Report 1
My Field
Observations of Disjunctive vs. Conjunctive
Discourse and
Behavior in Couples
By: Makalapua Monteilh
Instructions for this report are at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-report1.htm
G25 Lecture Notes on the Unite Model
of Marriage:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-lecture-notes.htm
Section A: AUV’s
in the Media
1.
Living
together unmarried
2.
Having
children out of wedlock
3.
Making each
other jealous on purpose
4.
Adultery for
various reasons
5.
Promiscuity
and bi-sexuality
6.
Sexy dressing
for men other than one's partner
7.
Having a same
sex best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for
certain things
8.
Having a
heterosexual best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition
for certain things
9.
Same sex
friends going out as a group for fun and entertainment without their partners
10. Flirting with other gender as
retaliation against one's partner (or other reason)
11. Separate interests and activities
accepted for partners
12. Manipulating partner through
deception
13. Accepting the idea that it's OK to
"agree to disagree" about some things
14. Promoting the idea that one should
not try to change one's partner but should accept them with their faults, etc.
15. Girls only or boys
only entertainment
16. Acceptance of the idea that men
are more important
17. Promoting the idea that men are
more rational than women
18. Promoting the idea that women are
generally frivolous as part of their gender
19. Making it look normal for a man to
exploit women
20. Making it look normal for a man to
abuse women
21. Making it look normal for a man to
have prerogatives or perks that women should accept and honor (e.g., serving
men, doing what they want no matter
What, being dominant,
etc)
22. Making it
look like what women say and think as less important
23. Accepting the idea that a man does
not need to "grovel" when he apologizes for something bad he did to
her (the minimum is enough and she should not ask for more even if
her feelings are still hurt or else she is being "unreasonable" etc.)
This table is from:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-lecture-notes.htm#Table%209
AUV’s in Relation to the Unity Model of Marriage
In the Unity Model of Marriage, a
couples’ ultimate goal is to be conjoined at the unity level of the
affective self. In order for this
to happen, the three-fold self must first conjoin at the dominance level. For there to be more progression, the
couple must abandon the dominance model, which society has come to accept,
allowing men to dominate women, and move up to the equity model. In this model, the husband no longer has
the last word. The couple must now
consult each other and resolve differences with a consensus with which they
both can live comfortably. This
model still has disagreements and even the agreements aren’t fully
suitable to the woman. The woman
yearns for her and her husband’s affective self to be conjoined at the
unity level. In order for this to
happen, the couple’s three-fold self must now conjoin at the equity level
and following that, they must again abandon that model and move on up to the
unity model. In the unity model, a
man must give up his independent self for the new self called the conjoint
self. He must allow his
wife’s inner wisdom to lead his outward intelligence. The woman desires to be first in her husband’s
mind not because she’s selfish and thinking of herself, rather,
she’s thinking of the conjoint self and wants it to be true and in
perfect unity for all eternity.
Anti unity values go against the unity
model of marriage. They consist of
beliefs, attitudes, actions, desires that hinder a couple from attaining unity
in a marriage. Anti unity values
are evident in everyday life. It
may not seem to be a big issue, but when unity in a marriage is a goal, these
are values that both partners should try to avoid. Should a partner engage in these values,
it is imperative that the issue be addressed in order to rectify the problem
and get back on the path to eternal marriage. I believe these negative values may hurt
a relationship and a couple must attempt to take necessary steps to eliminate
such negativity in their relationship.
I went through the list of AUV’s and picked out one’s I’ve either
experienced in a relationship or observed in relationships. Anti-unity value #1, living together
unmarried, seems to be common in young adults these days. I see it all around in many
relationships, including relationships in my own family. I’ve noticed that many of them
engage in hostile arguments when problems arrive. I’m not sure why that is but it’s
just something I’ve noticed.
One that I’ve engaged in personally is AUV #9, same sex friends
going out as a group for fun and entertainment without their partners. I never found this to be a problem. It’s something that I’ve
done for a while and I personally didn’t think too much of it. I guess I didn’t think it was such
a big deal, although there were arguments that arouse because of it, I thought
he was over-reacting.
Same sex friends having a good time but where are their partners?
