Creating Change

Psychology 409b 1/30/06

Outline Number Two

By Cynthia Adams

Coleman, Ph. D., Joshua. The Lazy Husband. New York: St. Martin’s Press, 2005. (Pages 112-149).

Instructions for this activity are found at:

www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/g24-oral1.htm

Instructor: Dr. Leon James

1) Creating Change

a) This book focuses on the concept that ideally women want their husbands to do more. It offers ideas and suggestions on how to get your mate to behave differently. In order to create change a women must exercise some of these strategies:

i) Women must think strategically to get husband to stop being lazy

ii) They must do this at both conscious and unconscious levels

iii) Important to know what cards you have in your hand and what cards your partner is holding and what he is willing to play

iv) Determine techniques to bargaining and negotiation how to use these techniques to gain influence with husband

2) Problem with Motherhood

a) Here a wife is focusing on her own needs and desires in direct relation to child rearing and her own satisfaction.

i) Person who cares the most has least bargaining power.

ii) Women gain attachment to a child by carrying infant for nine months

iii) Husbands are attached too however, they do not have same emotional investment

iv) Mother more motivated than father in attending to child’s needs.

v) Wife must convince husband of two things

(a) Needs of child are important to her

(b) Attending to needs of child is important to child

3) Male Status at Bargaining Table

i) In order for women to stop feeling taken advantage of, taken for granted they must use various options to create change in one’s husband and get him to behave differently. In order to get the most from a husband women must practice certain strategies and techniques.

ii) Some techniques involve the following:

(a) Appeal to sense of fair play

(b) Cash in on favor

(d) Disclose how unhappy you are with the current situation

(e) Work with his priorities

(f) Consider eliminating some of the chores

(g) Make trades

(h) Improve wife’s bargaining position

4) To-Do Lists

i) Dr. Colman suggests that it is necessary to create to-do lists to help the wife get more from her husband. When couples work together through to-do lists and by making trades they are working toward a more harmonious marriage.

ii) These are good techniques and strategies for women to use to get want she wants from her husband. This offers the wife much more bargaining power in the long run.