Psychology 409B: The Unity Model of Marriage 2/14/06
Blame it on the Wife
By Carly Kanemaru
I. Introduction
-The topics in this outline are from Laura Schlessinger’s “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” pages 55-67.
-Schlessinger talks about the need for wives to realize, understand and accommodate to the male in their lives.
-She expresses her view that women are responsible for their husbands and for the way their husbands treat them.
II. Examples of Realization
1) Sara
a. She lived in a impression that males were “supposed to be controlled and bend to the wife’s whim.”
b. Sara criticized her husband for not conforming like she believed he was supposed to.
c. Sara became “focused on what she deserved that she almost lost sight of the fact that he deserved something, too.”
d. Sara came to a realization.
e. Now her husband receives respect and he has become “the man she never allowed him to be.”
2) Louise
a. Louise was affected by her family events in the past which prevented her to see men and marriage positively.
b. Louise’s father was violent and hated.
c. Louise’s mother played the victim.
d. Louise went to therapy and discovered that her mother was not the victim.
e. Louise’s mother was in control of her own destiny and she needed to accept responsibility for her own choices, actions, and behaviors.
f. Louise realized that in order to find the perfect mate, she would have to take responsibility.
III. Laura’s Advice to these Women
1) Do not pick a fight in things that do not matter.
-Ask yourself, “Is this the hill I wish to die on?”
-If it doesn’t really matter than don’t bother fighting.
2) Husbands are different and do things differently
-Just because something is done differently from you, does not mean that it is wrong.
-Try to learn from your husband instead of constantly trying to “correct him.”
-Offer a compliment to the goal being completed, regardless of how it got completed
3) Don’t Micromanage
-Don’t control your husband.
-Men need to be independent and need to do something’s there way.
-By micromanaging them, they will eventually refuse to do anything for their wives.
4) Accept your man
-Your man is the way he is and you should not try to change that.
-You should nurture and nourish him in every way.
IV. The Effect of “Hurt” and “Uncomfortable”
-These words describe a feeling and can bring almost any husband to his knees.
-Wives need to appreciate their husband’s time, affection, and financial resources that they re directing at them and their children.
-We should challenge the unfamiliar, including our feelings, and deal with them accordingly.
V. My Opinion on Schlessinger
-I think that she is so brainwashed that she can’t even see through the clearest waters. She believes that everything is the woman’s fault.
-I feel that expressing how you feel, especially to the one you love and are closest to, is essential in a marriage.
-Especially if it is something that they are doing to you that you would likel fixed or changed.
-Without saying anything, the other person will not know that they are hurting you.
-Women should not have to “just deal with” being hurt and uncomfortable.
-Why should the man be the only one who is happy and comfortable?
-It should be about balance.
Related Links
This website offers relationship advice on dating and couples.
This website offers relationship advice from a man’s perspective, similar to Schlessinger.
This website has a list of different advice for women dealing with relationship troubles.
www.alivewithlove.com/relationship trouble.html
My Home page:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/kanemaru/kanemaru-home.htm
Class Home Page
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/classhome-g24.htm