Psychology 409b October 16, 2006

Outline 7: Unity 17a Part 1

By: Makalapua Monteilh

 

 

Instructions for this activity are found at:

www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/g25-oral1.htm

Instructor: Leon James

 

Leon James (2006). Seminar on the Unity Model of Marriage for G25. Section 17. Online at: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-lecture-notes.htm

 

 

I.                    Unsexy Conversational Styles

A.     When a husband is activated by the dominance model and doesn’t care if the wife finds him sexy or not.

B.     He controls his wife so that he can have sex with her when he wants, how he wants.

C.     The wife is expected to be obedient.

D.    He gives himself permission to constantly interrupt his wife when she is

talking.

E.     He acts uninterested in what she wants to say.

F.      The wife’s sexual feelings for him are injured and even eliminated.

 

II.                 Advice from Dr. Laura

A.     Letter from men selected in Dr. Laura’s book, portray men complaining and

badmouthing the wife.

B.     Dr. Laura supports this attitude, giving advice to women that they should give their men all the sex they want.

C.     As long as the men have a regular job and isn’t having affairs, they are entitled to it.

D.    This type of advice is unsexy to women.

E.     It feels like sexual blackmail to them which they have to submit, or else they’re bad wives.

F.      Dr. Laura works within the male dominance model or marriage.

 

III.               How Males Shouldn’t Act

A.     He most stop interrupting her or giving advice to solve her problems.

B.     The man should stop trying to change the wife’s conversational focus.

C.     He must stop being inattentive when she speaks to him.

 

IV.              How Males Should Act

A.     He needs to learn how consider her actual feelings.

B.     The man must give his wife the feeling that he in interested in maintaining her topic focus.

C.      He mustn’t hurry her but should be very reactive.

D.    He should mimic her facial expressions, when she smiles, he smiles.  If she frowns, he frowns.

 

 

Related Links:

 

Successful Conversation in Marriage

The article is written by a man who says he’s not a psychiatrist or a psychologist but has been successfully married for 11 years and has notices the differences between how males and females converse with each other.  He gives a scenario about how his wife would call while he was on his way home from work and ask him where he was.  He came to recognize that she would call when she wanted a coke from the store but didn’t want to inconvenience him if he was close to home.  So when she called, he automatically asked if she wanted a coke and assured her it wasn’t an inconvenience for him.  He said he did it because it made her happy which in turn made him happy.  This article was different because it wasn’t coming from an expert yet he had an understanding of how men and women different in their communication skills.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/78096/successful_conversation_in_marriage.html

Better Couples Communication

This article explains that yes, men and women have different ways of communicating which may sometimes cause conflict between the couple, but conflict isn’t always a bad thing.  Conflict sometimes lets us know what’s really important to our partners and why.  The article went on and gave six tips to have a better fight which is suppose to help the couple fight to get results, results that will help their relationship and help each other know what’s really bothering the other.

http://www.psychpage.com/family/library/couplescommunication.html

How Couples Communicate

When I read the first line to this article, it caught my attention because it talks about how a relationship is a journey to reach intimacy, which isn’t an easy thing to do.  It requires effort, mostly from the man because men tend to desire more independence while women desire more social interaction.  We’ve learned in our class that intimacy is what the woman yearns for and it is the man that needs to put much more effort in order to continue to keep her happy and reach that intimacy with each other.

http://pslinstitute.com/fivelevels.html

My Homepage:   www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/monteilh/monteilh-home.htm

 

Class Homepage:  www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/classhome-g25.htm