Report 2:
My Understanding of the Unity Model of Marriage


By Laina Beard

Instructions for this report are at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy22/409b-g22-report2.htm
I am answering Questions 3, 6, 7, 12 and 15.

 

 

 

 

 

Question 3:

A husband and wife seem to get along real well together, enjoying the same activities, having fun, being popular with friends, etc. Then they have a fight over some disagreement and they show disrespect and hatred for each other.

(a) Explain why this turnabout can happen and what is its cause. Be sure to use some aspect of the theory given in the Lecture Notes.

As described in the above account of this couple, the little bit of information that is given implies that the couple has reached unity on the sensorimotor level of the Unity Model of Marriage. There are three levels of the Unity Model: Sensorimotor, Cognitive and Affective. This is referred to as the Three-fold Self. The sensorimotor self consists of external physical behaviors such as the ones described above. The Cognitive self is being able to know how your partner thinks and understands things. And the Affective Self are the feelings and motivations that we have while in a relationship or marriage.

With this is mind it is therefore easy to see that this couple has mastered Unity on the first level of the Unity Model of Marriage: the sensorimotor self. If this couple had unity on the other two levels there would not be any possibility for a fight, hatred or disrespect to enter their relationship. If this couple could understand how the other one reasons and thinks about the world and its various situations, and they were able to know the other’s motivations and feelings for such things, there could be no hostility. This happens often in relationships because the two individuals have not moved into higher levels of unity.

(b) Discuss how married partners can reverse this flip-flop cycle so that it never occurs again. In your explanation be sure to apply the unity model, the threefold self, and the conjoint self, as explained in the Lecture Notes.

Both Men and Women have the same quantity of emotions and feelings, they are just expressed differently. In order for this married couple to reverse their present situation they will both have to equally put in the work and focus on reaching unity at all three levels. This is not an easy task, it will not happen by aspiration alone. There are also Gender differences in how each couple interprets and deals with their own individual emotions and that of their partner.

Women strive to understand their man more than the other way around. This does not mean that men don’t have emotion or are unable to express it. Women are just more motivated to understand their man’s thinking and goals and desires in life. A man is more concerned with maintaining his individuality and keeping himself separate from his woman cognitively and affectively. However it is possible to overcome this if the man is willing to work as hard as his woman is.

It is important to understand that unity in the three-fold self is a process that takes time and effort. But the rewards are well worth it. When married partners reach unity on all three levels, their individual selves disappear into the background and they reach a state referred to as the “conjoint self.” This is described as the couple merging into one entity. In other words, the couple grows together, letting go of the traits that don’t bring about reciprocity and acquiring new traits that enhance them as a whole. The married partners can now begin to form habits of physical activity, habits of thinking and habits of feeling.

(c) Anything else you have to say.

I have studied this process and this model throughout the semester and I agree with nearly all aspects of it. It is complex and does require you to alter your traditional framework to understand how and why this is the answer to an ideal relationship. After attaining the knowledge about the Unity Model of Marriage, I can’t see it any other way. I personally am not in a relationship at the present moment, but I have reflected on past relationships applying what I know from this course and the lecture notes, and I know have a greater understanding of underlying behaviors between myself and my male partners.

The most rewarding thing that I have taken away from this idea of the Three-fold Self is that so many of us, both in our personal lives, as well as in the media fail to move past the sensorimotor level. When things begin to fall apart we can’t figure out why? Is it me? Did I do something wrong? And as a woman, I know what kind of mental turmoil we go through as we try to understand exactly what is happening. I feel like the Unity Model of Marriage is the decoding process to men, their behavior and how to work with them and not against them. J

Question 6:

(a) Consider Table 6 in the Lecture Notes, which is in the Section on Making Field Observations. It gives 20 examples of Behavioral Indicators of One's Relationship Model, along with Yes/No specifications for the three models.

(b) First explain what this table is trying to show and how it is doing that (give a couple of examples to illustrate concretely).

This table provides three different models and gives various situations to show how all three models correspond to that situation. The Dominance Model, the Equity Model and the Unity Model are all put side by side for comparative and contrastive purposes. The various situations are “Behavioral indicators” of the relationship model that a person may be in. Here are a few examples from this table:

 

Dominance Model

Equity Model

Unity Model

Partners believe themselves to be married in this life and in the afterlife in heaven to eternity

 

NO

 

NO

 

YES

Partners assume responsibility for each other's feelings and emotions

 

NO

 

NO

 

YES

Partners try to make each other happy

YES

YES

YES

 

 

(c) Give brief explanations for what the three models are.

