Report 1
Monitoring Anti-Unity Values in the Media
By: Tani Asato
Instructions for this report are at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/409b-g24-report1.htm
(a) Anti-Unity Values
Examples of anti-unity values (AUVs) that are often promoted in the media include:
This is Table 9
1. Living together unmarried
2. Having children out of wedlock
3. Making each other jealous on purpose
4. Adultery for various reasons
5. Promiscuity and bi-sexuality
6. Sexy dressing for men other than one's partner
7. Having a same sex best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things
8. Having a heterosexual best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things
9. Same sex friends going out as a group for fun and entertainment without their partners
10. Flirting with other gender as retaliation against one's partner (or other reason)
11. Separate interests and activities accepted for partners
12. Manipulating partner through deception
13. Accepting the idea that it's OK to "agree to disagree" about some things
14. Promoting the idea that one should not try to change one's partner but should accept them with their faults, etc.
15. Girls only or boys only entertainment
16. Acceptance of the idea that men are more important
17. Promoting the idea that men are more rational than women
18. Promoting the idea that women are generally frivolous as part of their gender
19. Making it look normal for a man to exploit women
20. Making it look normal for a man to abuse women
21. Making it look normal for a man to have prerogatives or perks that women should accept and honor (e.g., serving men, doing what they want no matter what, being dominant, etc.)
22. Making it look like what women say and think as less important
23. Accepting the idea that a man does not need to "grovel" when he apologizes for something bad he did to her (the minimum is enough and she should not ask for more even if her feelings are still hurt or else she is being "unreasonable" etc.)
This table is from the link:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/409b-g24-lecture-notes.htm
My relation of those AUVs listed above to the Unity Model that is the basis of our class would have to be assumed that the husband or male partner is asserting these AUVs within the relationship. Since we established that these AUVs are be pushed into the relationship by the man, it will be because he is still trying to hold onto his independence. He does not want to lose himself and conjoin with his wife or female partner. What I just realized is that these AUVs are so real and they are seen in real relationships but the sad part is that the women has to suffer and pretend that she wants to be apart of a relationship that lives within these AUVs.
(b) Observations on AUVs in television media
This one student had observed a television sitcom called Sex and the City. This show was about four single women who are trying to find love in the big city of New York. They go to the extremes to pursue what they want. By taking data on episodes according to the AUV table this student concluded that this show is using beautiful and sexy women as objects.
This student had observed the actions of the four women, compared it to one of the AUVs on the table and evaluated it into the unity model presented in class. The findings using this method seemed too realistic of women still seen as sexual objects. Although women rights have made much progress, we still fight till this day of our existence besides just sexual objects.
I agree with this student’s findings of women still seen as sexual objects. I used to purchase magazines while in high school to keep up with the trends of the models or the Hollywood actresses but now I realize that I have been wasting my money all those years. It was amazing how much pages were dedicated to showing women’s body parts to sell products and a lot of the ads were not for cosmetics.
Here this student chose a comedy television show of a married couple. The husband and wife usually lie, deceit and they do not listen to each others opinions. This one episode shows when this couple first got married and is looking to buy their home together and start their very own family. But instead the husband buys the first home shown behind is wife’s back knowing that she did not like it.
This student created an AUV scale and rated each sitcom. This was based on problems being within the AUV table, how the problem was solved and if it was solved by gender unity. This student found that most of the sitcoms chosen shows the women as superior and the men after putting up a fight usually end up giving in and going along with what the women said to begin with.
After reading through this student’s findings and method, I got the impression that men are still young minded in a sense that they feel the need to rebel against their wives like how they did with their mothers. And after they figure out that their way was not that great, then they have to go back and do what their wife said anyway. By the husbands doing what the wife said, it seems, after reading the findings that the television shows are still portraying the gender unity in the equity model. The husbands show their dominant traits by doing what they want behind their wife’s back but after proving to themselves that they were wrong, they end up doing what they wife said and showing equity.
(c) Grease and Anti-Unity Values
1. Making each other jealous on purpose
§ In a scene in the high school parking lot, Rizzo (one of the members of the Pink Ladies) jumped in the back of her boyfriend’s enemy’s car because she knew he was watching and she was mad at him.
§ I believe that this AUV is still being applied in relationships. I know that one of my friends would go out drinking at night clubs when there was an argument or if her boyfriend made her mad. And she would do this just to spite him.
2. Adultery for various reasons
§ Rizzo made out and it is assumed that she was sexually active with Kenicky’s enemy just to make him upset and jealous.
§ We all know that this AUV is still present in society.
3. Promiscuity and bi-sexuality
§ Marty, another member from the Pink Ladies, was a very promiscuous character. She had a wallet full of pictures of her current relationships and she would publicly announce it to the group.