Another example that is so common in
the media, especially in soap opera’s that I watch is, AUV #3, making
each other jealous on purpose. The
media seems to play with this anti unity value to get things exciting and
“dramaful.” They’ll have a scene where lovers whom
just finished fighting decide to go out separately. Coincidently, they run into each other
at a party and that’s where the flirting begins. The girlfriend will see him at the
corner of her eye and start dancing with another guy, knowing he doesn’t
approve of it. Then the boyfriend
does the same thing for retaliation, and the cycle continues. This type of behavior often occurs with
many young kids now days. Not only
have I witnessed it, but I hear my nieces and nephews talk about what goes on
in school. I believe the media has
an influence on how we perceive relationships and I also believe that it gives
ideas as to how one can deal with the problems they have, although it may
ultimately hurt the relationship.
The media portrays this “hellish” behavior and condones it
rather than portraying “heavenly” behavior and encouraging this
type of involvement between two people in a relationship.
Section B: Findings of a Prior Generation
Carly Kanemura’s Report http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/kanemaru/kanemaru-home.htm
Carly used two different songs and one movie to portray
the anti-unity values in the media.
One song of choice was “Big Pimpin’”
by Jay-Z, which the title alone is an AUV.
The other song was Secret Lovers by Atlantic Starr. She explained that both songs are played
frequently, one at doctors’ offices, grocery stores, banks, etc. more
laid back places, while the other is played at clubs, and frequently on radio
stations. Many people hear the
songs, but do they pay attention to the lyrics? The movie she chose to talk
about was Unfaithful which depicts an adulteress wife who cheats on her hard
working husband.
In the song Big Pimpin,
the artist talks about how women are easy to exploit and how they (men) enjoy
taking advantage of them. It gives
a negative illustration of males who promote promiscuous activity amongst each
other. It degrades women and
expresses how they (men) manipulate them (women), demanding them to do whatever
pleases them. Never once in the
song do they refer to these females as their girlfriends or wives. Instead the women are referred to as
“hoes” or “bitches.” This type of negativity will only put a
rift between two people. Carly explains that the anti-unity values that are in this
song will prevent one from uniting in a marriage. If one behaves in such a manner, accepting
anti-unity values in their relationship, it will delay the conjunction of the
three fold self at the unity level.
The second song that she chose to
talk about was Secret Lovers. In
this song, it states that it’s okay to cheat as long as the other person
doesn’t find out. It’s
a song about adultery and choosing another over your own spouse/ mate. Carly explains
that this popular song would prevent a complete unification between the couple
because if the other spouse/ mate found out, they’d feel betrayed, hurt
and emotionally drained which would negatively affect their relationship. It would divide the couple making it
hard to trust each other and even harder to participate in the conjoint self. They would be experiencing their
independent selves which must be abandoned in order to be conjoined at the
unity level.
This was the first time I actually
read the explicit lyrics to Big Pimpin’ and I
never knew such vulgar and disrespectful language was used to degrade
women. Although Secret Lovers is from
a different genre, and it doesn’t seem like such an indelicate song (the
tune at least), the lyrics totally contradict my feelings toward this
songs. I enjoy the soft, soothing
tune it has, but the lyrics tells a different story, accepting cheaters just because they
claim they’re in love!! This
seems to be acceptable in society and the media plays an enormous part on
this. The media portrays it as cool
to call women names and to control them and to demand them to do things that
please males. It accepts cheating
and being cheated on. Since we
(society) sanction this kind of music, the media will continue to play it, and
the artist will continue to make a profit.
We’ve taken part in advertising the anti-unity values that will
negatively impact a relationship and delay its progression to unity.
The movie that Carly
used to portray more anti-unity values was Unfaithful. In this movie a house wife is
unsatisfied with her marriage and engages in a marital affair with a younger
attractive male who gives her the love and attentions she so desperately
wants. She has lingerie which she
uses when she’s with this other man.
There are many anti-unity values in this movie that the woman engages
in. Firstly, she’s committing
adultery, sneaking behind her husbands back and cheating with another man. Second, she dresses sexy for another man
besides her husband and lastly, she engages in sexual acts with another man.