These three models assign different behavioral roles to each partner. The Dominance Model places the man in a dominant position and the woman in a submissive position. This is the traditional model that we see in many relationships. The Equity Model allocates equal power to both partners and then they negotiate power over decision making areas and sharing. The Unity Model assigns the woman as the leader in the relationship, but isn’t dominating because it allows the man to voluntarily be submissive to her motivations and follow her lead knowing she has their best interests in mind.

(d) Create a similar table of 20 new items that you make up yourself, and fill in the Yes/No columns.

 

Behavioral Indicators of One’s Relationship

Dominance Model

Equity

Model

Unity Model

Partners try to help one another

YES

YES

YES

Partners fight and get angry over simple things

YES

YES

NO

Love one another, but fall out of love eventually as time goes by

YES

YES

NO

See each other as a team and work together

NO

YES

YES

Think of the other before doing anything

NO

NO

YES

Can anticipate the others feelings and thoughts

NO

YES

YES

Believe in “’till Death do us part”

YES

YES

NO

Have/could commit adultery or thought about it

YES

YES

NO

Spend time with friends outside of the relationship, their “own” friends

YES

YES

NO

The Man makes the majority of decisions

YES

NO

NO

The Woman leads the relationship

NO

NO

YES

Partners allow each other to have opposing opinions, don’t always agree

YES

YES

NO

Partners never get mad and try to argue their point

NO

NO

YES

Each person always puts the other one first

NO

NO

YES

Go to bed angry, talk about things later

YES

YES

NO

Avoid deep conversations

YES

NO

NO

Sex is a great way to make up, instead of talking

YES

NO

NO

Sexual blackmail goes unnoticed

YES

NO

NO

Both partners are equally motivated and interested in their relationship

NO

YES

YES

Man agrees with the woman’s reasons for trying to change him, after all, she’s ALWAYS right! J

NO

NO

YES

 

 

(d) Calculate the percent overlap.

This type of contrastive analysis lets us see that the Dominance Model has a 65% overlap with the Equity Model but only a 5% overlap with the Unity Model! And the Equity Model only has a 15% overlap with the Equity Model. The Unity Model is very different from the other two Models. One of the reasons the difference is so great is that the husband has to be willing and motivated to have conjunction with his wife in the afterlife and be willing to work hard to achieve unity with her on all three levels.

(e) Discuss what your results show.

As I stated in the last section, my results show that the Unity model is very different from the other two models. It requires much more work on the man’s part and a new approach to power distribution in relationships. The Dominance Model has always been our traditional outlook, but has proven to be quite faulty. My results of percentages of overlaps show that the models are rarely in agreement with the Unity Model, and therefore it is a new approach to the mainstream way of thinking.

(f) How can such an approach be expanded to help couples be more aware of their interaction pattern?

By breaking down various situations into a chart or graph and visually showing a couple what model supports which behavior, it is quite astonishing to see where agreement and disagreement lie. I think that by understanding the Unity model and being able to see its advantages visually in such a simple form, couples could gather great insight into the areas in their relationships that need work. By addressing the negligence that most men are responsible for in their relationships, many improvements can be made.

The first resistance you will find to the Unity Model will be from the men, because initially it appears they are being blamed for every fault and are seen as the source of most women’s misery. But by reading the work done by Dr. Leon James you can see that this is not about playing the “blame game” but about addressing much larger issues if the main goal of the couple’s relationship is to be happy forever, both here on earth and then in the afterlife.

(g) Anything else you have to say.

It is important to note that you can be in more than one model at any given time. It will take many, many years of hard work and effort to be completely in the Unity Model. However, a great deal of happiness can still be found if you have Unity in some areas, and are working through equity in others, and hopefully any form of dominance can be done away with.

Question 7:

(a) Analyze the book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Laura Schlessinger, summarizing its perspective, and discussing the author’s philosophy or psychology of relationships between men and women.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is not even a real psychologist. That needs to be said first and foremost! She is basically writing this book to tell women what they are doing wrong in their relationships and their attempts at communication with their husbands. She gives advice from a very traditional standpoint and comes across as “old school” in her ideologies of the perfect marriage.

