Psychology 409b March 2, 2006

Types of Marriages

By Alton Antonio

Coleman, Joshua, The Lazy Husband, St.Martin’s Press, 2005, pgs 72-99

Instructions for this activity are found at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/g24-oral1.htm

Instructor: Dr. Leon James

I. What Kind of Marriage Do I Have?

            A. Traditional Marriage:

                        1. Traditional marriage characteristics:

a. both believe the woman should be the authority and caretaker of the house and children

                                    b. both believe the man should be the “breadwinner”

                                    c. marriage is perceived as “helping the wife” participation rather than an equal partnership

                                    d. neither expect the woman to provide family wages; family first over a career

                                    e. both believe that the father is not a substitute for the mother

                        2. Flaws in a traditional marriage:

                                    a. women are oppressed in marriage because…           

- women have less bargaining power

                                                - women are financially dependent on husband

                                                - a belief in that a woman should defer to husband’s authority

                                                - weakens ability to negotiate rules in marriage

- women become resentful because of their position in marriage but do not show it rather they deceive themselves into thinking that their marriage is for the best.

            B.  Transitional Marriage:

1. Transitional marriage characteristics:

a. both believe the wife has a right to a career

                                    c. even with a career, the woman should choose the family over the career

                                    d. man is an active, involved participant as the father

                                    e. the woman should be the authority

                                    f. marriage is perceive as “helping the wife” participation rather than an equal partnership

                                    g. both believe that the father is not a substitute for the mother

            C.   Egalitarian Marriage:

1. Egalitarian marriage characteristics:

a. the woman has a right to a career

                                    b. the woman will most likely provide the family income

                                    c. neither assumes the wife is better at parenting, or particular obligations to make sacrifices on their belief

                                    d. man chooses to become an active parental unit

                                    e. both believes they are equally responsible to make decisions dealing with family issues (ex: doctor’s appointment)

            D.  A mixed plate

                        1. not all couples fall into the same category

                        2. some couples have different views and perspectives in terms of marriage rights

                                    a. examples: traditional man and transitional woman OR traditional man and egalitarian woman

                        3. certain men and or women might feel threatened by their spouse’s position or viewsàleading to insecurity or guilt

                        4. what is the most unstable and problematic arrangement?

                                    a. traditional man and egalitarian woman

                        5. what is the most uncommon arrangement?

                                    a. traditional woman and egalitarian man

                                                - the husband might expect his wife to journey into the workforce

                                                - the wife might feel threatened by her husband’s eagerness to help in the housework

                        6. how can there be a path to happiness?

                                    a. is appreciative on what he/she is doing right

                                    b. you don not have to cave in on things that matter the most to you

Related Links:

1. God’s Word to Women: http://www.godswordtowomen.org/studies/articles/Preato3.htm

In this weblink, it shows a correlation between the type of religion someone is and the divorce rates.  It states that the highest divorce rates among religions are Jewish (30%) and born-again Christians (27%).  This weblink also emphasizes that it is a necessity for equality between spouses for a marriage to function and that the church encourages egalitarian relationships.  It also compares and contrasts egalitarian vs. traditional marriages and displays a percentage of happiness between egalitarian and traditional couples.   

2. Counseling Articles, Making Relationships Work Better: http://www.divorceonline.com/articles/f140953.html

In this weblink, it features an article by Ashton Applewhite in which she expresses her insight about egalitarian marriages and traditional marriages.  Applewhite further states that a husband a wife need to treat each other with equality and says, “Blaming men for the sorry state of gender relations is as easy -- and unconstructuve -- as blaming marriage for the unfulfilling nature of many unions. The point is not that husbands are brutal and wives hapless, or women righteous and men inadequate; if men are self-centered, it is in large part because women are socialized to let them get away with it.”  Applewhite suggests that one of the biggest factors to marital life is how society shapes marriage.

3. From Gender Vertigo to Gender Peace: http://web2.airmail.net/ktrig246/out_of_cave/vertigo.html

In this weblink, it explores what are egalitarian marriages. This weblink showcases the works of Pepper Schwartz and Phillip Blumstein and how states that in the present a true egalitarian marriage is non-existent and near impossible.

My Homepage is:

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/Antonio/antonio-home.htm

Class Home Page is:

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/classhome-g24.htm