Psychology 409b Outline 2/9/06

Psychology 409b Outline 2/9/06

Outline 3

Changes in Marriage Relationships

By Bao Mien Lau

The Lazy Husband by Joshua Coleman Ph.D., St. Martin’s Press, 2005 p. 49-71

Instructor: Dr. Leon James

I. Putting Marriage on the Back Burner

a. The effects children have on marriage

i. The role of husband and wife turn into father and mother.

b. Change of duties

i. Mothers end up putting the children first and marriage second.

ii. Fathers tend to dump most of the household chores on the overwhelmed Mother.

c. A Change for Men

i. Men who are secure in knowing who they are are better suited to becoming a parent.

1. They are both reassuring and helpful to the mother.

ii. Men who have had unresolved issues with their parents tend to withdraw from the wife.

1. Wives get nervous when their husbands withdraw from them. This causes the wife to complain, which ends up pushing the husband further away.

II. Reassurance from a Husband

a. A new mother normally gets tired from taking care of her child

i. She becomes more vulnerable and will need more support and care from her husband.

b. After a woman gives birth, she tends to feel unhappy about her appearance

i. Even though a husband expresses his love, she can tell by his actions that he feels differently towards her.

III. Being Compared to our Parents

a. For some reason or another, we all compare ourselves to our parents

i. Women are compared more to either their own mothers or their mother-in-laws

1. Women who hold a job tend to feel pressured because they were raised by a stay-at-home mom.

2. These women feel that they need to perform double duty as both housekeepers and mothers.

ii. Men are not compared that much to their own fathers or father-in-laws.

1. Men tend not to feel pressured because their own fathers were not as involved in parenting.

2. Men don’t find it harder to do the same work as their father’s did.

3. Even though both parents work, women tend to do more of the housework.