Report
1
Monitoring Anti-Unity Values in the Media
By Ryken Ako
Instructions for this report are at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/409b-g24-report1.htm
A. Obstacles to Achieving Unity
Examples of anti-unity values (AUVs) that are often promoted in the media include:
This is Table 9
1. Living together unmarried
2. Having children out of wedlock
3. Making each other jealous on purpose
4. Adultery for various reasons
5. Promiscuity and bi-sexuality
6. Sexy dressing for men other than one's partner
7. Having a same sex best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things
8. Having a heterosexual best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things
9. Same sex friends going out as a group for fun and entertainment without their partners
10. Flirting with other gender as retaliation against one's partner (or other reason)
11. Separate interests and activities accepted for partners
12. Manipulating partner through deception
13. Accepting the idea that it's OK to "agree to disagree" about some things
14. Promoting the idea that one should not try to change one's partner but should accept them with their faults, etc.
15. Girls only or boys only entertainment
16. Acceptance of the idea that men are more important
17. Promoting the idea that men are more rational than women
18. Promoting the idea that women are generally frivolous as part of their gender
19. Making it look normal for a man to exploit women
20. Making it look normal for a man to abuse women
21. Making it look normal for a man to have prerogatives or perks that women should accept and honor (e.g., serving men, doing what they want no matter what, being dominant, etc.)
22. Making it look like what women say and think as less important
23. Accepting the idea that a man does not need to "grovel" when he apologizes for something bad he did to her (the minimum is enough and she should not ask for more even if her feelings are still hurt or else she is being "unreasonable" etc.)
This table is from: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/409b-g24-lecture-notes.htm
The Unity Model of Marriage may only be achieved between one man and one woman who become conjoined to one another while being married in regards to their actions, thoughts, and feelings. The Unity Model has three levels that couples go through with their marriage. The first model is the Dominance Model, followed by the Equity Model, and finally the Unity Model. This is a progressive model that both members of the relationship must work toward achieving together. The woman’s purpose in the marriage is to conjoin with the man and to achieve the highest level of the Unity Model. The man in the relationship is the one that must do the most changing. The relationship starts off in the Dominance Model. This is because it is the man who exhibits intentions of domination onto the woman. The man wishes to maintain his independence from the woman and does so by dominating and exploiting her.
The man’s resistance to conjunction may be affected by many societal influences. An anti-unity value (AUV) is an action or thought that prevents the couple from conjoining toward the Unity Model. When speaking of AUVs we are mainly speaking of the values that exist in men because it is the men that resist unity and want to maintain their dominance and independence. However, there are AUVs that pertain to women. AUVs are the underlying basis for the obstacles that inhibit the couple from progressing through the Unity Model of Marriage. AUVs affect the ways in which the couple interacts with each other, as well as the thoughts that are behind those actions.
According to the Unity Model of Marriage, the husband and wife must both hold each other in the highest regard. This means that the actions, thoughts, and feelings that each experiences should be directly tied into the actions, thoughts, and feelings of the other. This practice is related to AUVs 7 and 8 listed in the above table. These values state that it is believed to be okay to put others ahead of your partner. In order to progress through the Unity Model, these values must be suppressed so that the husband and wife hold no individual in higher regard than each other.
In order to achieve the highest level of the Unity Model of Marriage, both members of the relationship must overcome these underlying values and also must adopt new ones. As the AUVs are suppressed, new values emerge. These new values are values that promote the conjunction of husband and wife as the couple strives toward the Unity Model. Values that promote the conjunction of husband and wife would include having no secrets from one another, adopting the same belief system, and being aware and acting according to the feelings of the partner, among others.
B. AUVs Shown on TV
Anti-Unity Values were discussed in Generation 23’s Report #2, Question 12. Emilee Patinio and Cloe Bernstein are two students that discussed AUVs in their reports. The students were trying to show how gender interactions are portrayed in the media. The students were required to find three television series that displayed anti-unity values within the context of the scenes and identify what those values were. The students then needed to give examples of the affective, cognitive, and sensorimotor aspects of these interactions of the characters.
Emilee Patinio found many different AUVs exhibited in her three television shows. She was able to find examples of couples living together unmarried, having children out of wedlock, making partners jealous, and promiscuous activities. She was also able to identify examples of men being viewed as more rational than women and also that what women say and think is less important than what men think. Emilee used the television show “Roseanne” as one of her shows. This was good because in the scenes that she describes there were two couples interacting and she was able to identify AUVs that pertained to both couples.
