusses. á
Both Tannen
and JamesŐ views acknowledge that a manŐs verbal interaction is a direct
indication of his mental processes, but Dr. James goes further to include
mental intimacy in this subject. |
|
ŇThe Unity Model
of MarriageÓ by: Dr. James Leon
and Dr. Diane Nahl |
á
Males are instinctually dominant
creatures (have a need to attain power over females). á
Females have an instinctual
desire for unity. They are nurturing, loving, and forgiving (have a need to
conjoin with the one they love). á
Males have the need to assert
independence (this is a hindrance to unity). á
Women strive for a connection.
They are naturally more passionate and emotional (especially concerning
communication) than men. á
Men have naturally less conjunctive
styles of communicating (walking away, verbal denigration, manipulation, etc)
then women. á
Females are automatically more
inclined to get to know their significant others at a deep and intimate level
(i.e. humor, likes, dislikes, goals, etc) than men are. á
Males tend to use their group
interactions to disengage emotionally from their spouses, assert
independence, and alienate. á
Women tend to use their group
interactions to fulfill passionate desire for conversation. á
Males often disengage from being
polite, friendly, romantic, or respectful after the wooing phase. á
Females have the same amount of
feelings and emotions as males do. á
Women are Ňmore aware of their
own feelings and motivations than men.Ó á
Females are more motivated to
take the time to learn of their own, as well as significant others, feelings
and motivation than men are. |
á
Dr. JamesŐ view of gender
relationship, interaction, and role, adheres to the specific models designated
by the unity model. á
Dr. JamesŐ view is most unlike
other three, in that, it encourages the most amounts of change, growth, and
unity instead of acceptance of differences. |