Dr. Laura believes that all women are the source of their own problems and that they need a crash course in learning how to treat their men right. If any feminist were to read several lines in this book I’m sure her brain would explode from the pure absurdity in which Dr. Laura writes. This book is from a patriarchal standpoint and views women as inferior to men and advises wives to submiss to their husband’s demands and to always be more accommodating to their needs.

(b) Find 10 brief quotes from what the husbands wrote, analyzing each one, showing the character of their threefold self. Use the unity model in the Lecture Notes to characterize the threefold self of the husbands that wrote to her.

1.) “I don’t know how to tell the difference between my wife wanting advice or just venting. For example, She will tell me that she has no time to fix dinner. I offer to take our sixteen-month-old daughter out for a walk. My wife gets upset that I don’t understand. If she tells me a problem, I look for a solution. How can I know when I just need to listen…without dinner?” (pg 111)

This man is an idiot. First of all, he thinks that he is being helpful by only thinking of himself. If he takes their daughter out, then the wife can make dinner and he can eat. He doesn’t ask her to talk about what she’s overwhelmed with. Instead he keeps himself at a distance. This is a classic move in the Dominance Model. This couple has apparently not reached unity on a Cognitive level because they can’t even understand the ways in which their partner thinks, let alone feels.

2.) “Subtle doesn’t work for us. Saying ‘Wow! This will be twenty-five years on June 24. We should take a cruise.’ Now, that works. We are going to Alaska!” (pg 106)

As women are we seriously supposed to buy this? Don’t you think that if you can’t remember your anniversary after twenty-five years that you are completely lazy, rude, unthoughtful and irresponsible??! Sure, a woman needs to be direct if she wants to go on a cruise, but to have to directly tell your husband the date and be as clear as if you were talking to a two-year-old seems a little ridiculous to me.

Of course communication is very important, however, if you aren’t putting any effort into the relationship and the woman is the one having to take the brunt of the work to adjust her communication style, then this is not a fair relationship. Men are so lazy and completely set on remaining in the dominant position. By taking control and withdrawing their attention and energy it leaves the woman to feel rejected and unloved. This is a cruel thing to do.

3.) “My wife has put it best: “ Sex is to a husband what conversation is to a wife. When a wife deprives her husband of sex for days, even weeks on end, it is tantamount to his refusing to talk to her for days, even weeks.” Think of it that way, wives, and realize what a deleterious impact enforced sexual abstinence has on a good man who is determined to remain faithful.” (pg 119)

Here we go again. The man can only see the physical importance of intimacy, not the mental, or even spiritual side of connecting with your spouse. A man thinks that if his wife would just have sex with him regularly, then their problems would disappear, he’ll be satisfied and that is all that matters. When a man is well-sexed, he’s happy, and if he’s happy then the wife has an opportunity to get closer to him emotionally and mentally. This is sexual blackmail.

It is absolutely outrageous to compare conversation and sex as equal forms of intimacy. Physical and cognitive connections are quite different. Having a deep meaningful conversation has completely different effects on a relationship than a physical release (usually for only the man!) Again, this couple has not moved past the sensorimotor

Level of their relationship and will continue to have problems until they work through this miscommunication.

4.) “ A woman would do well to understand that an honest, faithful husband who goes on a three-week hunting trip is not telling her he doesn’t love her. He just wants to kill something. Nothing more complicated than that.” (pg 171)

Wow, I can’t believe men really think like this. If your husband wants to go away with his buddies and exclude you out of his life for the greater portion of a month, how are you as a wife not supposed to feel left out and rejected? This man is being completely rude. He does not want to just go kill something. He wants to exercise his freedom and independence from his wife and his life with her. If he feels like he needs to get away from her, and do his own thing, they are definitely not on the same page.

By doing this the man is trying to keep himself separate from his wife and not include her in certain aspects of his life. This is not fair and prevents them from growing closer intimately, cognitively, and affectively. It halts the whole process. A woman would never think of leaving her husband to go on a three-week shopping spree with her girlfriends “just to buy something.” And I bet all of my money that her husband would freak out if she even thought of attempting something that crazy.