Cloe Bernstein also found many different AUVs in her shows. A prominent value that she seemed to come across was acts of promiscuity and adultery. Cloe described scenes in all three of her shows that contained either promiscuous activities or adultery, or both. It was good that Cloe found an example of bisexuality because bisexuality may not be as prominently displayed in television shows as some of the other AUVs. Cloe also found many examples of couples living together unmarried.
I was not really surprised to discover the abundant AUVs that are portrayed in today’s media. After studying the Unity Model I am able to say that I am more aware of AUVs and am able to identify them when I seem them. However, before taking this class and studying the model, I would notice some of the acts but I did not think of them in the anti-unity sense. I would just interpret them as given conflicts that exist between partners. For example, I would see making your partner jealous simply as a conflict rather than a value that inhibited the unity of the couple. I did not view interactions as having a unity purpose, but rather simply as a couple being able to co-exist with one another.
I would suspect that the main reason why these values are portrayed in television would be to make the shows interesting. These anti-unity values create conflict between characters. The conflicts that exist in these shows are major factors of whether the show is compelling and interesting. Also, the various AUVs may allow the audience to be able to relate to the characters. Many people are able to put themselves in the situations that the characters go through and compare the relationships on television with the real life relationships that they have.
C. Let’s Play Ball!
“White Men Can’t Jump”
(1992, 20th Century Fox) is a movie starring Wesley Snipes, Woody
Harrelson, and Rosie Perez. This movie is about Billy (Woody Harrelson)
and Sidney (Wesley Snipes) and their adventures playing basketball. Billy
is married to Gloria (Rosie Perez). Billy and Gloria moved away from
their original home in
There is a scene in this movie that is an excellent example of the basis of the Unity Model of Marriage. Billy and Gloria are lying in bed and Gloria leans over and says to Billy, “Honey, my mouth is dry. Honey I’m thirsty.” Billy then gets out of bed and brings her back a glass of water. Gloria then says, “When I said I was thirsty it doesn’t mean I want you to bring me a glass of water. … If I have a problem you’re not supposed to solve it. Men always make the mistake of thinking they can solve a women’s problem. It’s a way of controlling a woman.” Billy is then confused by what she is saying and trying to understand the concept. Gloria then explains, “If I’m thirsty I don’t want you to bring me a glass of water. I want you to sympathize. I want you to say ‘Gloria I too know what it feels like to be thirsty. I too have had a dry mouth.’ I want you to connect with me through sharing and understanding the concept of dry-mouthedness”. Billy then gets defensive, throws the water in Gloria’s face and walks out of the room calling her a “psycho nutcase”.
This scene is showing what it is that the woman in the relationship is striving for. The wife is striving for a conjunctive union where the thoughts and feelings of her husband is the same as her thoughts and feelings. This is evident by Gloria wanting Billy to understand her feelings and “sympathize” with her. Gloria also mentions that a man solving a woman’s problem is a way that a man is “controlling a woman". This pertains to the Dominance Model because it is in this model that the husband attempts to exert his dominance onto his wife.
As the movie progresses,
Billy and Sidney continue to make money playing basketball. Then Gloria
gets a chance to be on the game show “Jeopardy” and wins a lot of money.
She then wants Billy to stop hustling and tells him to find a real job.
She gives him some money so that he can get himself a suit and get on his way
to getting a job. Billy tells her that he will stop and go out and find a
job. Later,
This scene is showing values
that are contrary to developing into a unity marriage. The wife is
expressing her wishes and desires for what she wants her husband to become, but
the husband does not conform to what his wife wants. Billy is maintaining
his independence by engaging in activities that he wants to do versus doing
what it is that Gloria wants him to do. In this way, Billy is exerting
his dominance by keeping things his way. After all of her efforts to try
and get Billy to conform to her ideas, Gloria realized that she would not be
able to have a conjunctive union with Billy and left the relationship. Billy
was not able to suppress his dominant tendencies and give up the activities
that Gloria wanted to. Billy put himself ahead of Gloria and also put
Gloria’s wishes behind the wishes of
D. Men Will Do What They Want
When I first saw this movie I did not recognize the extent to which Billy was exuding his dominance towards Gloria. I was able to see how Billy would continue to engage in the activities that were important to him but not necessarily to Gloria. After learning about the Unity Model of Marriage, I was able to systematically map out the relationship between Billy and Gloria. I was able to identify the ways in which Billy was maintaining his independence from Gloria and also how he was not willing to hold her feelings ahead of the feelings of his friend Sidney. I was also able to identify the thoughts and feelings of Gloria. I was able to understand how Gloria felt about certain situations and I was able to see how Gloria was attempting to get Billy to conform to her value system. Also, I was able to gather a higher level of understanding as to why the relationship came to an end between Billy and Gloria. I understand how Billy wished to be independent and therefore unable to conjoin with Gloria. In Gloria’s eyes, she could not achieve the highest level of mental intimacy with Billy and then chose to end the relationship.