§ This AUV is being seen in much younger ages these days which is really scary. Children and adolescents are being so promiscuous that it is creating more and more pregnancies.
4. Sexy dressing for men other than one's partner
§ Again Marty would wear sexy clothing to entice other males at school even though she had a boyfriend, let alone multiple partners.
5. Having a same sex best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things
§ Kenicky would place his friendship to Danny Zuko, the leader of the T-Bird group, before his relationship with Rizzo.
6. Same sex friends going out as a group for fun and entertainment without their partners
§ In this movie the girls would do their own thing at times as well as the guys. In one scene the girls were having a slumber party at Frenchy’s house; drinking, smoking, watching television and just having fun.
§ And the guys in another scene went out of town to go check out some dancers.
§ I don’t think that this is a bad thing. I think that it is okay sometimes to go out and have fun without ones partner, if both parties are okay with it. I think that couples need some time away even if they enjoy each others company.
7. Flirting with other gender as retaliation against one's partner (or other reason)
§ Sandy was upset at Danny for acting ‘dominant’ towards her in-front of the T-Birds and the Pink Ladies, so she started flirting with a jock from the track team that liked her right in-front of Danny to make him jealous. And when Danny went to talk to her and get her away from the other guy, she made like he was just another friend instead of her boyfriend.
8. Separate interests and activities accepted for partners
§ Sandy went along to a drag race against Danny’s rival gang even though it seemed like she did not enjoy it but just accepted it as something he needed or liked to do.
9. Manipulating partner through deception
§ Danny deceived Sandy over summer vacation making like he was such a sweet and romantic guy but pretended to be such a jerk in-front of the guys and treated her like dirt.
10. Accepting the idea that it's OK to "agree to disagree" about some things
§ Sandy and Danny were discussing about what happened to the guy on the beach that was so sweet and when the gang arrived they both dropped the subject and agreed to disagree about Danny changing from the guy on the beach to the leader of the T-Birds.
11. Promoting the idea that one should not try to change one's partner but should accept them with their faults, etc.
§ At the end of the movie, Sandy was accepting Danny’s faults and did not follow through with him changing his ways for her needs.
§ I don’t think that someone should change for anyone else but a couple should change together. Both partners should want to change towards the same common thing.
12. Girls only or boys only entertainment
§ The scene where the guys went out of town to check out some out of town dancers.
13. Acceptance of the idea that men are more important
§ When Rizzo missed her period and was worrying about being pregnant instead of the Kenicky or her group of friends asking what was wrong, they all was gathering around Kenicky and admiring his new car.
14. Promoting the idea that men are more rational than women
§ The scene where Frenchy is undecided on dropping out of cosmetic schooling or high school and Frankie Avalon came down from the heavens to give her rational advice to go back and finish high school. Clearly stating that men are more rational than women.
15. Promoting the idea that women are generally frivolous as part of their gender
§ The scene at the slumber party where Jan is acting very ‘stupid’ or inappropriately silly for no reason. She starts singing a song and flopping on others. Then when liquor was introduced to the party she was pulling it away from members of the group instead of just waiting her turn to sip. That scene made it seem like women act childish when put into certain situations; like drinking or smoking cigarettes.
§ I believe that women are still portrayed as ‘all beauty and no brains’ and that some may feel like they need to be that way according to society roles and stereotypes. And since some women adapt to that way of being seen than it carries over to relationships but instead of the male partner correcting her, he usually takes advantage of it and exploits her.
16. Making it look normal for a man to exploit women
§ Kenicky putting a hicky on every inch of Rizzo’s neck made it seem like he wanted everyone to know that she was his ‘property’ so hands off or he was displaying that she was his sex object and wanted everyone to know. It was also like he was marking his territory.
§ Another scene at a drive in movie, Danny and Sandy went together and Danny gave Sandy a promise ring that she is his. Well in turn, Danny wanted Sandy to have sex with him and even when Sandy clearly stated that she did not want to do that, he kept pursuing. He also made a remark that he had given her his ring and she had accepted it so what was the problem. Here it is announcing that just because a girl accepts a promise ring, letterman jacket or whatever from her partner she is also consenting sexually (which she is not).
17. Making it look normal for a man to abuse women
§ The whole movie suggested that it is okay to treat the women so passionately in isolation but in-front of friends it is okay to belittle her and she will still stick around to the very end. And not only will she stick around she will also change for him.
18. Making it look normal for a man to have prerogatives or perks that women should accept and honor (e.g., serving men, doing what they want no matter what, being dominant, etc.)