5.) “ My wife feels that if she doesn’t remind me again and again, something won’t get done. But the fact is, it makes me feel like her child and that Mommy needs to check up on me. It’s degrading. I want to be admired. I want to be acknowledged for being the breadwinner and making sure that we are all well taken care of. My greatest pleasure is when I feel like her hero. Like her ‘man.’ Not her boy.” (pg 31)

My response to this quote is quite simple. A woman almost needs to keep after a man as if he were a child because he is showing the same amount of irresponsibility as a child. He finds it degrading and only thinks about what he wants. What about the fact that his wife works very hard to take care of the family and the home. If she has to keep after him about everything because he is to lazy to listen and do it, don’t you think that would make her feel degraded?

This book is completely one sided from a man’s point of view and how women are screwing up their happiness. I don’t think a man can ever be acknowledged as w woman’s hero if he can’t manage to carry his own laundry up the stairs!

6.) “My wife still doesn’t get it. I would be much more willing to do the chores she wants me to do if I got some show of appreciation for doing them.” (pg 45)

Everyone wants to feel appreciated and valued in the things that the do, men and women alike. It just seems that men complain and complain about doing the basics. Then they practically freak if a woman wants to move and grow into a new phase of communication and intimacy. How can you grow together as a conjoined unit when you can’t even get past the simple tasks of chores?

Sure, there should be praise and “thank-yous” all the time. But a partner should also want to do things for the other knowing how it will make them feel. They should do things on their own because they want to please the other one, not worry about their own personal acknowledgement.

7.) “I dated a woman for a few months, and whenever we drove anywhere, if there was a lull in the conversation, she would demand, ‘What are you thinking?’ ‘I’m not thinking anything dear.’ That was never good enough, and she would spend the rest of the day sulking and planning her retribution against the male domination-or something or other.” (pg 94)

Women are constantly motivated to grow and unite with their partner. Women are eager to understand a man’s thoughts and motivations so that we may understand better. A man saying that he isn’t thinking anything is a lie. Everyone thinks, and to withhold that and keep that distance between a man and a woman is mean. It is one thing to want your own private thoughts, but to keep a woman outside and not let her in is cruel.

This quote is a fine example of how a man will pull away from a woman and turn it around and make it her fault. Of course she was hurt that he wouldn’t let her in and was not willing to put in the same effort or interest that she was, but notice how this man ends with a sarcastic remark stating that she is now out to plot against the whole male species. He’s making her seem crazy for wanting to know him better. This is entirely unfair and typical of the dominance model.

8.) “Women don’t forget well. They never forget- and stack disappointments up like cordwood. Women tend to blurt out, at what seems to be ‘out of the blue’ moments, being upset at what seem to be unrelated issues.” (pg 101)

Women forgive, but they do not forget. And why should they? If something happens over and over again, it is a reminder of an unresolved problem and women will remind a men of it. A man plays the “dumb card” and acts like a woman can’t control her emotions and just spills when prompted. It is characteristic of a dominant male to make a woman appear to be crazy by showing that she expresses her emotions.

9.) “What I find interesting is that I am always accused of doing what comes natural to a man. It would appear that my wife wants me to have the characteristics of a woman without losing my masculinity.” (pg102)

I love this quote. This is exactly what a woman is trying to do. The things that come natural to a man re the things that a woman needs to change. She has the wisdom to guide a man to the highest love he will ever be capable of experiencing. And by doing so she needs to change him in various ways, but also enhance his masculine qualities that will reciprocate her love towards him.

10.) “Wives continually remark, ‘ You never talk to me!’ or ‘You don’t understand.’ But when husbands ask, ‘What’s wrong honey?’ we get, ‘If you don’t know, I’m not telling you!’…” (pg 107)

Women are continuously frustrated with men’s resistance to conjoin with them cognitively. Men usually avoid conversation with depth and try to keep their independence from their women. If a man does not put in the effort to understand his wife’s emotions or thoughts and understand how she sees things, he will never be able to understand him. This is completely frustrating and disappointing to a woman, and this is the source of anger and sadness for a woman.

(c) How do you see Dr. Laura's approach and what is your evaluation of it?

I do not agree with Dr. Laura’s approach. I think she initially sets off on the right foot by acknowledging basic human needs, regardless of gender, but then instantly ruins herself by throwing in a sexist remark. I can’t understand how a woman, a mother and a wife can have such strongly male oriented opinions and views without being completely brainwashed. These are not true thoughts, this is not truth.