I discussed the first described scene (Billy and Gloria in bed) with some of my friends. One of my male friends felt that Billy’s gesture of getting Gloria a glass of water was to be expected because she said she was thirsty. He equated the situation to what his intentions would be if he were to say to his partner that he was thirsty. He said that if he said he was thirsty, he would be indirectly telling his partner to get him a glass of water. I then asked him if he felt that this request was dominating toward his partner and he acknowledged it. He said that yes it was in a way dominating, but added that if she were to get him a drink of water that would be one less task that he would have to do himself. He continued to show resistance to suppressing this viewpoint of exploiting his partner. This viewpoint only supports the premise that males must overcome feelings of dominance and exploitation towards their female partners.
A female that I discussed this scene with allowed me to get a woman’s point of view on the topic. She sided with Gloria, stating that she would really appreciate a man if he was aware of her thoughts and feelings. She would love to be put into the position of having herself come before anything else in her man’s life. However, she did feel that Billy took the step that he felt was expected after hearing Gloria’s statement. She can understand how Billy would have interpreted Gloria’s request and therefore justified Billy’s action of getting the glass of water. After explaining the Unity Model of Marriage to my friend, she was able to understand why Gloria acted the way she did and why she said the things that she said. My friend agreed with the idea that Gloria was working to achieve a higher level of mental intimacy with Billy.
My male friend seemed to have his mentality unable to get out of the Dominance Model when discussing the second scene. He said that it should be the man’s right to do whatever it is that he wants and that the man should not have to give up activities that give him pleasure just because the wife wants him to. He felt that it is the wife who should “ease up” and let him do what he pleases. When discussing the Unity Model of Marriage, he felt that it was “stupid” because it would mean that the husband needs to give up whatever it is that the wife wants him to. He did not agree with the model because he felt that the woman should not control every aspect of the man’s life. I discussed the idea of dominance in his own relationships and he said that he was not going to change every single aspect of his life for his wife. He said that there would be things about himself that the wife would simply have to accept and live with it or the relationship would not be able to work out. I interpreted my friend as being dominant and exploitative towards the women that he would engage in relationships with. I would think that many of his relationships would be under extreme stress because of his stubbornness and exploitation of his female partner. The female partner would then probably have an extremely difficult time relating to him and therefore end the relationship if she is trying to achieve the Unity Model of Marriage because it seems that they would be hard pressed to progress through to the higher levels of the model.
My female friend was able to sympathize with Gloria in the second scene. We discussed the scene in terms of the Unity Model and my friend was able to see why Gloria had to end the relationship. She said that if Billy kept on neglecting her feelings then Gloria had no reason to believe that he would be able to fully change his value system. I would say that this is the view that many women would take according to the Unity Model. A wife’s purpose is to be able to achieve mental intimacy with her husband through shared thoughts and feelings. Many women would have to be frustrated with a man like Billy because he would maintain his independence and not have much regard for what Gloria has to say and for her wishes.
D.1 Influences On Society
These interactions are portrayed often in media because it is a very real struggle according to the Unity Model. Men are traditionally starting off at the dominance level and are therefore able to relate to men in movies that share this characteristic. Men often want to maintain their independence and would typically enjoy movies that feed this innate desire. If men watch movies like this, it appeals to them because they can now have some support for their desires to continue on with doing what it is that pleases them. Women relate to these portrayals in a similar manner. They see women like Gloria struggling to progress through her relationship. They see the troubles and hardships that women like Gloria must go through. Women are then able to sympathize with Gloria because they want the same things that she does. Relationships that are portrayed to achieve the Unity Model are also very appealing to women because it symbolizes the pinnacle of the relationship according to women. Women see how wonderful marriage can be when you reach the most intimate levels and wish that they would get to those levels in their own relationships.
One consequence of these portrayals may be allowing couples to progress through the Unity Model faster. Husbands may see that engaging in activities that displease your wife and ignoring her requests will drive her away. She may then leave the relationship in search of a male that is willing to conform. Husbands may then realize how important their wives are to them and work to make the relationship pleasurable for the wife. This would mean that the husband may be more willing to adhere to the requests of the wife. However, it may be more likely that husbands would view this in an anti-unity way. The husbands may use these roles as reinforcement for their actions. They may interpret that it is more important to take care of yourself and put your wives in a secondary view.
