Psychology 409b March 3, 2006

Psychology 409b March 3, 2006

The 411 on Husbands

By Alton Antonio

The Lazy Husband, Dr. Joshua Coleman, St. Martin’s Press New York, 2005, Pages 1820-206

Instructions for this activity are found at:

www.soc.ahwaii.ed/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/g24-oral1.htm

Instructor: Dr. Leon James

For the Husband

I. Housework and sex

A. Sex is different between men and women

1. sex is not as scarce for women as for men

2. a male’s housework performance affects a woman’s sexuality and desire

a. a husband’s housework performance makes her feel cared about

b. a husband’s housework performance decreases her stress level

1) sexual interest between the genders is tied to stress for evolutionary reasons

- ovulation is linked to a woman’s right to choose a man who increases the likelihood of those offspring who survive

- men can spread their genes on a daily basisàworries less about their offspring surviving and maximizing opportunities to spread genes

B. Men can never meet the standards of their wives in their housework

1. due to a woman’s huge standards or control

2. some men use their wives’ high standards in their favor to…

a. to get out of doing housework or chores

b. makes his wife do the housework instead

3. How can men improve their relationship in dealing with their housework?

a. writes a list with wife of what she would like her husband to do or perform

b. sees if there are bargains that can be made

c. do not argue with wife so much

d. in marriage, you can be right or you can be happy but sometimes you cannot have both

4. if you do not want to contribute in the housework

a. be more direct with complaints rather than withdrawing or retreating from the responsibilities

C. Examine your childhood

1. the way you behave now with your spouse could be due to how you were raised in your childhood

D. Parenting

1. differences in parenting

a. men respond less quickly to children’s frustrations or cries

1) men want their children to experience things that emphasize risk

b. men who are involved with their child tend to have better sense of an emotional security and are closer to their fathers

c. men want to get involved with parenting but with less involvement from their wife

d. men want the opportunity to make their own mistakes in parenting

E. Daily appreciations

1. men should appreciate everything that their wives do for them, the kids and the household

a. appreciation is important fro many reasons:

1) it is saying that you are not taking your relationship for granted

2) it is saying that you love her

3) if the wife is satisfied with the marriage, then she is satisfied with the husband

b. appreciation does not have to be excessive; they can be short and concise

c. appreciate your wife for herself

1) what traits are meaningful to the wife?

a) think about the areas where she feels the most anxiety and vulnerability about herself

b) find ways to support and appreciate even if you feel critical about your wife

c) do not be so defensive

d) do not withdrawal with the marital interactions but rather be involved, even when it is about complaints

e) talk about each other and your own feelings for each other

f) be affectionate with each other

g) take responsibility for how you contribute to the problems and then commit to work on ourselves

II. The Lazy Husband Campaign

1. An overall perspective

A. We need to figure out how to preserve a sense of self while accepting changes that occurred in ourselves and our spouses

1. balance between asking for what you want and not giving away the store

B. Men should have more responsibility in the involvement of the marriage

1. not only in leisure or play involvement, but with others like the involvement with the child’s changing or cleaning

C. Principles that make up your core identity:

1. healthy sense of entitlement

2. expectation of change and cooperation

3. commitment to appreciate things done right in the marriage

4. feeling of acceptance and compassion for your spouse

In this weblink, it consist a focus on the complexities of family life and how we can persevere through those predicaments. There are many links to many concepts and topics of family interaction. One that relates to this outline is under “Healthy Marital Relationships.” Under this topic it explains the roles in marriage between the husband and the wife, and it even has articles, resources, organization and even other websites relating to the topic itself

2. http://www.eliyah.com/family/husbands.html

In this weblink, the person who developed this website connects family life and marital life and interconnects it to religion, more specifically the Old Testament. This website consists of five parts, each specifically for each role in the family – fathers, husbands, mothers, wives and children. For the husband, basically it is telling men to love their wives. "Women are gifts to be cherished"--this website intertwines this statement from references based on the Old Testament

3. http://www.cbmw.org/article.php?id=75

In this weblink, it is another website that connects marital relationships to the concept a particular religion. An article by Dennis Rainey poses the age old question to many married couples out there: What Should Be the Husband's Role in Marriage? Rainey poses three biblical responsibilities and duties a man must follow – Responsibility #1) be a leader, Responsibility #2) love your wife unconditionally and Responsibility #3) Serve your wife.

My Homepage: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/Antonio/antonio-home.htm

Class Homepage: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/classhome-g24.htm