Report 2

The Unity Model of Marriage

Subtitle

By: Laura C. Moa

 

 

Instructions for this report are found at:

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-report2.htm   

I am answering Questions #: 1, 4, 5, 8, and 9

 

 

Question #1

The question I am answering is question #1:

 

(a) Contrast the four views of gender relationships expressed by Tannen in Gender Issues, Schlessinger in The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Coleman in The Lazy Husband, and James in The Unity Model of Marriage.

 

(b) Include a chart or table that shows the differences between the four books in a systematic way.

 

(c) Now give your personal opinion on the elements or entries in your chart.

 

(d) How do your own views compare to whatŐs in the chart? How are your ideas influenced by each of these four different perspectives on marriage?

 

(e) Show your chart to two or three of your friends. How do they react to your explanations? What is your conclusion?

 

Book Title & Author

Views of Gender Relationship

Differences Between Books

 

 

 

ŇThe Proper Care and Feeding of HusbandsÓ

by:

Dr. Laura Schlessinger

 

 

 

One sided perspective

 

á          All relationships should operate in the dominance model.

á          Females should be submissive, males should be dominating. Therefore wives must adapt to husbands every need.

á          It is imperative that women abide by the rules that are dictated by their traditionally corresponding gender roles.

o         Females should be home-makers

o         Must not have careers or outside jobs, (must be full-time housewife)

o         Required to care for the children, home, all household duties, provide their husband with all his needs. Be responsible for all other duties given or expected of her by her husband.

 

á          Males are simple, females are too complicated, often causing them to expect too much from their husbands and be self-centered.

á          Female prosperity creates selfishness and hinders marital success and satisfaction.

á          Male determinant of marital satisfaction is sex and submission.

á          A woman controls her own level of happiness, in that, her happiness should never be based on what her husband can do for her, but what she can do for him, how grateful she is to him, and how adequately she fulfills his needs.

á          Females complain too often and praise too little.

á          Women should be feminine at all times (i.e. sweet, fit, up-keeping their bodies and looks, while men masculine.

 

 

á          In comparison to the other books, the view concerning gender relationships in this book is the most confining.

á          Dr. LauraŐs view of female and male interaction is concurrent with the dominance model which dictates specific gender roles per sex.

á          According to Dr. Laura both roles, specifically female, must be fulfilled during interaction in the relationship.

á          The other three books do not confine in this way because they allow some level of leniency in compliance to gender roles, although this level varies between the three.

á          Dr. LauraŐs view is the only view which prevents both partners from adapting, growing, and learning with the other. According to her, only the woman must adapt, and learn the otherŐs preference, but not grow.

 

á          Unlike the other views, Dr. Laura doesnŐt acknowledge the fact that men and women have an equal amount of feelings and emotions. She acknowledges that men HAVE them, but that they are simpler than womenŐs, whereas all three other views acknowledge that the level of emotion and feeling in men and women is the same, just expressed differently.  

á          It is the only view which does not allow a woman to bargain, work, encourage, or teach to get what she wants. In essence, she must learn to settle for unhappiness, and in that settling, she will be happy.

á          Dr. LauraŐs view is similar to Joshua ColemanŐs, in that females expectations and standards are considered to be too high, whereas in TannenŐs view, they are said to be considered acceptable differences, and JamesŐ view, they are considered to be perfectly reasonable.

 

 

 

 

 

ŇThe Lazy HusbandÓ

by:

Joshua Coleman

 

á          All relationships should operate in the equity model.

á          Relationships based on bargaining and equal trades.

á          Females are automatically more invested than men. Therefore, they must work to get men to be as invested.

á          Males and Females have different ways of communicating. Men are direct, woman are indirect.

á          Females have an innate instinct to give men more power and idealize them as providers.

á          Females are socialized to be caring, nurturing, sympathetic, gentle, and self sacrificing. This causing guilt which prevents woman from demanding that their needs be met.

 

á          Men donŐt like to be told what to do, so woman must justify their actions and get them to understand their motivations.

á          Men have a sense of fair-play

á          WomenŐs standards are often too high.

á          The male determinant of marital satisfaction is sex.

á          Female determinant of marital satisfaction is investment (i.e. communication, affection, housework).

á          Males are willing to let females do everything for them.

á          Women engage in inhibiting behaviors which allow men to be lazy and dominant (gatekeeping, criticizing, over-involvement).

 

 

á          Joshua ColemanŐs view on gender relationship and interaction follows that of the equity model. It is similar to TannenŐs view in this way because both acknowledge a sense of equality through intellect and justification.

á          Like Tannen, Coleman believes that both men and womenŐs styles of speech and interaction are equally good but that the difference causes conflict. Therefore, both encourage justification and understanding, but not necessarily change, as the unity model does.

