Creating Change

Psychology 409b 3/06/06

Outline #6

Eternal Union

By Cynthia Adams

Dr. James, Leon; Dr. Nalh, Diane; Unity Model of Marriage, University of Hawaii, 2006 sections 7-8,

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/409b-g24-lecture-notes.htm

Ref 6a Part 4, Principles Relating to the Selection of a Marriage Partner, by Reverend Geoffrey Howard, From “ A Young Woman Should Consult with Her Parents Prior to Giving Her Consent”, http://www.swedenborgproject.org/page.cfm?pageid=172

Instructions for this activity are found at:

www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/g24-oral1.htm

Instructor: Dr. Leon James

1) Levels of the threefold self

a) The psychological characteristics or “mentality “ that governs a preference for one of the three models.

i) Corporeal mentality: mentality, which refers to the style of personality that focuses primarily on physical goal and satisfactions.

(1) Focuses on the dominance model

(2) Consists of zone l corporeal sensorimotor; zone 2- corporeal cognitive; zone 3-corporeal affective

(3) Most common model of relationship that couples is in.

(4) Couples must conjoin here before they can achieve to the equity and unity models.

(a) Couples in this model usually jump between a state of love and hostility. They often experience arguments but then make-up and show affection towards each other afterwards.

(b) Couples are physically close, however they do not share common thoughts and feelings.

ii) Sensuous: This level is a less materialistic outlook as compared to the corporeal personality level.

(1) Concentrated in the unity level.

(2) Consists of sensuous sensorimotor-zone 4; sensuous cognitive-zone 5; sensuous affective-zone 6.

(3) The husband is generally resistant to leave dominance model and move to the equity model because he does not want to give up his power.

(a) Couples still argue however, the two shares a similar reasoning process and agree more and can influence each other’s.

(b) Couples have now come to agreements and negotiate with one another.

(4) Once the husband chooses to accept the equity level, the husband and wife grow closer. They begin to share in responsibilities through continued negotiations.

iii) Rational: At this level the couple have grown to understand each other and can move toward a deeper love.

(1) Concentrated in the unity level.

(2) Consists of rational sensorimotor-zone 7; rational cognitive-zone 8; rational affective-zone 9.

(3) The unity level is achieved only when tow partners completely abandon the dominance and equity mode.

(4) The unity model achieves the highest level of the threefold self –the affective self.

(5) The husband is able to think rationally and does not argue with his wife.

(a) In this model, the husband is considered to be “spiritually enlightened” because he acknowledges his wife as an eternal partner.

(b) Once they have achieved unity they can live together in the after life as well.

2) A Young Woman should consult with her parents prior to giving her consent.

a) Why is it important for young women to consult with her parents?

i) Prior to marriage a young women in love may not recognize whether a man’s intentions are honorable.

(1) A young woman may be strongly influenced by physical attraction when a couple first becomes involved.

(2) Often this attraction can lead to a lack of judgment and a lack of objectivity.

(3) At this time in the relationship, men sometimes misrepresent themselves.

b) What types of assistance can parents offer their daughter?

i) Parents are considered more experienced and often have better insight.

ii) Parents offer more clear-sighted judgment in regards to compatibility or intentions of a potential suitor.

3) When are two people compatible?

a) Are two people able to recognize similitudes?

i) Similitude’s which can be defined as like qualities.

ii) Internal similitude’s (internal affections), which belong to the mind, are difficult to recognize in the external world however they are clearly perceived in heaven.

(1) Internal similitudes are concealed through lust and cupidites (desire).

b) If lust and cupidites are rejected the internal affections become a gift from heaven.

i) According to the Reverend Geoffrey Howard, these feelings are a gift from the lord, any and all love comes from him.

ii) Once sincerely cultivated, internal similitude’s will then manifest into the speech, gestures and manners between the couple making the internal affections visible.

iii) Internal similitudes will shine through in this world though the cultivating of virtues of honesty and sincerity.

4) Do we ever feel completely certain in our choice?

a) Courtship should be a time of self-discovery and self-expression.

i) During courtship we often question our thoughts of certainty in selecting a partner.

ii) During this time of self expression often times a sinister side will manifest in the early stages of courtship.

(1) An unregenerate self is exposed.

(a) The part of our self, which is with, sin, the part of self, which has committed sin in our life and our relationship.

iii) Conflicts will surface during courtship and in a marriage.

iv) Temptations, lust and desires often arise and prevent internal affections from developing.

(1) If this happens and we hurt the one we love we must feel remorse and show it.

(2) We must through a willingness to forgive, not forget our internal affections, which brought us together.

(a) The regenerated self is exposed.

(i) The part of our self, which operates, with virtues of honesty and sincerity.

b) As we contemplate marriage, the future is unknown.

i) We anticipate the promise of a life together.

ii) We also feel apprehension and uncertainty.

iii) The future depends on our sound judgment and the rest is left in the hands of the lord.

(1) If we approach marriage as being a gift from god then we face the future with trust and confidence.

(2) Under these principles doubt and apprehension become small.

5) The value of first states.

a) The first state is a state when a couple recognizes their love for each other.

i) The initial state of betrothal, which is a blessed state of conjugial love.

ii) The couple has been lead to each other through the divine providence of the lord.

iii) Similitude’s have become shared

(1) The man devotes his love to one woman and she to him.

(2) Their relationship is a reflection of the heavenly ideal.

iv) It is important to remember the conjugial love of the first state.

(1) It is a blessed gift of love and delight.

(2) The “first state is an initiation into perpetual states of happiness” (CL 59)

This website provides information on selecting a marriage partner. The site lists many characteristics in the selection of a marriage partner. One of the most important characteristics of a marriageable person is the habit of happiness. It also gives an analysis on the qualities which men and women, happy and unhappy possess. Many of the traits and characteristics relate directly to the unity model of marriage and some do not.

2. www.shalomindia.com/lifepartner.php

This link offers information in regards to the importance in choosing a partner. It is important to remember that marriage is not just for today or tomorrow but for life. The information provided reminds us that it is our choice to choose a partner, but if we remember to always make God a part of our decisions then we will be pleasantly surprised where he leads us our faith, in our choice of a mate, and in all of our relationships.

3. http://www.familylife.com/articles/article_detail.asp?id=899&page=10&keywords=

This website offer us more spiritual guidance in selecting a marriage partner. We should be reminded that choosing a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions we make in life aside from accepting Jesus into our lives. The site provides many values, which are directly in line with the teaching of the Reverend Geoffery Howard. We are reminded here that a persons actions and looks speak volumes, therefore we should be advised about these very virtues when selecting a marriage partner.

My Homepage is:

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/adams/

Class Home Page is:

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/classhome-g24.htm