Women may take these portrayals as reinforcement for the Unity Model. They will see Gloria as a strong character that is capable of standing by her beliefs. Gloria knows what she wants out of her relationship and also expresses these wishes to her husband. Women will see that the relationship between Billy and Gloria had its highs and lows. They will see how Gloria is able to communicate with her husband and they will also see that the relationship could not work out in the end. The relationship seemed to be going good and Gloria seemed to be happy. But when Gloria realized that Billy would not conform to her ideas and value system, she ended the relationship so that she would perhaps find a husband that would conform. Women are therefore reinforced that if they are unable to find unity in their husband, they should go out and search for unity with another relationship.
E. Let’s Sing Along
"Shake That"
Eminem featuring Nate Dogg
[Verse 4 - Eminem]
I'm a menace, a dentist, an oral hygienist
Open your mouth for about four or five minutes
Take a little bit of this fluoride rinse
Swish but don't spit it, swallow and I'll finish
Yeah me and Nate d-o double g
Looking for a couple bitches with some double D's
Pop a little champagne and a couple E's
Slip it in her bubbly
[Verse 5 - Nate Dogg]
Have a party (turn the music up)
Let's get it started (Go ahead shake your butt)
I'm lookin for a girl I can fuck in my hummer truck
Apple Bottom jeans and a big ol' butt
Some girls they act retarded
Some girls are bout it bout it
I want a bitch that sit at the crib with no panties on
Knows that she can but she won't say no
Now look at this lady all in front of me, sexy as can be
Tonight I want a slut, will you be mine?
I heard you was freaky from a friend of mine
[Bridge - Eminem]
Now I hope you don't get mad at me
But I told Nate you was a freak
He said he wants a slut, hope you don't mind
I told him how you like it from behind
[Chorus - Nate Dogg]
Shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
C’mon girl, shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
Ohh girl, shake that ass for me, shake that ass for
me
C’mon girl, shake that ass for me, shake that ass for me
We bout' to have a party (turn the music up)
Let's get it started (go ahead shake your butt)
I'm lookin for a girl with a body and a sexy strut
Wanna get it poppin baby
step right up
Some girls they act retarded
Some girls are bout it bout it
I'm lookin for a girl that will do whatever the fuck
I say
Everyday she be givin it up
Above are some lyrics from a song titled “Shake That” by rapper Eminem and also featuring Nate Dogg. This is a song in popular culture that displays Anti-Unity Values through its lyrics. AUVs 5 and 19, from Table 9 in the first section of this report, are exhibited through these lyrics. AUV 5 in Table 9 list promiscuity as an anti-unity value. These lyrics are about finding girls that are willing to engage in sexual relations. AUV 19 states that women should not be exploited by men. In this song, women are exploited by men. Women are viewed as sexual objects that should be submissive to whatever it is that the men want her to do.
“Shake That” is a song that is also viewing women in a degrading way. Women are viewed as sexual objects by saying, “Looking for a couple bitches with some double D's” as referring to breast size and “I'm lookin for a girl that will do whatever the fuck I say. Everyday she be givin it up” as referring to sexual intercourse. This also shows characteristics of the Dominance Model, as the men in this song are telling the women what to do according to what the men want.
“Area Codes”
Ludacris featuring Nate Dogg
[chorus]
I've got hoes
I've got hoes
In different area codes (area, area codes..codes)
hoes, hoes
in different area codes (area, area codes..codes)
Above are the lyrics to the chorus of the song titled “Area Codes” by rapper Ludacris and also featuring Nate Dogg. This song exhibits anti-unity values by also treating women in a degrading manner. Women are viewed as sexual objects. This is evident by Ludacris’ use of the term “hoes”. This is a term that puts women in a negative view. This term causes women to be seen as objects that fulfill only sexual purposes. This song exhibits male dominance by looking at women as conquests of one particular man. This also plays into the view that men are proud and independent by having one man seemingly bragging about all the women that he has access to at a sexual level.
