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Psychology
409b November 5, 2006
How
Money is confused in Relationships
By: Angela Murray
Instructions for this activity are
found at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/g25-oral1.htm
Instructor: Dr. Leon James
Leon James and
Diane Nahl (2006).
Lecture Notes on Unity Model of marriage for G25. Reviewing section 21. Online at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/409b-g25-lecture-notes.htm
I.
Secrets to a Happy Marriage
A. Written by a Rev. Dr. Trey Kuhne who is a Pastoral marriage and family therapist
B. He explains he has three secrets that will
help out the marriage
C. He gives advice to both spouses and Dr. James
looks into this advice to see how it relates to the Unity model
II. Secret 1: Full Disclosure of Money, no Hidden Accounts
A. The love of money is the root of all evil
B. Money often is the root cause of unhappiness
in marriages because people keep hidden amounts of money and do not disclose
full assets
C. Both spouses should be equally empowered in
the relationship regarding money--401K, retirement, checking, it helps prevent
lose of money in death
D. Husbands need to fully disclose of all money
accounts
II. Secret 2: Develop competent communication skills (or
become a cryptographer)
A. Cryptographer breaks codes to hidden messages
B. Husband must read mind or he must develop
communication skills
C. Ex:
Husband comes home and wants to rest in front of TV, wife wants to talk
about day, and they both fight because they didn’t know what the other wanted
D. Clarify what you mean-
1)
Husbands need to explain they just need down time, but they still love their wife and then give her a time
you need to rest and then be
available afterward
2)
When husband desires intimacy, he needs to communicate with her; she can’t read
your mind
3)
Wives speak in depth, with a lot of emotion, even if it seems shallow to
husband
4) He can’t read your mind, so you need to
explain
5) We are made to be together in this world not
alone
6) It’s not okay for man to say I am the boss
and woman just has to deal with it,
no we deal with equality now
III. Secret 3: Words empower--praise spouse in public and
private
A. Little complaints here and there in the
beginning add up to bigger ones later on
B. Words can be used for positive or negative
C. Spouses need to affirm one another and praise
each other in public
D. When you complain in public it is like
slandering your marriage, is the emotional stock of your marriage gaining
interest or losing it?
E. Do husbands praise wife in front of buddies?
F. Do you praise your husband in front of girl
friends?
G. We shouldn’t lie to each other,
we should give credit where it is due
H. Think on the positive and the negative will
be easier to deal with
Related Links:
1) Money and marriage
Money is one of the leading causes of
marital discord today. Couples struggle
with whether to have joint checking accounts or to hold a few separately. Also, people in marriage have different views
for how money should be spent, saved and invested. This website gives suggestions for how
married couples can come together in this issue.
2) Can money lead to divorce?
This website gives several
suggestions for how couples can communicate in the area of money
management. The most important thing is
not to try to accuse your partner, but instead to focus on the things you are
having trouble with. Using ŇIÓ language
is always much better because it doesn’t make your partner feel like they are
being attacked. “I feel this” or “I
would like this” instead of “You always . . .” or “You are such a . . .”
http://money.cnn.com/2006/03/15/commentary/everyday/sahadi/index.htm
3) What peanut butter can do for your marriage
This website picked the concept of
peanut butter to discuss how marriages are held together. For some marriages, the only thing that holds
them together is their children, their church or some group they are involved
in. A marriage needs to be held together
by love, honesty, communication and commitment.
Any time a couple tells other people their problems before talking to
their own spouse, they are not doing the right
thing. The website explains more in
detail.
http://marriage.about.com/od/keysforsuccess/a/peanutbutter.htm
My Home Page:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/murray/murray-home.htm
Class Home Page:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy25/classhome-g25.htm