Psychology 409b March 2, 2006

Difference of Opinions, Different Perspectives

By Alton Antonio

The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, Harper Collins Publishers, 2004, Pages 82-95

Instructions for this activity are found at:

www.soc.hawaii.ed/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/g24-oral1.htm

Instructor: Dr. Leon James

I. Difference of Opinions: A conflict between spouses

            A. “Valerie”

                        1. Her cat vs. her husband

a. husband dislikes the cat due to the hostility (attacks, scratches) it puts on her husband

                        2. Her reasons:

a. she does not want to get rid of the cat because she feels that her husband requests is a controlling issue, does not want to be told what to do

                        3. Dr. Laura’s response

a. concludes that if Valerie’s husband request something it is called control but if Valerie request something it is called a reasonable request

b. tells Valerie that she needs to get rid of the cat and have a healthier mind-set about her give-take relationship

            B. “Gina”

                        1. Wanting a “picture perfect” family

a. wanting her husband’s father to be in their child’s life despite her husband’s disapproval

- due to her husbands undeveloped bond between his father when he was young

b. does not understand why her husband is being stubborn about it, she thinks it is a rational idea

                        2. Dr. Laura’s response

a. tells Gina that she should stop pushing the issue no matter if she has a rational reason, what is important is how her husband feels towards his father

            C. “Chris”

                        1. Difference in disciplining of their child

a. agreed that their 15 year old daughter goes out too much and forbids her going to a football game, but Chris later lets her daughter go

                        2. Husband’s grievances:

                                    a. feels that Chris teams up with their children against him

                        3. Dr. Laura’s response

a. tells Chris that she is bypassing her obligation to respect her husband’s opinions, Chris is focused on being liked by her daughter than being parental partners

b. think about a man’s perspective, must accept that their husbands have the same feelings, concerns as wives do…however husbands express it differently

II. Expectations are Enemies of Happiness

A. The greater the expectations of what actually is the greater the disappointments

1. women have high unreasonable and unrealistic expectations

            B. “Daniel”

                        1. described an engineers perspective of men and women

                                    a. on/off toggle switch

                                    b. top switch: simple on/off switchàmen

                                    c. bottom switch: 40 switchesàwomen

2. explains the complicated characteristics of women and the simplicity of men

3. marital communication will go smoothly if women accept a man’s communication style without resentment

            C. “John”

                        1. What are you thinking?

a. while driving, wife would ask what he was thinking about, he would respond: NOTHING

b. both get defensive, she believes he is hiding something and he gets irritated for her badgering

D. the more you put standards on your significant other, the more disappointment you will face when they don’t meet up to them

Related Links

1. http://pages.towson.edu/itrow/wmcomm.htm

In this weblink, this is an overview on the research based on gender communication by Dr. Beth Vanfossen.  There are many links to contents such as “Do men and women differ in their communication experiences?” or “Who interrupts?” to even “Who talks the most?” 

2. http://www.geocities.com/Wellesley/2052/genddiff.html

In this weblink, difference in gender communication are separated in four sections: body language, behavior, speech patterns and facial expression.  These sections are based on Dr. Lillian Glass' book He Says, She Says: Closing the Communication Gap Between the Sexes. 

3. http://www.psychologymatters.org/nodifference.html

In this weblink, the basis of this site overviews that “Studies show that one's sex has little or no bearing on personality, cognition and leadership.”  There are subsections in which there is a discussion on “Learning Gender-Myths” and another section on how you can move past gender myths. 

My Homepage: 409b (Tuesday) http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/Antonio/antonio-home.htm

Class Hompage: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/classhome-g24.htm