Psychology 409B January 20, 2006

Psychology 409B outline presented: January 17, 2006

Outline 1

An Outline of Improper Care and Feeding of Husbands p. 1-13

By Bao Mien Lau

The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands Dr. Laura Schlessinger (HarperCollins Publishers, 2004. 1-13)

Instructions for this activity are found at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/g24-oral1.htm
Instructor: Dr. Leon James

I. The Double Standard

A. There tends to be a double standard between men and women. Society has allowed women to be more flexible in their behavior whereas men are expected to behave a certain way. Men are expected to accept this flexibility in women.

B. The feminist movement is responsible for this double standard. According to this movement, everything that deals with being male is stigmatized and condemned.

C. According to Schlessinger, the object of marriage is to see what the marriage and husband can do for his wife, not what the wife can contribute to her marriage and husband. This emphasis on wanting and not contributing could lead to divorce and single parenthood.

II. Love as an action

A. Many women who use love as an action think it also determines their behavior. Accordingly, if a woman is in love, she is happy and therefore tends to behave nicely. This, however, is not always the case. In Dr. Schlessinger's book, there are many examples of women who claim to be happy, but treat their men badly.

B. Women don’t realize that the reason why their marriages are on shaky ground is because they are treating their husbands badly. Many women believe that divorce is the solution to their problem, but really, it only causes long term suffering in their children.

C. The solution to this problem is for women to change themselves. They should attempt to change themselves according to how they want their spouses to be. This is an example of the Dominance Model in the Unity Model of Marriage. A female changing herself for a man emphasizes the idea that a man is in control.

III. Measuring a husband’s love

A. Women compare their husband’s love to what is seen in the media e.g. movies or to stories they hear from their friends. They forget the daily activities that their men perform for them that show true and genuine love.

B. Females compare notes on how the men in their lives treat them. Females gossip to one another about the extravagant gifts they receive or the luxurious activities their husbands have planned for them or the fact that their husbands do not do anything for them at all.

C. According to Schlessinger, women do not appreciate their husbands as much as they should. Sometimes they are not aware of the things their husbands do for them on a regular basis. Rather, they only focus on the extravagant gifts they get for their birthday, Christmas, or other special days.