PSY 409B, February 7, 2006

Outline #2 – The Improper Care and Feeding of Husbands

By: Anthony Lagondino

 

The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Laura Schlessinger (Harper/Collins Publishers, 2001), pages 42-54.

Instructions for this activity are found at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/g24-oral1.htm 
Instructor: Dr. Leon James

I.                    Make Your Husband a Priority

a.       Reduces stress by having a loving, attentive connection not only with your husband but with your child

                                                              i.      Too many women miss this very crucial point

                                                            ii.      Complain about how their husband and that he has too many needs

                                                          iii.      Resent their husbands needs

                                                           iv.      Perceive themselves as being victims of their lives

 

II.                  Your Life is Full of the Choices YOU Made

a.       You are responsible for the bad choices:  self-centered, short-sighted and silly

                                                              i.      These behaviors or choices can lead to unpleasant consequences within a marriage

 

b.      Women need to learn that they must prioritize their lives and above all they need to CHOOSE to prioritize

                                                              i.      A must in a healthy marriage – even if you have a “full-plate” you need to choose your family above all else

                                                            ii.      Your husband must be your number one priority or the vows that you took are empty and have no meaning at all

                                                          iii.      Imagine yourself in your husband’s place and think of how you would appreciate being placed last

 

c.       Many women say that they will put their spouse back at #1 once they have more time

                                                              i.      This means that they are never to be #1 unless there is NOTHING else on your priority list – imagine when this is possible – maybe never?

 

III.                “Hurried Women Syndrome”

a.       The term was coined by medical community who listened to women’s complaints about their busy lifestyles

 

b.      Defined by symptoms of weight gain, low sex drive, moodiness and fatigue

                                                              i.      All due to stress of trying to do too much and not being able to keep up with it all

                                                            ii.      Results have a negative effect on your marriage as well as your health

1.       Not feeling accomplished at what you are doing

2.       Resenting anyone who has expectations of you like your husband and your children

3.       Feeling hostile and depressed

 

c.       Many women who choose to stay at home to take care of the children, the home and their husbands are told by society, including family members or friends that they are lazy, weak and foolish for doing so

                                                              i.      Yet these marriages with those women who decide to stay at home are the ones that actually have a chance at lasting and who will not become victim to “Hurried Women Syndrome”

 

IV.                “Having it All” = “Jack of all Trades and Master of None”

a.       Work is demanding and draining and you have less time and temper for anyone especially when you get home

 

b.      Results in a guilt ridden attempt to over schedule and “make up” for the neglect

                                                              i.      More fast food dinners instead of happy and healthy dinner at home

                                                            ii.      The children too become stressed with the over scheduling

                                                          iii.      Husbands are again left to fend for themselves  

 

Related Links:

 

www.hurriedwoman.com/syndrome.html - This is a link to the website for the book entitled, “The Hurried Woman Syndrome” by Brent W. Bost.  The homepage actually gives a good and detailed description as to what “Hurried Woman Syndrome”, what the symptoms are and who is most likely to be a victim of it.  It also gives a little quiz to see if you are showing signs of the syndrome and/or if t is more serious like depression.

 

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=1544461&ad=true – This is a link to ABC News for Good Morning America.  The title of the piece is “Husbands, Your Wives want you to Read this”: Tips from the Author of "Secrets of Happily Married Men."  I thought the article from the show was great in that it is telling men the same things that Dr. Laura advocates to women.  Things like; Make Marriage Your Job, Know Your Wife, Expect Conflict and Deal with It.  It goes to show that there are basics in a marriage that should be used by both the Husband as well as the Wife.

 

www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/1358131.html - This is a link to a website called Crosswalk.com.  It is a Christian website and there is an article entitled, “Husbands, Win Your Wives' Hearts” and again I thought that the advice not only applies to men but women as well.  There are simple statements that are discussed in more detail, like;  Don’t trample on her feelings, Pursue strong character,  Choose to be a servant – not just act like one sometimes, and Realize that your time is not your own.  I feel that all of these statements were also expressed in a similar fashion in Dr. Laura’s book.

 

My Home Page:  www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/lagondino/lagondino-home.htm

Class Home Page:  www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/classhome-g24.htm