These lyrics may be very influential to the audience that it reaches. The main audience for this genre of music consists mainly of young people. These types of lyrics have the ability to affect the way that people view women. Many people of the younger generation look up to rappers and many also strive to be like them. Rappers have a celebrity status about them that few people are able to attain. Therefore, many people may adopt feelings that are similar to these rappers and expressed through their lyrics. As shown through these two songs, one prominent view that rappers commonly display is the degrading of women and viewing them as sexual objects. The deeper that these feelings get within an individual, the more destructive that individual’s marriage or relationships may become. If an individual is taught these views from an early age, it may be difficult to suppress these values in regards to marriage partners, therefore making it extremely difficult to progress through the Unity Model of Marriage.
All of the friends that I discussed with about these types of lyrics were aware of what these lyrics were saying. They were all able to identify the degrading terms that rappers often use in their lyrics, such as “bitches” and “hoes”. Many of my friends would laugh when I read the lyrics to them. I asked them why they were laughing and they said that it was because they never really realized the extent to which women were portrayed. Some friends even said that they would hear the various terms and sing the songs, but did not really consider the negative view that women were being viewed in. All the friends that I talked to said that it bothered them minimally, but that there is not anything that they can do to stop people from using lyrics like that. Many of them also felt that people had the choice of what type of music to listen to and if it did bother you, then you should just not listen to music that degrades women. A female friend of mine felt that there is some truth to what these rappers are singing about. She said that there surely are women out there who use sexuality to attract the attention of men. She felt that it must happen to rappers all the time because there surely are women that would like to be around celebrities and the extravagant lifestyles that they lead. She felt that many women use their sexuality as a means of attracting attention to herself.
F. Let’s Talk About Marriage
One website that I found on the Internet is located at http://marriagepartner.com/. Marriage Partner is a site that hosts discussions and message boards about various topics relating to marriage and relationships. Topics that are discussed range from tips on how to make your marriage successful to dealing with kids to divorce. The forum that caught my attention discussed marriage between an older wife and a younger husband. Postings on this topic mainly focused on a few cases in which the husband was being extremely hurtful to the wife. Wives posted examples of the husband being very controlling and dominant. For example,
I have a
very evil husband and need advice. We were married in June of this year - 2002
and he has thrown me out 7 times in 3 months of marriage. When he would throw me
out thank goodness I still had my apt in another state. However, as soon as I
got a new job and tried to forget him he would beg me back and he called in as
soon as he got me back and quit the 3 jobs I landed. Leaving me without work in
his state for a few days and if I didn't get a job there where he lives in GA,
then he would throw me out about the 3rd day and off I was to my only place to
go to my apt. He would never buy groceries but makes very good money and pays
for his 4000 sq. foot home and brand new suv and has
tons left over for his women he sees on the side. He still begs me back and
doesn't want to file for divorce, but wants me crawling here where I live. He
never has moved my furniture to his place. Instead insisting
that I keep my things at my apt continuing to have to pay bills on this end
bringing me down financially. He laughs when I ask him for money to help
me since he has called in and quit my 3 jobs and won't give me a dime for food
or anything. He will call up and say how he is eating steak or roast. He
refuses to buy groceries when I am there but will buy them as soon as he kicks
me out and turns the air-conditioning off completely with windows shut and it
gets hot in
Nice husband don't you think? Also he did not want me having anything in his
name or anything shared on any accounts, house or otherwise and he would not
buy any simple things when I was there such as milk, toilet paper, etc. if I
needed something bad enough he would make me go buy it myself.
This posting shows one instance of how a husband exudes dominance over his wife. This husband would tell his wife what to do and hold a complete disregard for her feelings and affections. There is even a mention of “his women he sees on the side.” This is showing how the husband is being adulterous and also how he maintains his independence away from his wife. It also shows how the husband is deliberately making the wife jealous when he “will call up and say how he is eating steak or roast.” This is seemingly a very destructive relationship. It appears that this particular man feels no need to progress out of the dominance model because he has no regard for his wife.
This discussion brought about many instances in which husbands were fixated at the dominance model. There were many postings that stated that their younger husbands were seeing women on the side and engaging in adulterous activities. I did however get the feeling that this particular discussion directly looked at husbands that were younger than their wives. After learning about the Unity Model of Marriage, I know that husbands that engage in these behaviors are not strictly limited to being younger husbands. These may be common practices of many husbands out there in the world. Men have an innate urge to exhibit dominance over their wives and to maintain their own individual independence away from their wives. This discussion is simply one example of a particular situation that may exist in certain marriages.
