Psychology 409b September 4, 2006
Dr. Laura’s Opinions on How to Treat a Man
By: Angela Murray
Instructions for this activity are found at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/g25-oral1.htm
Instructor: Dr. Leon James
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
(2004). The Proper
Care and Feeding of Husbands. (
I. Women treat bad men better than good ones
a. We see women who are fighting to keep abusive men, jerks, unkind
b. When a women has a good man, suddenly she stops being nice
c. Women oblivious to how destructive they are in their own marriages ex:
II. Part of being a wife means doing things you don’t like to do for the betterment of your family
a. Doing chores to keep the house clean, cooking meals for husband for him to come home are a few examples
b. Women and men have obligations to various roles within the household
c. If your man is acting disrespectful, it is probably your fault
i. Husband is like a horse-must treat them well to get what you want
ii. Men are simple creatures, easy to keep men pleased
III. When children are involved, woman is obligated to make things work
a. If things are better for your children they will be better for you
b. Children need a mother and a father and a woman is obligated to see to it that the marriage is working
c. This involves accepting a man for who he is and not trying to change him
i. Three things Dr. Laura suggests:
1. ask him for his opinion about something
2. show him some appreciation
3. if it really isn’t important, let it pass because nobody likes to be jumped on all the time
IV. Women are in control whether we wish to believe it or not
a. Our attitudes effect the way males behave and therefore the way they treat us
b. We have the opportunity to either use this power for good or use it for bad
c. By creating a positive atmosphere in the home, we will be able to get more done around the house than if we bitch and complain
d. Men are easily dominated with negativity from their woman
e. Men are vulnerable to women’s desires, moods, criticisms, disappointments, angers and rejections
f. Sex can be better if we make the effort to make it better
V. There is a double standard among women and men which must be stopped
a. Women’s immediate desires and wants are met, and men’s desires are considered trivial and selfish
b. Men must understand when women don’t want to have sex, but if man is unable to perform, women often are cold
c. Women have become self-centered because of the women’s movement because it condemns most thing which are male
d. Women get married thinking about what men will do for them and not what they will do for their man
e. If a woman is unhappy, she expects to be able to leave, but if a man is unhappy, he is expected to deal with it
VI. Men have been put on the bottom of women’s priority lists and this should change
a. Women need to prioritize by putting husbands first, children second and all other activities afterwards
b. It’s easy to rationalize putting something else before your spouse, but it takes determination to never let it happen
c. A man wanting to spend time with you is not controlling you by asking you to leave your job, he is only trying to bask in a married glow
d. If your work is getting in the way of your husband’s needs you should leave it, what do you need a job for anyway?
e. Having it all-work, children, husband-is a self perpetuating trap. A woman like this is setting herself up to fail
Related Links:
1) Double Standards:
Women expect men to treat them equally when it comes to the job, home and finances. Yet in this article a woman firefighter talks about how women want the firefighting standards to be changed so that more women can become firefighters. This woman worked very hard to become a firefighter and explains that changing the standards is the same as saying women are not as good or as strong as men. Therefore, women are recreating this double standard on themselves. If women want equality they should be willing to accept equal standards for both men and women, not biased standards.
http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/doublestandards.shtml
2) Obligations in Marriage:
Dr. Laura consistently speaks about how women and men have certain obligations in marriage. This link has a list of the obligations which most Christians would agree are the obligations that wives have to husbands and husbands have to wives. It starts with verses in the Bible which explain that a man should love his wife as himself and put God at the head of his household. Then a woman is to be submissive to the man. As long as the man is following God’s plan, the wife should not have a problem submitting. Where problems often do show up is when a very talented woman marries a not so talented man. The woman wants to dominate, but is not reasonable in doing so if he is following God’s plan.
http://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/CBNTeachingSheets/FAQ_marriage01.aspx
3) Why women stay in abusive marriages:
This link is a list of some of the common reasons why women stay in abusive marriages. The interesting thing is that some of the common reasons on the list are also things which Dr. Laura encourages women to do who report unhappiness in the marriage. Dr. Laura suggests putting the family first and staying together for the children. This is also a reason some women stay with abusive men, for the children. Another reason women stay with abusive men is because their religions encourage them to stay in the marriage. Marriage is an institution under God which is not supposed to be broken.
My Homepage:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/murray/murray-home.htm
Class Homepage:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/classhome-g25.htm