Dr. Laura is writing to appeal and please a male dominated audience. I don’t believe that any woman can be truly happy by following her suggestions. They may bring about remedy to many problems initially, but they will not last. This book is absurd and backwards to me. I do not agree with her, and I find her thoughts repulsive.

Question 12:

(a) Consider Table 9 in the Lecture Notes, which is in the Section on Making Field Observations. It lists two dozen AUVs – anti unity values that are commonly portrayed in the media – soaps, comedy, drama.

(b) Select at least three programs for which you can watch several episodes or shows. Briefly describe a few scenes from each show to illustrate the portrayal of gender interactions that are contrary to having a successful marriage.

I chose a wide range of shows to watch: Sex and the City, OZ, and Everybody Loves Raymond. I’m going to give a quick synopsis of what I saw, and how it relates to this section. Sex and the City is the only show that wasn’t dealing with marriage, but the two characters involved are in a serious relationship that has been ongoing for several years.

Sex and the City: I’ve been watching this show for years and have become quite familiar with the characters because their lives are a pretty accurate account of what most women have gone through at one time or another. Carrie Bradshaw is the main character and she has been dating a rich big-shot named “Mr. Big.” The audience never knows his real name and this nickname is explanatory enough into his personality.

Carrie just wants this man to commit to her, to want to marry her, to quit the games and playing with her heart like it’s no big deal what happens. Mr. Big calls her “kid” which I find to be quite derogatory and patronizing. He is older than her, but acquainting her with a child is ridiculous. Just the fact that you don’t know his real name, which gives insight into the fact that you’ll never know the real him, just a façade, and the fact that he calls her kid as if he is the adult and has to deal with her childish tendencies let’s you know right off the bat that there are problems.

Carrie wants Mr. Big to be her boyfriend, and they do the “playing married” game except she has to always come to his house, they always go to eat where he wants to, and when she confronts them about their status, he says that he thought they had an open relationship and that he sees other women. Check, check, and yep check, DOMINANCE MODEL! I could write pages and pages about how awful this guy is to her, but we’ll move on…

OZ: This is quite a switch; this show is about prison life and the crazy world of being locked up. The reason I chose to include this show is because the inmates are allowed “conjugal visits.” The first time I heard this I was interested to see how the show was going to work this into the plot. Especially after studying Swedenborg’s “Conjugial Love.”

The way it works is if you were married prior to coming to OZ you are allowed conjugal visits with your wife. They give you a private room and she can come and cook for you, visit and fulfill all of your sexual desires from being so frustrated all alone in hell. I was outraged at hearing this. I didn’t know what was worse: the fact that prison inmates are allowed the luxury of having their wives, or the fact that the poor wife has to come done to this hell hole to have sex with a man who just screwed up her marriage and future!

How patronizing for a wife to have to see her husband in such a place, come and cook for him and then try to feel physically aroused in a prison because her poor husband isn’t “getting any.” I thought it was very condescending and sad. I can understand that it could tear a couple apart to be separated and at least they are allowed this one privileged. But don’t you think the man shouldn’t have been in the situation to get arrested in the first place???

Everybody Loves Raymond: This show cracks me up. This poor husband always pulls the “idiot” card when things go wrong in their marriage. All of America is in hysterics over the fact that every time he screws up, his wife tries to talk about it the situation, and all he can do is act so stupid that he’s basically invalidating what she is saying by throwing jokes into the conversation. Yet it’s a hit and Ray Romano makes over a million dollars an episode! How sick is this country?

The point to this show is that his character is lazy, rude, and makes fun of anything serious. He’s written off as just not being bright enough to get it and awww you can’t help but love him for being so stupid. The wife on the other hand is made out to be this tough, mean, incapable of understanding woman. The tango between the two of them is a riot and the show is famous. Ray’s parent in the show are all about dissing each other and saying how miserable they are married, what a mistake it was to be together, and how they can’t wait to die to be rid of the other one!

(c) Now describe the affective, cognitive, and sensorimotor aspects of these interactions.