§ There was one part where Kenicky and Rizzo were walking to class and he literally throws his books and jacket at her. Rizzo pushes him smiling but still holding his things. It kind of suggests that she is pretending like it was meant to be a joke by smiling but she knows it wasn’t because she still holds onto his things.
19. Making it look like what women say and think as less important
§ Just the mere fact that Danny was belittling Sandy in-front of the gang states that what women say does not matter. For example, Sandy was asking him ‘where did the guy from the beach go?’ and Danny replies with, ‘I don’t know go check the yellow papers (HAHAHA).’
§ There was a study on this AUV within classrooms and how teachers tend to call upon males more often than females. Well I believe that if it is seen in the education system then it will be seen in the households because that’s what’s being taught at a young age from society.
20. Accepting the idea that a man does not need to "grovel" when he apologizes for something bad he did to her (the minimum is enough and she should not ask for more even if her feelings are still hurt or else she is being "unreasonable" etc.)
§ In the end of the movie, Sandy takes Danny back and they become an item. All he had to do was put on a letterman jacket instead of wearing his leather T-Bird jacket and Sandy was happy with that. Even though he was such a jerk to her and also she had him change back to the leather jacket. The end suggests that the women have to change and not the man.
§ I think that it is a start that a man will even apologize but that is only the first step. Women should expect more each time. Since the man is able to apologize once then he must apologize and take her to dinner or cook her something nice. And more the next time until he learns from those past experiences and doesn’t have to apologize anymore.
(d) My friends and the Anti-Unity Values
I chose Grease because as I was watching it one night and I could not help but see almost all of the anti-unity values after reading table 9. It kind of made me laugh because after having knowledge of what AUVs are, I saw them so clearly. It was very easy to pin point which scene went with which AUV on the table.
A few of my friends were so oblivious to these AUVs after I had raised the issue. They did not even consider a lot to be an anti-unity value. To tell you the truth, they did not even know about the Unity model, let alone know what an AUV was. So after explaining all about the Unity model and how AUVs set us back from achieving unity their reactions were at some level similar and different.
One of my friends that I had talked to is married with a one year old boy at the age of 23. She is currently working part time and her husband, also 23 years old, is full time. She is the primary care giver to their son in-between work and domestic duties. I view their relationship in the equity model but mostly still in the dominance model. After reviewing the AUVs with her she could agree with most of them on table 9 and also applied some to other peoples relationships. But the funny thing was that she did not see any of the AUVs within her own marriage.
My other friend had an opposite reaction. Well first of all, she is currently a single mother. She has a full time job and takes care of her four year old son all at the age of 23. When I had reviewed to her the AUV table she automatically pointed out the ones that applied to her life as well as mine and my relationship with my other half. Which made me laugh out loud, I had told her that was the same exact thing that I did when reading through the list of AUVs. She also did not agree with a few. She did not agree that if you are in a relationship, either partner cannot go out with a group of friends and have fun without the other partner. She thinks that having a girls or guys night out is important within a relationship. Another AUV that she did not agree with was living together before marriage. She believes that a couple should ‘test the waters’ before getting married and finding out after. She said, ‘You won’t purchase a brand new car without test driving it, right?’
My reaction to how my friends reacted to the AUVs was somewhat similar and different. I totally agreed with both of my friends and how they applied some AUVs to others’ relationship, my current relationship and my friends’ life but I did not see how my friend that I had discussed about first could not see any AUVs within her marriage. Even after I had related some to my relationship, she still did not see any within her own marriage. I guess those AUVs are increasing within relationships in general and also more in the media. Well nowadays living together before marriage and having children before marriage is so ‘popular’ and seems to be of the norm. Those two AUVs I had just mentioned being popular could have some downfall to society by having an increase in population and a decrease in sturdy household families.
I think that AUVs being so common in the media will definitely have an effect on young women and adolescents. I believe that they will think it is okay for their men to treat them badly, exploit them, play games with their minds & emotions, make them jealous on purpose, putting others before them and accepting that it is okay for their men to expect things out of them. I think that society should try to get women, young women and adolescent females to rise above those AUVs and stand up for them-selves instead of being controlled. I think that females should know about the unity model and strive to achieve this level.
(e) Anti-Unity Values and popular songs
50 Cent - Just A Lil Bit, is a very popular song and young people are singing these lyrics all the time which I think is really degrading to females. I think that by the males singing these kinds of lyrics and females hearing this and thinking that it is okay, AUVs will be present in households and relationships for a long time. So here is the first verse and the chorus of Just A Lil Bit and how it relates to the AUVs on table 9.
Damn baby all I need is a lil' bit...
Here is another song by Sisquo-Thong song, that was so popular among the media and I heard so much people singing these trashy lyrics. There are AUVs portrayed in this widely known song as well.
