Psychology 409b March 1, 2006
Achieving a Unified Relationship
Alton Antonio
Dr. James, Leon; Dr Nalh, Diane; Unity Model of Marriage ver. 10b, University of Hawaii, 2006, sections 7-8, http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/409b-g24-lecture-notes.htm
Ref 6a Part 4, Principles Relating to the Selection of a Marriage Partner, written by Reverend Geoffrey Howard, From "A Young Woman Should Consult with Her Parents Prior to Giving Her Consent" until the end, http://www.swedenborgproject.org/page.cfm?pageid=172
I. Threefold Degrees of Conjunction
A. Psychological Characteristics or “mentality” for the three levels
1. Corporeal: style of personality emphasizing on physical goals and satisfactions
a. centered in the Dominance model
b. corporeal sensorimotor (zone 1); corporeal cognitive (zone 2); corporeal affective (zone 3)
c. involves partners at a general level
- contains physical and mental intimacy but only of a external self
- how one might appear is opposite of what one is thinking
2. Sensuous: a less materialistic outlook as compared with the corporeal personality
a. centered in the Equity model
b. sensuous sensorimotor (zone 4); sensuous cognitive (zone 5); sensuous affective (zone 6)
c. involves partners interacting at a personal level
- couples get closer mentally
- there are certain independencies on contains and distances themselves in certain intimate areas
3. Rational: understanding of the spouse and are able to reason to achieve unity
a. centered in the Unity model
b. rational sensorimotor (zone 7); rational cognitive (zone 8); rational affective (zone 9)
c. involves partners interacting at a particular level
- intolerant of differences between each other, eliminates areas that are antagonistic to the relationship
- mutual love, motivation by making each other happy without ulterior motives, it is because you want to make your spouse happy
II. A Young Woman Should Consult with Her Parents Prior to Giving Her Consent
A. Why is it necessary?
1. Young women are not able to identify the morals of men
a. a young woman might get too caught up by the physical attraction when they first interact
b. a young woman could easily be blinded by the bliss of their union
c. young men have a tendency to manifest only their pleasant side of their nature
2. What can the parents offer their daughter?
a. a parent’s judgments are considered wise
b. more clear-sighted in finding suit a compatible spouse for their daughter
c. they have the experience from which they were young
III. A Successful Marriage: Can We Make it Work?
A. Are we able to identify internal similitudes (internal affections)?
1. internal similitudes are obscured in the physical world due to the material body
a. lusts and cupidities (desires) can obscure internal similitudes one is trying to manifest
b. all subjects to temptations and will experience them
2. how can cupidites be overcome?
a. by rejecting, controlling, and subduing cupidites that might ariseàinternal affections will show and manifest into the speech, gestures and manners between spousesàthus making internal affections visible
b. internal affections can be sustained through our virtues of honesty and sincerity
B. Are we completely certain of our decision?
1. why are we unsure of our decision?
a. because of the sinister side that will manifest in the early stages of relationships
b. temptations, lusts and desires will ariseàobscuring internal affections for one another
c. people might feel forsaken in their decision when their spouse gives into their cupidites
d. cupidites can be subdued by allowing our internal affections to develop again, returning to the essence that drew the coupling together
2. the future of a relationship of a marriage or relationship is unknown
a. there is little idea what it is really like to completely share our life with another
b. we have expectations to what the marriage or relationship is going to be like
- might have promise and anticipation
- might also be apprehensive in the marriage or relationship
c. future of the marriage or relationship depends on the quality of judgment we employ
3. regenerate and unregenerate selves
a. what is a regenerate self?
- what we achieve to be—sincere, honorable, having mutual and intimate love
- no young person in this world is regenerate
b. what is an unregenerate self?
- the sins that we are born with and commit in our life and in our relationships
- can arise in a marriage or relationship that seemed to be unified
C. The value and importance of first states
1. what are first states?
a. when the woman consents and there is a glow of conjugial love; when the love they feel for each other is deeply affecting
b. a man devotes his love to one, when the gestures and manners one develops in their interaction with their spouse; their motives are sincere
2. the importance of first states
a. during the trials and tribulations of the marriage and relationship, the couples faith and love for each other will increase and decrease for every situation, if the couple draws back to within their memories of the first states, then their promise and strength will sustain the relationship
- recalling the promise felt saliently in the when developing first states
b. “first state is an initiation into perpetual states of happiness” (CL 59)
- able to overcome the differences and problems in the marriage or relationship
Related Links:
- In this weblink, the new church is based on Emanuel Swedonborg’s teaching on theistic science and spiritual marriages, which is also the basis of Rev. Geoffrey Howard’s Principles Relating to the Selection of a Marriage Partner. All three perspectives share the same point when dealing with the external and internal affections (and its importance) that a couple in a relationship or marriage must experience to achieve a successful union.
- In this weblink, it is a message “blog” board that consist questions raised by the public and people responding to those questions either in the negative bias or the positive bias. Some of the contents of the comments state that parental consent is tradition and outdated. Some others say that consulting with your parents depends on your ethnic background. One person states that the purpose behind parental consent before proposing is about communication and trust by both the family and the person asking for marriage: “It gives them a way to feel involved, even as you make plans to build a family that's independent and separate from either person's connection to their parents.”
- In this weblink, the consent of parents to marriage comes
from the Writings of Bahá'u'lláh (I’m not too sure what ethnicity
which it comes from) which states: “Marriage is conditioned on the consent of
both parties and their parents, whether the woman be a maiden or not.”
Also, From letters written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi it states that “About
the consent of parents for marriage: this is required before and also after the
man or woman is twenty-one years of age. It is also required in the event of a
second marriage, after the dissolution of the first whether through death or
through divorce.”
”The parental consent is also a binding obligation irrespective of whether the
parents are Bahá'ís or not, whether they are friendly or opposed to the Cause.
In the event of the death of both parents, the consent of a guardian is not
required.”
Parental consent is universal in almost every culture. People
acknowledge a parent's wisdom, knowledge and experience that they could provide
their child for the child’s future.
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