I found this movie to be extremely
interesting because the roles are reversed. It’s seems more common that males
are the one’s pursuing women to engage in sexual acts with them. This movie seems to portray the
opposite, a woman being the aggressor.
Carly nicely explained that we are surrounded
by anti-unity values, whether it be in movies, songs,
or real life. These values are
everywhere and many times we are unaware of it. I’ve made the mistake of
overlooking these values and not thinking much of it or not trying to eliminate
them from my relationship. I
enjoyed reading this report and I understood the way she explained the
anti-unity values and the way they affect unity.
Skip Saito’s Report http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/saito/saito-home.htm
Skip used the songs Confessions by
Usher and Jealousy Woes II by Eminem. The movie he chose to talk about was Mr.
& Mrs. Smith starring Angelina Jolie (Jane) and
Brad Pitt (John). He dissected both
songs and the movie and shared the anti-unity values that are embedded in
all.
Confessions talks about a male who
committed anti-unity values. First
there’s manipulating a partner through deception when he cheats and
impregnates another woman. Then
there’s the fact that he’s having another woman’s child out
of wedlock due to cheating.
He’s confessing these secrets to his mate and hoping for her
forgiveness so they can go on together.
When I first heard this song I couldn’t believe that he cheated,
got someone else pregnant, thinks he can apologize, and it’ll make
everything better….WRONG!!
When people display such unacceptable behavior, they’re being selfish
and only thinking of their independent self. They aren’t trying to progress to
the unity model when they think of their independent self. They need to let go of that independent
self and grasp the understanding of the conjoint self which will allow them to
progress to the unity level and ultimately experience eternal marriage.
I’ve never heard the song
Jealousy Woes II and this was the first time I came in contact with the lyrics
to that song. The song has multiple
anti-unity values from adultery, to flirting with the other gender in
retaliation. The female in the song
fools around on the male and doesn’t really pay much attention to
him. He on the other hands
complains about how he buys her nice things and she just throws it away. She’s preoccupied with other
things that are on her mind, her secret affair. When the male starts making more money,
he claims she’s trying to get back with him because his wallet is thick,
meaning he has more money.
It’s a form on manipulation through deception. I’ve noticed many females deceive
their partners and then hope things will work out when the mate has money. It’s all too familiar. This type of behavior is encouraged on
many television shows and movies.
The movie that Skip chose to discuss
was Mr. & Mrs. Smith. This
movie involves a couple living separate, secret “hit man” lives
trying to kill each other. At
first, they’re both unaware that they’re each others target, but by
the end of the movie, it’s pretty evident. The first anti-unity value that Skip
explains is that they’re manipulating the partner through deception
because they’re living secret lives.
In the movie, John (Brad Pitt) becomes upset with Jane (Angelina Jolie) because she went out and bought curtains with out
consulting him first. Apparently,
they had an agreement which was for them to consult with each other before
buying the curtains. Here the
couple is in the equity model because they must both agree on the type of
curtain, although that’s not what happened, Jane put the curtains she
wanted up.
Skip ends his report with the fact
that he finds the model interesting, but he doesn’t fully agree with this
“one sided” model that allows the female to determine where the
couple stands in a relationship. I
believe he had a good understanding of the unity model and the necessary steps
that must be taken in order to attain conjunction at the unity level and enjoy
eternal marriage in the afterlife.
The two songs that were used portrayed many anti-unity values that
constantly haunt a relationship. He
seems to understand that anti-unity values surround couples although he
doesn’t necessarily believe that people have to change. He thinks that some people need
disagreements in their relationships for it to be strong.
Lauren Buchner’s Report http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/buchner/buchner-home.htm
Lauren Buchner
used two songs, Faithful by Common Be and Ms. Fat Booty by Mos
Def,that portray anti-unity
values in lyrics and The Story of US to examine anti-unity values in
movies. Both songs and movie are
new to me, so it was interesting reading her report being that there was novel
material used. Since I never heard
the songs before, I’m curious to know the tune to the songs to decide
whether or not I would actually listen to it. I’ve listened to many songs that
have inappropriate lyrics, pertaining to relationships and women, because I
like the tune and beat of the song.
I often am lectured due to my choice of music that degrade
women and portray relationships as frivolous commitments.
