Psychology 409b 3/10/06

Outline #7

Women Over Communicate

By Cynthia Adams

Schlessinger, Laura Dr. The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. New York: HarperCollins Publishers Inc., 2004. (Pages 96-109).

Instructions for this activity are found at:

www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/g24-oral1.htm

Instructor: Dr. Leon James

1) Women Over Communicate

a) Men and women communicate very differently. Dr. Laura explains the differences in communication styles between men and women. She goes on to say how problems in a marriage can be over come if women acknowledge these differences. A wife should not communicate with a man like she would her girlfriend nor should she think of her husband like a girlfriend. .

i) The communication of women is complex.

ii) Women talk too much.

iii) Women want to turn their men into women.

iv) Men unfortunately, do not talk nor listen like most women.

(1) Women are often wrong to expect a man to be more involved in communication; this is not a characteristic of a male.

(2) Women often blame men for the communication problems within their relationship.

v) Men should try to understand a women’s communication style.

(1) In men learning how to listen to their wife’s they can achieve greater intimacy.

2) Men are Simple Creatures.

a) Dr. Laura explains that women need to take responsibility for their emotions and not dump everything on their husbands. Women overload their husbands with emotional problems, which they need to take care of themselves.

i) Women often feel that because of the lack of response or care from the husband then he is lacking in presence or concern.

ii) The way in which to overcome this according to Dr. Laura is for women to me mature about their emotions and not to expect a reaction from one’s husband.

(1) Women need to take into consideration how a man does not equate verbal communication with love.

(2) Women must find alternate avenues of relief such a girlfriend.

(a) Women should learn to handle things themselves, husbands are not the only one’s who can solve the wife’s problems.

iii) Men are unable to keep up with women’s emotions.

iv) Men do not want to hear every detail.

(a) Men are not very sensitive to moods and mental statuses.

(b) Women don’t want to hear every detail about a football game, just as husbands do not want to hear every detail of their wife’s stories or problems.

v) Women who have developed caring behaviors towards their husbands have learned this through wisdom, practice and with some maturity.

3) Minimize Communication.

i) According to Dr. Laura men are afraid to communicate. Men suffer from fear of expression; they believe that their wives will become angry with them if their emotions do not coincide with hers. y. In order to get the most from a husband women must practice certain strategies and techniques.

ii) Dr. Laura provides examples from listening husbands. These examples come from husbands who listen to her radio show. Many of these men indicate that they cannot please their wives at all. If they show interest in their wives problems they must also show a reaction or response to the wives problems.

(1) Men often will feel badgered.

(2) This teaches a man to often say nothing at all.

iii) Women should deal with more of their emotional problems internally.

(1) The wife is capable of taking care of her problems without involving or boring her husband with these problems.

(2) A wife should give her husband time to relax when he comes home before she approaches him about his day or before she communicates information about her day.

iv) When a woman shares less, or has learned to temper her conversation then the man is more able to listen and respond in an appropriate loving way.

(1) The husband will be more relaxed.

(2) He will be less defensive.

(3) He will be more responsive to his wife and more to address problems or frustrations.

(a) An example of this comes from a listener Robert who explains that his wife allows him personal time. After this he is better able to “hear” what she is saying and everyone id happier because of this behavior.

(b) Often if men and not allowed this personal time they develop a bad mood due to these feelings and they will tune out their wife.

v) Women need to remember to accept whatever a man says at face value. This is a good technique and strategy for women to use when communicating with her husband. This offers the wife much more bargaining power in the long run.

Related Links:

1. http://www.family.org/married/comm/

This website, which is a focus on the family website provides married couples with a variety of information. On the topic of communication the site suggest that a most common frustration in marriage is a breakdown in any type of communication. Moreover, the site suggests that communication, love and respect are all critical to a successful marriage.

2. http://www.wholefamily.com/aboutyourmarriage/index.html

This website provides many links to information about what makes a lasting marriage. One link, which deals with communication within a marriage, refers to the three R’s. These three points are very important to communication in a marriage. They include the ability to relate, to reveal and to reciprocate. (However, remember according to Dr. Laura do not reciprocate too much). Another important point brought up here is to remember that marriage is how you treat your partner every single day.

3. http://net-burst.net/love/talk.htm

This website deals with improving communication in marriage. This website is in direct line with the views of Dr. Laura in that it states men are the simple creatures. The site further takes the position in which the wife is the more talktative partner. The site offers helpful information on how couples can better understand and communicate according to the different communication styles of their partner. The site also addresses the issue of men who are not very talkative; the information provided suggests ways in which to help women in their communication with this type of a man.

My Homepage is:

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/adams/adams-home.htm

Class Home Page is:

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/classhome-g24.htm