G. Books on Marriage
I searched amazon.com for
books that talk about marriage. One book that I found is titled, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship
Expert by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver and published by Three Rivers Press
in 2000. John M. Gottman, Ph. D., is a
professor of psychology at the
Another review of Gottman’s book stated, “There were personal aspects we had to accept that will not go away. I think that one of the most valuable benefits from this book is that it shows you what is irresolvable and what CAN be solved. The book is based on years of rigorous scientific research so you know for sure what really matters in a marriage and what doesn't. In this way we were able to focus on the resolvable and really important aspects of our relationships.” This statement is saying that there are things that couples are not able to solve. Partners may leave certain aspects of their marriage at their own personal level and not share any of it with their partner. The Unity Model refutes this stance. According to the Unity Model, the couple must share every aspect of their lives with each other if they wish to fully conjoin together. The couple will never be fully connected if they simply agree to disagree about any subject. Agreeing to disagree causes partners to maintain their own independence when it comes to certain topics and maintaining one’s own independence is a value that will prevent progression through the Unity Model.
A second book that I found on amazon.com is titled, Boundaries in Marriage, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. This is a book that teaches couples how to “know and respect each other’s needs, choices, and freedom” so that they can “give themselves freely and lovingly to one another”. This book tells couples to respect the boundaries of their partner that make them an individual. These are the aspects of a partner’s personality that makes them a unique individual. Readers are taught to understand the hurtful aspects in the marriage and “move beyond them to the mutual care, respect, affirmation, and intimacy they both long for.” This is a view that is highly contrary to the Unity Model. This book is promoting the idea that keeping limitations on the way that couples interact with each other will help the marriage to reach higher levels of intimacy. According to the Unity Model, couples that put up boundaries for their partners will never achieve true mental intimacy. There will always be a part of the person that will remain guarded off from the other partner. As long as couples maintain a particular independence from one another, they will never be able to reach the higher levels of the Unity Model of Marriage.
One review of this book was titled as “Boundaries are decisive.” The reviewer states, “A book that concentrates on building ‘boundaries’ in marriages is bound to be divisive. I should've figured that out from the title.” A separate review says, “By focusing on the separateness of the two individuals in unifying marriage, this book will only encourage the divisions that it seeks to stop.” These two reviewers seem to have ideas of marriage that are similar to the ideas of the Unity Model. The reviewers are recognizing that the boundaries that are setup in the relationship will only strengthen the separation of the couple and provide inhibitors to fully conjoining into mental intimacy with a partner. The Unity Model states that couples cannot have boundaries if they wish to progress through the model and into the highest levels of mental intimacy.
H. Final Thoughts
I have learned a lot from studying the Unity Model of Marriage. I have learned that there are many different progressions that a couple must go through in order to reach mental intimacy. I have learned that mental intimacy may be described as sharing the same thoughts and feelings of your marriage partner. I have also gained a new outlook on the concept of marriage as well. I have formed a deeper understanding of how a truly conjugial marriage does not end at death, but rather continues on for all of eternity. Wives are extremely important to the relationship because they strive to reach mental intimacy with their husbands. Wives know that they are never fully complete until they reach conjunction with their husbands. It is the husbands that need to change themselves in order to progress into the higher levels of mental intimacy. The husbands need to suppress feelings of dominance and independence in order to fully conjoin with their wives. The husband must learn to put his wife above all others and to have his wife’s feelings at the highest of importance.
Learning about the Unity Model of Marriage has also forced me to look at my own life and experiences from a new perspective. You take the principles that you have learned and dissect your actions, thoughts, and beliefs to determine whether or not you are thinking in a proper mindset. I am now able to identify certain actions of mine that are characteristic of the different levels of the Unity Model, particularly at the Dominance Level. I now look and see how I can improve on the way I treat people in general and look to better the relationship that I have with my girlfriend.
To future generations, this report is by no means simple. The main thing that I can tell you about doing this report is that you should not procrastinate. The material is lengthy and time consuming. You should set out early to gather materials and set a time table of completing sections. If you start early you will be able to fully dive into this report and gather information that will contribute greatly to your report. The more information that you gather, the more extensive your report can be. If you devote the proper time to this report, you should be able to address all of the issues presented. Also, another benefit of starting early would be your ability to access different sources. If you are able to find a lot of sources, you can spend the proper time necessary to select the ones that are most relevant to the topics at hand.
I think that the Unity Model is taught well to college students. The small class size encourages discussions amongst members of the class. Through these discussions, students are able to gather different perspectives while learning about the Unity Model. Students also help each other to see how the Unity Model is applied to real-life situations. It would be good to have materials that are contrary to the Unity Model because then students are able to see how the Unity Model works and how it does not.
My Home Page: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/ako/ako-home.htm
G24 Class Home Page: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/classhome-g24.htm