The Story of US was a movie about a
couple Ben (Bruce Willis) and Katie (Michele Pfeifer) married for 15 years who
hid their problems from their two adolescent children. When they were in the presence of the
children, they learned to keep smiles on their faces and have civil
conversations amongst each other.
They’d participate in family activities to deceive the children
and have them believe that everything between them is fine. When the children weren’t around,
the happy faces turned to angry faces and the couple engaged in hostile
arguments, usually due to the unacceptable comments that Ben made to Katie.
There was a specific scene when Ben
and his male friends were having lunch together and the topic of cheating came
up. His friend admitted to engaging
in online sex with another woman while his wife was sleeping in the room
upstairs. (Making it look normal for a man to exploit
women) Since he doesn’t
believe it constitutes cheating, due to the fact that no physical contact is
involved, he continues that inappropriate behavior. Lauren points out that
Ben is stuck in the dominance model because he allows the feelings of
his friends to dominate his own, which in turn negatively affects his
relationship. Another anti-unity
value that is evident in the movie is making it look normal for a man to abuse
women. In the movie, it’s not
physical abuse that Katie receives but rather mental and emotional abuse. Ben constantly degrades her, leaving her
feeling mentally and emotionally drained and ultimately unworthy.
In the song Faithful, Common Be is
wondering if God was a woman, would he treat God the way he treats women
now. Would he cheat on God
and think about his ex girlfriend. The
lyrics promote the idea that the way women are treated and portrayed in society
as well as the media isn’t how God intended it to be. As the lyrics continue, Common Be starts
sharing the fact that he “mighta got a little head but it wasn’t really cheatin’.
Here he brings to light the dominance model, allowing men to do as they
please while their partners are at home waiting for them. If “gettin’
a little head doesn’t constitute cheating….what does? The
anti-unity value = Adultery!!! Adultery!!! Which definitely
defines CHEATING!!!
The second song that Lauren chose was
Ms. Fat Booty which explains how men view women with fat booties. In the song, the woman’s booty is
what caught the males eyes and because he has the
money to wine and dine her, she’ll be “all up on him.” This is typical in music videos and
movies where they degrade women, portraying them as sex objects and the males
are able to get with them because they have money. They promote anti-unity value #18,
promoting the idea that women are generally frivolous as a part of their nature.
Women accept this portrayal of them when they continue to watch and
listen to music that expunges their gender and in the end, themselves.
I really had to read the lyrics of
the songs a couple of times since it was the first time I came into contact
with both songs. Both songs and the
movie had many anti-unity values and Lauren did a good job at dissecting it and
explaining them thoroughly. She
concluded that the media and society have shaped out outlook of marriage and
gender relationships. Women are
brainwashed to believe that it is okay for men to mistreat, degrade and
dominate them. I believe that as
long as this type of behavior continues, eternal marriage will only be a dream
for those easily influenced by the media and society.
Adriel Stipek http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/stipek/stipek-home.htm
Adriel Stipek chose tow songs
“My Way of the Highway” by Limp Bizkit
which basically talks about how things were and things are now going to
be. If things don’t go his
way, then the girl can hit the road if she doesn’t agree with his ways. The second song Adriel
chose to talk about is “Never is a Promise” by Fiona Apple which
was a little tough to understand because Fiona Apple uses a lot of metaphors to
explain her feelings. The movie she
chose to talk about was “
The song My Way or the Highway is
about someone who is stuck in the dominance model. If you oppose doing things his way, then
the mate must go is what the song is all about. In the past, he felt controlled by his girlfriend
and is fed up with it. So now
things are reversed. He’s
done with allowing another to control him and demand that he does what she
wants, it’s now what he wants.
There are many anti-unity values rooted in this song, but the one that
caught my attention is promoting the idea that women are generally frivolous as
a part of their gender. It’s
like he’s saying that what women say doesn’t really matter so they
can be dismissed if they disagree.
An attitude like this will never help in attaining conjunction at the
unity level. He’s hanging on
to his independent self and not practicing reciprocity within the relationship.