Sex and the City: Affectively, Carrie wants to conjoin with Mr. Big and get married and be in love forever, and he wants to maintain his independence, but still enjoy everything she has to offer without putting in any effort. Cognitively they are always clashing, arguing about what the other one thinks and how they have each other all wrong. Their main problem is that they can never figure the other one out. Poor Carrie spends nearly every show trying to analyze and decode Mr. Big.

On the Sensorimotor level they get along great. They have amazing sex, and that is the only time Mr. Big will get close to her. Carrie has to have sex with him so that she can feel like they’re really together. Yet the minute he climbs out of bed, he shrugs her off and has to get back to “his life.” His most famous words are always “Relax Kid.” And when she asks him if he loves her his response is an oh-so-romantic “abso-fu-#@$-ing-lutely” Now doesn’t that just melt your heart?

OZ: Affectively the prisoners are having more than enough time to reflect on what they did have and to feel the horror of losing their wives. Their motivations are to behave as much as possible so they can be granted the permission of a conjugal visit in order to feel loved and nurtured by their loving wives. And of course the wives come and take care of them and do the deed. They want their men to be happy, not matter what it takes.

Cognitively, the men realize that they have been going about life all wrong. What they would give to do it over. “What was I thinking?!?” Their thoughts are now their new torture. The things they never spent time thinking about are now the only things that consume their minds 24 hours a day seven days a week. Only now can they appreciate what they had since it has been stripped away from them. Not to mention they didn’t take the time to think what would happen to their wives and children if they were to get locked up.

On the Sensorimotor level they are deprived of all physical affection from their wives. They’re allowed to workout and play basketball, but they are severely limited. They no longer have the company of their wives or the ability to go out at their own leisure and enjoy their families. However, they’re still lucky to have the possibility of having sex with their wives, this is their greatest motivation. Waiting for her to come to him, make a homemade meal and then satisfy him. Poor, poor man, how awful for you to be stuck in here. The show doesn’t acknowledge the women and their torture of having lost a husband.

(d) What are your reactions to these observations?

My reactions are that we are so desensitized to all of the male dominant, patriarchal, non-unity types of relationships both in the media and in everyday life. Unless we are asked to examine these situations in the ways in which this report is asking, most of the actions go unnoticed. It’s sad that this is what we are teaching our youth and ourselves that this is acceptable. I think we need a change in the ways in which we view marriage and relationships. Relationships need to change. I am very grateful for having the opportunity to have my eyes opened to a new way of thinking.

(e) What is your explanation as to why these interactions are portrayed so often?

I think that the Dominance model has been a traditional form of thinking for so long that it is now a custom and we are familiar and comfortable with it. It is going to take time and effort for that to change and eventually be replaced with the Unity Model. I’m optimistic though; I have seen my generation move more and more towards the Equity Model, so I know that it is only a matter of time before there is a switch into the Unity Model.

(f) What might be the consequences for couples and society?

There will be more heartache and pain and misery if we continue in the Dominance Model way of thinking. It is not right, it doesn’t feel right and that’s why we are having so many problems. When people decide that they no longer want to feel that way and that they would rather spend their energy focusing on the ultimate goal of an eternal marriage, life will be very different.

(g) Anything else you have to say.

By sharing this information on the Internet, the avenue of communication is so much greater than keeping it hidden away in a book. I am very pleased to know that I am contributing my thoughts and that any one at any time can look at the work that Dr. James and his students are doing in order to bring about a new way of thinking.

 

Question 15:

(a) Describe the Web presence of Dr. Laura Schlessinger and Dr. Deborah Tannen. What does one find when looking them up with google?

Dr. Laura is a very prominent figure in radio broadcasting and through her various books on relationships, marriage and family. There are many websites about her: her homepage, people’s thoughts, people’s criticisms, bad press, good press, you name it. I personally do not like her and find her to be a little backwards and traditional. Schlessinger is well liked, and well hated, there are numerous opinionated articles written on her. It seems more like a gossip fest than a professional image when looking her up.

Deborah Tannen has a much more professional web presence. When you look her up the articles that are displayed are from various colleges or published by her colleagues. She seems to be well respected and knowledgeable about her filed and the material she writes about. Tannen’s information is more dry and boring, more scientific and clear cut.

(b) What do people say about them?

