This is an Outline for The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands,
By Dr. Laura Schlessinger, Harper Collins Inc., 2004, pages 152-165
By Laina Beard
Instructions for this Outline can be found at:http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy22/g22-oral.htm
I.) Roles in a Marriage
A) Always a sensitive issue, however men and women have innate qualities: a woman should be at home caring for her husband and family, a man should be the primary breadwinner. “Females nest and nurture, males conquer and protect.”
B) Example: Joanne has two sons with disabilities and does all of the household chores; she resents her husband for working long hours. Because of an accident, the husband now stays at home and she works, he never complains and does the same amount of work as her. She feels awful and views him differently.
C) My opinion: I highly doubt that the husband does the same amount as she once did. Just because he is now supposedly matching her prior efforts he is seen as a “king” and she should feel guilty for complaining about the unfair workload. I don’t agree with the notion that men and women should stick to their innate qualities. I think that woman do have the loving, nurturing side but I also believe that they are just as capable of conquering and protecting as well.
II.) A Game Plan for Future Generations
A) Displaying affection and respect for a husband in his own home not only lets the husband know that his wife loves him and appreciates him, it sets an example to their children on how a wife and husband should act and treat one another.
B) Example: One wife wrote in that she learned to let go of all the little things that drove her insane and focused more on trying to be the kind of wife her sons would want to have when they grew up and got married. She wanted to set a good example for her kids.
C) My opinion: I agree with this concept that parents need to set an example for their children and to have the kind of marriage they would hope for their own children.
III.) Emotional Venting is Not the Way to Go
A) Talking to friends and family about your husband’s faults and weaknesses damages your husbands reputation. It makes it harder for your friends and family to forgive him than it is for you as his wife. They don’t want to see you being hurt. Think before you start complaining.
B) Example: Becky, a listener, writes that her mother advises her not to tell her all of the problems she is having with her husband because it is hard for her to see her daughter being hurt and she won’t be able to forgive him easily. Becky sometimes wants to get things off her chest but ultimately feels like she needs
to keep it to herself.
C) My opinion: I agree that there is a certain degree where bad mouthing your husband behind his back just for the sake of complaining is wrong, but I don’t agree with keeping to yourself as much as possible. As women, we look to our friend and family for advice, support and better understanding. In that case, we should be able to communicate our thoughts and feelings to whomever we please since there is obviously lack of communication between the married couple.
Helpful Links:http://marriage.about.com/od/communicationkeys/ http://www.drlaura.com/main/ http://www.yourmarriagefitness.com/l.html
My Home Page: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2005/beard/home.htm