The second song that Adriel chose to dissect was Never is a Promise, Fiona Apple
expresses how unhappy she is in her relationship. She continues to stay in this
relationship that isn’t fulfilling her mentally and emotionally because
she feels he won’t change and doesn’t think she deserves any
better. Adriel
believes that it will have a profound affect on women because the woman in the
song just gives up and doesn’t feel she’s worth anything and
believes that she should just accept what she has even if it unfulfilling. Since there’s no type of
communication between the couple it will delay the conjunction of the selves
because first of all, he’s refusing to understand her emotions and
motivations which is imperative for the affective self
to conjoin.
In the movie
After reviewing both songs and the
movie that Adriel chose to analyze, I believe she had
a good understanding of the anti-unity values and how they harm a
relationship. These
“values” prevent a couple from experiencing mental intimacy which
is necessary to be conjoined affectively.
Anti-unity values are so common in many lyrics, songs, television shows,
movies, etc. that we (society) have come to accept and live with it in our
relationships. It’s something
that is harmful to a relationship if couples continue to believe that
it’s just part of life.
Cynthia Adams http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/adams/adams-home.htm
The method Cynthia used to describe
the different anti-unity values was two songs one by U2 called “When Love
Comes to Town” and the second one by Alanis Morisette titled “You Outta
Know.” The last method she
used was the movie “It Could Happen to You.” This movie is about a waitress who was
promised half of a lottery winning from a man, who didn’t have enough
money to leave tip. He made this
promise without his wife Muriel knowing.
The song When Love Comes to Town is
about a male who’s involved with a woman whom he doesn’t plan to
commit too. Cynthia explains that
the male tells the woman what she wants to hear in order for her to have sex
with him and after he gets what he wants, he runs out on her. In other words, he manipulated her
through deception, leading her to believe that a relationship can evolve and
then digging out. I believe
it’s something that’s way too common in society today especially
with males, they say what they think females want to hear then ditch after
their “fun night” together.
This is an anti-unity value that one must stay away from if trying to
conjoin with their partner.
You Outta
Know is a song about how a man is having a secret
relationship with another woman.
One line says….does she know
how you told me you’d hold me until you die…till you die….but
you’re still alive.
Obviously the man’s partner doesn’t know he’s seeing
another woman behind her back.
He’s committing adultery, but I believe both the male and female
in this song should both be held accountable for their actions because she
knows that he’s with someone else and continues to facilitate his
behavior. I often see this type of
behavior both in the media and in society.
We’ve become desensitized to this so now days it doesn’t
seem like such a big deal.
The movie It Could Happen to You is
about a man who gave half of his earnings from a lottery winning to a
waitress. While he (Charlie) was
dinning in, he didn’t have enough money to leave her (Yvonne) a tip so he
promises her half of his winnings.
Never once does he consult his wife (Muriel) about the deal he made with
this stranger and when he does win it, he gives her half and is forced to tell
Muriel about it. Charlie ends up
spending more time with Yvonne than he does with his own wife. AUV #8 explains this interaction
thoroughly, having a heterosexual best friend who is placed ahead of the
partner on in competition for certain things. I don’t believe a wife should have
to feel as if she’s competing with someone else for the attention of her
husband.
After reviewing Cynthia’s
report, I believe she did a nice job at explaining the anti-unity values that
are rooted in both songs and the movie.
I enjoyed reading her report because she used two songs and movie that
I’ve never seen or heard. She
had a good understanding of how a couple in a relationship should interact
together and she believes that we should teach our children about the correct
interaction between couples. I know
that in order to promote a different mindset, we must start with the younger
generation.
Thoughts on Portrayal of Gender
I haven’t really thought about
the way the media degrades women before doing this report. I’ve definitely seen it on movies,
shows, sit-coms, etc. but I didn’t really ponder the idea that it could
really influence females as well as males in society. Men use the media to create an ideal
woman, one that doesn’t nag, will give him sex, has a hot body, and one that’s definitely subordinate so he can
continue to live in the dominant model.
I live with 6 males (my brothers) and I often hear them say
“whoa…look at that chick….she’s HOTT!!” My
reaction to that is, yeah she may be hot but is that all you look for? How
about looking for someone who’s intelligent, has humility, and cares for
you, not because you’re on the football team or because you have money,
but because she loves you for you.