People make it very clear as to what they think about Dr. Laura. They either think she is their saving grace or sent by the devil to ruin women. I find it rather entertaining. The women is well known, and loudly heard across the nation. Dr. Tannen is talked about in a more academic arena and is well known for her studies and accounts on linguistic relationships and the dynamics of conversations.

(c) Do they seem to have influence?

I believe that both women have a great influence. There is a multitude of information and articles on both of them. As I stated before Deborah Tannen is a prominent force in the field of education and Dr. Laura appeals to the mainstream craziness of relationships and the “give-me-the-quick-fix-to-my-problem” kind of situations.

(d) Are they popular?

Yes, they both are very popular. Dr. Laura is by far better known than Deborah Tannen. However they both have been quite influential in the audiences that they target their work towards. Dr. Laura has an advantage of reaching a much larger audience through her radio show. But Deborah Tannen has done really well through her published books and articles.

(e) How do you react to this Web information now that you are familiar with these two authors?

After reading their work, I think that their web presence reflects exactly what I personally have thought of them. This web information seems to portray their characters. With Tannen being more professional and Schlessinger being more erratic and easily liked and disliked.

(f) Discuss some of their ideas with friends and see how they react.

When I initially ran some of Dr. Laura’s advice by a close girlfriend of mine she thought I was making the stuff up! Sure, there were some redeeming elements to her work and some valid points but overall the woman is crazy to think that all women will quietly submiss themselves to such a patriarchal ideology.

However, when discussing Tannen’s work, I had to take the time to really explain what she was saying and how it corresponds to our interactions in verbal communication relating to underlying issues. Talking about Deborah Tannen’s work is a chance for a wonderful intellectual conversation. Talking about Dr. Laura is like gossiping about a girl you can’t stand at school and wondering who is going to beat her up first!

My Report On the Current Generation:

I spent some time looking at the outline of Hiroku Kikuchi on Sections 16 and 17 of the Unity Model of Marriage. She covered many aspects that I have discussed in this report. She explains the phases of the dominance model and the equity model and finally the unity model.

Since the outline is a synopsis of our lecture notes, I agree with the concepts and they greatly overlap with what I have talked about within these questions. However I did try to do my best to describe it in my own words so that it may help whoever reads this report with understanding the material from a different perspective.

I took the time to review Michelle Ching’s outline for her presentation on Reference 1. She did an excellent job in presenting the different models, explaining the differences between the Dominance model, the equity model and the unity model. She also included the various authors that corresponded to these models. We share much of the same views on the descriptions of the models, their uses and how the apply to daily life.

Finally, I looked at an outline by Patrick Greer in which he presented on Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Some of his thoughts and comments support the same view that I have towards her as an author and how her material corresponds to this class and the Unity Model.

My Advice to Future Generations:

This class requires quite a bit of effort on your part. Let’s just state that right away. There is a lot of reading, but if you do it and keep up with it the class gives you an amazing well-rounded view of a variety of perspectives on Marriage and Psychology of the sexes.

I took this course simultaneously with Dr. James other Psychology 459 course entitled Theistic Psychology. I thought I was going to my grave early when I realized I would have to be doing reports in both classes, outlines, presentations and readings! Not to mention I am taking 21 credits this semester with these two courses. I know, I’m crazy. My point is that if I can do two of these courses, as well as five others and still get a good grade and maintain my sanity, anyone can do it! J

Pace yourself and enjoy the readings, take this course when you have the time to put in the required work. It’s a fascinating study on relationship Psychology. Taking this course and the Theistic Psychology at the same time gave me a wonderful look into the work of Emanuel Swedenborg. The more time you can spend studying his work, the better because it is quite detailed and forces you to change your way of thinking.

There are very few courses at this University that I have enjoyed or that I have given me anything that I can actually take out into the real world and apply what I have learned. This course will be the exception. I’m so happy to have taken it my senior semester and actually enjoy the material. It was a relief to know that there is a Professor who is organized, educated and determined to give you an opportunity to experience something rare. You don’t find this kind of teaching methodology very often.

I hope you enjoy the course as much as I have and I would like to thank Dr. James for making my last semester here at UH a pleasant and surprisingly wonderful experience.

 

 

 

 

 

Class Home Page:

www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy22/classhome-g22.htm

My Homepage:

www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2005/beard/home.htm

Lecture Notes on the Unity Model of Marriage:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy22/409b-g22-lecture-notes.htm