Psychology 409b – January 18, 2006

Psychology 409b – January 18, 2006

Unity of the Marriage and the Self

By Alton Antonio

Dr. James, Leon; Dr Nalh, Diane; Unity Model of Marriage ver. 10b, University of Hawaii, 2006, sections 1-2, http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/409b-g24-lecture-notes.htm

Section 1: Introduction –

-The Unique Relationship between the Husband and Wife: Barriers, Obstacles, Growth

1. Natural Marriage: the beginning of marriage relationships

a) an external bond between the husband and wife—legally, socially psychologically by way of goals of parenting, financials, lifestyles, etc.

b) stable relationship but insufficient for further growth, development and intimacy, there are limitations to this external bond in the relationship

- 50% of all marriages end in separation and/or divorce

-what can we do for further development of marriage relationships?

2. Spiritual Marriage: an ascension, a higher level of intimacy between husband and wife

a) this development goes beyond the legal concept of marriage, beyond death, beyond wedding vows

b) what are the requirements?

- beliefs by both parties that there is an afterlife, acknowledgement that there will be a reunification of both parties after death

- “soul mate”- knowing that even if one dies, the relationship will never be separated—mentally or spiritually

- there is a special bond/rapport between the husband and wife—beyond the natural marriage

c) how is a spiritual marriage achieved?

- “until death do us part” concept turns into “forever and ever” concept

3. Complications: denied by materialistic science

a) ignored by sciences based on facts—substantial evidence

b) neglect towards the spiritual aspects in people’s marriages

c) no mention in psychology about the spiritual marriage concept

- “Spiritual Marriage” Based on Emanuel Swedenborg’s Findings/Works

1. Who is he?

a) born 1688-1772, 84 yrs old, a Sweedish scientist

b) known for his “theistic science”, referenced God in his explanations, used God as a conceptual approach—something real, something objective

2. A Vision from God

a) at age 57, Swedenborg received a vision from God—told Swedenborg that he unconsciously lives in two worlds—the physical and spiritual aspect, God could be intertwined with scientific explanations

b) Substantive Dualism: humans are born in two worlds simultaneously—physical and spiritual bodies, connected to one another, but we could not live in both worlds at the same time while conscious

- physical body—limited to time and space

- spiritual body—out of time and space, eterenity

- when the physical body dies, the spiritual body goes into the afterlife

3. Swedenborg is the only person to live consciously in both the physical and spiritual world

a) lasted for the last 27yrs of his life—interviewed people who died and were resuscitated back into the physical worldàaccounts of their experience of the afterlife

-NEGATIVE BIAS vs. POSTIVE BIAS (both not proven by science, hence a bias)

1. What is a negative bias?

a) denies that anything exists expect for what that is natural, constructed out of physical matter in time and space, denies God’s existence, afterlife, consciousness

2. What is a positive bias?

b) there are two worlds, one natural in physical time and space, the other spiritual/mental, God exists, there is an afterlife

c) requirements to a positive bias

-dualism: both existence of natural and rational sciences

-thesim: existence of God and his eternal presence

-revelation: source of facts/knowledge of spiritual world

Section 2: The Individual’s Threefold Self –

- What is the Individual’s Threefold Self?

1. constitutes our development of our behavior of ourselves and towards the opposite gender

2. Three dimensions:

a) Affective Self: your own feelings, desires, motiviations, thoughts

- deepest level of the three, guides and influences the other selves

- when the affective self changes, the other selves adjusts to it

b) Cognitive Self: your own thinking and reasoning

- determined by the affective self

c) Sensorimotor Self: your verbal/physical actions, sensations

- determined by the union of the affective and cognitive selves

- ex: what we feel/desireàwhat we reason/thinkàwhat we say/do

- Women: The Emotional Beings—The Affective Self vs. Men: The Physical Beings—The Sensorimotor Self

1. In general, women are more in tune with their emotional selves

a) natural to fixate/focus on their emotions and what they want, they are more ambitious to spend time comtemplating what they feel

b) motivated to practive more than men to utilize their feelings in relationships

2. Because of society, men are less aware of their emotions

a) due to the stereotypes of men as beings who are not suppose to show emotions

3. Friction: Women project their feelings to men and want the men to open up with their own emotions

a) men feel uncomfortable/uneasy with showing their emotionsàcauses women to believe the men unable to commit because he cannot open up

b) causes the rift between the intimacy of husband and wife

-How Do We Develop Our Threefold Self?

1. Production of biology, culture, society etc.

a) acquired as we grow up, we are exposed to the relationships with our parents, friends, family, society, culture, media

b) can cause us to be influenced by stereotypes—causing a negative effect in our threefold selves

-affective: feelings/desires towards the opposite sex

-cognitive: sexist thoughts of the other gender imposed by society

-sensor motor: abuse towards the spouse

2. Can either strains/conflict or strengthen the dynamic atmosphere/environment of the relationship between husband and wife who struggle to become a functional-cohesive unit while trying to cooperate with each other on their differences

- In this weblink, it mentions the term “soulmates” as in section 1 of Dr. Leon James’ lectures. This weblink goes on further to define “soulmates” in “Some believe that a soul mate is someone with whom a person has shared other lifetimes through reincarnation. The soul mate could be a friend, business partner, parent, child, sibling, spouse or other family member. These soul mates can be of the same or opposite sex.” It also references a couple of movies that deal with soulmates.

2. http://www.baltimorenewchurch.org/pc/rsj71a.htm

- In this weblink, there are references of Emanuel Swedenborg’s findings as a foundation to the development of their church. It uses the term “spiritual marriage” and even goes beyond that to suggest spiritual parenting which “The spiritual marriage bond between man and wife, and their procreation of children who will in turn become married couples in their own right, is the source of heaven's inhabitants.”

3. http://www.theisticscience.org/psychology/theistic.html

- The basis of this weblink is “theistic science”—what is is, and how we apply it to life and experiments. Theistic science goes beyond psychology and it is divided into 5 series or departments of spiritual growth—theistic physics, biology, psychology, religion and philosophy

Homepage: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/Antonio/antonio-home.htm

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