I know that if my brothers took this
class, it would open their minds, but I don’t see them changing,
especially since the unity model revolves around what the wife is striving for,
conjunction of the affective self at the unity level. They are ALL stuck in the dominance
model and need understanding in order to move up to the unity model. I know it has helped me identify
anti-unity values, so called
“values” that I didn’t realize will only hurt one’s
relationship and delay the progression through the different levels in order to
attain eternal marriage and enjoy life after death.
Effects on Young Girls and Boys
Some of the portrayals may lead
younger boys and girls to believe that they must act, think, or dress a certain
way to fit in. There are many shows
that promote a certain behavior for how boys and girls should act. They provide ideas for the younger
generation to be like Paris Hilton or like LiL’
Bow-Wow by dressing nice or being promiscuous to get the attention they want,
since most of them aren’t fortunate enough to have what the below
celebrities have. I know younger
children look up to them and want to be just like them to feel accepted in
society today. I’m in awe
when I see what kids now days will do to fit in. I guess it’s because my parents
never allowed me to act in such a manner when I was younger, I mean I had to be
covered up from head to toe before I left the house.
Confirmation
Media’s Effect on Girls: Body Image and Gender
Identity
In a survey on 9-10 year old girls
40% of them have tried to lose weight.
The media (television, movies, magazines) have
held up a thinner body image of the ideal woman and girls watching television
or looking at magazines compare themselves with these ideal women. A study done
in 1996 found that the amount of time a teen watches movies, soap operas,
televisions, the more dissatisfied they are with their body’s, wanting to
be thinner. They went on to explain
that girls have a wider range of role models and how they look is more important
than what they do. I know that body
image, especially to girls, is an important aspect of their lives but how I
look is just as important to me as what I do. I know there are individual differences
and not all girls are the same.
These studies validated my point that the media has such a great impact
on teens.
http://www.mediafamily.org/facts/facts_mediaeffect.shtml
Television’s Impact on Self-image
This article talked about how the
combined effects of television, within the past 20 years, have contributed to
the negative changes in adolescent behavior. There has been a striking increase in
anorexia, bulimia, depression and self mutilation over the past decade and the
media has played a significant
role in this. Over one third of
girls form grades 5-8 have reported participating in diets within the last
year. Many girls who are exposed to
fashion magazines, that portray ideal models with thin bodies, are more
discontent with their own body. I
found this article interesting because I didn’t know how big an impact
the media had on adolescents. I often
look at models and actresses’ and wonder what they do to maintain their
slim and slender body and what I can do to obtain a body like theirs.
http://www.changingchannels.org/effects3.htm
Body Image Worries Hit Men Too
Past research has focused mainly on
women and their obsession with their body image, but men can also suffer from
body image problems too. It’s
not necessarily the weight or the size of the males, but their body odor, hair
and sweat that they are preoccupied with.
Research suggests that the more media the males “consume”
the more dissatisfied they are with their self image. Researchers also found that these
negative feelings impacted their sexual beings causing them to be more
aggressive and engage in more risky sexual behaviors. This article gives us insight on what
men deal with when it comes to the media and the way they perceive their self. It helps us understand that this is a
problem commonly experienced by both men and women and can help us prevent such
problems from occurring.
Section C: My Own Findings on AUVs in the Media
Illustrations of Disjunctive Talk and Behavior: Passions
The first show I chose to talk about
is Passions, which is a soap opera and consists of many AUVs. The scene I’m talking about
involves Ethan and Theresa, whom share two children together, Jane and Ethan
Jr. (little Ethan) but Ethan thinks he’s the father of only Jane. The two were a couple but he’s now
married to another woman (Gwen) and she’s involved with another man
(Jared). Here’s how the scene
went:
Gwen,
Ethan, and Theresa
Ethan and Gwen were at a hotel
spending some quality time together.
He often fantasizes that he’s with Theresa and wishes to spend his
life with her. Coincidently,
Theresa and Jared are at the same hotel.
Ethan and Theresa met up later that night while both their mates were
sleeping. After feeling up on each
other for some time, Ethan pressures Theresa into admitting she loves him, which she does, but she doesn’t want to admit it
because she’s afraid he’ll find out the paternity of her son and
sue for custody. She continues to
dodge the topic of her love for him and after a long conversation together, they both hurry back in to theirs rooms and sneak
back into bed.
