Psychology 409b-Tuesday September 12, 2006

The Self-Centered Woman

Introduction & Chapters 1-2

 By: Laura C. Moa

Instructions for this activity are found at:

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/g25-oral1.htm

Instructor: Dr. Leon James

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (2004). The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. (New York, N.Y.: Harper Collins Publishing, Inc.). Reviewing pages xiii to 35.

I. “A good man is hard to find, not to keep”

A. Dr. Laura is committed to the idea that women make bad choices concerning lifestyle, mate choice, sex, marriage, fidelity, commitment, and attitudes, all for the pursuit of a love.

1. Current ideas about love are only figments of the imaginations, which have been constructed by a society with rising feminist views.

2. Success has created independence in woman leading to selfishness.

3. Women have become insensitive to men’s feelings and oblivious to what men need, deserve, and want because they are self-involved with their own goals. This allows attitudes of dominating negativity to flourish in marriages.

4. This self-involvement is the reason for ruined marriages. The current view of love as happiness is the reason women can’t keep good men.

II. Maintaining a good home

A. In order to create of good home atmosphere for your children, Dr. Laura believes certain obligations are required of a woman.

1. To create a healthy and loving atmosphere for a child requires that one has a healthy marriage.

2. To obtain a healthy marriage one ought to engage in things like cooking, cleaning, and giving sex to husbands whether or not one enjoys these actions or feels agreeable.

3. Fulfilling our specific gender roles is the only way to create a nurturing home.

III. Men are simple

A. All men crave acceptance and approval from women. Men will be agreeable as long as you fulfill their basic needs.

1. These needs include; sex, respect, being fed, and direct communication.

2. Wives shouldn’t demand their husbands to change because it makes them feel unappreciated. It is imperative that men feel appreciated for everything they do. Constant praise, plus a good attitude, is necessary to feed their ego.

3. Men are not moody like women. Moods occur only when one is hungry or tired. Nothing they say in either of these circumstances should be taken with offense.

4. Support is key. Men’s dreams are to be respected even if they are not logical or are not the same as their wife’s.

IV. White Rabbit Syndrome

A. Your husband should be your number one priority otherwise marriage vows mean nothing.

1. No matter how busy daily schedules are one should always make time for her man.

2. The feminist movement encourages women to strive for success and accomplish goals and dreams (i.e. careers, hobbies). This makes women “want it all” causing extra stress in marriage.

3. Too many things to do can lead to clutter in life. The more you spend doing other activities, the less quality time you are able to give to your husband to fulfill his needs

Relates Links:

1). Back to the Kitchen, Circa 1950, with Caitlin Flanagan.

This article is a comment by Hillary Frey on the work of writer Caitlin Flanagan, who is considered to be anti-feminist. Her views concerning feminism are similar to that of Dr. Laura Schlessinger. She believes that the women’s movement, as well as new-age feminist theories, have been damaging to society, homes, and marriages. Flannigan asserts that quality care of children is lacking in a working mother’s home. She wrote a piece in The Atlantic explaining that, while many upper-middle class women strive for successful careers, their children are paying the penalty of their mothers busy schedules and are, therefore, being raised by nanny’s. Flannigan writes that less time at home ruins relationships between men and women. She also gives a personal anecdotal account of how she regretted her mother abandoning her duties as a housewife to go to work.

http://www.msmagazine.com/winter2004/backtothekitchen.asp

2.) Portrait of a happy marriage

Ellen Goodman, a writer from the Boston Globe, comments on a study done by sociologists, Bradford Wilcox and Steven Nock about happiness in marriage. Wilcox determines in his study that wives who expect more from their husbands are less happy in their marriages. Progressive women of today who work outside of the home expect their husbands to equally share household duties and provide them with more of an emotional connection. Due to these high expectations, these women are less likely to feel fulfilled then traditional wife who has lower expectations. Goodman comments on the conclusions of Wilcox and Nocks, who determined that fulfillment in marriage comes from expecting less. There views are similar to Dr. Laura’s as well. Both of these websites concern the same issue, and I presume both refer to the same study.

http://www.happiestwives.org/goodman.htm

http://www.slate.com/id/2137537/

3.) Men are not just simple creatures

This article challenges Dr. Laura’s teachings that men are simple creatures. In the last paragraph of this piece, the writer establishes that men have just as many feelings as women. Men often have deep emotions, however, they often express them differently or have trouble expressing them at all. Society has played a role in conditioning men to believe expressing their emotions is not manly or excepted. Instead of reinforcing those behaviors by expecting less from our husbands, as Dr. Laura presumes, we should encourage them to communicate and express those emotions to us. http://www.californiapsychics.com/articles/Love/631/What_Men_Can_Learn_from_Women.aspx

My Home Page: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/moa/moa-home.htm

Class Home Page:http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/classhome-g25.htm