á          Whereas Dr. LauraŐs view accepts none of these, but directs the female to five complete allowance and distance.

 

á          Coleman and Dr. Laura are similar, that both views require more effort from female to change herself but Coleman takes it further to expect the female to also  change her husband. He designates this job of changing to the female because she is seen as the one to automatically invest more.

á          Like Coleman, the unity model acknowledges that women have an innate instinct to invest more in their relationship but Dr. JamesŐ designates the task of changing to the male because he is normally more disjunctive in terms of conjoinment than the female.

á          ColemanŐs view is similar to that of Dr. LauraŐs, in that both believe females engage in generally inhibiting behaviors to hinder marital success and encourage bad behavior from men.

á          Tannen believes both sexes engage in inhibiting behavior due to differences in conversation style, while the unity model believes the inhibiting behaviors are expressed mainly by males.

 

 

 

 

ŇGender and DiscourseÓ

by:

Deborah Tannen

 

á          Females are more affectionate and comfortable with close contact.

á          Men are less comfortable with close contact.

á          Females have more conjunctive nonverbal communication skills (eye contact, body posture, etc.), while men have less conjunctive nonverbal communication skills.

á          Females feel more comfortable with closeness, while men assert space (including proximity or distance).

á           Men and woman communicate differently. What is seen as good communication is often measured by female norms.

á          A manŐs verbal interaction is usually a direct indication of his level mental process, but in a different way than females.

á          Women often use excessive verbiage to communicate feelings, while men use sarcasm.

 

á          Women are often more insightful than men when determining their spouseŐs feelings (but not necessarily his conversational cues).

á          Men often use more aggressive conversational styles than woman, who are often more indirect.

á          Men often Ňact out,Ó while woman often Ňinternalize.Ó

á          It is more likely for a man to avoid conversation that for a female.

á          Woman remember topics better and normally switch topics less often concentrating in depth on one or two in particular.

á          Men donŐt remember topics as well, switch topics more often, and designate topical cohesion.

á          Males and females often have the same amount of emotion, feeling, or engagement in conversation but show it differently.

 

 

á          TannenŐs view has similarities to ColemanŐs view and Dr. LauraŐs view because she accuses women of using excessive verbiage to communicate. She discusses this appearance in her example from ŇScenes from a Marriage.Ó

á          Dr. LauraŐs way of stating this same concept is explained through her idea that women are too complicated, while Coleman states this same concept by saying that women disjunctively criticize, nag, and disrespect.

á          The unity model does not acknowledge this occurrence. On the other hand it promotes what Tannen calls, Ňexcessive verbiage,Ó and encourages men to learn this style.

 

á          TannenŐs view of gender relations are concurrent with the equity model, similar to that of Tannen. Both believe assert that men and women donŐt necessarily need to change their perspective, ideas, or ways of speak, but only should learn how to successfully communicate needs, wants, and desires in their different ways.

á          The unity model does not agree with this. Dr. JamesŐ view encourages men to change their styles of speech, perspective, and ideas to become more conducive to that of the females.

á          Tannen and JamesŐ views are similar, in that, both acknowledge the fact that men have trouble concentrating on one topic. The unity model, explains that men should learn and make the effort to remember the topics that his wife discusses.

á          Both Tannen and JamesŐ views acknowledge that a manŐs verbal interaction is a direct indication of his mental processes, but Dr. James goes further to include mental intimacy in this subject.

 

 

ŇThe Unity Model of MarriageÓ

by:

Dr. James Leon and Dr. Diane Nahl

 

 

á          Males are instinctually dominant creatures (have a need to attain power over females).

á          Females have an instinctual desire for unity. They are nurturing, loving, and forgiving (have a need to conjoin with the one they love).

á          Males have the need to assert independence (this is a hindrance to unity). 

á          Women strive for a connection. They are naturally more passionate and emotional (especially concerning communication) than men.

á          Men have naturally less conjunctive styles of communicating (walking away, verbal denigration, manipulation, etc) then women.

á          Females are automatically more inclined to get to know their significant others at a deep and intimate level (i.e. humor, likes, dislikes, goals, etc) than men are.

 

á          Males tend to use their group interactions to disengage emotionally from their spouses, assert independence, and alienate.

á          Women tend to use their group interactions to fulfill passionate desire for conversation.

á          Males often disengage from being polite, friendly, romantic, or respectful after the wooing phase.

á          Females have the same amount of feelings and emotions as males do.

á          Women are Ňmore aware of their own feelings and motivations than men.Ó

á          Females are more motivated to take the time to learn of their own, as well as significant others, feelings and motivation than men are.

 

 

á          Dr. JamesŐ view of gender relationship, interaction, and role, adheres to the specific models designated by the unity model.

á          Dr. JamesŐ view is most unlike other three, in that, it encourages the most amounts of change, growth, and unity instead of acceptance of differences.