Apparently, while Ethan and Theresa
were engaging in their important conversation, both Jared and Gwen wake up to
find their mates missing. Instead
of them looking outside the room, they assume the both of them are in their
bathrooms freshening up. The next
morning while lying in bed, Gwen asks Ethan, where were you early this morning?
He replies, I was outside looking at the stars and
thinking of you and our life together.
Gwen replies, aaawwww baby, you’re such
a sweet heart. Here, he lies about
his whereabouts and manipulates her through deception into believing he was
somewhere he wasn’t.
There are many anti-unity values in
this scene alone. Firstly, Ethan is
committing adultery when he sneaks to see another woman while he is married to
Gwen. He’s stuck in the
dominance model because he feels he can do what he wants whether or not it
hurts his wife, someone he claims to love.
Another anti-unity value that is portrayed in Passions is having children out of wedlock. Theresa and Ethan were
a couple, not a married couple, and they had two children together. He’s aware that he fathered Jane,
their daughter together, but he doesn’t know that little Ethan is his
son. Although they’re not a couple,
Ethan is being manipulated by Theresa because she refuses to tell him the truth
about little Ethan.
Another scene I chose involves
In this scene,
Illustrations of Disjunctive Talk and Behavior: Grey’s Anatomy
I chose Grey’s Anatomy because
it’s a show that I watch habitually and after reading the list of AUVs, I’ve noticed that the show contained a bunch of
them. Of course, at first, I
wasn’t aware of this because I had no clue as to what anti-unity values
were, but since I’m taking the class, I’ve been able to point many
of them out while watching different shows. In the scene that I’ll be talking
about Dr. Derek Sheppard and his wife Dr. Alison Sheppard are having an argument
because Derrick discovered that Alison cheated with his best friend Dr. Mark
Sloan. Here’s how the
argument went:
Derek
Meredith
Alison
Alison: Derek, Derek, you can’t
do this. Derek we have to talk
about this, you have to give me a chance to explain. Derek, what are you doing with my
clothes? It was just once. I know
that’s what people say. I don’t
know how it happened, I don’t know what I was thinking, he was just here.
Derek: You screwed my best friend and
all you can say is that he was just here…..Get Out!!!
Alison: No!
Derek: Get Out!!
Alison: No! No! I’m not going!!
Derek: Get Out of my house Now!
Alison: I’m holding my grounds,
We can’t quit, we have to work it….
Derek: Get Out!!
This argument ensued because Alison
had an affair with Mark, Derrick’s best friend. She pleads with him to let her stay so
they can work it out, but he refuses and demands that she and her stuff are
out. Alison committed adultery and
behaved promiscuously when she was around Mark. I believe Derek was extremely upset at
her because he too engaged in such unacceptable behavior. Before he found out about Alison, he was
interested in Dr. Meredith Grey and while at a party, the both of them snuck to
an empty room and slept together.
Both partners in this relationship are committing AUVs
and because of their own choices, they will not be able to progress to the
unity level as a couple because they’re no longer together. In order for the both of them to enjoy
eternal life together, they must change their ways and eliminate all the
anti-unity values from their relationships.
Illustrations of Conjunctive Talk and Behaviors: Passions
Luis and Sheridan
I found it more difficult to find
conjunctive talk and behaviors in the media but after searching and re-watching
Passions over and over, I found a scene that I thought I’d use to explain
conjunctive behavior. Sheridan and
Luis have been an “off” and “on” couple for a while
now. He’ll do anything to
please and be with her and what she absolutely wants is her son (Marty) back
from Luis’s psycho ex-girlfriend Beth, who’s Sheridan’s half
sister. Beth had stolen Marty right
after birth
and passed him off as her own son.
I chose to use this scene because
Luis would do anything for
Reactions
While watching the different shows,
it wasn’t hard at all to notice the different anti-unity values embedded
in the shows. The media portrays
relationships as a frivolous commitment that can be broken when one feels it
needs novelty in their lives. I
find it amazing that people actually behave in this way then rationalize their
ways according to what they view on the television or in movies.
