Psychology 409b November 13, 2006

Conversational Rules for Husbands in Conjugial Interactions

By Makalapua Monteilh

Instructions for this activity are found at http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/g25-oral1.htm

Dr. Leon James

Leon James & Diane Nahl (2006). TOGETHER IN ETERNITY: The Unity Model of Marriage--Everyday I'm Yours More and More. (Lecture Notes Version 12a). Online at: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-lecture-notes.htm. Reviewing Unit 17a Part 3.

I. First Rule of Conjugial Conversation

A. Be reactive and friendly whenever the wife is talking to him

B. Men have done it while he was dating her and trying to win her so why not continue it.

C. Men should pretend that they are on a permanent date with their wives.

D. The man can do it if he really wants to do it.

II Second Rule of Conjugial Conversation

E. Deny himself the right to express disagreement with her

F. He has to deny himself the right to say no to something she wants him to do.

G. Since he acts a certain way at work, he should be able to act that same way at home.

H. The refusal for change is hostile, unfriendly, and abusive.

I. Men expect their wives not to say not when he tells her that he wants things changed.

III. Third Rule of Conjugial Conversation

A. Create a conversational atmosphere in which his wife feels unoppressed, free, and safe.

B. The wife isn’t afraid to talk extensively about what she wants him to do.

C. He responds to her constant invasive instructions by snarling, snapping, and growling at her.

D. He should be a supporter and friend of her.

IV. Fourth Rule of Conjugial Conversation

A. Use the conversation as a method of enhancing her mood, making her feel young in heart and stimulated in mind.

B. To conjoin to his truth and rationality means he loves how she thinks.

C. When he focuses on his wife he appears to be wise and sexy.

D. When he focuses on himself he appears to be foolish and unsexy.

E. Husbands should value what their wives say to them.

Related Links

Bridging the Communication Gap Between Men and Women

This article talks about how men and women differ when engaging in a conversation. Women generally talk to gain information or to build their relationship with the one they’re speaking to. Men on the other hand typically talk to give information on reports or events that are happening. Since men typically like to get to the point and usually don’t hypothesize about their feelings, they tend to get frustrated with women because who go on and on about a subject. The article suggests that if we understand the difference between how males and females communicate, we can come up with different tactics to communicate more effectively. I thought this article was helpful and informative because it gives insight as to why males and females are so different when communicating.

http://www.onlinedatingmagazine.com/columns/connect/02-menwomencommunication.html

Male/ Female Communication Styles

The article suggests that men and women have been misunderstanding each other for generations and researchers have come to the conclusion that they speak different languages. It may be due to the fact that men and women are raised in different environments and we react to men differently than we react to women. Society has accepted the fact that men and women communicate differently and that one should just learn to deal with it. I enjoyed reading this article because I do believe that our upbringing modes us into who we are and how we effectively communicate with each other.

http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/5280.html

Successful Conversation in Marriage

The article is written by a man who says he’s not a psychiatrist or a psychologist but has been successfully married for 11 years and has notices the differences between how males and females converse with each other. He gives a scenario about how his wife would call while he was on his way home from work and ask him where he was. He came to recognize that she would call when she wanted a coke from the store but didn’t want to inconvenience him if he was close to home. So when she called, he automatically asked if she wanted a coke and assured her it wasn’t an inconvenience for him. He said he did it because it made her happy which in turn made him happy. This article was different because it wasn’t coming from an expert yet he had an understanding of how men and women different in their communication skills.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/78096/successful_conversation_in_marriage.html

My Homepage: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/monteilh/monteilh-home.htm

Class Homepage: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/classhome-g25.htm