Intro]
This thing right here
Is lettin' all the ladies know
What guys talk about
You know, the finer things in life
Check it out
Ooh that dress so scandalous
And you know another nigga couldn't handle it
See you shaking that thing like who's da ish
With a look in your eye so devilish
Uh ya like to dance at all the hip-hop spots
Then you cruise through the crews like connect the dots
Not just urban, she likes the pop
Cause she was living la vida loca
1 - She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck
Thighs like what? What? What?
Baby, move your butt, butt, butt
Let me see that thong
2 - Love it when the beat go
(Dut dun, dut dun)
When you make your booty go
(Dut dun, dut dun) baby
Girl I know you wanna show
(Dut dun, dut dun)
That thong thong thong thong thong
I believe that both of those songs above strongly promote exploitation of females and that it is normal for males to view females as sex objects and that females are merely for entertainment. They both promote promiscuity and that it is normal and acceptable to verbally abuse females by calling them names i.e. bitches, baby girl, girl, baby, hoes, etc. Those two songs above make it seem okay to go out in girl and guy groups and to draw attention by dressing sexy or dancing provocatively. It is allowing these young people who are listening and being fed these AUVs that it is normal and okay for males to do these things to females. Most likely these males will be using AUVs within their future relationships towards their wives.
I had brought it up to my guy friend who would sing these rap songs all the time and he just laughed at me. He says that he is just singing and listening to these songs because he likes the beat to them but he doesn’t take the lyrics seriously. I introduced the fact that maybe young males are hearing him sing these songs and are modeling him by listening and singing these degrading songs as well but the only difference is that they are absorbing the lyrics along with dancing to the beat. He did not realize that this could be true but he also did not take responsibility for those young males copying him.
I think that older males who are promoting these degrading songs along with the rappers and that they are promoting AUVs to the younger generations. He was not aware of what he was singing (so he says) but I do think that he might be more aware of what he is singing from now on. I was not surprised that he was not aware of the AUVs within these popular degrading songs promoted in the media because no one really is until it is pointed out to them.
I also talked to a female friend of AUVs within popular songs played on the radio and she was not surprised. I showed her the table of AUVs and then played the 50 cent song for her and she pointed out an AUV to a line of lyrics. She was a little offended after being shown a visual of what was really being said and taught to the younger generations.
My reaction to what she did was so similar to my reaction. I laughed when she started to point out the AUVs along with what was being sung. It seems as if females are on the same page and guys think so differently.
(f) Online marriage counseling
This link can be found at: www.healthboards.com
People post their relationship situations on the web for other people to comment on and give their advice or opinions. I read a lot of cheating in the relationships and some karma entries. It seems as if these people only post bad things that are happening in their lives rather than any good things or how their good things came about. But I guess if you are happy and only have good things in your life now why would you need to go on the web.
I read someone’s entry on dating a guy for 7 years and all of a sudden he comes clean says he has a girlfriend but did not think that it was important enough to mention because she was so far away or something like that. That guy is clearly still in the dominance model and is totally exerting his independence. I guess he might be trying to present equity by finally coming clean with his deception on the relationship. This girl is asking people to respond if she should keep him around or move on, which I thought the answer was very obvious. She does not state if she loves this man or what but if he is capable of keeping a secret girlfriend from you for so many years then what else could he be hiding.
Another girl writes that her boyfriend is constantly talking about another girl and how he needs to talk to her or how much he misses her. This girl clearly states that she is hurt by her boyfriend not being fulfilled with her as his companion but he needs desperately another woman. She also says that he has told her when confronted that he ‘prefers the other woman over her, he just does not have sex with her’ and also that ‘he loves the other woman and only likes her.’ She states that she was so hurt by what he said but respects his honesty.
I am so confused because this guy clearly is being dominant over both of the women. He is totally exploiting his girlfriend by stringing her along and pursuing the other and he is just using the other woman to satisfy whatever is lacking in his relationship. I do not understand how clueless the girlfriend is and yet she is still considering to stay with this guy even though he is pursuing another woman.
(g) Books from amazon.com on marriage
The Great Marriage Tune-up Book by Jeffery H. Larson
This book provides readers with self evaluation, relationship evaluation and provides a chart to post where the relationship is and where and how to go about making the marriage better or tuning it up again.
(h) Advice for future generations
I totally agree with the previous generations and not procrastinating. Dr. James gives a schedule and the instructions at the beginning of the course and this does not change. So take that opportunity to plan your weeks accordingly so you do not stay up and jam on the computer all night. This could be done early and well written if you would start right away and give your self enough time to write out. These topics are fun and interesting as well so take that into consideration and go with it. These assignments are not hard just time consuming and if you do not wait to the last minute you will relieve your self of unnecessary stress.