I decided to talk to on of my best
friends, Kuini, and this is what she said:
“The media has a profound
affect on the perception that infidelity and promiscuity is an acceptable way
of life. Through the channels of
the air waves, they are able to not only encourage such behavior but provide
the reasoning that it is a “fact of life” and that it is an
acceptable way of self expression.
In other words, it makes you feel good about yourself, then “go
for it!”
I totally agree with Kuini when she said that society accepts that type of
behavior as a way of life. The
media doesn’t portray marriage as a life long commitment to one person,
rather they promote infidelity, promiscuity, bi-sexuality and
“values” that people within a marriage may experience. The media never portrays it as a problem
that needs to be addressed and give ways in which we can prevent such problems
instead of trying to solve the problem.
I believe this type of interaction allows society to believe that this
is typical of couples in relationships.
If they have that type of thinking, they will damage their own relationships
and delay the progression to the unity level.
I know that it will definitely change
the attitude of how younger adolescents perceive relationships and will
absolutely affect the way in which they are involved in their
relationship. If they think
it’s acceptable to behave in such a way, they’ll mimic the behavior
and cause turmoil in their own relationships. I think these adolescents need to
understand that the media has their own agenda to get ratings and will do
whatever they can to catch the attention of society. They never stop and think how it may
affect the younger generation and that’s why it’s imperative that
they’re taught by their own parents on the “rights” and
“wrongs” of a relationship.
Section D: Disjunctive vs. Conjunctive Verbal
Interactions
While sitting on the couch at home, I
overheard my brother engaged in a heated conversation with his
“girlfriend” and asked him if I could use his conversation to
describe disjunctive talk between a couple in a
relationship. Those of you in my
class were briefly introduced to him when one of the students interviewed him
as part of his oral 3. Yes, Keao is my brother and he obviously is stuck in the
dominance model. Here’s how
the conversation between himself and his girlfriend “Jessica” went:
His phone rings….
Keao: What! You irritating crap!!
Jessica: Don’t cut his hair!
Keao: Too bad…I’ll cut his hair if I want.
Jessica: No don’t cut
it….let me see him before you cut it
Keao: No…I’m cutting now
Jessica: you better not
Keao: I’ll do whatever the hell I want whenever I
like!
Jessica: Keao
Keao: I gotta go
already…I’ll talk to you later!
Jessica: But why?
Keao: I’m still irritated from last night!
Jessica: I didn’t do anything
wrong…
Keao: You’re such an idiot!
Jessica: You told me I didn’t
have to watch him.
Keao: Yeah…You didn’t have to watch him
after the game…but you were suppose to watch him during the game you
Jackass!!!
Apparently, Keao
was irritated because of a prior interaction they had together. He planned of cutting their son “Kupa’s” hair and Jessica didn’t want him
to cut it until she saw him for the last time with his long hair. It’s obvious that this
conversation has many anti-unity values in it. First, he disregards all requests she
has to see their son and doesn’t listen to why she doesn’t want to
cut his hair, promoting the idea that women are generally frivolous as a part
on their gender. There is also AUV
#17 in this conversation because he promotes the idea that men are more
rational than women. Keao is stuck in the dominance model and believes that his
ways are the right way and he’ll do what he wants no matter what she
says. In order for him to enjoy
eternal marriage with this woman, he must be willing to give up his independent
self for the new conjoint self. He
must be willing to let her inner wisdom lead his outward intelligence.
In order for this couple to progress,
Keao must first abandon the dominance model and move
up to the equity model. After the sensorimotor, cognitive, and affective selves of the both
of them have conjoined at the equity level, they have the opportunity to move
up to the Unity level. Again, the
three fold self of both individuals must conjoin, especially the affective
self. This conjunction means he now
knows her emotions and motivations and he’ll do what ever she wants
because he truly loves and cares for her.
Keao has a long way to go in order to reach
the unity level and he has to be willing to make the change.
Section E: Conclusions and Advice to Future
Generations
Although this was an extremely
tedious task to complete, I’ve learned more than I thought I would. I got a better understanding of the
unity model and the necessary steps that must be taken in order to attain
it. Many couples are stuck in the
dominance and equity model and have ever so much work to get themselves out of
those models and into the unity model.
The anti-unity values that couples are surrounded by harm a
couples’ relationship.